04x05 - Darla Goes Ballistic

[bunniefuu]

[theme music]

(male narrator)

Rocketed from a distant planet

to a bold new destiny on Earth.

Found by a Kansas family

and raised as Clark Kent.

He learned, he possessed

the strength of steel

the speed of light

and the desire to help

all mankind.

He is Superboy.

[theme music]

[intense music]

[snapping]

(female #1)

Lex.

Lex.

Oh, Lexy poo.

Close your eyes.

Are they closed?

Ta-da!

How do I look?

Answer me.

You look marvelous, darling.

Oh, Lex,

you're just saying that.

Classiest star

in the whole face of the Earth.

Oh, Lexy, poo.

You, bug eyed creep,

it's my birthday!

You forgot, didn't you?

After everything I've done.

One lousy day of the year

isn't asking too much.

I've done your socks,

wash your underwear

cut off the letters

for your ransom notes.

Feed your fat face

day in and day out.

Hiding in this dump

like a cockroach.

How I might as well be dead.

Now this is it, skin head.

If you don't take me out

right now, tonight

it's over.

Lex, look at me.

You look at me!

If you don't put that down

right now..

and look at me..

I'll k*ll myself.

Lex.

Three and a half months..

I've been working

on this a..

a formula

that could increase

my mental powers exponentially.

Three and a half months.

- And you just destroyed it.

- Good.

I suppose mega-mental power

doesn't mean much

to a flee brain twit like you

because you've got the mind

of an amoeba.

But it means a lot to me.

So, go on, k*ll yourself.

You'll be doing us,

both a favor!

[intense music]

[glass shattering]

[coughing]

[screaming]

No!

Darla?

Darla?

Are-are you okay?

That's wrong.

What?

You k*lling a peptide bonds.

Huh?

You structurals are okay

but you're never gonna generate

any deoxide ribules

if you keep breaking down

your pyrimidines,

dehydration synthesis

doesn't work like that.

Dumbo.

Oh my God, it worked.

What's the square root

of eight seven million

nine hundred

and forty six thousand

eight hundred and eight four?

This is getting tedious.

Now, you're just jealous.

Dummy.

Well, if you're so smart

why don't you put it to use?

Why don't you plan something?

- Like what?

- Oh, I don't know.

A bank job.

Another bank job?

I'd say, Lex, you have

the imagination of a trout.

I'm the most brilliant criminal

genius in human history.

I need to make a debut.

Global debut.

- What do you have in mind?

- Something.

Spectacular.

[phone dial tone]

(man on radio)

This is a WCXP news flash.

The financial record

of the entire international'

banking system

have been scrambled

by a mysterious

computer virus.

The unknown hacker sent

a ransom note

demanding 100 million dollars

to restore the system

It's signed

the bird of paradise.

- Wonder what that..

- This is WXCP news flash.

Clark?

This is nuts.

How we gonna escape?

We'll worry about

that later.

- Don't you have a plan?

- Trust me.

You maybe a genius

but this's really pushing the--

Shut up and do

what you're told, dumbo.

- We have an appointment.

- Wait a minute.

The Bird of paradise,

I presume.

Bingo.

An apt description.

Oh.

You like what you see.

Perhaps, had we met

under a happier circumstances.

It's all here.

This should solve

your little problem.

Much thanks.

Oh, before you rush off

I'd like to introduce you

to a friend of mine.

Right on schedule.

- You expected this?

- Button it.

Hey there, big fella.

- Long time no mumbo jumbo.

- Oh, God.

Tell me, Luthor.

Did you really think

that you can get away with this?

I'm taking you in.

Oh, wouldn't you rather

take me out?

I never let a guy touch

me in the first date.

- What's going on?

- It's simple.

Whatever I think, umm, happens.

Psychokinesis,

that's impossible.

- The formula was--

- All this and brains too.

What you gawking at, handsome?

Darla, what are you after?

Fly me to the moon.

You are kidding.

Well, I am woman, you are man.

You are pathetic.

You may be dangerous,

you may be powerful.

But you're still

a bad joke.

How dare you.

I have the mental power

of a whole computer bank.

I can move things with my mind.

My I.Q. is off the scale.

And not only that..

I'm pretty.

Beauty is in the eyes

of the beholder.

[intense music]

Darla, you should learn

to control your emotions.

You want control?

What this.

No, wait.

Wait-wait a minute.

What-what? No, no.

What are you doing?

Get me down.

Pull me back, get me out.

What is she doing?

Wo, no. No, oh, no.

Yeah, that's it.

That's better.

- Ah.

- Better, easy.

Easy now, easy now.

That's it?

- Great.

- Thanks. Right.

[instrumental music]

Darla, this is insane.

If I take his girl friend out,

Superboy will wise up.

What the devil you want

with Superboy?

Oh, great, she's got Kent

with her. Let's forget it.

Oh, what's the matter?

You're scared of him?

Oh, please.

- Your coming with us.

- Not this again.

Do you realize that kidnapping

is a violation of--

Don't make me mad.

I'm giving Superboy 24 hours

to meet me on my turf

and on my terms.

Or you both history.

- We're taking both of them?

- The more the merrier.

Lick this.

You better pray that he shows.

Now get moving.

