01x08 - San Diego

[bunniefuu]

[BREATHES DEEPLY, SIGHING]

- Hi! Hi, cutie.
- Hey. Mom's home!

- [SYLVIA] I missed you.
- Hi, Mom.

- How was it?
- Yeah, good.

Amazing. And it only took you
two days to get the hang of it.

Oh.

- So, um, about that...
- Yeah.

Mommy, I have a surprise for you.

- [SIMON] Sit down.
- [EXCLAIMS]

- Yeah, you gotta see it.
- Okay. [CHUCKLES]

We had to make a slideshow at school
about our hero, and I chose you.

Aw.

["WHO LET THE DOGS OUT" PLAYING]

[SYLVIA GASPS] Oh.

[SYLVIA, CHARLIE CHUCKLING]

[CHUCKLES]

Wow. Oh. [CHUCKLES]

- Oh. Oh, Mommy loves it.
- It's so good. Thank you, sweetie.

Yeah. It's beautiful. [SNIFFLES]
It's really sweet, honey.

Hey, so tell us, how was day two?

Um, it was... it was good.
It was just the same. Yeah.

- Aw.
- Oh.

["LET THE RIVER RUN" PLAYING]

[ALARM BEEPING]

[BREATHES DEEPLY]

[BEEPING STOPS]

You can't go wrong, baby.
You look good in all of it.

["LET THE RIVER RUN" CONTINUES ON RADIO]

[SONG STOPS]

- Hey.
- [SYLVIA] Hey.

[WILL] What are you doing here?

- I got fired.
- You did?

Painting.

Oh, my God. They fired you for that?

- Did that just happen right now?
- Yesterday.

Yesterday? Then why are
you dressed like this?

You haven't told Charlie yet.

- You're pretending to have a job still.
- Yeah.

- Why are you doing that?
- I don't know. [STAMMERING]

I just am so embarrassed,
and he got me the job.

- Yeah.
- And he's so perfect. And he's fulfilled.

And I'm just... I-I suck.

You don't suck. No, come on. That
could have happened to anybody?

It happened. And you know
what? [STAMMERS] Who cares?

He will... He'll forgive you.
He'll think it's funny, I bet.

- Yeah.
- Those types of things,

that's why he fell in love
with you in the first place.

- That spark. It's cute.
- Yeah. Yes.

- I think it's funny. He'll laugh about it.
- Yeah. Right?

I think he'll be proud of
you. He'll totally understand.

- Yeah.
- He'll be cool with it.

- You're right, he'll be fine. I'll just...
- Yes.

- I'll just go to his work today...
- Yeah.

... and I'll tell him. And it's
important to tell him in person.

Go right now and tell him in person.

- Right? I'll just... Yeah.
- Great.

Well, when he gets home
from work tonight. In person.

- I'll tell him.
- Okay. Tell him tonight. Just tell him.

- Yeah.
- Want some coffee?

Yeah... Actually, Will, he
made me a coffee, um, to go.

- Oh, great.
- Yeah.

- You didn't tell him!
- It wasn't an easy night.

The kids were crazy and it was hectic.

So, you were right. I'm not worried.

Charlie's so great. It'll be okay.

You have to tell him.
Please. It's getting weird.

It's not getting weird.

It's quite weird, and I
feel like I'm enabling you.

You have to tell him.

You are not allowed in this bar anymore

unless you bring me a note from Charlie

that says he knows you've been
fired, and he knows you're here.

A signed note?

[STAMMERS] Is this The Handmaid's Tale?

A-Am I a-adhering to your
patriarchal dictatorship?

Do you want to know
when I'm menstruating?

Just tell him.

Fine.

[WILL] No. Come on.
You gotta be kidding me.

Oh, what is this? You got a f*cking
note? You got a note from Charlie?

"Will, I'm good with
Sylvia hanging at the bar.

Let's go to another ball game, bro.
Yours, Charlie. PS, go, Dodgers."

Dodgers spelled wrong.

A man did not write this.

Just tell him! Tell him!

- Tell him!
- Fine, I'll tell him!

Just wanna finish my coffee first.

"From the desk of Charles Greeves."

Nice touch.

I have to tell you something,

and I don't know how to say it, so
I'm just going to come out with it.

- I got fired. [SIGHS]
- Wha... Wh-What happened?

