06x24 - Tap'd Out

[bunniefuu]

I got this; I got this.

Could someone else get this?

Uh-oh.

Did the log have an icky yellow spider on it?

Because I saw one of those get cooked

into my other camper's s'more last night.

Wait. I'm your other camper.

Man, I thought that marshmallow tasted thoraxey.

I dropped the log because I'm a weakling, okay?

Man, who would have thought
that years of sitting around

playing video games wouldn't
get me stone-cold ripped.

Jake, I'm sure you're not a weakling.

When I have band practice, I have to
pull my saxophone to school in a wagon.

I was not aware of that before I spoke.

Jake, it's nothing to worry about.

Some folks get stronger later than others.

But I really want to get strong now.

Then you just have to work at it.

Start simple. Just try one push up.

Okay.

[GRUNTING]

And here I thought the saxophone
wagon story would make me the most sad.

[ALL:] ♪ Kikiwaka, Kikiwaka

♪ Kikiwaka, Kikiwaka ♪

♪♪ Kikiwaka, Kikiwaka ♪♪

Ooh. Hello, rodeo queen crown.

"Well, hello, Destiny."

"It is lovely to be on your head again."

"Is that a new conditioner?"

Destiny.

I wasn't talking to my crown.

You were talking to my crown.

I'm just gonna say anyhoo and move on.

Look at this mysterious note
that was left on my bedroom door.

Oh, Lou, is that another notice
from the Health Department?

At this point, you could wallpaper a bathroom.

No, it's an invitation
from a local secret society

that calls itself "The Order of the Tush".

Ooh, mysterious.

But hopefully not in a creepy way,
like other things I've seen in this town.

-You're talking about Doll Head Alley, aren't you?
-Yes, Doll Head Alley.

What do they do with the bodies?

Look, I don't know what the Order
does at their gatherings, but I bet it's cool.

They want me to meet them at the library tonight,

to see if I have what it takes
to join their exclusive society.

That's awesome.

Although I am a little surprised
I didn't get an invitation.

I mean, I am rodeo queen.

Yeah, I wouldn't be so proud of that.

Second place went to a horse.

-This is so exciting.
-I know.

When you get back, you
have to tell me everything.

What's that little piece of paper
stuck to the back of the invitation?

Oh, dang it. This is from the Health Department.

Uh, Winnie.

Is that a tap dance bag that you're holding?

No. Why would you think that?

Um, because the side
of it says, "Live, love, tap."

Oh, that.

You know, sometimes bags just say stuff.

[GASPS] Winnie.

Have you been step-ball-changing without me?

Okay. I've been taking dance lessons in town.

I had no idea you were into tap.

It doesn't seem very on
brand for Wild Winnie Webber.

Of course it is. It's the
loudest of all the dances.

It's like fireworks for the feet.

That's the dream.

So you went to the trouble of going into town

and starting lessons without consulting me,

the dance czar of Kikiwaka Ranch?

Wouldn't Victoria be the dance czar?

Well, she's on vacation.

So according to the line of
succession, the title falls to me.

-Are you upset with me?
-Upset? No.

I'm just surprised.

I'm so happy for you.

Any day someone's bitten by
the dance bug is a great day.

Oh, good. That's a relief. Bye, Parker.

It's like someone's dig toe
step heeling on my heart.

Also, I really want one of those bags.

Here he comes.

Hey, guys, what are you up to?

Oh, Bill and I are just taking inventory
of the stuff in the maintenance shed.

Oh, fun.

I'm so glad I came to camp.

By the way, can you hand me that clipboard?

And that hammer.

And that super-heavy bag of cement.

Here you go.

Oh.

Whoa!

Jake, do you realize what you just did?

All of your work for you?

No. You just picked up a
-pound bag without even grunting.

I did?

I did.

But how did I did?

I guess you're way stronger than you thought.

I guess I am.

Who else wants to see
these bis and tris organize?

Try that cinder block.

I'm crazy strong.

I can pick up anything.

Bill, come here.Nope.

I can't believe it.

I'm finally the person I've always wanted to be.

Jacked Jacob Jake Jacobs.

Nice. That's a really cool name,
and it's not hard to say at all.

How did this happen?

[GASPS] Was I bit by a
radioactive spider or something?

Sure, let's go with that narrative.

All right.

Whoo-hoo. Easy there, big guy.

Better go hit the showers.

