♪ I saw you dancin' out the ocean ♪
♪ Runnin' fast along the sand ♪
♪ A spirit born of Earth and water ♪
♪ Fire flying from your hands ♪
♪ Oh ♪
♪ Hold me closer, tiny dancer ♪
♪ Ooh ♪
♪ Count the headlights on the highway ♪
♪ Lay me down in sheets of linen ♪
♪ Ooh ♪
♪ You had a busy day today ♪
♪ Oh ♪
♪ Hold me closer ♪
♪ Hold me closer, hold me closer ♪
♪ Hold me closer ♪
♪ Hold me closer ♪
♪ There are caravans to follow ♪
♪ Drunken nights in dark hotels, baby ♪
♪ Yeah ♪
♪ When chances breathe
between the silence ♪
♪ Where sex and love no longer gel ♪
♪ Ohh ♪
♪ Hold me closer ♪
♪ Hold me closer, baby, baby ♪
♪ Hold me closer ♪
♪ Hold me closer, ooh, yeah ♪
♪ Hold me closer ♪
♪ Hold me closer ♪
♪ Hold me closer, me closer ♪
♪ Me closer, hold me closer ♪
[CHEF ON LAPTOP]: All you
need is salt and pepper
because a great piece of meat
like this should taste of meat
and really not a whole lot else.
So, I thought we would make some...
CARRIE: Why do you like cooking shows?
- No idea.
- Do you cook?
- Nope.
- Hm.
CHEF: We start with a russet potato.
Just watch the shows.
- Yep.
- [CARRIE CHUCKLES]
What about you? Do you cook?
Um... I always think I'm going to,
- but I never really do, no.
- Ah.
A little piece of salmon here and there.
You know, that's about it.
Well, salmon's something.
- It is. Thank you for that.
- Mm-hmm.
Salmon hard to cook?
- Brutal.
- Yeah... Looks it.
Many years ago, I thought
I would start poaching eggs.
I liked the idea...
of eating them in the morning
on little toast points.
- Like royalty, you know, but...
- [FRANKLYN CHUCKLES]
yeah.
- Didn't follow through.
- Why?
You know, I was ,
- too busy to slow my roll for a three-minute egg.
- Ah, ah.
- Well, I support that poached egg dream.
- [CARRIE CHUCKLES]
It's not too late.
I mean, you got the three minutes.
- I do.
- Uh-huh.
CARRIE: Come on, baby.
Ooh.
And here we go.
[PHONE RINGING]
Good morning!
Did you get the caviar I sent you?
God, I get so much caviar sent to me,
I don't know which is yours.
The expensive one.
Oh, then I got it. Totally unnecessary.
Oh, I disagree, babe.
It is not every day
someone makes you their plus-one
to the Met Ball.
I mean, all those years,
I've resented those
chic b*tches just
posing on those stairs.
And now... I'm gonna be one of them.
Oh, Seema, those stairs
are only for celebrities.
Real people like us have
a different entrance.
I don't care if I have to
squeeze in through a doggie door,
it's the Met Ball and I'm going!
But who am I wearing?
You're wearing that young, new designer,
LTW's in custom Valentino,
so I'm sure Charlotte will "bring it."
- [DOOR BUZZING]
- Oh, can you hold on a second?
I'd call Tom Ford, but I
sold his apartment last year
and did not get his asking.
- Hello?
- [CHARLOTTE OVER INTERCOM]: It's Charlotte.
Oh, hi. Come, come on up.
Uh, listen, I gotta go, okay?
SEEMA: I'm just so excited.
- CARRIE: Buh-bye.
- Okay, I'm outta here.
Oh, don't you want an egg?
- No time.
- Right... 'cause I ruined the first two.
- Hang in there.
- [KNOCKING AT DOOR]
Ah. Oh, that's, um, that's
my friend, Charlotte.
I don't know why she's here.
- You wanna open the door and find out?
- Oh, right.
[BOTH CHUCKLING]
Hi! Is it too early? I just got
my sketch on my Met Ball dress.
[GASPS] Oh.
Uh, Charlotte Goldenblatt,
this is Franklyn Silvias,
he's just leaving.
Franklyn, this is Charlotte.
She's just arriving.
And I'm Carrie Bradshaw.
I'll be your host and emcee
- for about the next seconds.
- [FRANKLYN CHUCKLES]
- And who's this?
- Oh, uh, this is Richard Burton.
I had to carry him up the stairs
because bulldogs have weak hind legs.
Oh, but great faces. [CHUCKLES]
- I'll see you Thursday at work.
- Yeah, Thursday.
- All right, bye.
- Okay. Bye.
- [DOOR CLOSES]
- Who?
He's my podcast producer.
- What?!
- Do you wanna put Mr. Burton down?
- Who?!
- Your dog.
Here, have a seat. I'm making
poached eggs with caviar.
