06x08 - Back in the Saddle

[bunniefuu]

Listen up, campers.

I have some very exciting news
to share with you all.

You fixed the holes
in the canoes?

Or the holes in our
cabin's roof?

Or the holes in the plot
of your latest manuscript?

That's right. I read it all.

Hey, you try writing pirate
time travel narratives.

They're very tricky.

Going back to what
I was saying.

The rodeo is coming
to Dusty Tush.

Yes! I love the rodeo.

It's in my blood.

My great, great granddad
was rodeo royalty.

Did he happen to live
in Buckingham Palace?

[CHUCKLES SOFTLY]

Well, people,
not even a pity laugh?

Y'all are going on the list.

Bill Pickett performed
in Buffalo Bill's Wild West show.

He was the first black
cowboy inducted into

the Rodeo Hall of Fame.

Wow, Bill.
That's super impressive.

And since families come
from all over Wyoming for this,

I want to showcase our camp

with a Kikiwaka ranch float
in the rodeo parade.

Um, I can do that.

The gears are already turning.

I've got so many ideas.

Awesome.
Keep them to yourself.

I want the kids to design a float,
and I just need you to manage the project.

You're the boss, up to you

if you want to keep
the sports car in the garage.

I'll work on the float.

Considering the fireworks incident,

I shouldn't show my face
in Dusty Tush for a while.

What fireworks incident?

I mean,
building flows my dream.

I'll help, too.

And not because I was
with Winnie for the fireworks incident

that definitely
did not happen.

Nailed it.

Good job, Jake.

Not instilling
a lot of confidence.

Now go show those potential
sign-ups just

how great
Kikiwaka campers can be.

And if you have any questions,
feel free to float them by me.

[ALL FAKE LAUGHING]

Whatever.
I'll take the win.

[ALL LAUGHING]

♪ Kikiwaka Kikiwaka

♪ Kikiwaka Kikiwaka

♪ Kikiwaka Kikiwaka


Hey, look, that's rock
Brock Barning...

Aw, good for him.

He got the hook mark
off his face.

Bill, I feel like you know
everything about rodeos.

Will you show me around?

Sure. Let's start with the cow
chip toss.

What's a cow chip?

You'll have a better time
if you don't know

- It's cow poo.
- Have fun.

Check this out.

Could you imagine
the potential sign ups

we could get if Kikiwaka
could win this rodeo queen pageant?

I hope you don't expect me
to compete.

My pageant days are finished.

Got to get out of the game
before the game gets you

I mean we could sign up
one of our campers.

This is another opportunity
to win over new customers.

Plus, the winner gets
a subscription to Tush Valley's

Leather of the Month Club.

Oh, look, Juna Spirit.

[GASPS] Just in time
for wedding season.

[CHUCKLES] I hope you two aren't thinking
about entering this pageant.

The idea that your fake ranch
full of greenhorns

would even consider signing up
is the funniest thing I ever heard.

And I live in a town called
Dusty Tush.

We are gonna sign up one of
our campers, and they might even win.

[SCOFFS] Pigs will fly before that happens,
which is impossible

since our pig cannon
is on the fritz.

I'd love to prove him wrong.

Do you think you could coach
one of our campers to win?

Can't risk it.
We need a guaranteed victory.

Me and my undefeated pageant
record are coming out of retirement.

Really?

Part of me
isn't sure that's a good idea.

Three words, Lou.
Ferret. Leather. Jumpsuit.

That was just the tipping
point I needed.

Let's do this.

All right, what ideas
do you guys have

for this float that will
represent our camp. Hit me.

There's no wrong answers.

- Flaming arrows!
- Forced fairies!

- Chain saws!
- Happy clouds!

Flaming chain saws.

A mother's love.

Wow, that was a lot of wrong answers.

You don't like my ideas?

That's a shame, because I've been told
I don't handle disappointment well.

Which is so disappointing
to hear.

It's not that they're bad
ideas, Jake.

It's just that
mine are better.

And yeah, yours are bad.

Don't worry, we'll use
everybody's stuff.