Hope I don't accidentally rip out the faucet.

Yeah!

[DOOR CLOSES]
We did it.

Go us!

Wow. Great job making all
this stuff out of Styrofoam.

It's so realistic.

Thanks. I once made all the
props for a one-man show.

I guess props help when
you're all alone on stage.

Oh, it was a full cast. There
was just one man in the audience.

Fine. I made him, too.

Good evening, Louella Dorcas Hockhauser.

How do you know my full name?

The Order of the Tush knows everything about you.

Even that time I got matched
on a dating app with an armadillo,

and I still went?

Um, no, we did not know that.
I wish we could unknow that.

Trust me, so do I.

Now I'm going to ask you a series of questions

to see if you have what
it takes to join our ranks.

If you answer correctly, you will
be accepted into our sacred Tush.

Yes, I heard it.

Don't worry_
-The first question of the Order is,

do you like my medallion?

It's new and nobody's complimented me on it.

It's like I put myself out there,
and what do I get back? Bupkis!

-Well, I like it. I mean_
-Next question!

How do you handle extreme pressure?

Well, considering I broke out in a nervous rash

on my way over here,
I would say below average.

Nice.

I'd be insulted if my intimidating
presence didn't give you the itchies.

George here only gets the toots
around me, and it's not good enough!

Last question.

If you become a member of our sacred order,

you would be witness to some
extreme and unusual activities.

-Can you handle that?
[SCOFFS] -Definitely.

I run a camp full of kids going through puberty.

I don't get past breakfast
without extreme and... unusual.

Then I, Richard Hunsburry the
Third, have rendered my decision.

Louella Dorcas Hockhauser,

you are hereby accepted
into The Order of the Tush.

Yay!

Ooh. My nervous rash is
turning into an excited rash.

So how did the secret meeting go?

I didn't sleep at all last
night thinking about it.

Also couldn't sleep

because of this weird, haunted shrieking

coming from under my cabin.

But also a little bit the meeting thing.

Uh, sorry, but I've been sworn to secrecy.

What? But you know I won't tell anyone,

except for maybe this small
text thread I just started.

I wish I could tell you everything.

But apparently the last guy who broke
his oath hasn't been heard from since.

You mean he's dead?

Maybe. Or maybe he just got a
new cell phone. We'll never know.

Please, Lou. Can't you tell
me even a little tiny secret?

I'm great at keeping secrets.

I haven't told anyone that
Angela and Roger are dating.

Oops.

But see, now you owe me one.

All I can say is that it's as cool as we thought,

and they are indeed very powerful people

who know everything about everybody.

Did they know about how you
swiped right on an armadillo?

I told you, I thought the picture was
Gary's pet. I didn't know, it was Gary!

I'm making this birdhouse extra strong

so that it can stand up to explosions.

I want to protect those
sweet little birds from, well, me.

[TAPPING]

Hey, Pierce, your cab is on fire.

Relax. His cab is not actually on fire.

I was just doing you all a favor.

That guy has no style.

Birdhouses?

More like nerd houses. Am I right?

-Why are you wearing tap shoes?
-Oh, these?

Thanks for noticing. Now
that I'm in charge of the class,

I will be leveling it up from arts and crafts.

It is now...

Arts and taps.
[TAPPING]

Hey, Jenny, looking a little low on glue.

Let me just Cincinnati time step
my way on over to the supply table.

You're welcome.

Okay, Parker; I get it.

You're taking over this class just to prove

I should be taking tap lessons from you.

Oh. What?

I am only here because of my deep love

and respect for, uh...

-Birdhouses.
-Oh. Yeah, that's right. The nerd houses.

Hey! Who wants to see
my signature cane step?

Sorry, Jenny.

I'll just toe, toe, heel, heel myself out.

Actually, I'm just going to walk out.

I didn't realize how far I was from the door.

Hey, could anyone help pull the
covered wagon over a couple feet?

I need to cover that skunk hole.

I mean, improve the feng shui of the lawn.

I'm on it, Brosephina.

Jacked Jake's got this heavy wagon solo.

Sun's out, g*ns out, you know?

Well, this is new.

As it turns out, I literally have

the strength of ten men in my little pinky nail.

Just kidding. I was being hyperbolic, bruh.

It didn't occur to me that we'd have
to keep making Jake think he's strong.

How much longer are we gonna do this?

If it gives my coyote the confidence
he needs, then for the rest of my life.