I got, um... uh...

It's, uh, s-such a stupid story.

So, I was just so tired

from all of the work... so
much more than I remembered...

and, um, I, uh, was just really tired.

And I was in the hallway waiting
for the photocopy machine,

and I fell asleep.

And then I fell through a painting

and my elbow went through the canvas,

and it's this, like, really... [SIGHS]

... expensive painting of Kirk Friedkin.

- Wait, what?
- I know, and I was embarrassed about it.

And I... I know I've been so
lost these last few months,

and all you've tried to do is get
me on a path of being productive,

and I... You know,
look at me. [CHUCKLES]

- I'm such a failure.
- No, no, no.

- You are not a failure.
- [WHIMPERS]

- I mean, you fell through a painting?
- [SIGHS]

Yeah. I'm so stupid. Thank
you for understanding, baby.

Yeah. Yeah, I think... I
think... I think I understand.

Yeah.

Look, I mean, you're... you've
been out of the game for a while.

- And there's a reason that, you know...
- Yes.

... only twentysomethings can
handle that kind of a workload.

And I got u-unfairly
att*cked by a painting.

Yeah. I mean, Kirk Friedkin, obviously,

he has nothing against you personally,

but, you know, he has
got a business to run.

And it's an unfortunate
set of circumstances

that triangulated around you.

[GROANS] You know what?
It is a tricky situation.

I can see both sides of it. [SIGHS]

And then he says to me, "I can
really see both sides, babe."

And I'm, like, all I need to hear is,

"f*ck that job. f*ck Kirk Friedkin."

But instead, I get this whole,
like, undecided voter analysis.

But weren't you the one
that destroyed the painting?

Yes, I understand what I did was
wrong, and I deserve to be fired.

But sometimes I just want
Charlie to take my side, you know?

And not see all sides in an argument.

But it is kind of his
job to see all sides.

- Oh, my God.
- So I get where he's coming from.

Do I have to have
another conversation today

where I talk sh*t about you?

Oh, my God. Andy is so annoying.

- He, like, won't stop texting me.
- [SCOFFS] Oh.

- Just out of nowhere for no reason.
- [CLICKS TONGUE] Really?

He's like, "Babe, you're so
beautiful. Baby, I miss you so much."

- Aw.
- It's, like... [SCOFFS]

- Just so annoying, right?
- Yeah.

You know what Charlie just
texted me? "Need mayo."

Need mayo? Who n... You don't need mayo.

- Anyway, back to my boyfriend.
- You know? [GROANS]

He is very sweet, because
out of the blue, last night,

he invited me to San
Diego on a business trip.

- It's so cute he wants me to be there.
- Oh.

Oh, wait. Is that for the bar?

Yeah. It's, like, a... We're
meeting some CEO, Johnny Vroom.

What?

- [SIGHS] Yeah.
- You get to meet Johnny Rev?

- Yeah, that's him.
- Oh.

Why didn't Will invite
me? I love Johnny Rev.

I don't think he's going.

- Oh.
- I don't know. I have to go buy an outfit.

- Okay. All right.
- Okay, bye.

- Johnny Rev.
- [KATIE] Bye.

That's bullshit.

[LINE RINGING]

- [WILL] Yo!
- Hey.

Hey, how come Katie gets to
meet Johnny Rev and I don't?

[SYLVIA] That's rubbish.

The San Diego thing?
I'm not going on that.

Yeah, we are. Come on.

No, we're not. I'm not
into this corporate sh*t.

Come on. You're the brewmaster.

You gotta take control of your business.

We'll go down. It'll be fun.

Otherwise, they're gonna
take all the credit.

And this is something you've
poured your heart and soul into.

[WILL] You just wanna meet Johnny Rev.

Well, so what?

Come on. It'll be fun. It
doesn't mean it's not true.

You know what? You're
actually right. I should go.

And I should prove how
indispensable I am to this team.

And those guys will f*cking regret

not cutting me into this
kombucha thing they did.

You're buying the snacks.

Hey, when do you wanna start
prepping that deposition?

Uh, just give me a second.

I need to print out some photos
for Maeve's birthday book.

Using the firm's photo printer?

You know it, dawg.

All right.

Okay, . Check.

, check.

[GASPS]

What's this?

