05x21 - Goals

[bunniefuu]

[crash]

Merle!

- You alright?

- Oh, yeah, yeah.

[groans]

For an old guy.

A little bruise, Susan,

that's all.

I just wish

it wasn't on this shoulder.

Merle, I want you to see Dr. Max

first thing in the morning.

(Merle)

'Uh, but won't it heal?'

Not if you keep

pitching baseballs.

I can't guarantee full mobility

even if you never pitch

another game.

I'm afraid you're through

with baseball.

[theme song]

♪ There's a magic in the

early morning we found ♪

♪ When the sunrise smiles

on everything around ♪

♪ It's a portrait

of the happiness ♪

♪ That we feel and always will ♪

♪ For eight is enough

to fill our lives with love ♪

♪ Oh we spend our days like

bright and shiny new dimes ♪

♪ If we're ever puzzled

by the changing times ♪

♪ There's a plate

of homemade wishes ♪

♪ On the kitchen windowsill ♪

♪ And eight is enough

to fill our lives with love ♪

Hey, when you see Merle,

ask him about those autographs.

I figure I can get at least

a buck a piece for him

and I'll be very generous

with his commission.

Merle's worth more than a buck.

He's MVP runner-up

for the exhibition season.

I know, I was talkin'

about the photocopies.

Handwritten originals will have

an opening bid of ten bucks.

- Hey, they finally made it!

- Yeah.

- Hey, Merle.

- Hey, Nicholas.

- How are you doin', Jeremy?

- How's everything?

Oh-ho, attagirl. Come on.

Hey, it's your Uncle Nicholas,

Sandy.

Oh, I can't believe

how much she's grown.

(Nicholas)

Yeah, well, I can.

What I can't believe

is you pitching two shutouts.

- 'That's fantastic.'

- Well, thanks, old buddy.

Too bad they were

only exhibition games.

Oh, yeah, but you wait

till the real season starts.

He'll pitch a bunch of shutouts.

Yeah, a bunch!

Yeah, well,

how's your arm, Merle?

Oh, it's great.

Well, the paper said

it's givin' you some trouble.

Oh, they just need

somethin' to write about.

A few days rest

and some Sacramento air

and I'll be raring to go.

Uh, well, come on, honey, we got

a million things to talk about.

- Alright.

- Oh, I've got two million.

Well, Nicholas,

you're just gonna have to wait.

I'll catch you later.

- Yeah, but mine's important!

- Relax, Nicholas.

I mean,

he's gonna be here all week.

Yeah, in a week,

she can talk for a month.

Oh, boy, I love presents.

Urgh.

- A key?

- To our New York apartment.

Oh, really?

Oh, I can't wait to see it.

Well, you may have to.

We can't move in until two weeks

after the opening game.

Oh, sweetheart,

I've missed you so much.

I don't know if I can wait

an extra two weeks.

I know, honey. Me too.

But-but wait till you see it.

Lots of the team wives

live there

so you'll have friends

and, oh, there is a great park

where you can take Sandy,

right across the street.

Oh, wow, it sounds perfect.

Well, we've waited long enough

to be together.

- We deserve perfect.

- Really?

(Mary)

Okay, just put your arm down

and relax.

[grunts]

Hi, Uncle Sid.

- How'd you know it was me?

- Lucky guess.

- You two know each other?

- It's my Uncle Sid.

Uncle Sid, Dr. Bradford.

Dr. Bradford, it's a pleasure.

[laughs]

Uncle Sid and I

are business partners.

We own a novelty shop.

Uh, does Uncle Sid always

dress up like a gorilla?

Only when I feel like

monkeyin' around.

[laughs]

Hey, am I a funny guy or what?

Uh, well, I-I'm sure that you

two have a lot of visiting to do

so I'll just come back later.

And, uh, Dennis..

'...try to cheer up, okay?'

See, it wasn't that hard

and you just made my whole day.

I'll see you around.

And bye, Uncle Sid.

Danny, Danny, congratulations.

- For what?

- You finally found a nice girl.

I was just about givin' up hope.

Uncle Sid,

what are you talkin about?

[sighs]

That doctor lady.

- She's nuts about you.

- Don't be ridiculous.

- You really think so?

- Danny, I know so.

Didn't you notice the way

she looked at you?

Yeah. Yeah, she does

look at me a lot.

And the way she put her hand

on your shoulder?

Yeah. Well, she did put

her hand on my shoulder.

