06x29 - Most Wanted

[bunniefuu]

Whoa!

What happened here?

Not sure.

I know the Dusty Tush Grill

was thinking about

adding a side salad

to their menu,

and there was talk

of a revolt.

I guess it went down.

It had nothing to do

with vile veggies.

What you are looking at

is the aftermath

of a cattle stampede

that blew through town.

It was a swirling storm

of hoofs and horns.

Sky rained milk that day.

I didn't know Dusty Tush

had a sheriff.

Don't get this way much.

I'm stationed

in Twin Cheeks.

Seriously, is this entire

region founded by

eight-year-old boys?

Also, I'm not your

run-of-the-mill

rigid sheriff.

Think of me as your buddy.

Linda Lawless, maker of

award-winning banana bread.

Great! So, Linda...

Sheriff Lawless.

I might be your buddy,

but let's put some

respect on it.

I'm here because the cattle

that did all this

were released on purpose.

By a troublemaker known

for causing a lot of damage

around these parts,

and I won't rest

until I bring her

to justice.

[both] Winnie?

Is that what her ears

really look like?

[all] ♪ Kikiwaka, Kikiwaka ♪

♪ Kikiwaka, Kikiwaka ♪

♪ Kikiwaka, Kikiwaka ♪

What do we do?

We'll play it cool.

Does that mean I should

get my dark sunglasses?

Okay, I'll play it cool.

I have never seen

this person in my life.

Lou, that's Winnie.

She's one

of your campers,

lives in Mustang cabin.

Is any of this

ringing a bell?

[laughs]

Okay, Jake.

Maybe now would be

a good time

to go on that

jog around town

you were talking

about wanting to do.

I don't remember

wanting to do that.

This is why I need

a day planner.

Something about that boy

just ain't right.

Okay fine.

Winnie is one

of my campers.

I know she could be a lot,

but she isn't

a criminal.

Why do you think

it was her?

Well, she has a reputation

for destruction.

And there was a hole

cut in the corral fence

so the cattle could escape.

Doesn't prove

it was Winnie.

I also found

this hoodie

at the crime scene.

Is that "Winnie Webber"

written on the tag?

Mmm-hmm.

Curse my clothes

labeling policy.

Listen, I'll give you an hour

to bring Webber in.

After that,

I'm coming for her.

And a word of warning,

people who

harbor fugitives

don't get any of my

famous banana bread.

Well, they do.

But without

chocolate chips,

because actions

have consequences.

[Noah] Hey, Parker.

Would you like to join

the Noah Lambert

before I'm too busy

being famous

and appearing at the occasional

celebrity golf tournament?

Dino Camp Diaries: Part One

is k*lling it in theaters.

He just got offered

two new movies.

What?

That's awesome.

No auditions

required,

which is lucky 'cause

that's where he loses

most of his jobs.

She's not wrong.

You're gonna be

in two movies?

I can't wait to call home

and tell my parents.

They'd love hearing

about your successes.

It really pulls focus

from my failures.

The only thing is,

both films sh**t

at the same time,

so I can only pick one.

But I can't decide.

So could you guys

read them

and tell me

which one you like?

-Of course.

-Are you kidding?

Great! I would love

to get the advice

of my girlfriend

and my best friend.

[both] Stop playing

with puppets.

I meant

about the scripts.

Here you go, Winnie.

I made summer camp

year books for everyone.

There's a bunch of pictures

of you in there.

Cool!

Wait, why am I asleep in

all of them?

It was the only time

you weren't

holding expl*sives.

Bill, here's your

yearbook.

Check it out.

There's a superlatives page.

What are superlatives?

They're those

awards we voted on,

Parker got Most Dancy,

Ken got Most Boast,

and Lou got

Most Likely to Succeed...

At Befriending a Cow.

That last one's

kind of a mislead.

Did you get one?

Most Humble, which is why

it's hard for me

to say how much

I truly deserved it.

I got "Most Changed"?

This is terrible.

You think that's terrible?

I look like a sweet,

little unarmed angel.

I disgust me.

So, did you read

both my movie scripts?

Oh, yeah.

They were so good.

Totally, I couldn't

put them down.

Seriously. I neglected a lot

of my work today.

Well, I can

only pick one.

So, what movie do you both think

I should do?

-Essence of Edgar.

-Planet Skull!

Planet Skull?

You want Noah

to star in that

mindless big budget

alien trash?

At least it's not

a lame art house

wanna be like

Essence of Edgar.

What's that even mean?

No one in the movie

is named Edgar.

We're all Edgar.

Sorry they didn't spoon feed you

the metaphor.

Mama doesn't

like metaphors.

Mama likes action!

I'm Mama.

Clearly, you both

feel very strongly

about the scripts

you like,

and I want to give

you an answer.

But I'm also

a people pleaser so...