- What?!
- Yep. I've repurposed my kitchen.
Did you know that stoves
aren't just for storage?
- [TIMER DINGING]
- Oh, my God. Look at that!
I just saw the final cut,
but let's start the montage
with the judicial OG
Constance Baker Motley. Yeah.
Mama, listen to me
recite my French poem.
I gotta go, Alice. Poetry emergency.
I'll send the file with my Act One
edits before I leave. Okay, bye.
Vas-y.
GABRIELLE: La Cigale et la Fourmi
par Jean de La fontaine.
- HERBERT JR.: Ma!
- La Cigale ayant chanté...
Hey, Ma, where's my lacrosse stick?
Hall closet on the left side.
- Did you brush your teeth?
- Yeah.
- Breath?
- [HERBERT JR. EXHALES]
Good.
Tout l'été, elle se
trouva bien dépourvue...
Mom, you never signed my permission slip
for the robotics competition.
I sent it in yesterday.
- Did you brush your teeth?
- Yeah.
- Breath?
- [EXHALES]
- Good.
- Quand la bise fut venue...
- HERBERT: Honey?
- Yes?
Did my Morehouse tie make
it home from the cleaners?
LISA TODD WEXLEY: I don't
know. Why don't you ask
the other ties in your closet?
[LAUGHS] Sarcasm for breakfast.
Well, it's lunchtime for me.
I've been up since
four working on my edit.
I know you have...
but I missed you this morning.
- Mm.
- Mm, I missed you yesterday morning.
- Did you miss me?
- So much.
But right now, I have
to send this email,
get the children to
school, head downtown...
and dazzle the Walker Foundation
to get this other
grand to finish my doc.
Oh, but other than that,
it is all about missing you.
Okay? And your missing tie.
Okay. You're working too hard.
Why don't you cancel this meeting
and let me write you a check?
Well, that is a very generous offer,
but considering I am a grown
woman with an MFA in film
and two docs under my belt,
I think I can rely on myself
to secure the financing.
- Loud and clear.
- And later this evening,
it will be louder and clearer.
Let's go, Gabrielle.
Au revoir, big, swinging checkbook.
[CHUCKLES]
Okay, go ahead.
We, uh, we kissed in the elevator...
- Mm-hmm.
- ... three weeks ago at work
and wound up back at my place.
- I am so, so happy for you, Carrie.
- [CARRIE LAUGHS]
- Why didn't you tell me?
- I didn't tell anyone.
And don't do the Charlotte thing.
Don't make us into a happy couple.
It's sex, a cooking show,
a sleepover every Thursday,
and it's great. The end.
Okay. How big is his d*ck?
I'm not allowed to be me,
so I'm gonna be Samantha.
- Okay, wait. Now I'm gonna be Miranda.
- Oh-oh.
- Uh-oh. Okay.
- If you sleep with someone at work,
you are giving away your power.
Mm... I miss Charlotte.
If you see her, will you
tell her that I miss her?
[LAUGHS] Yes. I'm just surprised.
- I mean, it's just kind of unexpected.
- Mm-hmm.
Well, you know what?
Life's too short not
to try something new.
- Like poaching an egg.
- Mm!
- [FACETIME RINGING]
- [GASPS]
Hey!
Hey! How's it goin'?
[MIRANDA ON PHONE]: Best getaway ever.
The sun, the sex, the
toasted chili salsa.
- I feel so alive.
- [NYA ON PHONE]: Really?
'Cause it looks like
you're just standin' around
in your underwear in a weird-ass room.
Best standing in my underwear
in a weird-ass room ever!
Che got stuck in a costume
fitting for their TV pilot,
so I'm taking their sensory
deprivation t*nk appointment.
That doesn't sound like you.
It's the new me. Best me ever!
NYA: Well, I'm still the old
me, sitting on my couch at night
watching "Bridgerton"
knockoffs, waiting for a FaceTime
from my estranged husband on tour.
Well, that's gotta stop now.
Get out of the house.
- Take yourself to dinner.
- I tried that, Miranda.
It's exhausting explaining
to curious waiters
why their favorite married couple
isn't splitting their
usual cacio e pepe.
Then go somewhere where they
don't know you and Andre Rashad.
Will the B Train take me to ?
'Cause we've been together forever.
All right, I'm done
supporting this pity party
for a brilliant, tenured
Ivy League professor.
If I can float in the
dark in a saline solution,
you can take yourself
out to dinner alone.
NYA: Well, I gotta do somethin'.
I took this online
yoga class this morning
and this yoga instructor told
us to open up and let it flow,
and I yelled out, "f*ck
you, Andre Rashad!"
- [LAUGHS]
- I thought I was muted. I wasn't.
I'm no longer welcome
at Brown Yogis United.
And for the stand-up section,
let's drive this around the block.
- Okay. [CLEARS THROAT]
- BIZ: There we go.