- Everybody's?
- Yeah, it's a good idea, right?

"Parker! Parker!"

That's where you two come in.

"Parker! Parker!"

Okay.

I don't know. I don't think
we'll have room for Winnie's stuff.

- Why not?
- It's a very small float,

and mother's love is very big.

- Enough with the mother's love!
- Who hurt you, Winnie?

Uh...
"Parker! Parker! Parker!"

You know, one of these times,
it's gonna catch on.

[ORGAN PLAYING]

Isn't that guy serving chili
the same one who won the cow chip toss?

How is he not wearing gloves?

Thank goodness I found you.

You're just the guy who can
help me, Joah.

My name is Noah.

Who would have a dumb name
like Joah?

It's a very popular name
in town.

Listen, I need a replacement
for our rodeo announcer,

and you're the only other
performer in town.

Well, besides the mime
who keeps talking about his invisible box.

Show! Don't tell man.

Rodeo announcer, huh?
I've never considered working

in an audio only format,

but with a voice as buttery
smooth as mine,

I'm your guy.

What happened
to the old announcer?

No idea.

One of minute Ernie's eating
one of these bowls of chili,

the next I hear him screaming,

"Ah! My insides are
on the outside!"

Any who, be at the rodeo ring
in .

This is so exciting.

You're going to love
calling all the rodeo action.

I know! What is rodeo action?

Roping, steer wrestling, bull riding,
bill racing, the usual, you know?

No, I don't know.

Bill, I think I need you
in the booth with me.

It'll be rodeo expert,
Bill Pickett

and rodeo announcer,
Joah Lambert...

Man!

Noah Lambert.

It's in my head now.

We have to figure out
how to make all these

float ideas go together,
like where should the bear traps be

in relation
to the Cotton Candy River.

Said no one ever.

I have a fix.

You can scrap
all of Jake's ideas.

No way. The best part of camp
isn't the dangers

about how you get to use your imagination.

But there aren't
any flying bunnies at camp.

It's abstract surrealism,
you plebeian.

Tell Jake
he's ruining our flow!

No. Tell Winnie
we're not using her stuff.

How about this?

You each get a half.
We'll split it right down the middle.

That's what my sister and I had to do
when we had to share a helicopter pad.

Yeah, we're not the most
relatable family.

- I call the front half.
- No, I call the front half.

- Parker!
- Parker!

Please don't make me choose.

Oh, I know, we'll flip a coin.

Then everyone
can hate the coin.

[CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY]

I got to get a coin.

Oh, no.

What are you wearing,
City slicker?

This is how you dress
for a pageant.

I don't care what you think.

I'm a judge.

Okay. Maybe I care
what you think.

Good luck, princess.

Here, take this.

Why?

I talked to all the judges,
and apparently rodeo pageants

are very different from the
pageants that you're used to.

Also, I really think
she sets off your dress.

For our first event, the
contestants will present their animal.

Let's kick things off

with the fairy princess from
Kikiwaka Ranch.

What in tarnation
are you doing?

I have no idea.

Stand still and answer
our question.

Can you tell us
about your animal

and how the two of you
formed a special bond?

Well, my rooster... Chicken.

Uh, my chicken

is my best friend named
Destiny Junior,

and we really bond over
me not eating her.

This is not going well.

The thing about chickens that
is so great is they live on this planet.

That is true.

I never did meet a chicken
from outer space.

Yes.

The chickens are part of
our ecosystem.

So by taking such good care
of my beloved pet,

it's like I'm protecting our
delicate environment. Save the planet!

[LOU APPLAUDING]

Looks like the environment
just pooped on your party dress.

Also, I think that chicken
hates you.

Hello and welcome to the Dusty
Tush Rodeo,

sponsored by Rent a Cow,
for all your bovine needs.

Rent a Cow.

I'm your announcer,
Noah Lambert

and beside me in the
booth is my rodeo expert, Bill Pickett.

Say hi, Bill.

Okay. Bill has waved to you.

He'll talk next time.

Since you can only hear us.

