06x28 - Writer's Locked

[bunniefuu]

Ahoy, Winnie.

Hey, Lou,

what are you

so giddy about?

I'm excited because

I just finished writing

a Lady Louella Calypso novel

that wraps up the epic saga

of Captain Four Hooks perfectly.

I think it's the best

writing I've ever done.

The best writing

I've ever done

is carving "Welcome

to the Pee Palace"

on the wall

of the outhouse.

But, hey, we're

talking about you.

To celebrate, I posted

an online contest for my fans.

And the winner gets

to come here today

and read the book

before my publisher

puts it out.

Don't you self-publish?

Okay. Before I put it out.

Oh. And here he is now.

Oh, my goodness! It's Lady

Louella Calypso in the flesh.

I'm your biggest fan.

Tone it down, Oliver.

You're rowdier than

one of Jay Gatsby's

evening soirees.

Nice to meet you, Oliver.

This is Winnie,

one of my campers.

[gasps]

Cool pirate hook.

Can I borrow it?

There's more stuff

I want to carve

into the outhouse.

Then no one will recognize

I'm cosplaying

as my favorite

character of all time,

Captain Four Hooks.

But you only

have one hook.

Yeah. Airport security

took the other three.

Well, time to get you

to your cabin.

And then you can

dive into the finale

of Four Hooks' epic tale.

Yes! Easy, Oliver.

Even Captain Ahab

wasn't this thirsty.

Argh! Why would

anyone be so into

Lou's stupid books?

Oh, no offense.

I think all books are stupid.

You know, maybe it's time

we finally scheduled

that conference call

with your mom.

I'm not just gonna

sit around reading

when there's

a whole world to explore.

I'm a woman of action.

If reading were

that exciting,

why is it the number one thing

people do to fall asleep?

[chuckles softly]

I am so glad our journeys

are colliding this week.

[all] ♪ Kikiwaka, Kikiwaka ♪

♪ Kikiwaka, Kikiwaka ♪

♪ Kikiwaka, Kikiwaka ♪

Destiny, I just got something

very exciting in the mail.

Your puppet of the month

shipment?

No, they unsubscribed me.

They said I was

too into puppets.

But I got this.

An invitation to the premiere of

Dino Camp Diaries: Part One.

The movie you were in?

That's awesome.

Wow, it's in LA

in two days.

Doesn't give you much time

to lock in a red carpet pose.

Oh, I locked that in

years ago.

Oh. Yeah, that's good.

I can't believe it.

After all my auditions,

I'm finally going

to my first movie premiere.

I'm so happy

for you, Noah.

Also, I know you worked

with Timothée Chalamet.

If you could slip him

my phone number,

I wouldn't be mad at it.

I do have one concern.

Oh, don't worry.

It won't violate

the restraining order

as long as

I'm not there.

No, I'm just not sure

I should be away

from camp that long.

Who's gonna do my work here

when I'm gone?

You mean watching

Jake and Bill?

They'll be fine.

Bill's responsible

and Jake...

Well, he's got Bill.

Actually, there's

some other jobs I do

around this place

just to help out.

Well, whatever they are,

I've got you covered.

Thanks, Destiny.

I'll make a list

and walk you through it.

Oh. And on a personal note,

do you also think

you could give my puppets

their baths when I'm gone?

See, this is why

the puppet people

turned on you.

Guys, guess who's here

visiting camp today.

Ooh, is it Lewis Hamilton,

the famous British F driver?

Or Dame Maggie Smith,

the famous British actor?

-Or...

-No one British is here, Jake.

It's my family dog, Toby.

Come here, Toby.

Aw!

He's so cute.

And clearly British.

I'm taking care of him

while my parents are

away on vacation.

Fun fact.

Toby is actually

their second favorite

child after Priscilla.

So you're third?

Actually, I'm fifth after

a really big house plant

and pet iguana named Rodolfo.

Don't take it personally.

I'm my parents

second favorite, too.

But you're an only child.

I know. I'm also

their first favorite.

I was just trying

to make you feel better.

Thanks, bud.