- Left arm.
- [CHE CLEARS THROAT]
BIZ: What do you think?
[SILLY CARTOON VOICE]
Hey, America! I'm non-binary!
[SIGHS] Got it.
Thanks.
I appreciate that.
Um, [CLEARS THROAT] I kinda like
the idea of pulling it all back.
Maybe just, I don't
know, jeans and a t-shirt.
Jeans aren't very forgiving up top,
and you, you need a jacket.
It doesn't have to be this one.
But look at how major it is
with the blue stripe in the hair.
Why does my hair look like that?
Hey, where's my star?
- They don't like the hair.
- Hey.
Really? ABC loves the look.
Well, it looks hot on you, BD,
but, I mean, I don't have a blue stripe,
and the character's name is Che, um,
the show's called "Che Pasa," right?
- It's, it's me.
- No, of course, it is.
It's just 'cause, you
know, I'm the writer,
so I thought it'd be,
like, a fun, little bridge
between you and, and me.
With all due respect,
BD... it's a bridge too far.
They want to just wear a t-shirt.
So, no jacket?
[CHE SIGHS]
[EXHALES]
Oh, my eye.
Ow.
Oww.
Ugh.
Ow.
Ow.
[GROANING]
Where's that... light?
[WATER SPLASHING]
[GRUNTING]
[GRUNTS]
Ow.
[SIGHS]
Oh, f*ck the new me! Jesus. [GROANS]
- Want some?
- Is there a flavor?
- Lollipop.
- Lollipop.
- Ooh, I'll get that.
- No, no, no.
Carrie Bradshaw, it's on me.
And it's not even a fake
reach like all the other times.
- Are you sure?
- Just don't make fun of my credit card.
- It's blue.
- [CARRIE LAUGHING]
It's the least I can do.
I mean, you're letting my wife
design your fancy-ass dress.
- Okay...
- It's a big break for Smoke.
No, no, no. This is not a favor, okay?
No wife of yours, no matter
how much I love you...
would ever be designing my dress
if I didn't think she
was a crazy massive talent
who I want to wear first.
- Aw, you're gonna make me cry.
- [CHUCKLES]
Smurf National Bank.
[CHUCKLING SCOFF]
Hey, so, can you score two
more tickets for Smoke and me?
Jackie, this isn't a
Phish concert, okay?
- It's the Met Ball.
- Come on. We're cool.
I mean, she's Black, and I do
a podcast from my living room.
[LAUGHING]
To be clear, Herbert
saying, "You work too hard.
Let me write you a check,"
translates to, "Be there
for my morning cuddle
and help me find my favorite tie."
Oh, I know. Harry's all like,
"Get out there, babe!
You do everything,"
until one morning, he doesn't
have his everything bagel.
And then it's like, "This
house is falling apart!"
Hey, I'm really enjoying listening
to your podcast "Rich
People's Problems!"
You know, you're lucky I'm
loaded with pins and can't move
'cause you don't want
me to come over there.
Lisa, where's your hot
designer, Pierre Paolo?
- I want a selfie with him.
- [PHONE RINGING]
Anthony.
- What?
- LISA: Is everything all right?
You are my date at Lisa's table.
You are not gonna embarrass
me by asking for selfies
with celebrities at the Met.
Like I was the one that
chased Justin Bieber
- down that hallway.
- It was for the kids!
Okay. My nanny has the stomach
flu and can't pick up Gabrielle.
- CHARLOTTE: Oh no!
- Ina, I am so sorry.
I promise I won't mess
up any of your hard work.
Just tell him he can make
the train as long as he wants.
- Bye.
- [PHONE RINGING]
Hi, Gabby, it's Mommy. I'm on my way!
- Love the boobage.
- [GASPS] Oh, thank you.
- Wait 'til you see the rest.
- Mm. Mm.
- What are you gonna wear?
- A tux.
- Just a tux? The theme is "Veiled Beauty."
- Well, I'm a veiled thr*at.
Just ask anyone.
I'm so excited. The Met Ball.
God, I love balls.
[PLAYING CLASSICAL MUSIC]
Okay... Dinner is gonna be
a little bit late tonight
because after my fitting,
I had to go with your Uncle
Anthony to get his tux.
Mom, you've got a big problem.
Like, giant. Enormous. So big.
Rock, stop scaring me. What is it?
Okay.
Dad thinks he's going
with you to the Met.
What? Why would he think that?
No. Your daddy hates these kinda things.
Well, he just came home all
excited about his outfit.
What outfit?
Cheerio, old chaps!
- [HARRY LAUGHS]
- Honey, where'd you get that hat?
It matches yours, right? Am I right?
- Eh...
- After I saw your outfit,
I went to this guy on Madison Avenue,
and he is hookin' me up.
I mean, it's the Met Ball,
I can't just wear a plain, old tux.