[WILL LAUGHING]

When was this?

- [WILL LAUGHING]
- [CHUCKLES]

[BOTH LAUGHING]

- [PHONE BEEPS]
- [STEWART] Are you finally ready to work?

Can you come to my office?

So, your wife was hanging
out with her boyfriend.

We know this happens.
What's the big deal?

It's a very big deal. It's
a monumentally big deal.

Look at the date on the photo.

That's a whole day before she told
me she was fired at Friedkin's firm.

- [SIGHS]
- Okay.

- So we know she was fired on Tuesday.
- Yes. Tuesday. Late.

- But she waited till Friday to tell me.
- [SIGHS]

- And here she is on Thursday...
- Yeah.

- ... horsing around with Will.
- [WILL LAUGHS]

Meaning she told Will she was fired,
but she hid it from her husband.

What else is she hiding from me?

They're on a trip together right now.

- Where to?
- San Diego.

- What are they doing in San Diego?
- It's a work thing.

- Are you sure?
- I don't know.

I'm calling in the cavalry.

Jackie! Code green.

[SIGHS]

["cr*cker ISLAND" PLAYING]

[WILL] Hello.

- [GASPS] Sylvia! You made it! [SQUEALS]
- Oh, my God, I'm so excited!

Of course, I wouldn't miss it.

Dude, what the frick
are you doing here, man?

I thought it's important that I
be here for these big decisions.

So that's why you wanna be here.
You wanna f*ck this up for us?

No, I don't wanna f*ck
it up. I just wanna help.

Honestly, I'm with Reggie.

You too much of a loose
cannon. You be tripping.

Wait, but Sylvia can
still come in, right?

I can come in. I...
I'm not a loose cannon.

I'm tight. I-I-I'm not a risk.

I don't care what you do, Sylvia.

Okay. Yes. Thank you.

Dude, I'm not letting you in.

- I'm not gonna let you f*ck up our big...
- Hey, there.

You must be the g*ng
from Lucky Penny Brewing.

- We are. Yeah.
- Yes, we are.

Oh, well, welcome to Johnny ,

where yum happens.

[ALL] Wow! [LAUGHING]

Thank you. [CHUCKLES] No
one's ever applauded on that.

- Come on in.
- Please don't f*ck this up.

I won't. It's where yum happens.

[REGGIE] Whoa! Slopp's? I love Slopp's.

I didn't know that it
was Johnny 's property.

[ANDY] Why is the Slopp's logo
a raccoon wearing a monocle,

coming out of a trash
can, holding a sloppy joe?

Uh, focus groups really thought
that imagery stayed with people.

- [ANDY] Mm-hmm.
- Mmm. Love that.

You know that raccoons wash
their food before eating it?

For me, that puts them
in a whole new light.

That's a great fact.

- I'm gonna pass that up the chain.
- Thank you.

You know, over at Slopp's, we're
piloting a sloppy joe nugget with Joe

that will explode in your mouth.

You don't even have
to eat it with a bun,

if you're watching your carbs, ladies.

- What?
- Thanks.

Man, that lobster's
shredded. Look at the pecs.

So, sorry for the mess,

but we are in the middle of
building a state-of-the-art,

- ten-million-dollar t*nk facility...
- [WILL] Wow.

... for Johnny's visionary,
new brewing operations.

This is an amazing space.

- Right?
- Yeah.

Now, we welcome you home.

DTLA, baby. Right? Wow.

This is fire, dude.

- Right? [CHUCKLES]
- It's like we didn't even leave LA.

- Yeah, don't kick the scooters.
- I'm not a child, okay?

- Yeah, I know you wanna.
- I do.

- Thank you, Ian, for showing them in.
- Not much of it. Hey. Yeah. Okay.

- Uh, I will take it from here.
- Yeah.

[REGGIE] Catch you, bro.

Jenna. It's so nice to
meet you in real life.

- Will. Yeah.
- Whoo. [CHUCKLES]

For those of you I have not met,

I am in the food chemistry
division here at Johnny ,

and I'm the lead on
the Lucky Penny team.

I would chitchat more, but
honestly I'm pretty nervous.

We've been working on
this for a few months,

so, um... uh... why
don't we just try it,

and then we'll see where we are.

Yeah, cool, let's do it.