- And she visits me.

- She visits you?

Well, she comes in

to check my temperature

but maybe

that's just a cover-up.

Well, Danny, I'm tellin' you

don't let this girl

slip through your fingers.

- What do I do?

- Go after her.

I know. I-I just don't know how.

You just leave that to me.

[laughing]

I thought I was never gonna get

you alone with some privacy.

Yeah, sorry, tiger.

Susan and I had

lots of details to work out

about the move to New York.

Uh, do you think maybe

I can come visit you there?

That'd be great with us

if it's okay with your father.

Well, uh, could you ask him?

Nicholas, a first stringer

doesn't trust important things

like asking anybody

but himself.

- You mean I have to ask him.

- Sure.

It'll make

your askin' muscles stronger

if you take every chance

you can to work it out.

Well, couldn't I just

make 'em stronger

by asking you to ask him?

That kind of asking

just makes you punier.

That's what I thought.

Hey, watch this.

Not bad.

We used to do it like this.

- Whoa!

- Pretty good for an old man.

Oh, what are you talkin' about?

I'm as good as I ever was.

Can you do this?

'Sure.'

Now here's one they call

the Arkansas Daredevil.

Now take notes.

Merle!

- You alright?

- Oh, yeah, yeah.

[groans]

For an old guy..

[groans]

...yeah, I'm great.

[groans]

- Hey, what's up?

- Oh, not much, Jeremy.

Well, nothing like relaxing

with the evening paper

after a long hard day's

work, huh?

- You mind if I steal a section?

- No, go ahead.

What do you want, the sports?

No, I think I'll take

the financial section.

I need to catch up.

[sighs]

Tsk, tsk, tsk.

Man, that's rough. Boy, does

this ever make me feel guilty?

I mean, the president is cutting

billions in the federal budget

and I'm upset over a silly thing

like the humiliation

of getting the smallest

allowance of any of my friends.

Man, is my face red?

Jeremy, before you conclude your

performance, the answer is no.

- I didn't even ask ya.

- You don't have to.

I come from a long history

of people not asking

for a raise in their allowance.

Yeah, but it's just

that I need to--

It' just like you said,

times are bad now!

People have to conserve

and be resourceful.

That includes you and

everybody else in this family.

I'm not doling out anymore money

unless it's for

a very good cause.

Yeah, well, it is

for a very good cause.

What cause is that?

'Cause I'm tired

of being broke all the time.

Save the whales?

[sighs]

Would you hold the baby

for a minute?

Sure.

[groans]

- Hey, what's wrong?

- Nothing.

[chuckles]

I was showin' off for Nicholas

and fell off the bike.

- You fell?

- Yeah.

In the middle

of the Arkansas Daredevil.

Honey, why didn't you say

something about it?

Well, it's no big deal.

When you can't hold

your own baby, it's a big deal.

A little bruise, Susan,

that's all.

I just wish

it wasn't on this shoulder.

Merle, I want you to see Dr. Max

first thing in the morning.

- Oh, come on.

- Please?

- Good morning, Dr. Bradford.

- Good morning, Dr. Mulford.

[chuckles]

Hm..

[laughs]

Mar.

Does he have a brother my age?

- How'd you know it was a guy?

- Oh, come on, Mar.

Okay, subtlety was never

one of my strongest points.

- So what's his name?

- Daniel Harwood Mulford III.

Twenty seven years old

graduated from

Harvard Med School in .

Currently interning

at Sacramento Memorial.

He's ' ", pounds,

blond hair

and the most incredible eyes

you've ever seen.

- You forgot his shirt size.

- and a half, .

[chuckles]

Boy, Mar, you've got it

bad for this guy.

Yeah.

[doorbell rings]

I'll get it. Don't bother

coming back to Earth.

- Yeah.

- Stay there.

I have some flowers

for Mary Bradford.

- Oh, I'll take 'em.

- No, that-that's me.

[chuckles]

Well, I'd say he definitely

is interested, Mar.

Well, yeah.

- Oh, no.

- What's the matter?

They're not from Dan.

They're from Dennis.

Oh, Dennis. Dennis?

Uh, what should I do

with the rest of them?

The rest of them?

Hey, guys,

bring in the flowers.

Oh, Mary.

Well, you've got some bruises

there from where you fell

but I think that's only part

of the problem.

You see, the thing

that worries us is your shoulder

the rotator cuff.

But won't it heal?