I-I-I'm just surprised.
Y-You're so excited.
I never went to my prom, you know,
'cause I had Epstein-Barr
that whole year.
- Right, right.
- I'm really lookin' forward to it!
- You, me, Rihanna.
- Oh! You, me, and Rihanna.
Yeah!
- [CHARLOTTE MUMBLES]
- [LILY CHUCKLES]
- Next voicemail, Franklyn, please.
- Comin' at ya.
This is Chase.
[CHASE ON VOICEMAIL]: Hi, Carrie.
I'm seeing this guy and
we're having great sex,
but it's casual so far.
- Hm.
- How do I know if he'd be open
to taking it to more
of a relationship place?
Okay, bye.
First of all, Relationship Place
is a great name for a restaurant.
Okay. I think, and, uh,
certainly, I'm no expert,
but... if he'd like to go there,
there will be a moment...
when he sort of steps out of the
pattern you are currently both in
and signals to you
that he thinks this relationship
is more than just sex.
Anyway, that's what I think.
I hope that's helpful, listeners.
Uh, 'kay, uh, who's next?
Hey.
[INDISTINCT CHATTER]
- FRANKLYN: Great show.
- Yeah. Back at ya.
Oh, and, a buddy of mine is
christening his new bourbon
line at a rooftop party
with some friends Tuesday night.
Might be fun. How 'bout it?
Oh, um, [CHUCKLES] sure.
Cool.
[DOOR CLOSES]
I mean... is... is, is this
a strap-on or a cat toy?
[LAUGHS] Can we move this along?
I've got a set at The
Comedy Store at nine.
This is a lot of work for something
that I don't even know if I'm
philosophically or spiritually into.
- Oh, please, you scream, "Gimme a d*ck."
- [MIRANDA SCOFFS]
Didn't they have a beginner model?
- I'm not a beginner.
- Oh!
[PHONE RINGING]
Okay. You've got at least
more minutes of heavy lifting.
I'm gonna take this. It's Carrie.
Backstage Cirque du Soleil, this is Che.
- [CARRIE CHUCKLES]
- [MIRANDA THROUGH PHONE]: Say hi for me!
[CHUCKLES] Miranda says hi.
Oh, tell her I said
hi. What's she up to?
Oh, trying to figure out a strap-on.
- I withdraw the question.
- [LAUGHS]
So, hey, how are you?
Curious. What's Franklyn like?
CHE: My Franklyn?
He's... a chill dude.
- CARRIE: How chill?
- CHE: Why?
I'm about to take your
and my relationship
to a very personal place.
I just told you Miranda's
strappin' on a d*ck.
We're there.
Put her on speaker.
Oh, she wants me to put you on speaker.
- Put her on speaker.
- Okay, all right.
Okay... I'm sleeping with Franklyn.
- MIRANDA: Who's Franklyn?
- Her podcast producer.
Carrie, if you sleep with someone
at work, you lose your power.
Take her off speaker.
You're out. Mm, get back to it.
All right, all right.
[SIGHS] So, you and
Franklyn. I saw that coming.
I didn't. Out of nowhere,
we kissed in the elevator,
and now we have sex every
Thursday after the podcast.
- Nice!
- CARRIE: No, it was until today.
He invited me to a roof
party with his friends...
- and I said yes.
- And that's a bad thing?
I don't wanna take this to the roof.
In fact, I don't wanna take
this to any other level.
I like this level. Thursday
sex after the podcast.
Right, so... why did you
say yes to his invite?
I'm pathologically polite.
Okay, but... some relationships
are just about sex.
And that's the, that's
the primary dynamic,
which, which is awesome,
but then you have to
keep it in the bedroom
- and...
- And not the roof, right.
So, back to the original question,
Franklyn, what's he
like? Is he really chill
or is he gonna get, like, you know...
all emotional when I tell him
I only want Thursdays with him?
Carrie, truthfully, under
all that chill, he's a dude...
so... I have no idea
what's up in that man head.
All right. Thank you, then. Good night.
- CHE: Good night.
- [CHUCKLES]
Okay. [EXHALES]
Hey! What happened to penis-palooza?
Nah. Show's over.
- Aww.
- I'm on Open Table.
How about we get outta here,
grab some dinner, and
I come see your set?
Um, I'm still workin'
out my new material.
- Oh.
- Well, maybe, maybe tomorrow night?
- Definitely tomorrow night.
- See?
- d*ck implied.
- [MIRANDA LAUGHS]
Good morning.
My son will be in town
for one day next week.
I want you to meet him.
Really?
I'd like that.
So, lunch Monday.
This Monday?
Does it really come down to this?
The man or the Met?
Is the universe really that cruel?
Yes. The universe is a bitch.
[ALL CHUCKLING]
[GASPS] Oh, thank you.
My purse was exhausted.
- There you are.