[chuckles nervously]

Winnie, you are

in so much trouble.

Why?

I swear

I didn't want to

throw these

water balloons.

I just wanted to hold them

for a bit.

No, I mean this.

No way!

Are my ears really

that uneven?

Winnie, the Sheriff

says that

you released a herd of cattle

that destroyed Main Street.

She even found your hoodie

at the scene.

I did lose my hoodie

a couple days ago,

but I never went

near any cattle.

Between you and me,

I find udders off-putting.

If you really had

nothing to do with this,

then why are you

on this wanted poster?

No clue.

But can I keep this

for my scrapbook?

Winnie, this is serious.

I know, and I know

I've caused you

a lot of trouble

over the summer,

but I swear

I'm innocent.

I've learned a lot

about you, Winnie.

You might be

mischievous,

but you're honest.

I'll do my best

to find out

who really did this.

Great!

And while you're at it,

could you get someone

to take another pass

at this poster?

I look like

an asymmetrical wood nymph.

Thanks for signing

my yearbook, Miss O'Veal.

We've had some good times this

summer, didn't we, old friend?

[cow mooing]

Why do you keep

bringing that up?

I'm over it.

Destiny, there's been

a mistake with

my superlative.

"Most Changed"? Me?

That makes less

sense than...

You're getting a cow to sign

your yearbook.

Your superlative

wasn't a mistake,

But I haven't changed

at all this summer.

Sure you have.

You're wearing sneakers

instead of cowboy boots,

and I haven't seen you eat beans

for lunch all week.

That's only because

I learned boots can cause

lower back pain and legumes

are bad for digestion.

Wait, what am I saying?

Bill, it's okay.

Relax.

Relax?

That's how

I ended up in this

arch supported,

beanless mess

in the first place.

Bill, wait,

where are you going?

Don't you want

Shaquille O'Veal

to sign your yearbook?

Yep, he was right.

This is weird.

Oh! Sir Ecclesby.

I thought you left

on the last steam ship

to the Americas.

What brings you

to my humble abode?

Uh, I live here, man.

You reside

in the country?

During the season?

Oh, it is to laugh.

[laughs mockingly]

Oh...That's right.

Ecclesby is one of the

many characters not named

Edgar in Essence of Edgar.

Yes, someone finally willing to

do scene work with me!

I leapt from the steam ship

and swam back to shore

once I realized the diamonds

in my luggage

were counterfeit.

And you believe that

to be me?

How dare you

accuse someone

with such a short coat

and a long vest?

I know you switched them

and absconded

with my family fortune.

Prepare to

defend yourself!

I'm supposed to have a sword

for this part of the scene.

-That's a pool noodle.

-Oh, thanks. [chuckles]

En garde!

What are you guys

doing in here?

Although I guess

I should be happy

it's not puppets.

This man is a fraud,

and I challenged him

to a duel!

You tell

false truths, Ecclesby.

That is why your wife

ran away with the butler.

Hey, too soon.

Wait, are you guys acting out

that boring script

that Parker likes?

Actually, it's not

boring at all.

After doing the scene,

I think I might want

to do this movie.

I am Ecclesby!

No!

You should know that

in slaying me,

you've also slain

your own brother.

[coughs]

[coughs] This script

is trash.

How are you not

on the verge of tears?

Noah's performance

was sublime.

[yelps]

Ashes to ashes...

Edgar to Edgar.

Okay, maybe

he's milking it.

Hey, get back in there.

You're supposed

to be hiding.

I wouldn't have to

if you'd just get on

that invisibility suit

you keep promising

to make.

You're right.

That's on me.

Sheriff's coming!

Hide!

Ah! The unwittingly helpful

young man from earlier.

Tell me, where's Winnie?

Uh, that can be a tough question

to answer

if you believe

in the multiverse.

Mustang cabin, isn't that where

you said Winnie lives?

Curse Lou and her

cabin labeling policy.

No one's here.

I guess we can...

[door creaking]

Ha! I got you now.

Hello, I'm Destiny Baker.

Rodeo queen camp counselor

and not Winnie.

Tiaras, glitter,

the environment.

I'm competitive.

This is unbelievable!

Rodeo queen

Destiny Baker?

I'm a huge fan.

I really

rooted for you

because of your beauty pageant

background.

Any chance you

do one of your

classic routines?

You mean twirl

the shiny stick thingy?

Of course I can

or my name isn't

Destiny Middlename Baker.

But you don't know how to twirl

the shiny stick thingy.

How hard can it be?

Twirl a stick, poke a dead

rabbit with a stick.

What is the difference?

How about

a little of this?

Or a little of that?

And now for the big finish...

[thuds]

Ta-da?

This is my fault.

I put people on pedestals.

Oh!

Hey, it's Cowboy Bill.