Not if you keep

pitching baseballs

especially that fastball.

Well, that fastball

is what got me into the majors.

Uh, uh, ca-can't you give me

sh*ts or something?

But that would

only mask the pain

and allow the injury

to become that much more severe.

- I-I don't care--

- Merle.

You played all last season

then you went on

into winter ball.

Now you've just come out of some

very extensive overtraining.

Now the concussive injury

that you suffered when you fell

made matters that much worse.

I can't guarantee full mobility

'even if you never pitch

another game.'

Never pitch another game?

Y-you're kiddin', Dr. Max.

No, Merle. It's the truth.

'I suggest you check right away

with your team doctors.'

But according

to our orthopedic people here..

...I'm afraid

you're through with baseball.

Dr. Max is a nice man,

he's David's godfather

and he saved your life

when you were two years old

but he and his buddies,

they're all wrong.

Well, honey, since when did you

become a medical expert?

It's my shoulder, Susan,

I know what it can do

and-and it's already

loosening up.

Look, darling,

I know how you feel.

I just don't want you

to be really hurt.

Look, if you don't

believe Dr. Max

why don't we talk

to another doctor?

We're not talkin' to anyone,

you understand?

No, I don't understand.

We're not gonna mention

one word of this

to your family or anybody.

[scoffs]

I-I can get my arm

back in perfect shape

before the season starts.

Susan, I know I can.

A-and, and I don't want

the Mets getting all fussed up

over somethin' that isn't true.

Why can't we just get

a second opinion?

Don't argue with me, honey.

I've worked too long

and too hard to get where I am.

I'm a long way

from being through, a long way.

[sighs]

- What is going on here?

- What took you so long?

- Mr. Wilcox.

- Please, call me Dennis.

In the first place,

this happens to be a hospital

not the Mardi Gras.

Mary, the expression

of true love

can't be bound

by rules and regulations.

And in the second place,

about all those flowers--

No, no, no,

you don't have to thank me.

Just say yes

to dinner and a movie.

No, Dennis.

- How about just a movie?

- I can't.

Wanna skip both

and go to my place?

Dennis, I'm sorry,

it's nothing personal.

It's just that I make it a rule

never to go out with a patient.

Stupid rule.

I know. Friday night.

I won't be a patient then.

[sighs]

It's the principle.

Okay, okay.

I'm not tensed.

You don't wanna go to dinner

with me, that's your business.

- I won't bug you about it.

- Thank you.

How about roller skatin'?

[sighs]

- How does it feel?

- Well, the pain's gone.

You mean, the towel's so hot,

you can't feel the pain?

- No, I mean, the pain is gone.

- Really?

- So can you pull back?

- Yeah.

Oh, wow!

- No pain.

- Really?

Why don't you put the towel on

for a couple of more minutes?

- Hm?

- Alright.

Okay.

- What is this?

- What's what?

- All this stuff!

- Oh, that? These are boxes.

Yeah, I can see that

they're boxes. What's in them?

Oh, it's my new job. Remember

you told me to be resourceful?

And?

And so I saw this ad

in "Man's Man Monthly," right?

Oh-oh.

No, no, no,

it's gonna be great.

You see, it's this

health food company

and they send me free samples

of all their

experimental products.

And I get paid a buck

for every time

I get someone to try something

and fill out this questionnaire

about how much they liked it.

Simple, huh?

Yeah, it sounds like it,

so why do I get this

here-we-go-again feeling

in the pit of my stomach?

Oh, don't worry about it.

I got everything under control.

Here. Hey, look.

You could have the honor

of trying the first product.

- It's chewing gum.

- Health food chewing gum?

- What is it, alfalfa-flavored?

- Ha ha ha. Just try it.

- Well, what do you think?

- I don't know.

It tastes like any ordinary,

everyday spearmint chewing gum.

- What's so special about 'em?

- Well, it's recycled.

[groans]

Argh!

Ew!

How does it feel?

[sighs]

Well, no pain.

Yeah?

- I'm gonna try one all out--

- Oh, honey, now take it easy.

I'm gonna try one all out.

- It didn't hurt.

- Come on, really?

- No, no, not a bit!

- Oh, it didn't hurt?

- I told you, I'd do it.

- Oh, my God!

Nicholas, don't feel badly.

- You'll see Merle again.

- It's not that.

It's just that I told

the whole sixth grade

that he was leaving at noon.