- [KATIE] Cheers.
- Cheers, baby.

[REGGIE] Thank you.

S-So, what do we think, gentlemen?
Are we on the right track?

Uh, it's amazing.

I can't tell the difference
between this and our homegrown IPA.

- Yeah, I like it.
- Mmm.

Will, uh, what's your verdict?

Um, I'm thinking. Um, I like it.

- Like it, okay, but?
- [WILL] Yeah.

There's a but. Uh... Kee... Uh,
keep in mind that when we upscale it,

the profile of the flavor
will... It will change slightly.

- Yeah, no. I... I got that. Yeah. Um...
- Ready for my two cents? It's bussin'.

Hey. Hello, folks.

Welcome to America's finest city.

Johnny, my freaking
man, what's good, homey?

- Good to see you. Bang! Icon, dude!
- [LAUGHS] You better believe it.

Hi, I'm Sylvia. [GIGGLES] And I'm
just such a fan of yours. [LAUGHS]

Mind if I get a quick photo?

- [JOHNNY] Oh, of course, Sylvia.
- Thank you, sir.

- Here we go. Vroom, vroom!
- Vroom!

- [KATIE] Oh, you're gonna love these.
- [GRUNTS, LAUGHS]

- Thank you so much, Mr. Rev.
- Oh, no. Mr. Rev is my father.

You can call me Johnny Rev.

- [LAUGHS]
- Oh. Oh, my. [CHUCKLES]

- Oh, I... I see that you've met Jenna.
- Yeah.

She's one of our finest chemists,
so this must be one heck of a beer.

We're obsessed with it.

- [ALL CHUCKLE]
- Oh, really?

- I think Will has some concerns.
- Oh, does he now?

[STAMMERS] Not concerns. Suggestions.

Let's hear it.

[STAMMERS] Honestly, this
is very close, I think.

Really very, very, very close.

I know you guys...

you have a certain way you
have to make your products

and a certain price
point you have to hit.

I know you can't use
artisanal ingredients.

But I think if you just invested

a little bit more money in better hops,

it would taste so much better.

You'd have so much
more bang for your buck.

That's all I'm going to say.

Or you don't have to do any of
that, 'cause he's not in charge.

- I am. So it's all good.
- [JOHNNY CHUCKLES]

Whoo! The big kahuna.

Mr. Bang-for-your-buck. [CHUCKLES]

- [SMACKS LIPS] I agree. Pretty bland.
- [CHUCKLES] Hey.

- Wow. [CHUCKLES]
- Yeah, I think we can rev it up a little.

- [WILL CHUCKLES] Rev it up.
- Rev it up.

I appreciate your honesty.

Partnership only works when
everyone is being honest.

- Yeah.
- [JOHNNY] You know what?

Why don't you all join me
for supper at my place today?

- Wow.
- [ANDY] Hell, yeah.

- That would be amazing.
- That would be awesome.

- [CHUCKLES]
- Congratulations.

- Oh, my God.
- Thank you. That went well.

You did so well with Johnny Rev today.

Thank you. If there's one
thing I know, it's shitty beer.

Honestly, Andy and Reggie
should be thanking you.

- I hope so. Yeah.
- Really.

The reason they got this
deal was because of you.

- I know.
- And Johnny Rev, surprise, surprise,

he followed his business
intuition, and he agreed with you.

He said, and I quote, "I
appreciate your honesty."

No one... No one appreciates my honesty.

People actually specifically
don't like my honesty.

That's why he's a genius.

- He's ver... [CHUCKLES] Okay.
- That's why he's a legend.

- Keep it in your pants. [CHUCKLES]
- I would if I could.

You... You got leverage
now with Reggie and Andy.

You should ask for what you deserve.

- You're right.
- Now's the time.

I do. I will.

Good.

I know you only came
for self-serving reasons,

but I appreciate you being
here. It was very helpful.

At no point did I try.

- [LAUGHS]
- You did anyway. [CHUCKLES]

Here.

Say "Johnny Rev."

- Johnny Rev!
- [JETS APPROACHING]

- [STAMMERS] Oh, wow. God, that's loud.
- [SCOFFS] What are they doing?

[ALBERT] Are they
more than just friends?

We don't have it. It's
all circumstantial.

I need a smoking g*n.