Well, we're in for a treat
as we kick off the day with bronc riding.

Bill, what's the secret of
coming out on top in this event?

Winning.

Bill Pickett, folks, breaking it down
to the simple truth

and not caring about
the dead air he leaves behind.

What's going on?

Sorry. I'm really nervous.

It's okay. I'll ease you in.
We can work through this.

Bill, if you could use one word
to describe this event, what would it be?

Uh...

horse?

I kind of fenced you in there.
That's on me.

I suppose my unicorn
will fit on this half.

It'll come right up
to the line.

But if it ends there, the tail
will hang on to my side.

Make it smaller.

But then it won't be
the size of a real unicorn.

There are no real unicorns.

Whoa! You take that back.

Okay.

Okay. Jake.

Sidebar.

Jake, Jake, Jake,

you know I love your ideas
more than Winnie's.

Yeah, she said
Unicorns weren't real.

Where does she think
Rainbow Sherbet comes from?

I know, buddy,
but stay with me.

Maybe we should just give
Winnie some space because

we know how Winnie can be.

She can be a little hotheaded.

Okay.

I'll stick to my side
if she... Winnie!

Parker, she moved the tape.

The wind did it.

I'm on it. Winnie, with me?

Winnie, Winnie, Winnie,
You know I love your ideas

more than Jake's.

Yeah, because I'm giving
the people what they want.

A glimpse into
their own mortality.

I know, buddy.

But maybe we should just
put up with his stuff

because we both know
how Jake can be.

He can be a little
[IN SING-SONG VOICE] kooky.

[SCOFFS]

That's true.

Fine. Just keep him
off my side.

Jacob.

Winona, looking forward to
putting aside our differences?

As am I.

Look at those two
getting along

because I gave them each a false sense of superiority.
[CHUCKLES]

I should write a book.

Come on, can someone give me
a heads up on the dress code here?

The judges wouldn't give me
any information on the next event.

Also, did you know
those two are named Joah?

Okay, for round two,

let's see how quickly our
contestants can tack up a horse.

We're using a fake horse

so certain greenhorn
contestants don't annoy a real one.

I think he means you guys.

Destiny. Focus.

Maybe there's enough time
for me to give you a crash course

on how to put that stuff
on a horse.

Up first, Destiny Baker.

Or not. Good look, I'll pray.

When I say "Go,"
your time begins.

Okay, But can I just...

Go!

[TIMER BEEPS]

[GRUNTS]

[TIMER BEEPS]

No, not again.

How does this horse
have more clothes than I do?

All right, I'm calling it.

This is harder to watch

than when the pig cannon misfired.

Judges?

And Roxy Li completes her
barrel race in . seconds.

Bill, is that a good time for
this event?

Let's just say Roxy did good.

And remind you, this event
is sponsored by Rent A Cow.

"When you want fresh milk
but not the commitments."

Rent A Cow.

The next round starts
in minutes.

Until then, I'm Noah Lambert,
alongside my partner...

[BURPS]

Okay, we're out.

Bill, if you don't want
to do this, I understand.

Stage fright is rough.

I assumed.
I'm a natural born performer.

It's weird. I've never had
stage fright before.

My great great granddad
was an amazing showman.

Rodeo was his domain.

I have to do him proud.

Maybe that's it.

You're probably just putting
too much pressure on yourself.

Like when I got trapped
under that weighted blanket.

But that's a story
for another time.

Just gonna go and grab
some more orange paint

to finish your pool of lava.

That's actually a lake of lava, you know,
just like Lake Tush.

Yep. You really captured
the essence of camp.

[JAKE CHUCKLING]

What's so funny?

It's a secret.

Parker hates your ideas.

I'm not good at secrets.

Parker told me
he loves my ideas.

Just like he told me
we're only doing

your ridiculous stuff
because you're kooky.

What? But Parker told me
we were only letting you

make your nightmare float
because you can be so hot-headed.

He said that?
Yeah, he may have a point there.

Parker lied and played us.

He's going to pay for this.

We should show him
just how well our ideas

can work together.