Now that he takes

an earlier flight

how am I gonna explain

to kids

when they show up

to say goodbye?

Forty kids are coming over here?

Nicholas, be sure to tell them

not to walk on the flowers

and to use the hall bathroom,

please.

- Bye, girls!

- Bye!

- Come on, hon.

- Hey, Merle.

I think

I'm gonna miss you so much

I have to visit you right away.

No, you just cannot do that.

You can get her an audition

for a Broadway play..

- While I'm there, you know..

- Have a great season.

Just keep me away from the bikes

next time I'm home.

Mr. B., I sure appreciate

'everything you've done

for Susan.'

It was our pleasure, Merle.

- Bye, Merle.

- Abby.

Thanks for lookin'

after my girl.

Take care. We're gonna miss you.

Twenty games, Merle.

Twenty games, partner.

- Alright, wins!

- Alright.

- Okay, thanks again, everybody.

- Bye!

- Keep going, you guys.

- Bye-bye.

- Bye!

- Bye!

Oh, Laurie,

you must be feeling better.

I love the picture you've drawn.

Thank you.

Say, the colors are beautiful--

- A budding Picasso.

- Indeed.

Hello.

- Hi.

- Hi.

Dr. Bradford, how soon do you

think you could work a dinner

into your hectic schedule?

Well, that depends

on how tempting the offer is.

Hm. Why don't we negotiate

over coffee?

(Mary)

As long as you're buying.

Excuse me. Bye, Laurie.

- Bye, Dr. Bradford.

- Keep up the good work.

- Excuse me. Hi.

- Hello.

- Hi.

- Hi.

You're a friend

of Dr. Bradford's, aren't you?

Yes. Why?

Oh, no reason.

Just normal hospital curiosity.

Mm-hmm.

You gotta tell me

what's going on between her

and that other guy.

Look, I don't usually discuss

my, uh, friends' personal lives

with other people.

Of course, you don't.

How silly of me.

I'm sorry to have bothered you.

Please.

Look, whatever's going on

between Mary and Dan

is their business.

I think they're in love.

Laurie.

(Mary)

'This is nice.'

Yes, I come here often actually.

Their cocoa beer is marvelous.

I wasn't talking

about the restaurant.

This is nice.

You know,

I really like you, Mary.

[chuckles]

Thank you.

Why didn't we do it sooner?

- You didn't ask.

- Huh.

Well, I'm glad I finally did.

So am I.

- Excuse me. Dr. Bradford?

- Yes, sir.

You have a message

from a Dennis Wilcox.

- You mean he called here?

- Well, not exactly.

♪ Telegram telegram

singing telegram ♪

♪ For Dr. Mary Bradford

from Dennis Wilcox ♪

♪ Mary how I love ya

how I love ya ♪

♪ My Dr. Mary

oh how I love to see ♪

♪ The way you attend to me

and all the other patients ♪

♪ Mary I could love ya

and take care of you ♪

♪ If you would let me ♪

♪ So won't you come

take me for your own ♪

♪ And leave

this other jerk alone? ♪

Hm..

I'm sorry.

[Elizabeth whistling]

Oh! What about this?

Oh, no.

That definitely stays here.

I don't think New York City's

quite ready for that.

- Oh, yeah?

- Isn't it weird?

- It was a wedding present.

- I know.

- I gave it to you.

- Oh.

[laughing]

Well, I guess I just don't

appreciate its fine beauty.

- You're right.

- You want it?

- Oh, no, no, no. I can't.

- Oh, no, no, no.

- Come on, I insist, I insist.

- Susan!

Where will I put this thing?

Right here. Oh, the phone.

- Jonnie, where's the phone?

- It's on the counter.

- Over there by the toaster.

- Come on. Where?

It could be Merle. I haven't

heard from him in two days.

Ah.

[sighs]

Hello.

- 'Hi, hon.'

- Honey, hi! How you doing?

- 'Okay.'

- I sure do miss you.

- 'Are you alone?'

- Um..

Could you hold on a minute?

Joannie.

Huh? Oh!

[chuckles]

I can take a hint.

Hi, Merle.

- Hi, darling. How you doing?

- 'Fine, but--'

Yeah, oh, well,

Joannie was just over

helping me pack up

some of my stuff.

(Merle on phone)

'Susan, will you

hold on a second?'

Well, what's up?

Honey, I-I want you

to promise me something.

'Well, sure.'