Or until I get grumpy.

Jake, you shouldn't try to pull this
wagon yourself. You could really get hurt.

I'm sorry. How much do you bench, bruh?

Okay, pull away.

Sweet mercy. This is heavy.

Yeah!

What in the good Guy
Fieri? You're actually doing it.

'Sup?

That was awesome.

Oh, but now that you've covered the skunk hole,

I see you've uncovered two
rattlesnake holes. Can you move it back?

Really?

Sure thing.

Beeeee..ast.

There you go. Time to ice these pythons.

Then I'll hit the barn and deadlift some cows.

Jack to Jake's coming your way, bro vines.

-How did I not know Jake is super strong?
-Hey, Lou!

Oh, y'all are behind this.

That makes a lot more sense.

Lou. I've been thinking about it,

and I want to join The Order of the Tush.

Also, that shrieking from under my cabin

is happening during the day now,

so please do something about that.

Oh; You want to join? I
don't think that's a good idea.

Why not? Don't you want me to?

Oh; 'I' want you to.

It's just that they're really exclusive and cool,

and I don't want you to be
disappointed if you don't get in.

Remember how upset you were that
one time you played Red Rover, Red Rover,

and no one sent Destiny on over?

Please, Lou, just let me talk to their leader,

and I know I can convince him to let me join.

[SCOFFS]
-No one just talks to Richard.

He's a mystery wrapped in a puzzle,
then re-wrapped in a conundrum.

He only exists in the shadows,
rarely showing his face to mere mortals.

Plus, he has his kids right
now, so his phone is on silent.

Lou thinks they're too cool for me?

Yeah, right. Who wouldn't want me in their club?

[VOICE SHRIEKING IN DISTANCE]
Ahhhhh!!

You don't count, disembodied shriek.

I can't believe we spent the whole
day helping Jake believe he's strong.

This is the hardest thing I've ever done,

and I once did Shakespeare in
the Park in a Houston summer.

It was much ado about excessive pit sweat.

Luckily, we get a break for a little bit
while he's making a protein shake.

[JAKE:] Let the Jacked Jacob Jake
Jacobs arm wrestling competition begin.

Aw, break's over!

Let's do this.

Sweating and suffering equals gains, bruh.

We have to stop him before he gets hurt.

Go!

[IN SLOW MOTION] Jake, no!

[IN SLOW MOTION] You're not strong.

[IN SLOW MOTION] What?

[JAKE SHRIEKING]
Aaahhhh!!

Jake, are you okay?

Yeah, I'm fine.
[STOMACH GRUMBLES]

Oh, protein shake's coming back up.

Welcome, members, to another
gathering of The Order of the Tush.

And welcome back to our
newest member, Louella Dorcas.

[CHUCKLES] Really, Lou is just fine.

I can't take this anymore.
I belong in this group.

And I have the perfect-length torso for a sash.

Tonight will be another memorable evening.

Full of awe, wonder, and_
-And Destiny Baker!

Destiny, what are you
doing? You need to leave now.

I'm not leaving. I want to be a
member of The Order of the Tush.

I was born to be in The Order of the Tush.

What is The Order of the Tush?

-Destiny, I am telling you, you shouldn't be_
-Actually...

I like this girl; She's got moxie.

If you want in, then Destiny Showstopper Baker,

you are in.

Your middle name is Showstopper?

Her dad gave it to her,
knowing she'd be a pageant star.

Our research department is fast and accurate.

So I'm in?

[BOTH:] Ta-dow!

We also know your catchphrase.

You may join the circle.

Destiny, I'm telling you,
you shouldn't be a part of this.

Why not? You made it sound so cool.

Well, some things should just stay secret.

Not today, Lou.

Today, Red Rover, Red
Rover, Destiny is coming over.

-I really think_
-Let the games begin!

Yes. Show me your secrets.

[MUSIC PLAYING]
♫-♫

♫-♫
-Your secret is musical chairs?

♫-♫
-Yeah.

So this is just a dorky club
that plays musical chairs?

No, we also play Simon Says,

Duck, Duck, Goose, and
Thursdays are limbo nights.

My back is gonna hate me.
♫-♫

But you said you were doing super cool things.

Musical chairs is cool.
♫-♫

It's good exercise and keeps
us up to date on the newest bops.

But if you're just a group that plays games,

what's with all the weird
sashes and being so secretive?