[humming]

[humming continues]

[instrumental music]

And then she drank it?

Every last drop.

So what happened next?

She turned in to a very

intelligent monster.

Sort of a cross between

Raquel Welch and Godzilla.

- Can you change her back?

- Sure.

All I have to do is replicate

what happened in that beaker.

And then mix an antidote

to the serum.

It ought to be easy

with a super computer

in about three years.

Uh, excuse me.

I know someone that might help

to speed the process.

Yeah, sure.

He-he wears a red cape?

You don't actually exp--

[thunder rumbling]

I'd think about it.

When hell freezes over.

(Darla)

Think about what?

[intense music]

Oh. Nothing.

When the cat's away..

What are you doing, Lex?

Uh, well, you know.

Doodles.

Darla!

Darla, you broke..

Darla. Oh, no, please.

I wasn't doing anything!

I wasn't doing anything.

I'm what you

made me, Lex.

Don't even think

about undoing it.

There's no way back.

[sparking]

But apparently Superboy likes

to keep his dates waiting.

Well, if he doesn't show up soon

I'm afraid I'll have some..

very unhappy guests.

The storm is the earthquake.

She's causing them, isn't she?

That's the least of it.

She's growing more powerful

by the second.

We maybe headed

for a global holocaust.

Well, if you let us go.

I can reach Superboy

and arrange a meeting.

There's a lab

at the bureau, right?

You tell Superboy

to meet me there in an hour.

- Let Lana go too.

- She stays.

It's the only way.

Go!

No, wait.

Hit me.

- What?

- Gotta look like you escaped.

Now, hit me.

- I don't know.

- Oh, come on.

[laughing]

You really are a wimp,

aren't you?

Can't you put

a little muscle into it?

[intense music]

Well, if you say so.

I got the latest

science readings.

Darla is over charging

the Earth's magnetic field.

Looks like things

are getting worse.

Icebergs in the L.A harbor.

Eskimos with

heat prostration.

- It's definitely getting worse.

- Let me see that.

[beeping]

Professor Peterson!

I gotta go.

It's quite a shiner.

It's nothing.

Who did it?

I ran into a door, okay.

The whole earth is about

to go out of orbit.

So can we just focus here?

We got to identify

the exact amount of enzyme

that was released

into the solution

when Darla grabbed my arm

and knocked that dropper

into the beaker. Now,

we're talking trial and error.

Unless we get lucky.

We'll have to run the experiment

several thousand times.

I can do that

in few minutes.

- A few minutes?

- Hyper speed.

Ah.

Well, once we got the formula

I can whip up the antidote.

And how you gonna test it?

Unless you want to volunteer,

I suggest we feed it to a rat.

Fine.

Can you handle the taste?

Let's just get started.

[instrumental music]

I don't get it.

He was down to 22 seconds

and now he's just sitting there.

(Lex)

He's reading.

I'll mix the anitdote.

[thundering]

The head geophysicist

is predicting that the Earth

is gonna flip off its axis.

In 38 minutes.

Oh, my god.

I sure hope she's thirsty.

[intense music]

I didn't want

any of this.

I didn't plan

to hurt anybody.

And I certainly wasn't trying

to steal your guy.

It's just..

Darla..

You need help because Superboy

can do something about this.

Superboy doesn't understand

me anymore than Lex does.

[rumbling]

I just wish..

I just wish that Lex wouldn't..

You're free to go.

Darla.

I'm not gonna leave

you like this.

(Lex)

Greetings.

Wo!

It's a regular

monsoon out there.

- Where have you been?

- I tried to track down Clark.

You know. A funny thing happened

on the way to the library.

This guy comes up to me.

And he asked me for a light.

Ha ha, blood of the wine.

You know, it's kind of funny

because I don't smoke.

I used to but I quit.

I don't even miss it.

Well, I suppose I could

use one right now.

(Lex) Have you ever seen

photos of smoker's lungs?

Black and charred.

Strange..

passive growths.

Here, honey. Drink up.

Your hand is shaking.

Oh, well, I-I probably caught

a chill, the rain, you know.

Or is it poison?

Or the antidote?

Antidote for what?

Don't insult

my intelligence.

You've been working

with Superboy.

- Superboy?

- He's coming, isn't he?

No, what makes

you think that..

Real clever, Lex.

- Darla, you have to drink it.

- Why should I?

- You have a minute left.

- Before what?

Before your psychokinetic powers

destroy the whole world.

So?

[rumbling]

And Darla.

What do you want?

All I ever wanted

was a little affection.

Maybe a little respect.

Will destroying

the world get it for you?

Believe me.

I would drink it if I could.

Well, here.

Darla, come on,

drop the shield.

- I can't.

- What do you mean you can't?

I can't control it.

- It's involuntary.

- A defense mechanism.

[whispering]

- What?

- Try it.

Oh, God, geez

Gosh, honey, I'm a really..

I'm really sorry about all

the stuff that I..

I mean, what I'm..

[instrumental music]

I love you.

What did you say?

I love you.

Really.

Here, honey.

Let me help you.

Here.

[intense music]

What's going on?

What's everybody

looking at?

A very brave woman.

- Huh?

- A very smart lady.

Who me?

Classiest doll in

the face of the Earth.

Aww.

Lexy poo.

[theme music]