I gotta go into town

to get some dog food.

Will you guys watch him

for me while I'm gone?

Of course, we're gonna

have so much fun.

Not as much fun

as we would have had

with Lewis or Maggie,

but still a lot.

[imitating British accent]

Right, Guv'nor?

Would you like

some tea and crumpets?

Excuse me, Miss Calypso.

Please, Oliver.

Call me Lady Louella Calypso.

And before you

say anything else,

how far are you

into the book?

Is the prose

a masterful blend

of old school thrills

and cutting edge action?

Ooh. I should put

that quote on the cover.

Actually, I haven't

read a word.

Cool, cool.

I thought about what

Winnie said earlier,

and I'd love to go out

and explore the area

while I'm here.

Ha! In your face, reading.

So what do you

want to do first?

Fire a slingshot?

Jump in the lake?

Fire ourselves out

of a slingshot

into the lake?

It can be arranged.

Actually, I was hoping

to visit an old ghost town

nearby called Muddy Keister.

Hmm. Can't anywhere

around here just be

called Wyoming Ville?

I heard this ghost town

has a fascinating history,

full of twists and turns.

Oh. You know what else

is full of twists and turns?

My novel. [chuckles]

Which is just sitting

in a cabin somewhere,

not being read by anyone.

And I'm totally fine

and handling this well.

[chuckles nervously]

Thanks again for helping out

with this stuff

while I'm

at my premiere.

Of course.

And thank you

in advance

for giving Chalamet

my number while you're there.

He will be mine.

Anyways, let's get started.

First thing in the morning,

I check out

the equipment for safety,

starting with stress testing

the zip line.

Wow, I hope that's not

as dangerous as it sounds.

Oh, it is.

But if there's a problem,

better us than

a camper, right?

[laughs] Yeah, right.

Oh. I mean, yes,

children first.

-Whoo-hoo!

-Hey, Desty,

how's that zip line?

[Destiny] It's great.

This is a blast.

I think this one's

definitely safe.

[screaming]

And this is why we test.

Only three more

zip lines to go.

Whoo-hoo!

And then, throw.

[sighs] Jake, you're

not even paying attention.

Come on, Toby,

let's go herd some sheep.

Oh. Are we saying

super boring things

in a fun voice?

Come on, Toby.

Let's go wait in line

at the DMV.

Actually, Toby

is a herding dog,

so he's happiest

when he's working.

He's the me of dogs.

Toby doesn't want to work.

He's on vacation.

The two of us

are gonna chillax.

Maybe later

we'll go play fetch.

I'm getting really good

at bringing the ball back.

Toby's had

enough chillaxing.

I'm taking him to the pasture.

No, Toby is staying here

with me to chill in the cabin.

No, he's not.

-[Jake] Yes, he is.

-[Bill] You're being ridiculous.

I'm pretty sure

it's pronounced ridonkulous.

Right, Toby?

Toby? He's gone.

Oh, no.

Where'd he go?

If he's off throwing

the ball for someone else,

I'm going to be really hurt.

According to the guide,

this is the old,

abandoned sheriff's office.

Check this place out.

Rusted locks,

old timey handcuffs,

the thr*at of tetanus

wherever you turn,

heaven does exist.

Yes, because standing

in a dirty, possibly

haunted old shack

is much better

than reading a novel

I poured my heart

and soul into.

[chuckles] What

a fun journey this is.

Well, let's mark

the occasion with a photo.

Why don't you two go stand

inside the jail cell?

Aw! Hanging out

inside of a jail cell?

It's like fourth grade

spring break all over again.

Maybe we should do

that conference call

with your mom tomorrow.

Now say...

"I'm a thoughtless hack

who ruined the best

book series of all time."

That's a weird way

to say cheese.

Uh, Oliver,

what are you doing?

The truth is,

I did read your book, Lou.

Twice, and I am not going

to let you k*ll off

Captain Four Hooks.

He's the greatest hero

who ever lived,

and you just tossed him

overboard like...

like a bucket of chum.

Now, wait.

Are you talking about

the character

Bucket of Chum?