- Well, you know,
you said you wanted your
relationship to move forward, right?
Yes, but this is like
a sudden lurch forward.
I've never even been
to his place. My choice.
But meeting his son will
definitely get you closer.
I'd be meeting his son and his ex-wife.
She's invited, too, so I'll get to see
how close we'll stay after our divorce.
- So, you can't do both?
- SEEMA: Oh, it's a European lunch.
It could take a month. I
mean, if I go to the Met,
I'd have to be home with
my glam squad by :.
I need a month. - You need two minutes.
- f*ck, I can't come.
- [CARRIE GROANS]
- There's just too much on the table.
I'm sorry, Carrie. Now, you
won't have someone gorgeous
to go to the Met Ball with.
What about that gorgeous booty
call guy Charlotte told me about?
I never said booty call.
- You have a booty call?
- It's not a booty call. We work together.
So, it's an actionable booty call?
She isn't ready to let someone
in in a significant way.
Where'd you get that from?
That's your response?
Your... [SMALL SQUEAKS]
Okay. I... Sorry. What
is happening with you?
Uh, I am having, um, "exit out
of grief sex" every Thursday
with a very nice man.
He is nice, yes.
Then, he asked me to
go out with his friends
on a Tuesday, and I felt
like I had to say yes.
- Just don't go.
- O-O-Oh, okay. How?
How do I tell him I don't
wanna go out on Tuesday
without seeming like a
"See ya next Tuesday"?
You're overthinking this.
Men aren't that emotional.
Just tell him you changed
your mind. He'll handle it.
- Okay.
- Last week, I was down on my knees
blowin' this cute nurse practitioner,
and I feel a tap, tap, tap on my head.
I look up and he says he
thought he was gonna be into it,
- but he changed his mind.
- Oh, my God.
- What did you do next?
- No "oh, my God," no "drama."
I took it like a man.
I got up, got dressed,
went home, ate a box of
Fiddle Faddle and I'm fine.
[ALL CHUCKLING]
Well... tap, tap, tap.
What does that mean?
It means that due to circumstances
beyond my control,
I have to take Harry to
the Met Ball instead of you.
- What?!
- He already bought a top hat,
and he never got to go to his prom
because he had Epstein-Barr.
So?! I had Lyme disease for five months.
Did I throw you from a speeding car?
- No!
- But we're married.
I can't take my best gay
friend over my husband.
Oh, okay. I didn't know you
were on the Supreme Court.
All right, simmer down, simmer down.
You can be my plus-one.
See?! Yes! Yes! You can go with Carrie.
Well...
- I'll consider it.
- Oh, thank you.
[MELLOW MUSIC PLAYING]
[INDISTINCT CHATTER]
Bartender, I'll have what she's reading.
Such focus.
- Must be absorbing.
- Well, Skip Gates always is,
um, but since I'm on my
second glass of Malbec,
I'm having a hard time concentrating.
Well, you're finding your
roots over a glass of wine.
- That's, that's a challenge.
- [BOTH LAUGHING]
- How was your dinner?
- It was wonderful.
I'd love to join you
for dessert, but, uh...
But?
You're using your purse as a rampart.
Oh, [LAUGHS] okay.
- It's alright. I think there's a hook here somewhere.
- I'll put it right here.
There you go.
- I'm Toussaint.
- Yes, you are. [CHUCKLES]
- I'm Nya.
- Nya.
Beautiful name.
Have you tried the molten
chocolate cake here?
It will make you see the face of God.
I believe it will.
And I do love chocolate,
- but, uh...
- Hmm.
I'm on kind of a diet.
Oh... I didn't know you
had to give up chocolate
once you got married.
- You do.
- Really?
- No wonder I'm still single.
- [NYA LAUGHS]
I was too busy looking
in these deep brown eyes.
I didn't clock the ring.
My apologies.
I will make sure your,
uh, fortress is secure.
Nice to meet you, Nya.
♪ ♪
BARTENDER: You good, ma'am?
I'll have another Malbec.
- [AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
- Ah, man.
I am so lazy in LA.
No one walks anywhere.
You know? It's like
yesterday I took an Uber
- from my bathroom to my bedroom.
- [AUDIENCE LAUGHS]
Yeah. And it was way too expensive.
Um... [LAUGHS] and that is my time.
Thank you so much, everybody.
You've been so great. Thank you.
[CHEERING, WHISTLING]
- Hey, my man!
- Heeey!
Che Diaz, everybody! Che Diaz! Yeah!
Out here in LA filming their TV pilot.
- Hey, Che, any part for a white guy?
- [AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
[INDISTINCT CHATTER]
[MIRANDA EXHALES SHARPLY]
[SIGHS] You were so good!
Nope.
Don't, don't hug me.
What's wrong?
I just... You surprised me.
- I'm at work. [CHUCKLES]
- Oh.
You were so good.