I don't know. Dorks ba dorks.
♫-♫

I guess when I found out
this club wasn't all that cool,

I didn't want to tell you.

Maybe for a little while longer,

I just wanted to feel like I could
be a part of something special.

Oh, Lou, I get it.

But you should have just told me.

♫-♫

♫

♪

[MUSIC STOPS]

Destiny Baker, you're out!

Would you mind taking away this chair for us?

Thanks.

Never mind. You should have
taken this one to the grave;

I'm out.

Okay, party peeps.

Let's pump up the jams again.

Hit it!

Jake, we're so sorry we lied to you
and pretended like you got stronger.

-We just wanted to boost your self-esteem.
-It's okay.

I appreciate what you did.

I guess I'm just never going to be strong.

Look, that's not true.

Everyone's strong in different ways.

It's not always with just their muscles.

What do you mean?

You've got plenty of strengths,

even if it's not about being super strong.

You know what? I think I do know what you mean.

Good to hear, buddy.

Get back to the table, Harold,
because I'm back in beast mode, bruh.

No! Not what we meant.

Arm wrestling is for wimps.

Real warriors... thumb wrestle.

Do they?

Jake, no, he's too strong.

Prepare for battle.

One, two, three, four. I declare a thumb w*r.

Five, six, seven, eight.

Try to keep your thumb straight.
Go!

One, two, three!

I win!

-He did it!
-Way to go!

How did you do that? He's so strong.

Yeah, but like you said,
everyone is strong in different ways.

For me, endless hours of video gaming
has made my thumb super fast and agile.

Great job, Jake.

Thanks. Life has its ups and downs.

We call those squats, bruh.

[SCOFFS]
Ha!

You here to tell me I'm not
qualified to sweep up this mess?

Because I've been doing it for an
hour, and you might have a point.

Parker; I get what's going on.

It's obvious you're mad that I didn't
ask you to teach me how to tap dance.

I don't know what you're talking about.

Oh. Then I guess that was someone else

I heard doing paradiddles
while crying behind the barn.

Have you tried doing that step on hay?

You'd cry, too!

-Okay, I admit it I'm a little hurt.
-I knew it.

Well, why wouldn't you come to me
if you wanted to learn how to dance?

-I'm the czar.
-Substitute czar.

Whatever.

What is it? My personality?

My teaching style? My shim-sham shimmy?

My shimmy is a sham, isn't it?

No, you're good, really good.

It's just that...

You're too good.

What? What are you talking about?

I look up to you.

I don't mind if I look
silly in front of a stranger,

but, It's hard for me to look silly

in front of somebody whose opinion I care about.

Winnie, you should never feel silly
about trying to learn something new,

and you definitely should never
worry about what I think of you.

I shouldn't? No way!

Because you'll always be great to me.

You're Wild Winnie Webber, yo.

Thanks, Parker

Okay.

-Okay. I'll be your student.
-Yes.

And I'm sorry I hurt your feelings.

Is there any way I can make this right?

Let me answer that question with a question.

Do you have a bow tie?

Let me answer your question with a question.

I blew up my birdhouse.

That's not a question.
I'm just kind of proud of it.

Jake; Your side of the cabin is a
filthy mess. You've got to clean it.

Yep. You're keeping your
crystals on my side of the room.

And I don't believe in chi, but
something's shifting and I don't like it.

Remember, friends, people
are strong in different ways.

Some people are strong in maintaining a cabin.

Others, like me, have super beef thumbs.

Just make your bed, man.

Hey, so I did some research
about the shrieking under your cabin,

and it turns out this ranch is
built on a cursed boneyard.

The wall between the living
and the dead is pretty thin here,

so we're probably stuck in a purgatory sitch.

Eh, I'll just use earplugs.

Okay. Campfire's become a
bit of a free for all, hasn't it?

Ladies and gentlemen;
My new pupil, Winnie, and I,

have been working on this
routine the last couple of days.

We hope you enjoy it.

[MUSIC PLAYING]
♫-♫

♫-♫

♫-♫

♫-♫

♫-♫

[MUSIC ENDS]
♪

[ALL CHEERING]

You guys were great. I had no
idea you were such a good dancer.

Thanks. I'm still learning.

But with Parker's help, I can't
wait to see how good I get.

Just wait till you learn my signature
cane step. It'll change your life.

Okay. You can't just leave your
birdhouses sitting around outside.

This one's on Jenny!