-Because he survived...

-I was using

a colorful simile

for dramatic effect.

Wait. So you brought us

all the way out here

just to punish Lou

for k*lling off

a made-up character?

Oh, no. Lou is going

to rewrite the book

and bring Captain Four Hooks

back to life.

And neither of you

are getting out

until she does.

Oliver, I only have

one thing to say to you.

I am so happy

you read my book.

Okay, let's get to

the next item on my list.

Please don't tell me

we're cleaning up toxic waste.

Of course not.

That's too dangerous.

We're relocating hornets.

Was there no toxic waste?

See, there's this really

stubborn hornet's nest

that I move out

of here every day

to make sure the campers

don't get stung.

And what, pray tell,

is the reason

we don't just

light them on fire

and cackle with delight?

Because hornets are

a very important part

of the ecosystem.

Okay, I'm an environmentalist,

and I'm going to say nuh-uh!

While you're moving the nest to

a tree in the woods,

I'll track down the fire ant

colony that

Lucent moved in here.

Here, anty-anty.

[screaming]

One got into my mask!

One got into my mask!

Don't swat at it.

You might hurt it.

That's the plan, Noah!

[screaming]

Oh. Thank goodness.

It's gone.

But now something's biting me.

Something's biting me.

[screams]

[chuckles] Oh,

you found the ants.

Hey, little buddies.

I was looking for you.

I looked all over camp,

but I can't find

Toby anywhere.

Well, he's definitely not

in the walk-in freezer.

Why would he be

in the freezer?

Dogs like licking things

and ice pops are

the best things to lick.

Ergo, he should have

been in the freezer.

It's like you

don't know Toby at all.

Hello! Parky's back

with some yum yum foodie

for the most special

little brother in the...

I mean, come here, dog,

or don't. [scoffs] Who cares?

Toby's not here

because he's, uh, hiding.

We... we taught him how

to play hide and seek.

Right, Bill?

We sure did.

It's a popular game

for players

of all species,

including dogs.

Fun for everyone

except you.

You can't play.

You should go

far away from here.

Bye-bye now.

Okay then. Just bring Toby

back to me when you're done.

I'll leave these little

yum yum foodies right here.

[laughs]

What? I'm owning it.

We have to find Toby

before Parker

finds out we lost him.

I know. We can put out

a trail of treats

that leads back

to our cabin for Toby.

-Ergo...

-No more ergo!

We don't have

time for ergo.

Don't worry, Four Hooks.

We'll save you

from that big dumb death

the mean writer

lady gave you.

Not gonna lie.

I don't love that

he's talking to his hook.

Hey, Lou, I couldn't help

but notice you haven't

written anything yet.

We're still stuck

inside of a prison

in the middle of nowhere.

Just an observation.

Ah! I'm not gonna

rewrite the book.

I'm sorry. What?

Yeah. I'm the author.

So I decide

how the story ends.

And I put a lot of thought

into how to bring my series

to the perfect conclusion.

Also writing is hard.

Come on, Lou.

What's the big deal?

Just give the kid

what he wants.

Hey, fandom

is a slippery slope.

First, they forced

the movie studios

to change the teeth

on that blue hedgehog thing

and now any yahoo

off the streets

thinks that they can just

lock up their favorite author.

It's fine. You take

all the time you need

to come to your senses.

Well, I'm off to use

the little boy's room.

Oh, better leave

this hook here.

I've made that mistake before.

Lou, if you're not gonna

change your book, then I will.

Please. How are you

gonna rewrite the final book

in a ten novel saga

you haven't even read?

How hard can it be?

I'll just read your manuscript

and replace the word

dead with life.

Because that's how it works.

[Bill] Toby!

[Jake] Toby!

-Toby!

-Where are you?

Oh, Jake, look!

The trail of treats

leading to

our cabin is gone.

Toby must have eaten them.

My plan worked.

I'm a genius.

You're wearing

two different shoes,

and one of them

is a baguette.

Still, let's go

check it out.

[growling]

Bill, I don't think

that's Toby.

I guess wolves must

like dog treats too.