Yeah, you don't have it.
You're gonna have to tap-dance.

Bluff your way into a confession.

Have you considered putting
a tracking device on her car?

Tracking device. Could be good.

I don't wanna do that.

How about a keystroke app on her laptop?

- Keystroke app.
- That sounds illegal.

Nope, only in certain states.

Merry Christmas. Found
this in the supply closet.

We already did it on the
wall, Paul. You're too late.

Get that thing out of here.

- It was a whole checkout process.
- Everyone, calm down.

This is not about us.
This is about Charlie.

- This is about Charlie.
- I've got the smoking g*n.

- Oh.
- And a printout.

[JACKIE] Oh. What is it?

[FRANK GASPS]

You're gonna want to see this. [SIGHS]

[GASPS]

The lizard was Will's pet first.

I've been living with
another man's lizard.

And I've fallen in love with it.

[WILL] This is insane.

- [SYLVIA] Wow.
- [ANDY] This is nuts.

- [WILL CHUCKLES] Big door.
- This is so cool.

Look at the size of this door.

- Welcome.
- [GUESTS CHUCKLE]

- Hi.
- [CHUCKLES]

Now, I know you fellas,

so why don't you help me get
reacquainted with your lovely ladies?

- [CHUCKLES]
- Well, this is my baby, Katie.

- Katie.
- And I'm Sylvia. I'm Will's friend.

We're not together. I'm
married. We live in LA,

- and we have three kids and...
- Sylvia, just...

- I'm sorry. [LAUGHS]
- Anyway, the house is gorgeous...

- [CHUCKLES] Well...
- ... by the way. It's amazing.

Oh. Well, thank you. It should
be. I paid million for it.

- [SYLVIA GASPS]
- [KATIE] Oh.

Hey, why don't we celebrate

our new partnership
with a little champagne?

- Does that sound all right?
- Yeah.

Ian, can we make that happen?

Yeah, sorry. I should've
been on that already.

Let's go. Get on it. Come
on, everybody. Follow me.

- [SYLVIA] Thank you. Wow.
- [ALL CHATTERING]

Yeah, I started collecting armor
about... [SIGHS] ... ten years ago,

right after my second divorce. Mmm.

Kind of like a symbolic
way to protect yourself?

What do you mean?

Nothing.

What's it like working for
Johnny Rev? He's so amazing.

Does his mind, like, work
differently from a normal person?

[STAMMERS] I don't know.

He has good instincts.

- He says "vroom, vroom" a lot. [CHUCKLES]
- [LAUGHS]

- [GASPS] Uh-oh. Not you.
- Hey.

Are you here to give
me notes on my shoes?

No. I'm sorry. I didn't mean
to come across like a d*ck.

I just wanted to sound competent
in front of my friends, you know?

- No, of course. It's all good.
- Yeah.

- It'll make for a better product.
- Great. [CHUCKLES]

You know, we could actually
use someone like you.

Uh, Johnny is moving into
the beer and liquor space.

Yeah, I saw the t*nk
room you're building.

It's, uh, humongous. [CHUCKLES]

Well, as he says... Johnny Rev...

- "Go big or go home." That's the point.
- Yeah.

If I were Johnny, I
would totally poach you.

But I get it. Your
bar sounds really cool.

It is. You should come
by sometime. [CHUCKLES]

- I'd like that. [CHUCKLES]
- Yeah.

Are he and Gordon Ramsay,
like, really enemies?

- NDA.
- Oh.

- So... [SIGHS]
- [CAMERA CLICKS]

... I guess I'm the collector type.

I collect cars, medieval armor,

- ex-wives.
- [ALL LAUGHING]

- [CELL PHONE BUZZING]
- Oh, sh*t.

Dude, it's my crypto guy.

- He's so hard to... Can I take this?
- I... I always say business comes first.

- Thanks, man.
- No worries. Come on. Get on it.

- [REGGIE] Raul.
- So, which is your favorite?

Oh, gotta be this XK-E Jag right here.

- Cool.
- Yeah, listen, I'm sorry.

I-I keep going on and on about myself.

Tell me a little bit about you.

I was nervous when you did the
whole sip with the hops thing...

It was smooth though.

... 'cause I didn't know where
you were gonna go with it.

- But... Doing your sh*t. But we are here.
- We're here though.