[WINNIE LAUGHS]

[BOTH LAUGHING]

I don't really get
why we're laughing.

I want to drop out of
the pageant.

I feel it's not good for you,

I feel it's hurting the camp's reputation,
and I feel a little queasy.

Do you think it was
that chili I ate?

Calm down.

The talent portion will fix everything.

It's in the rodeo ring
with our biggest audience yet,

and it's worth percent
of the final scores, so I can still win.

Destiny, you can't win
them all.

But I have won them all.

Even little Miss Pasta Palace,
where I had to drink

two gallons of Alfredo sauce.

My tears still tastes like Parmesan.

And... I know the perfect way
to impress the judges.

And we've reached
the clown part of the summer.

Don't you see?

I'm going to rodeo clown,
my way to the crown.

You grew up in a circus clown family.

Rodeo clowns are a whole
different thing.

It's very dangerous.

There is no way I'm letting
you do that.

How are you going to stop me?

You're tied to the bed
with a string of hankies.

What? How?

I'm just that good.
[BLOWS WHISTLE]

I got this thing running.

Now we don't have to push
the float to town,

which is good
because we are much too weak.

Hey, look, this thing
is certainly, uh...

finished.

We think you should sit on our
unicorn drawn rocket for the parade.

Because you were the one truly
responsible for how this all came together.

Wow.

You're saying it really
accusingly, but it's still such an honor.

Hop on.

Okay.

You're gonna... rains

Wow, that's a choice.

I think I taste sherbet.

We know you played us
against each other

- by calling me kooky.
- And me hot-headed!

In my defense, when I said
those things,

I assumed you weren't speaking
to each other.

Just sit on your rocket
and think about what you did.

Destiny? Desti...
What the heck?

You made me use all of Winnie
and Jake's ridiculous ideas.

I did everything I could
to get them to work together

and incorporate all
their nonsense,

but apparently campers
don't like "being manipulated."

I don't have time
for this, Parker.

I have to stop a clown
before she gets trampled by a bull

[SARDONICALLY] As one does.

If you ask me, this looks like
a poor management problem.

You were supposed to guide
the campers.

They clearly had terrible ideas,
and you didn't tell them,

and now you look like
a dying snowman.

You're right.

I've learned my lesson
and will humbly watch you fix this for me.

Winnie, Jake!
Lou wants to talk to you.

No time! You have to fix this!

Destiny already has a big
head start on me, especially

if she took the unicycle.

I really have no clue
what her story is all about.

[AUDIENCE CHEERING
AND APPLAUSE]

The pageant judges are ready
to score Jenny Creighton's roping talent.

- And... Ooh, not good!
- [AUDIENCE GROANS]

Bill, have you ever seen
someone accidentally hog-tie themselves

like Jenny Creighton did?

Once.

[FAINT NEIGHING]

Oh, you're... you're done?

[CHUCKLES WEAKLY]
Ok, well, I hope you share that

fun story with us someday.

Our next Rodeo Queen hopeful

is Kikiwaka Ranch's
own Destiny Baker,

with her talent of...

[AUDIENCE CHEERING]
Rodeo clowning?

Wait a second!

Destiny is dressed like
a circus clown, not a rodeo clown!

Hey, folks, Bill Pickett
has joined the party!

What's got your fizzy in
a tizzy?

Rodeo clowns are highly trained athletes
who protect falling cowboys

by distracting angry bulls.
And circus clowns...

[DESTINY HONKS HORN]
Honk horns!

[STARTING HORN HONKING]

The gate is up
and here comes...

- [BULL BELLOWS ANGRILY]
- ...a very angry bull!

[AUDIENCE GASPING]
Destiny is doomed!

She'll be all right,
as long as she doesn't make the bull mad.

[SPRAYING]

Too late! She squirted him
with the flower.

That bull is mad!

[BULL BELLOWING]

- Has she started yet? She's gonna... Oh, oh.
- [BULL SNIFFING AND GROWLING]

Destiny attempts to fend off the bull
with the rubber chickens,

[RUBBER CHICKEN SQUEAKS]

- [BULL BELLOWS AND SNIFF-GROWLING]
- And the bull is not amused.