N-now we're both strong people

and this is,

this isn't gonna slow us down.

We're gonna take it in stride

and keep charging ahead.

Well, honey, just what

are you saying to me?

Susan.

Dr. Max was right.

'My arm started hurting again'

a-and the team doctors

agreed with him.

They're sending me home, honey..

...for good.

(Jeremy)

'Well, look at the bright side.'

I hear coffee costs

a buck a cup in New York

and you're either

a mugger or a muggee.

Oh, Jeremy,

that's not the bright side.

Merle, I'm real sorry for you.

I know how much

you're gonna miss baseball.

Well, as the team psychologist

pointed out

I gotta start realizing

I'm not just an arm.

Right.

The Mets sent you

to a psychologist?

Well, I think

that's real responsible of 'em.

Yeah, the counselor and I

talked for a couple of hours

and, um, he kept saying

I may have lost this inning

but there's a lot of other games

for me to play.

Who is this psychologist,

Howard Cosell?

Merle's right. It's a bad break.

We're not gonna let it stop us.

Right. There's a whole lot

of other offers

I can take advantage of now.

And we don't want anybody in

this family worrying about us.

Worry?

After seeing

how you're taking this

how could we worry about you?

- You're doing great, Merle.

- You really are.

Yeah, way to hustle, Merle.

Listen, I didn't get

into the majors by not hustling.

Hustle's the only way to go.

- The coast is clear.

- He checked out?

Yeah, about an hour ago.

Oh, great!

[sighs]

I hope this is the end of it.

This guy is destroying my life!

I doubt if Dan's ever gonna

ask me out again

after the other night.

Hey, don't worry about it.

Dennis is gone now.

Probably in a couple of days

he'll have forgotten

all about you.

- Thanks a lot.

- You know what I mean.

It's probably

a passing infatuation.

I hope you're right.

Well, and back to work.

- Thanks, Barb.

- Take care.

Bye-bye.

♪ Wait till the sun shines Mary

and the clouds go rolling by ♪

♪ We'll be so happy Mary

you and I ♪

♪ Wait till the sun shines ♪

Well, I figure now I can

really do a full-time job

of endorsing your glove.

I mean, it wouldn't just be

my signature on the strap

or my picture in the ads.

I could go out

and do personal appearances--

Merle.

I don't think you understand

the terms of our contract.

Oh, I understand, it only calls

for a few appearances

but we can write

an amendment. I--

I'm afraid

there's nothing to amend.

Well, now, wait a minute.

Are-are you saying

there is no contract?

Check it out with your lawyer.

The whole thing

is automatically cancelled

if you aren't playing

major league ball.

But the fans still remember me.

[chuckles]

Yeah, for a week or so.

Merle, I am really sorry

but we're just

not interested anymore.

Now you understand our position.

We're trying to move

this company out of fourth place

and we have to go with players

who can do the job.

Okay, now, everyone, take

one of these questionnaires.

What? Oh, Jeremy, come on.

Can we do this later?

- I'd like to have dinner.

- Well, this is dinner.

- This is dinner?

- What?

Jeremy, you told me

we were having roast beef

broccoli and summer squash.

We are. Roast beef, broccoli,

summer squash.

Well, you'll love it,

it's the food

of the future, believe me.

'Yeah, well, I'd rather

have yesterday's meatloaf.

Come on, you guys.

Okay, look.

All you gotta do is taste it

and then write down

on the questionnaire

how much you liked it.

Well, if you don't,

I'm not gonna make any money.

Come on, come on, just one bite.

Now one bite.

Okay, okay.

Forget about doin' me a favor.

Forget about me tryin'

to earn my own living.

Well, let me tell you something,

that's all the dinner there is

and you have either a choice

of that or nothing.

No, wait. Where are you going?

You didn't even try it yet.

[instrumental music]

Now will you go out with me?

Now will you go out with me?

Dennis, I have already

explained this to you.

I can't!

Alright, alright,

I'll go out with you!

Alright. Oh, you won't be sorry.

We'll get squid and everything.

It'll be dynamite.

- Dennis--

- Do you like squid?

- This is a hospital!

- Wait.

Maybe a Mongolian food.

- Come on.

- Aah!

- I didn't hurt you?

- Oh, yes, it hurts!

Sorry.

- Hey, Coach Gravitz.

- Hm?

- Stockwell!

- It's me.

You've got your ballparks

mixed up.

Shea Stadium's

miles that way.