["GIVE A LITTLE" BY
EGO ELLA MAY PLAYING]
- ♪ Yet I still end up on my arse ♪
- [FACETIME RINGING]
♪ But something's got to give a little ♪
[FACETIME BEEPING]
♪ Give a little ♪
- [PHONE LINE RINGING]
- [ANDRE RASHAD ON PHONE]: Hey.
Hey, Andre. Turn on your FaceTime.
ANDRE: We're talkin' now. We
don't need to FaceTime, babe.
No. No, we do.
I wanna FaceTime with you
'cause I wanna show you something
that's not my face. [CHUCKLES]
Turn it on! Turn it on now.
[CHUCKLES]
What's up? Isn't it late there?
I miss you, baby. Know
what else misses you?
Not my face.
[CHUCKLES]
I'm wearin' those panties you like.
You know, the ones with the clit beads?
Babe, no, don't put
the phone down there.
- I'ma put it down there, baby.
- Nya, stop!
Stop. I'm, I'm not alone.
What you mean you're not alone?
Who's there with you?
Show me who's there.
♪ Give a little, I know ♪
Who the hell is that in a hat?
It's not like that, Nye.
That's Heidi, a, a backup singer.
I'm helpin' her write songs.
Oh, you're helping Heidi-in-a-hat
write songs in your hotel room?!
We're just writing
songs, and it's : here.
We're fully dressed.
I wish I had known that we were allowed
to write songs with other people...
because tonight...
I had the chance to write a
song with a super fine man.
- It's not like that.
- Feels like it is!
And if right now was
a song I was writing...
it would be a breakup song.
So, goodbye, Andre Rashad
and Little Miss Hipster Heidi.
♪ ♪
♪ Yeah, something's
got to give a little ♪
f*ck around and find out.
- [KNOCKS ON DOOR]
- CARRIE: Coming!
- [JACKIE LAUGHING]
- Hello!
Here we are!
- That is a stunning kimono!
- Oh, thank you.
My, my friend Stanford
sent it to me from Japan.
Come in, come in! [GASPS, CHEERS]
- I...
- CARRIE: This is very exciting.
I'm not worried. We can do this.
Not worried about what? What can we do?
So, my seamstress has a stomach flu.
- Oh no.
- So I had to use a new seamstress...
- Oh.
- ... and she also got the stomach flu.
There's a seamstress stomach flu?
- It is all over the city.
- The seamstresses have the flu,
but I got lattes, y'all.
But the cape is totally done.
- Totally.
- So it's only the dress.
O-Okay, so what still needs
to be done on the dress?
All the final fit work.
Oh, my God.
- Dude, that's too small.
- I know that, bitch.
CARRIE: Um, now what?
Um... that new seamstress
totally f*cked this up...
- f*cked it up.
- ... but we have six hours.
I can open up the back.
- Yeah, take it off.
- Yeah, open it.
CARRIE: How?
[SEWING MACHINE WHIRRING]
[ANTICIPATORY MUSIC PLAYING]
Oh, my God.
Hey, can you check again?
Jackie, just sit the f*ck back down!
I told you not to come out here again!
Makes me nervous. Seriously?
My bad.
Weird.
I smell Franklyn from the old podcast.
That expensive man
perfume he wears sometimes.
Yeah, he left his jacket here.
But why would Franklyn's
jacket be in your bedroom?
Bruh, bruh, bruh, bruh, bruh.
Are you and Franklyn dating?
Is he your date to this thing?
That is so adorbs.
Said with no irony at all.
It's not adorbs. We're not dating.
We just hook up after the podcast.
So, you're not taking him to this?
No, it's not like that.
We're, um, we're not a couple.
Does he know that? 'Cause men are dumb.
It's just sex.
Carrie Bradshaw, the world has changed
since you've been out there, okay?
It's not alright to
objectify people anymore.
Men have feelings, too.
So, to sum it up...
men are dumb with feelings.
- Exactly.
- Gotcha.
Yeah.
- How's it going?
- I still have four hours. Yeah.
Yeah.
[SEWING MACHINE WHIRRING]
MIRANDA: Oh. The Colosseum.
Brady and Louisa look so cute.
[CHE SOFTLY RECITING LINES]
Um, I'm, I'm kind of learning my lines.
[SIGHS] [SOFTLY] You're acting like a...
[CONTINUES RECITING]
Something is different.
You don't want me to hold you lately.
Is there something
you're not telling me?
Yeah.
Okay. I, uh...
I have something that I've been...
afraid to tell you because of
how you'll feel about me after.
Um...
okay.
[CLICKS TONGUE]
I'm on a diet. [SIGHS]
What?
Um, the costume department said
[VOICE BREAKING] that my
belly hangs over my jeans...
and that's, that's why I
keep pushing your arms away.
I was afraid to tell you
'cause I don't want you
to think of me as this person.
f*ck!