Jake, how fast can you

move in that bread shoe?

Pretty fast

as butter.

Hey, guys.

Where's Toby?

No. First,

what's with the shoe?

No. First, where's Toby?

-[wolf whining]

-Oh, never mind.

I can hear him in there.

-Parker, no!

-Parker, don't!

Oh, there's

my good boy.

[wolf growling]

Oh! Not my good boy!

Not my good boy!

Oh!

[groaning]

What happened

to my good boy?

Uh, he's right here.

Jake, Bill,

where is Toby?

We lost him.

What?

You lost him?

This is ridonkulous.

Yes. What an appropriate

word for the situation.

I have to go find him.

Even though it would

make perfect sense,

he's not in the freezer.

Okay. Just finished

the next task.

Warming the swim

towels in the dryer

so the campers

are nice and toasty

after a dip in the lake.

But I might have shrunk them.

It's a hot day.

They'll be fine.

You don't have to do

my jobs anymore.

I'm not going to the premiere.

Look, I know I've

had a rough start,

but I promise

I can cover for you.

I have hornet venom

coursing through

my veins right now.

I'm basically a superhero.

That's not it.

I just got a call

from the producer.

-The premiere's cancelled.

-What? Why?

Apparently

all the funds for it

were used to fix the movie's

mustache continuity.

Is that another

weird acting term?

I don't know.

You have to ask Timothee

"Peach Fuzz" Chalamet.

"As Captain Four Hook,

scared of the ocean,

and said

with his final breath,

'Frankly, my dear,

I don't give a clam.'"

Damn.

Lou, this book

is amazing.

Wait. So,

Miss I'm Not A Reader

actually enjoyed reading.

Are you kidding?

The way Captain Four Hooks

is brought down

by his own four hooks,

the hooks are

his biggest strength

and his greatest weakness.

It's poetry.

And something

I totally did on purpose.

Lou, you were right.

You can't give

into Oliver's demands.

This book is perfect.

Then I think I know

a way out of here.

Hey, Oliver!

Oliver!

Okay. News that will

surprise no one.

The public restrooms

in Muddy Keister

are disgusting.

Moving past that.

Guess who

finished her rewrite?

I think you're going to love

the changes I made.

I knew you'd come around.

Smell that, kids?

That's the stink of victory

and also a little bit

of the public restroom.

Give me the laptop.

So you can take it

and leave us locked in here?

No way.

Open the cell and I'll

give you the laptop.

Fine.

Put that on the ground

and back up against the wall.

We'll make a break for it

on the count of three.

One, two...

No!

Why did I have

to count?

Despite the heavy

foreshadowing,

I did not see

this twist coming.

We are never

getting out of here.

This is all your fault

for getting us locked up

in the middle of a ghost town.

No, it's your fault

for not changing the book

that I forced you to rewrite

against your will.

Okay, now that I'm

saying it out loud,

I am hearing it.

Hey, it's Parker's dog, Toby.

What are you doing here?

She asked, remembering

dogs can't talk.

Lou, the pirate hook

on the chair.

If we can get Toby

to bring it over here,

we can use it

to pick the lock.

Winnie, you're so smart.

I know.

I'm a reader now.

Hey, Toby,

will you get us

that pirate hook?

Yes, it's a smart boy.

That's a...

duster.

Argh! Jeez, Toby,

read a book.

Everything

but the hook.

Who trained this dog?

Parker.

Ah! Well, he's actually

doing pretty good then.

Yes. Way to go, Toby!

You're good.

Yeah, with the help of a dog

who appeared out of nowhere.

It's kind of an unearned

resolution, if you ask me.

[both] Can it, Oliver.

Come on. Come on, Toby.

Toby, come on.

-Parker, great news.

-You found Toby?

No, but I called my mom,

said I'm still their favorite.

Okay. Maybe great news

was overselling it.

He's clearly not here,

so I'm going

to look in the woods.

Parker, we're so sorry

we lost your dog.

We kind of got distracted

fighting over what to do with

Toby and he ran off.

But we thought

we could find him

before you found out

what happened.