Can you blame him? I mean,
we're all kind of past prop

comedy at this point, right?

Close-up magic
is where it's at.

Destiny, run!

Destiny is now running
for the gate,

and appears to be tossing
confetti behind her for some reason.

I'm very familiar
with this tactic, Bill.

It's called irrational panic.

Destiny is nearly to the gate!

She's going to make it!
She's going to make it!

[PANTING]

I'm not gonna make it.

[BULL BELLOWS ANGRILY]

[DESTINY SCREAMS]

Don't worry, Destiny!

I'm coming! Where are one
of those tiny clown cars when you need it?

Whoo! It looks like some real
rodeo clowns

are entering the
ring to corral the bull!

So I'm going to take
a short break.

I'm your rodeo expert,
Bill Pickett.

And I'm Noah Lambert,
your announcer and very proud counselor!

Signing off.

[CLICKS]

Bill! That was amazing.

I was so worried about Destiny,

I couldn't think
of anything else.

See, once you got out
of your head

about the Pickett legacy
and being a rodeo legend,

you're finally able to
captivate the audience,

just like your
great-great grandfather.

I don't think I'm there yet.

But maybe I'm on my way.

Hey, do you guys think you could help me
carry Destiny back to camp?

Making her ride that unicycle
home just seems kind of cruel.

I'm sorry, I embarrassed
the camp today.

I really made a fool of myself
and not in the good clown way.

Destiny, what's important
is that when you failed,

that you learn from it,

and you should have
learned a lot because, boy, did you fail!

Yeah, I learned some things.

I should have researched

Dusty Tush traditions
before competing for Rodeo Queen.

And pageants make me
way too competitive.

I guess I'm going out a loser.

[SNIFFS]

Why do I smell Parmesan?

[TEARING UP]
Sorry. That's me.

Cheer up! You've won plenty.

And I'm glad you took
something from this, even if

it's not a crown.

Knock, knock! Here's
your crown!

BOTH: What?

You're our new rodeo queen.

We gave you top marks
for the talent portion.

You know you greenhorns
are made of sterner stuff

than we gave you credit for.

Plus, watching you get
tossed around by that bull

was a real hoot!

But, Destiny was just
learning a valuable lesson

about losing!

Destiny Baker
is still undefeated!

Ow!

Hey, guys.

I'm sorry I manipulated you.

I wasn't honest with you,

and we ended up
with a hideous float.

That makes my eyeballs burn
when I think about it.

That might also be because
the shaving cream was menthol.

That's the smell!

We need to scrap
that train wreck

of a float you made
and start a whole new design.

We were actually just
about to start brainstorming

some new ideas,

and I will be vetoing
the stinky ones.

Leadership!

Great, I just have one suggestion
for who should ride on the float.

Yes, Lou, I accept.

- Not you.
- Had to try.

[ALL CHEERING]

BILL: Coming up next on
the parade,

is the Elementary School
Cowboy Club.

The Little Tushies!

The Little Tushies are
sponsored by

"Rent-A-Cow", because
come on already!

Just rent a cow!

BILL: Here we have Sassy!

The lovable mascot for
Main Street's Armadilla

Sarsaparilla Shop.

Fun fact, our announcer Noah
was the first person to ever

don the Sassy costume.

That's true Bill. Another fun fact,
it's impossible to breathe in.

And I'm very pleased
to introduce this next float, which comes

- from our very own Kikiwaka Ranch.
- [AUDIENCE CLAPPING]

This float was designed
by actual campers.

And features this year's Rodeo Queen,
Destiny Baker.

Fun fact about
Destiny Baker...

For anyone needing more
information about Kikiwaka Ranch,

please contact
Lou Hockhauser at - ...

Sorry, but you have to pay
to advertise.

It just wouldn't be fair to businesses
like Rent-A-Cow.

Rent-A-Cow!

Now offering goats!

[CHICKEN CLUCKING]

I am so
retired from pageants.