Look at you, just sitting there,

all stuck in your ways.

I'm no cowboy.

Check out all these

pictures of me in here

doing non-cowboy things.

Me baking a cake,

me doing yoga and me...

I can barely say it.

Skipping!

Oh, look, here's one of you

riding a horse.

That's a cowboy thing.

You see that blanket

under the saddle?

I crocheted that.

You did?

It's really pretty.

[gasps]

I mean, some of the needlework

is a little sloppy.

No, it's not. It's perfect

and you know it.

I even wrote about it

in my diary.

Yes, I have

a diary now.

Okay. Since you're doing

Essence of Edgar,

let's work on your

Best Actor acceptance speech.

Should we start by thanking me

or end with it?

You know what?

Let's just hit it twice.

Yeah, that feels right.

[creature growling]

Wait, did you hear

that noise?

It's probably just

some siding coming loose.

This place is basically held

together with melted cheese.

I just saw something

go by the window

and it did not

look human.

Okay, maybe it's just Caleb

from Mongoose Cabin.

I mean, puberty has hit

that boy hard.

It wasn't Caleb.

It was...

[thudding]

Whatever is up on the roof

right now.

Okay, now I'm scared.

What do we do?

We have to make

a break for it.

To warn the campers?

Don't be a fool.

They're done for!

[screaming]

I'm taking you to

Planet Skull!

Planet Skull

is a real place?

The Canadian school system

has failed me.

Hey, guys.

Megan, what are

you doing?

Showing you

how fun this move is.

And also tapping

into my dark side.

I saw my life flash

before my eyes.

Most of it took place

in dope track suits

and sick shoes.

I'm way too cool to leave this

world so soon.

I've got to say,

after seeing this,

I think I might want

to do this movie.

But you said you wanted

to do my movie.

Well, now he's

doing my movie!

Noah, tell him.

Stop making me choose

between my best friend

and my girlfriend.

You know what?

I'm not doing

either movie.

Is this safe

to walk through?

I hope so.

I feel terrible.

Me too.

Times like these make you

realize that

we all have a little

Essence of Edgar in us.

Do they, though?

No idea. Honestly,

that script is way

over my head.

Hey, Jake.

Where's Winnie?

We had a close call

with the Sheriff yesterday,

so now we made sure

that no one can find her.

Is she the -year-old girl

in the chair with

the mustache and monocle?

Dang it! This is why

I wanted her to wear

two monocles.

[gasps] Lou, you're back.

Please tell me you found

something about

who actually cut the fence and

released the stampede.

I looked all over

the corral for clues,

but I couldn't find anything.

I'll just had to plead

your case with the Sheriff

and hope for the best.

Can't hide out

like this forever.

People will start

to wonder why

an old timey oil baron

goes to camp.

Did you say someone cut through

a fence to release the cattle?

Yeah.

Someone who used wire cutters

instead of a blowtorch.

Because the real culprit

lacks my panache.

Then I think I know who caused

the stampede.

Me.

You?

Here, you need this

more than I do.

Okay.

Explain why you committed

the Dusty Tush

crime of the century,

and why you did it

without me.

I didn't even know

I was committing a crime.

I was just out

on a hike

and I found a deer

stuck in the fence.

You went

on a hike alone?

Well, I thought I was hiking

with a friend

who did make

an invisibility suit,

but turned out

he wasn't invisible.

He just wasn't there.

Let's get back

to the deer.

I cut a hole in the fence

to free him.

The real crime

is he didn't say thank you.

Wait, then how did

the Sheriff find my

hoodie there.

I borrowed it,

remember?

It was unseasonably cold.

And you know how I get chilly

in the morning.

And then you

left it there?

You know how I get hot

in the afternoon.

Oh man, I'm in

so much trouble.

I've never been

in trouble like this.

Don't worry.

I have.

These are go bags

I stashed for a situation

just like this.

I always knew

this day would come.

Why do you

have two?

The question you should

be asking yourself is,

"How fast can I

learn Portuguese?"

Come on.

Was that the Sheriff?

Yeah, but I don't think

she saw me.

[Sheriff Lawless] Wild Winnie

Webber, I know you're in there.

Yeah. I'm starting

to think she saw you.

Hey, Bill.

Whatcha doin'?

Giving up. I guess I am

a changed man after all.

The shadow

of my former self.

Bill, can I just ask,

why are you so afraid

of changing?

Well, I came

to Kikiwaka Ranch

to become

a better cowboy.

Being voted "Most Changed"

makes me feel like

I'm even less

of a cowboy

than I was at the start

of summer.

You're the best cowboy

I know, Bill.

And you may have

branched out lately,

but deep down,

you're still the same you.

-I am?

-Yeah.

Who else could

hogtie Jake

so he doesn't

scratch his scabs?

He leaves me no choice.

He keeps taking off the cone.