God, after everything I've been through,
I let this bullshit still get to me.
[MELANCHOLY MUSIC PLAYING]
- [EXHALES]
- Can I hold you?
Mm-hmm.
[CHE SIGHS]
Can I tell you something
that I was afraid to tell you?
Mm-hmm.
I thought...
that you thought that our
relationship was just sexual...
and I made a mistake coming to LA
and taking it out of the bedroom.
No, it was about the jeans.
Che...
you are the most beautiful
person I have ever seen.
[CHE BREATHES DEEPLY]
- You know what?
- What?
I am the most beautiful
person you've ever seen.
[BOTH LAUGHING]
So, f*ck TV.
- [GASPS] Let's get a pizza.
- Yeah.
[CHE SIGHS]
- But thin crust, right?
- You bitch.
[BOTH LAUGHING]
Hey, it's Carrie. You got a minute?
FRANKLYN: Sure. What's up?
Well, in case you were worried, um...
you left your jacket here.
Oh, okay, well,
I'll pick it up when
I get you on Tuesday.
Also...
I... changed my mind about the
bourbon roof party on Tuesday.
Is it the bourbon or the roof?
It's the Tuesday.
I think I'm only ready
for Thursdays with us.
Got it. You're not ready to...
book a table at Relationship Place.
[CHUCKLES] Yeah.
But I'm really happy with the takeout.
If you're okay with that.
Thursdays it is.
Okay... Bye.
[DOOR BUZZING]
[COSMETOLOGIST THROUGH
INTERCOM]: It's us!
- That'd be hair and makeup.
- SMOKE: Mm.
CARRIE: How's it coming?
Um... do you have a Band-Aid? [CHUCKLES]
Uh-huh.
Oh, my God.
I can't even imagine the
headspace you have to get in
to go to work every day.
CYRIL: Yeah, my job
is a lot of pressure,
but then, so is yours, right?
Actually, I think real estate may be
a little more stressful, Cyril.
You only risk your life
deactivating expl*sives,
whereas I have to take pretentious
New Yorkers out to lunch.
[ALL CHUCKLING]
- Big sh*t and I are going for a smoke.
- CYRIL: Mm-hmm.
ZED: Victoire, get the check,
and then we'll go to
Brooklyn for baklavas.
CYRIL: Mm-hmm.
[ZED SPEAKING FOREIGN LANGUAGE]
- I'm not a fan of baklava or Brooklyn.
- [BOTH CHUCKLING]
So, Victoire... when is the
last time you saw each other?
This morning, at home.
No, sorry. I meant Zed.
- Yes, this morning at home.
- SERVER: Whenever you're ready.
He's still living in my house.
Oh.
["DOUBLE BACK" BY COCO JONES PLAYING]
- [PHONE RINGING]
- Ooh, ooh.
- Oh, okay.
- Sorry.
- Thank you.
- We'll put that here. [GRUNTS]
Hi, Seema. How's lunch?
I'm coming. He still
lives with his ex-wife.
I may be minutes late.
Oh, well, uh, I may be a day late.
I'm... [SOFTLY] I'm having
a bit of a dress issue.
- Sorry 'bout that.
- No, no, no. It's okay. It's okay.
- I'll just... I'll keep you posted, okay?
- Okay, babe.
Don't get out, Rocco, no time.
What's up, boss?
- Where are you going?
- To my home...
which I don't live in with my ex-wife.
She has the top two floors.
I'm on the first. Separate entrance.
Well, this feels like a mess,
and I'm not missing the Met for a mess.
- You're such an American.
- Yes, I'm an American.
No secret there.
Seema!
[PHONE BUZZING]
[IMITATING MARILYN] Hello.
This is your male escort
and I will be putting out.
Unfortunately, you will not.
- What?
- Tap, tap, tap.
- Seema's back in.
- You've gotta be f*cking kidding me.
I'm sorry, but she needs the Met more.
- You'll get over it. You're a man.
- Says who?!
CARRIE: Says you.
- You okay?
- When did my life become seventh grade gym class again?
Don't have fun.
Huh. Oh, that's hot as all get out.
I get so... Ugh. [SIGHS]
Baby... your shoulders feel like iron.
What's goin' on up here?
The Avid crashed when I
was getting my makeup done
and I lost all the work
I did on my edit today.
That's what's going on up there.
- Look, you are about to have a very big night.
- Yeah.
And you're always doing
everything for all of us.
Why don't you let me... do that thing...
- [LISA MOANS]
- that I do... that relaxes you?
Sweetie, we, we don't have time.
HERBERT: Hmm, hmm, hmm.
Okay, fine... but I am
ready from the waist up.
- Nothing can get smeared or messed.
- Got it.
- Only from the waist down.
- Yeah.
And my editor's gonna send the
new cut in, like, minutes.
I only need eight.