We're in this weird house 'cause of me.

So maybe now, as you, uh, you know,
look at the future of Daa Booch,

you see I could be
beneficial to that, right?

Look, I'll talk to
Reggie about it, okay?

- Okay. Thank you.
- Okay. You're OG

[INHALES DEEPLY] You know what I've
been thinking you could do though?

Names for Daa Booch.

Oh, yeah. "Daa Booch" is easy to b*at.

- Yeah, it's not that good.
- Stanley Bucci.

- S... f*ck it... First one. F...
- Top of my head.

How did you, like, f-figure it out?

I don't even know what
my dream job would be.

Yeah, well, you've
been on the mommy track.

- I mean... [SCOFFS]
- I have.

- ... keeps a lot of women down.
- It does.

- Nobody ever talks about it.
- No. Ever!

- You should do a podcast on that.
- We... You should.

- Well...
- Do one together.

- That'd be nice.
- [BOTH LAUGH]

Listen. Listen, you're gonna get there.

Just... You gotta
remember, when I started,

I loved cars, and I loved food.

- Mmm.
- So you just have to find your passion,

and the rest will just sort itself out.

- [SIGHS] Hope so.
- So you, uh... I don't know.

I mean, w... what are
you passionate about?

What is it that gets
your engine started?

Whoa! [GRUNTS] Ow.

Ow. Ow.

- You all right?
- I mean... [SCOFFS, CHUCKLES] Really?

- Got the car all smudged.
- Jesus.

I, uh... I... I t-told
you I was married, right?

I... I said that. [CHUCKLES]

Yeah, I think maybe you did mention it.

But you're here with some guy who's
not your husband, so, you know,

I guess I figured maybe
you were up for grabs.

[CHUCKLES] What does that mean?

- Well, where's your husband?
- There you are. Hey.

What do you think... Oh, look,
here's the guy who's not your husband.

- [CHUCKLES]
- You know, you're gonna be sorry.

You just missed the best
day of your life right here.

I'm gonna check the food.

- [SYLVIA GASPS]
- Did we just, uh, interrupt something?

I... [STAMMERS] Um, yeah.

Um... [SCOFFS] ... Johnny
Rev just tried to kiss me.

- Really?
- [KATIE] Are you kidding?

No. [STAMMERING] I mean, I
said I was married, right?

- Yes.
- [CHUCKLING] Uh, yeah, you said that.

- It's not funny.
- Okay.

He said that he thought
I was "up for grabs."

- [KATIE GASPS]
- Ew. That's so f*cked up.

Well, at least you still got it.

- What?
- What?

I'm kidding. I was... I
shouldn't have said that.

This guy's a f*cking sick f*ck.

What do we... I mean, we can't
stay, right? We should leave.

What? No. No, no, no. We can't leave.

Let's just stay for dinner and
then... and then we can reassess.

Reassess? I'm not going
to feel differently

after we eat some shitty
meal with this guy.

But, uh, you know,
it's... I'm a big girl.

It's not... It's not
really that big a deal.

It's just... [SCOFFS]
... weird. [CHUCKLES]

- Yeah. Look, she said she can handle it.
- Yeah.

Plus, like, why are you
even here in the first place?

- What the f*ck does that mean?
- I'm just asking questions.

Are you sure you're okay
and this is not just shock?

No, I am okay. I am just also in shock.

Well, you know what? I bet
this isn't the first time

that weirdo's done this.

- I'm about to do some research on him.
- [OBJECT THUDS]

- What's that?
- f*ck me. Don't worry about it, babe.

- What is it?
- Katie, stop it.

- Babe, what is it? What is it?
- Stop. Stop. I...

[KATIE] Oh, my God.

- [STAMMERS] Baby...
- [EXCLAIMS, CHUCKLES]

... every day I'm with you, I
feel like I learn more about you.

Can't believe this is
happening. Why is this happening?

- Take a video.
- I love you.

Katie, baby, will you spend
the rest of your life with me?

- [INHALES DEEPLY] Yes! Yes!
- Yeah? Yeah?

- Babe.
- Mmm.

[MOANING]

This is worse than if they
were making love in front of us.

- It's much more gross.
- It's, like, very...

This is the grossest
thing I've ever seen.