The point is,

you've grown,

and that's what camp

is all about.

I guess you're right.

Thanks, Destiny,

you're a great counselor.

I know.

I've grown into someone

who can solve

a camper's problem

with one hand

tied behind my back.

Oh, you gave yourself

"Most Humble",

didn't you?

Yes, I did do that.

Hey, Noah.

Um, we're really sorry

about yesterday.

By making you feel like you were

choosing between us,

we've put you

in an impossible situation.

Thanks.

I appreciate

both of your passion,

but it's been a little much.

Yeah, we were both being

a couple of real Edgars.

I think. That movie

has so many layers.

We were just so excited

for the next step

in your career.

But whatever movie

you want to do

is fine with us.

I'm actually

not doing either one.

Good. Your next movie

should be all about you.

Essence of Noah.

Nope, never mind.

That's the name

of your future cologne.

No, I just got a call

from the producers

of Dino Camp Diaries:

Part One

and I'm contractually obligated

to do the sequel,

which sh**t at the same time

as those other movies.

Wait, wasn't your

character eaten by a dinosaur

in the last one?

Yep, this time I'll be playing

the twin brother of my

shift character

who shows up to exact revenge

on the dinosaur who ate me.

Wow, that sounds so much worse

than the movies we liked.

Oh yeah, totally.

This is absolutely

worst case scenario.

[Sheriff Lawless] Come on,

Winnie. Let's get this over

with quickly.

I just put some banana bread

in the oven,

which was admittedly

bad timing on my part.

That's it.

I have to confess.

No way.

I can't let you do that.

Well, I'm guilty,

and I'll never

learn Portuguese.

You know how I struggle

with the Western

romance languages.

Jake, I'm taking the blame

for you, okay?

I'm already

a known troublemaker,

and your rep

is totally clean.

I'm not letting you

ruin your life.

You're too good a friend.

Just promise to take care

of my weapons.

Thanks, Winnie,

but I'm turning myself in,

and there's nothing

you can do about it.

Okay, maybe that.

Sorry, but this is

for your own good.

Winnie, no!

There you are.

Look, Winnie didn't do this

and we can prove it.

We just need

more time and proof.

Actually, Lou,

I did do it.

What are you

talking about?

I guess I'm just

a problem child

who wants to see

the world burn.

And who leaves a trail

of distinctive outerwear

in her wake.

I don't believe you.

I know you too well.

And you weren't lying when you

said you didn't do it earlier.

Something else

is going on here.

[Jake] Stop!

I did it.

There it is.

Winnie's innocent.

No, I'm not.

I'm Wild Winnie Webber.

I'm an incorrigible scamp with a

heart of darkness.

It's all my fault

the cattle got out.

I destroyed the fence

and this.

I'm on a crime spree.

Jake, you cut

the fence? Why?

To help a deer

that got stuck.

I never meant for the town

to get destroyed.

I'm so, so sorry.

Well, it looks like I finally

got what I came for.

A sincere apology.

Thank you kindly.

Uh, come again?

I was never gonna drag a kid

to the slammer.

We're just mighty big on manners

around these parts.

And you're welcome

for that helpful info.

Does this mean Winnie handcuffed

me to a door

for nothing, again?

Well, I think

we all learned something

very valuable today.

We sure did.

You can get away with anything

in this town

just by saying sorry!

No, no, no,

no, no, no.

That is absolutely the wrong

takeaway here, Winnie.

So, is the new

Dino Camp Diaries movie

as bad as you thought?

Not at all.

It's a thousand times worse.

In act two,

I ride a T-Rex.

That sounds super cool.

Into space.

Well, at least

the dinosaurs

don't talk.

[chuckles]

They do?

Hey, Destiny,

I signed your yearbook.

You did?

"Thanks for always

being there for me.

That's one thing

I know will

never change."

Oh, Bill!

I meant every word.

And you wrote it

with your

calligraphy pen.

Lower your voice.

[Lou] It's s'more time.

Howdy! I thought

I'd find y'all here.

At the camp Lou owns

and we all stay at?

Man, she is good.

Hey, Sheriff, care to to join us

for campfire?

Sorry, I'm here

on official business.

I actually have the final

numbers on the damage

caused by the stampede.

And since

you're the one in charge,

you're gonna have

to pony up

that much dough.

I don't have

this much money.

Oh, that's not a problem.

Oh, great. Because I can

just apologize.

Oh, well,

in that case,

I am also sorry for stealing

electricity all summer.

I meant if you can't pay,

the town will just put your

ranch up for auction instead.

Which, I guess,

is a problem.

I'm just gonna

remove myself

from the awkward situation

that I've created.

Y'all take care now.

Bye-bye.

I can't believe it.

I'm gonna lose

Kikiwaka Ranch.

[sad music playing]

[theme music playing]