- The Mets let me go.

- Well, don't tell me.

After the season you had,

there's no way they could.

- Unless it was..

- The shoulder.

Shoulders. I hate 'em!

You were the best right-hander

I ever coached.

I never got that impression

when I was playing for you.

[chuckles]

Well, if I'd have given you

that impression

then your head would have

swelled it down to tenth best.

[chuckles]

How are you taking it?

Great.

If you're taking it so great,

what are you doing here?

Uh, I don't know,

I was just wondering

how you were fixed

for pitching coaches.

We're fixed, Merle.

How about scouting staff?

We're fixed there too.

I'm sorry.

Well, I-I-I just figured

maybe there was something

uh, maybe at the front office?

I wish there was.

The only thing I can do, Merle,

is, is put you on the list.

- There is a list?

- There's a list, a long one.

- Well, forget the list.

- I'm sorry, Merle.

You okay?

- I couldn't sleep.

- What's wrong?

Honey, I'm worried.

I-I, uh..

I just don't know

what else I can do.

I don't know how I'm gonna..

...take care of you and Sandy.

Honey, everything

is gonna work out.

Really.

Ever since grade school,

I figured..

...I was put here

to be a pitcher.

It's, it was what I did.

It just never

occurred to me that..

...someday..

...I couldn't be what I was.

And when it was over..

...I figured, well..

...everything else

would come just as easy

and natural as pitching did.

But I was hyping myself..

'...just like I did when

I wouldn't believe Dr. Max.'

Look, honey, you're just tired.

I mean, tomorrow is a new day.

Everything's gonna work out.

Really.

[knock on door]

Hey, Merle, how are you doing?

Hi, Nicholas.

[Sandy crying]

[sighs]

You think maybe

I can ask you a question?

Not now, Nicholas,

I'm pretty busy.

- Well, you don't look busy.

- Okay.

So I'm busy doing nothing!

[Sandy crying]

[sighs]

You always told me

when the going gets tough

the tough get going.

I was wrong.

Dad, I'm really

worried about him.

I've never seen him

act like this.

Well, I could talk

to our sports editor.

- Maybe he needs a reporter.

- Are you kidding?

Merle could never work

in a newspaper.

His spelling and grammar

are terrible

because ever since

junior high school

nobody wanted to distract

the school's star player

by mentioning homework.

Maybe he should

go back to school.

Oh, I don't even wanna

mention it.

It'll just be setting him up

for another rejection.

How did you figure?

Well, dad, Merle's real smart

but no school's gonna let him in

now that they're not clamoring

for a baseball scholarship.

Well, then we'll just

have to do our very best

to get him a good job.

Yeah, we already

talked about that.

We went to an employment agency.

Merle can sell shoes,

cars and water softeners.

That is, if he has experience.

Which you don't get

on a pitcher's mound.

I don't know what else

I can do for him.

Would you like me

to talk to him?

Dad, would you?

I just can't reach him.

[knock on door]

Hi.

My typewriter ran out

of genius ideas over there

so I decided I needed company.

Uh, you take it black,

don't you?

Hmm. Thanks, but I got a beer.

Oh!

[indistinct chatter on TV]

Do you mind if I turn this off?

No.

But don't lecture me,

please, Mr. B.

Oh, no, no, no,

I-I, I'm not gonna lecture you.

I-I just thought

maybe I could offer some help.

Hmm? How can you help?

Well, we-we could talk and maybe

figure something out, right?

You could get me

a new pitchin' arm?

If that were possible,

I'd do it in a second.

I know it, Mr. B,

that wasn't fair.

[sighs]

It's just I'm..

I'm starting to realize

that the shrink was wrong.

I was just an arm and people

thought that was wonderful.

Paid me big bucks

and they cheered.

And nobody mentioned

that it could all turn on me.

That I could end up stuck

with no place to go!

You know what

this reminds me of?

[chuckles]

What?

It reminds me of when

the girls were growing up.

They'd fall in love and then the

person they fell in love with

would hurt them in some way.

'They thought

their lives were over'

that every man was a monster

that the only solution

was spinsterhood or the nunnery.

[chuckles]

Mr. B, I know you're trying

to help, but..

...I got no idea

what you're talking about.

I'm talking

about Merle Stockwell.

'You love baseball

and you always will.'

And now you're hurting

because this thing

that you love the most

has rejected you.

Don't let that love

turn into hate.

Okay, only seconds more.