Have a seat.
- I just feel like I should be double-checking something.
- Lis...
you're cuttin' into my eight.
Tighter, baby.
[GRUNTS] It won't go any tighter.
It has to! We've gotta work
on your upper body strength.
Rock, please, come help your sister.
I won't be party to
upholding the patriarchy
and the heteronormative
standards of beauty.
I totally understand and applaud...
but just for today,
come help your sister.
Take them!
- Take these.
- Okay. [INHALES]
Ow, these boots are kinda pinchin' me.
Welcome to fashion, Harry.
LILY: Ready, Rock?
- Ow.
- Ooh! Good, good.
[UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING]
What is with this train?
- This is crazy.
- It's not crazy.
It's Valentino.
Where's the van? Where's the Sprinter?
[GASPS] That's what I
forgot, to confirm the van.
- Oh, my God.
- How could you forget that?
Ugh. Well, I was having an orgasm,
which you said was for me,
but typically, it was all about you.
- Oh.
- Well, now what?
Back to me, of course. I don't know.
This can't fit in a cab.
There's no limos available,
so let's scoop this baby up and walk.
You wanna walk blocks?
Ya had to have your eight minutes,
you can walk blocks.
Oh, it was worth it, baby. Wasn't it?
'Cause it was good.
You know it was good.
I don't know if it was "walk to
the Met" good, but it was good.
- HERBERT: Oh, okay. Can you see in that thing?
- LISA: Who needs to see?
["SO WE WON'T FORGET" BY
KHRUANGBIN & MANG DYNASTY PLAYING]
♪ Call me what you want ♪
♪ Call me what you need ♪
Whew... is fashion always this hot?
Harry, stop kvetching.
Aye, and these boots are really
gonna hurt goin' up all those stairs.
Well, good news.
Those stairs are only for
celebrities, not for us.
So... no one at work
is gonna see me on TV?
And where am I gonna get
my picture with Rihanna?
Honey, you probably won't.
What? So, no stairs, no Rihanna.
Why'd I even wanna go to
this thing in the first place?
I have been asking myself that all week!
What does that mean?
[ANNOUNCER ON LAPTOP]: Fully
embracing the "Veiled Beauty" theme...
"Veiled Beauty"? How
'bout "Veiled Beast"?
- [PHONE RINGING]
- [ANNOUNCER ON LAPTOP]: Arriving on the legendary
Met stairs is always...
I hope you're havin' the
worst time of your life.
Anthony?! I've made a terrible mistake.
Please, please, come with me.
- I'm back in?
- Yes, if you'll have me. How soon can you be ready?
- Yesterday!
- Okay, great. I'll pick you up in .
Okay, bye! I'm goin' to the Met Ball!
JUAN JOSE: Ah, this is so great.
Seema, this is fantastic.
You look amazing.
Amore, this is so beautiful.
Juan Jose.
Amore, I wanna take a little video.
Right there.
Oh! Anna is going to love it.
This is really divine.
Amore, you look beautiful.
I love you all so much.
JUAN JOSE: Guys, we k*lled it!
Bye! Ciao!
[ANXIOUS MUSIC PLAYING]
Looks good, babe.
No. No, it doesn't.
It's supposed to be
f*cking sickening tight
to show off her kick-ass body.
- You still have a half-hour.
- [YELLS] Jackie, this isn't some "Cinderella" sh*t!
This is my life! There aren't
any magic birds or fairies
who are gonna pull this together,
so just shut the f*ck up, please!
[SMOKE SIGHS]
I think I need a "Smoke" break.
Uh, Carrie, I'm, I'm so sorry.
- No.
- You can't wear this.
I, I mean, my career will be
over before it even starts.
Um, you must have something else
fabulous to, to wear with my cape?
[SHAKY BREATH]
Wait. I...
I can't just go to my closet
and find a perfect dress
to wear to something
called "Veiled Beauty." I...
Wait a minute, um...
I might have something.
[LIGHT MUSIC PLAYING]
I don't know. Maybe.
I've only worn it once.
It's not the best memory.
♪ ♪
[MUSIC INTENSIFIES]
♪ ♪
And just like that,
I repurposed my pain.
["HONG KONG GARDEN" BY SIOUXSIE
AND THE BANSHEES PLAYING]
♪ Symbols clashing everywhere ♪
♪ Reaps the fields of rice and reeds ♪
♪ While the population feeds ♪
♪ Junk floats on polluted water ♪
♪ An old custom to sell your daughter ♪
♪ Would you like number twenty-three? ♪
♪ Leave your yens
on the counter please ♪
♪ Ho-oh, ho-oh-oh-oh ♪
♪ Hong Kong Garden ♪
♪ Ho-oh, ho-oh-oh-oh ♪
♪ Hong Kong Garden ♪
♪ ♪
[GONG CLANGS, SONG FADES]