- What's up? Clap it up, man.
- [SYLVIA] Yeah. [CHUCKLES]

- We're engaged, yo.
- Congrats. Beautiful moment.

Um, yeah, it's okay.

Has he shown you guys
the cars yet? Oh, my God.

My personal favorite
is the Ferrari GTS.

Same as Magnum, P.I. Right, sir?

Tom Selleck, right, tried
to buy it before you?

You swooped in. Took
it right from under him.

Whatever. f*ck Tom Selleck
and his fake mustache.

- [IAN] Mm-hmm.
- [CHUCKLES]

So, uh, Johnny, what does it
take to build a house like this?

Be a f*cking genius.

[CHUCKLES]

Speak on it, man.

If you have enough money, you
can... you can do anything quickly.

[REGGIE] I love it.

So, Sylvia, what do you do for a living?

Uh, well, I... I have
a law degree actually,

and I was practicing, but I think
I'm taking a change of course.

Oh, to what?

Um, it's undecided.

[CHUCKLES] I'm kind of, um, flirting

- with a few different possibilities.
- Whoo.

She likes to flirt a lot, doesn't she?

Excuse me?

I said, "Whoo. She likes to
flirt a lot, doesn't she?"

[CHUCKLES]

Just ease up there, Johnny Rev.

[CHUCKLES] You're in my house, son.

Doesn't mean you can't
pump the brakes, Johnny Rev.

Uh, you're being a
little rude to my friend.

This salad is really good.

So, now you're calling
me rude in my own home?

[CHUCKLING]

- This is a very good salad.
- Yes.

- [WILL] So thank you for that.
- Tell me,

does she often travel with
men who aren't her husband?

- [CHUCKLES] Okay.
- Okay. I can handle this.

Don't tell me how to behave.

Stop acting like a f*cking baby,

and maybe I'll stop
telling you how to behave.

Well, why don't you stop
acting like a f*cking baby?

- Whoa!
- [GUESTS CLAMORING]

Ow!

- Oh.
- Oh!

- Help!
- [JOHNNY] Yeah, you better run.

- Guys. Guys. Guys!
- [ANDY] Oh, my God. Baby, come here.

[EXCLAIMS, GROANING]

- [SYLVIA] Hey!
- Eat sloppers, m*therf*cker.

[GROANS, SCREAMS] f*ck!

- [JOHNNY] It burns. Ian!
- That is enough!

Somebody f*cking help. Help! Help!

Hold on. It's fine. I got it, I got it.

- I'm coming... You strong, m*therf*cker.
- [GROANS] Butt-fucker.

- [SYLVIA] Oh, my...
- Get off him!

Ew! Ew!

- Ew! Ew!
- [SYLVIA] Oh, my God.

[IAN] Oh, my God.

What the... What did
you... Did you just lick me?

I did what I had to do, Johnny!

He licked me. Ew! Get out of my house!

He... He licked... Get out of my house!

- With pleasure!
- Get out.

- We're gone.
- Get out.

- Are you okay?
- Come on. Yeah, I'm fine.

- [SYLVIA] Get your phones, everybody.
- [IAN] Phones.

That's right. Get out!

That was not my fault. Okay?

He started it. He tried to kiss
Sylvia. He threw a shrimp at me.

He doesn't know if I'm
allergic to shellfish.

That could've k*lled me!

I did not want that to go that way.

Dude, I'm so f*cked, man.

I put everything in this.

I support my brother
and his f*cking daughter.

I put... All of my money
is tied up in our bar.

I just need this f*cking
deal to go through, man.

I'm very, very sorry,

but f*ck this deal and f*ck Johnny Rev!

- Oh, great.
- [OMAR] I need to go to the hospital.

Is that stuck on there?

Yeah, it's pretty jammed in there, bro.

I need the jaws of life.

Well, they say, "Never
meet your heroes."

Yep. Who would've thought
Johnny Rev was a piece of sh*t?

I heard the Burger King
was on To Catch a Predator.

Mmm. You don't even wanna know
what Ronald McDonald's done.

[SCOFFS, CHUCKLES]

- Billions served, thousands missing.
- Mm-hmm.

[GASPS, EXCLAIMS] Oh, my God.

[CHUCKLING] You scared me.

What are you doing still up?

Look who's home, Jessipa.

Or should I call you... Gandalf?