I love it. This job

is a piece of cake.

Are you sure

this stuff is unscented?

[sniffs]

I don't wanna smell

like guacamole or anything.

Nancy, trust me, my company

only promotes quality stuff.

- Can I see it yet?

- No, you have more seconds.

You have to make sure

your hair has had enough time

to soak up the, uh, avocado oil.

- Oh.

- That's what makes it shiny.

Yeah. You better make sure

this works, Jeremy.

I got a hot date tonight.

- Okay, ready for the unveiling?

- Uh-huh.

And make sure you have your form

so you could tell my employers

how wonderful their product is.

Okay.

Here it goes!

Ta-da..

I guess, it's a good thing

we didn't use the grape, huh?

Oh!

Then after

the barbershop quartet

there was

a Spanish mariachi band

topped off by

a very elaborate letter

proclaiming

his undying devotion.

Well, letter, that's not so bad.

It was on the billboard across

the street from a hospital.

Oh!

So finally I, I gave in.

I had no choice. He was

never gonna leave me alone.

- So when's the big date?

- Tomorrow. We're having lunch.

- Lunch sounds harmless.

- What, are you crazy?

Do you think the guy's gonna

leave me alone after one lunch?

I'm probably gonna have him

attached to me

the rest of my life.

[laughs]

Mary, I've got

a perfect solution for you.

[sighs]

What?

Convince the guy

you're in love with him.

Joannie, why don't we go back

to the beginning?

I think you missed

the main point.

No, I'm not kidding, Mary. You

remember David and Mrs. Hall?

Yeah.

Well, that's the way you deal

with those kind of people.

You return their affection.

He'll be so scared, he won't be

able to get away fast enough.

I'm not so sure.

Well, give it a try.

What have you got to lose?

(Dennis)

I can't believe it.

Here we are alone at last.

I can hardly believe it

myself, Dennis.

Hmm. You know, Mary?

I know we're gonna

get along just great.

Well, as long

as you brought that up

uh, I was sort of hoping

we could discuss that.

- Discuss what?

- Our future. What else?

Hmm. Well, I thought you know

maybe after lunch we'd, uh..

Like go bowling and then

maybe, uh, maybe a movie.

No, no, that's not what I meant.

Dennis, as long we both feel

that we're right for each other

why should we waste

anymore time?

Mary, I couldn't agree

with you more.

Great, then we can go ahead and

start making plans right away?

Yeah. Good idea, great.

Plans for what?

Our wedding, sweetheart.

What else?

Wedding.

Wedding?

You mean a wedding, wedding?

'Rice and champagne

and relatives?'

Yes. I think we should get

married as soon as possible.

Maybe even next week.

Next week?

[softly]

Next week.

Why not?

Mary, that's the craziest thing

I ever heard.

It is?

But if that's the way you feel

about it, why wait a week?

Let's get married tomorrow.

Oh, Mary! Oh, Mary!

Oh, Mary!

She's gonna marry me.

- Oh!

- Oh!

- You're happy?

- Oh, yeah.

(boy # )

'Come on, come on.

It's your pitch. Come on!'

[indistinct chatter]

Merle, hi.

(Merle)

Hi.

You wanna play?

I'll just watch.

Okay.

- Who's that kid at bat?

- Leibowitz. It's his ball.

[indistinct chatter]

Hey, Leibowitz.

You, uh, mind

if I make a suggestion?

That depends.

Why don't you choke up

a bit more?

About an inch.

Hey. I think I know you.

Are you

Merle "The Pearl" Stockwell?

Used to be.

In that case, I'll choke up.

- Like this?

- Yeah, yeah.

You, uh, you got it.

Hey, guys, look what

Merle "The Pearl" showed me.

- Can I shake your hand, Merle?

- Can I shake your hand?

Yeah, if I can shake yours back.

[laughter]

How are you, guys?

I'm doing alright.

'How-how are you doing?'

[chuckles]

I'm sorry

if I busted up your game.

Mary, I can't tell you

how excited I am.

Dennis, please let me

talk to you.

- I want you to meet my family.

- Dennis!

[Mary laughs]

- Mary?

- Yes.

- 'This is my mom.'

- Hi, Mary.

- Hi!

- My aunt Gladys.

- Glad to meet you.

- 'My sister, Doris.'

Wait a minute, I gotta get

a picture of you two.

[laughter]

Stop that.

- Oh, you know my Uncle Sid.