Instead, you lied to me

and lured a wolf

into your cabin.

And now, I'm really worried

about who I'm gonna become

with the full moon tonight.

We messed up.

We're really sorry.

We'll come help you

look for him.

No, it's okay.

You should stay here

in case he comes home.

Besides, the woods

can be dangerous.

And it's my job

to keep you safe.

-[dog barks]

-Spare me, wolf!

Take the children!

Toby!

You're okay.

Thank goodness.

Where'd you find him?

Oh. It was a classic case

of dog rescues girl

and girl's camp director

after they were locked

in a jail cell by an obsessive

nine-year-old.

Tale as old as time.

Come on, Toby.

I'm gonna

make it up to you

by taking you out to the pasture

for some herding.

No way. He's coming

with me for a combo

snuggle snack session.

Actually, I hate to pull rank,

but he's my dog

and I want to play

fetch with him.

-No, that's not fair.

-No!

I haven't seen him all day.

[overlapping chatter]

Wait!

Where did Toby go?

Ah, I see how

this happened now.

Conflict does make

him uncomfortable.

All right, kid.

Since you love stories so much,

time to tell your parents

the one about the boy

who held two

innocent people...

hostage.

Do not let

the hamburger phone

undercut the seriousness

of this moment.

I'm sorry, guys.

It's just, I grew up

with Captain Four Hooks.

He means the world to me.

Look, Oliver, I get it.

When I read Lou's book,

she made me fall in love

with Captain Four Hooks, too.

His bravery, his heart,

the way he picked

his nose ever so carefully.

Such a great character detail.

The way Lou brought him

to life on the page made it

the best book

I've ever read.

Isn't it the only book

you've ever read?

It still counts. Take the W.

But even though

I loved Captain Four Hooks,

I also loved the way

Lou ended his story.

But why does

his story have to end?

Well, Oliver,

just because a story ends

doesn't mean it's over.

It lives on

in your imagination.

And finishing one story

leaves room to create

new ones to fall in love with.

Does this mean

you still have more

stories left to tell?

Well, I've been trying

to think of an idea

for a new book to write

and today's adventure

really inspired me to write

a series about the Old West.

Heck, I might even put a

character in it named Oliver.

Really? Thanks, Lou.

I'm gonna go blog about this.

That's big of you, Lou.

I'm still really mad

he locked us in that cell.

Oh. Me, too.

I'm k*lling his

character off

on page one.

"Put me on."

Well, I am always game

for a wardrobe change.

[fanfare]

There he is.

Movie star, Noah Lambert!

[all cheering]

Welcome to your big premiere.

-Premiere?

-Yeah. Since yours got canceled,

we decided to

throw you one at camp.

Go walk your red carpet.

A real red carpet.

This is incredible.

[all cheering]

Noah, over here!

Noah Lambert,

people are dying to know

were you scared

acting against a dinosaur?

Well, actually, it was just

a tennis ball on a stick.

But yes.

Mr. Lambert, I'm a huge fan.

Can you sign this?

Make it out to Parker

and Toby.

He's a huge fan-bert.

Oh, actually, my fans

are called Lambros,

or they will be

when I get them.

You want an autograph?

Okay, you get it.

Right this way.

The screening of Dino Camp

Diaries: Part One

is about to begin.

Screening?

How? Who did all this?

She did.

Thank you

for coming, everyone.

And thank you to the man

of the evening, Noah Lambert.

This is his premiere,

one of many he'll be

attending in the future.

-[barks]

-Really?

I think she

speaks eloquently.

Noah, you do so many

amazing things for this camp

behind the scenes,

you deserve your

moment in the spotlight.

And now Dino Camp

Diaries: Part One.

[all cheering]

This is all amazing.

Thank you. How did you

get a copy of the movie?

It was easy.

I reached out to the producer

and he sent me

a copy of the film.

I just had to give back

the lock

of Mr. Chalamet's hair,

which I was fine with

because that cloning company

turned out to be a fraud.

I'm really glad you're

on my team, Destiny,

because you scare me.

[all cheering]

[theme music playing]