- Oh, yeah.

[laughs]

Everybody, this is Mary.

Oh, so this is Mary.

She seems so nice, Dennis.

A wonderful girl,

and is she bright.

So how come

she's marrying Dennis?

Quiet.

Um, if you guys will excuse us

I would like to talk to Dennis

for a few minutes alone.

Of course, dear. We understand.

- Dennis?

- Yeah.

I don't know any easy way

to tell you this.

I think

you're a wonderful person

but I can't marry you.

- You can't?

- No.

- Why not?

- I'm not in love with you.

Well, we'll postpose

the wedding.

I can wait a couple of weeks.

Dennis, I wouldn't be in love

with you in a couple of years.

- I don't understand. You said--

- I know what I said and..

And I'm sorry.

I was just trying

to figure out a way

to avoid telling you the truth.

It was wrong, I know,

but I was desperate.

You were driving me crazy.

'The flowers, the balloons,

the musicians.'

You're right, Mary.

It's my fault.

'You see, I just get

carried away and..'

'...I've gotta learn

not to do that.'

Dennis--

I don't want you

to feel bad, Mary.

I think I learned something

from this.

I can't force myself on a woman

who doesn't want me.

I'm never gonna do

that again. Never.

- Good.

- Come on.

So what are you doing

Friday night?

I'm kidding, I'm kidding.

Saturday? It's a joke.

It's a joke.

(Merle)

'Alright, Leibowitz, come on!'

Come on and hit it.

Oh! Alright, pretty good,

pretty good.

The only thing he should

have done different, fellas

is he should have hooked

that foot around the bag, okay?

Alright, next.

[sighs]

Oh, you're next?

- Merle Stockwell?

- That's right.

I'm Walt Liebowitz. That's

my son you've been coaching.

- 'Hi, dad.'

- I wanna thank you.

Well, my pleasure and I've been

needing some pleasure.

I can tell the kids

really appreciate it too.

Do you have a couple of minutes?

Sure.

Uh, fellas, why don't we take

a five minute water break?

Hit it.

You seem to have the rare knack

of teaching them baseball

and still let them be boys.

That's nice of you to say.

Ever think of doing this

for a living?

I used to, but my old team

thinks otherwise.

How about on

a high school level?

High school?

Never thought about it.

Oh, why don't you?

I'm vice principal

over at Central

and we need

a good assistant coach.

Why don't you stop by sometime

to talk about it?

I don't have a college degree.

How many P. majors have you

in knack and your experience?

'There are ways

to work that out.'

Uh, could I think

about it a while?

I know it's not

the major leagues.

No, no, it doesn't have to be.

Uh, I'd just like to talk it

over with my wife.

Thanks, Merle.

- Yeah.

- Thank you.

- I'll see you.

- Okay.

(Merle)

Yes, sir. Okay, Walt.

I'll be there tomorrow.

I'm really looking

forward to it.

Goodnight.

- You're hired?

- I'm hired.

[all cheering]

Congratulations, coach!

Well, it's not exactly

making rookie of the year

in New York City,

but it sure feels good.

We are proud of you, Merle.

I couldn't have done it

without you, Mr. B.

As a matter of fact

'I owe y'all lot of thanks

for seeing me through this.'

Yeah, thanks, everybody.

Couldn't have done it

without our family.

That's what we're here for.

Give me a high five.

- Yeah.

- Oh, alright.

- High five.

- Alright.

[all cheering]

[indistinct chatter]

[knock on door]

Come on you guys.

He's talking a shower.

♪ I'm singing in the rain ♪

♪ Just singing in the rain ♪

- This is gonna be great.

- He's gonna k*ll us.

Are you kidding? He deserves it.

You're right.

♪ I'm happy a.. ♪

[laughter]

(Jeremy)

'I suppose this is

somebody's idea of a joke?'

[laughter]

Jeremy, we were just

testing a new product

from Uncle Sid's novelty shop.

(Elizabeth)

'It's called Martian soap.'

Uh, yes, and we just happened to

have this little questionnaire

that we'd really appreciate

if you'd fill that for us.

- Yes, thank you.

- Yes, thank you.

Oh, don't worry, Jeremy,

it'll wash off in a week.

(Nancy)

'Or two.'

- Sure.

- Yeah.

[laughter]

♪ Just singin' in the rain ♪

♪ Singing in the rain ♪

♪ Da-de-da di-da-da da da da ♪

[theme music]