01x07 - Identity Crisis / Fart of Darkness

[bunniefuu]

♪ We are splitsboro kids


♪ And we go to sidekick school


♪ Learning to be second best


♪ While playing by the rules


♪ Maxum man is missing


♪ Now we rule the school


♪ Flyin', smashin', bashin' stuff ♪


♪ And lookin' super cool


♪ I'm a sidekick, sidekick


♪ That's the life for me


♪ Half-sized super zeros


♪ With full-sized hero dreams


♪ I'm a sidekick, sidekick


♪ What an awesome gig


♪ Just like superheroes (just like superhzeroes)


♪ But only half as big


♪ Sidekick!


♪♪♪


Shadow (laughs maniacally)


I don't know anything, I swear!


I have a very small brain!


(Wheel squeaks)


Unh! Unh!


Okay, we studied this in not talking under pressure class.


I remember...


Pamplemoose if you are ever captured,


There is one simple rule!


The first thing you do is make sure that...


(Fireworks pop)


(Sighs)


Aah!


Okay, I remember nothing!


I'll talk, I'll talk!


I'll tell you everything!


Nein!


Foolish boy, the sidekick must never talk!


Never!


And this was merely zee practice laser.


(Electricity crackles)


Whoopsie! Wrong setting.


Heh heh.


(Bell rings)


Remember, tomorrow is "pick your sidekick identity" day!


There vill be a test!


(Table clangs)


(Sighs)


Eric hey, you guys wanna get together,


And brainstorm some sidekick id's?


We've already picked ours.


Known mine for years, dude.


Everyone has.


Students (murmurs of agreement)


Yes, ma'am. You betcha!


Aliens (agreeing in alien language)


Seriously? What are they?


Vana's is probably something like,


(Imitating vana) I'm so perfect,


Look at me, and my hair,


And other stuff... Girl.


(Laughs)


Actually, it's galacti-lass!


But I like your idea too.


Galacti-lass!


It totally suits you.


You know, because you're like,


Galacticly... Awesome,


Heh, and stuff.


Trevor (gagging)


I'm pretending your words are making me hurl.


Yeah, I got that.


Kitty, what's your sidekick id?


Bride of eric!


("Here comes the bride" plays)


Right now, it's aztech girl,


But I have other ideas.


By the way, at the reception,


Do you like chicken, or fish?


Eric what? Kitty what?


Trevor (retching)


Trevor.


I seriously almost threw up that time.


I swallowed a bug.


(Chatters angrily)


(Laughs) I can't wait to hear


What your sidekick identity is.


It's classified.


Under lock and key,


Never been revealed.


So, I can't tell you what it is.


But I can show you.


Behold, the super secret troublemeyer vault!


Before I show you,


You'll need to take a sacred oath,


Trevor swearing to- eric is this cardboard?


Wait, don't!


Fine, we'll skip the oath.


Sideburn muttonchops!


Awesome, right?


Ummm, that's real meat.


I know!



I'm thinking of...


"The mutton chop kid".


But, the burn-meister is also pretty sweet.


Yeah. Too bad maxum man's not around.


I'm sure he could have helped me.


So, tomorrow is pick your sidekick identity day


At school, and I've got nothing!


Oh, that is being no problem at all!


Maxum man thought of everything!


Welcome my brother,


To your funkadelic sidekick inauguration ceremony.


You have been chosen to be my groovy new sidekick.


You dig?


(Disco music plays)


It wasn't easy finding a secret identity


For someone as special as you.


It had to be like, totally cool...


(Beast roars)


Completely hip...


Far out, and freaky!


(Girls giggle)


So are you ready, cool cat?


Yeah!


Can you feel the heat?


I can feel it!


Say hello to your very special, very funky,


Hep-cat style!


(Excited whimpering)


Welcome to the maxum man family, maxum boy!


(Button pops)


(Glass shatters)


Maxum man groovy, baby!


Yeah!


(Girls giggle)


(Disco music plays)


Maxum boy?


I know maxum man picked it and all,


But... Maxum boy?!


Are you sure the name wasn't...


"Look like a complete tool boy?"


(Laughs hysterically)


Well, the maxum boy program was last updated


In the 's,


After golly gee kid uh...


"Retired".


I can barely move in this suit.


And this wig itches!


I need my own cool sidekick identity


That kicks butt,


And says something about me!


Maxum girl is also available.


Not helping.


Come on, trevor.


Maxum brain or mini maxum.


That could work!


(Laughs)


I've programmed this costume simulation booth


With my personality profile.


That should give it some cool material to work with.


(Machine whirrs)


Eric evil doers, beware!


The guitar sidekick


Is about to level up on your butts!


(Sarcastically) woo hoo hoo!


(Guitar blasts)


(Glass shatters)


(Screams)


Lay-hay-ame.


Good catch phrase though.


Okay, I've got another one.


I like movies and tv, so...


Assistant movie director lad!


Coming soon to a theatre near you!


And... Cut!


Ow!


Do you have super popcorn making powers?


(Gasps) I do not.


Next!


All right, one more.


The orphan!


Wandering the streets alone,


While he searches for...


Okay, even I don't like this one.


My personality is lame!


I am so boring!


I am totally gonna fail!


Stop me any time.


Okay, so you're boring.


Really, really...


Really boring.


So make something up.


Get some att-it-tude!


Think of something cool, or scary!


Or both!


Oh! I even thought of his name!


He's dark,


He's broody,


He's the bad boy with a heart of gold!


He's... Kid ruthless!


Yeah!



Huh?


Hmmm...


(Bell rings)


(Door crashes open)


Students (gasp)


♪♪♪


(Locker clangs)


Eric, what have you done?


I like it!


You do? I mean...


Kid ruthless doesn't need your approval.


If you don't have any plans for lunch today,


Vana maybe we could- kitty eric?


It's kid ruthless now.


And he already has lunch plans with me!


Did I call it, or what?


You totally called it!


I never thought of myself as a bad boy,


But I'm liking it!


(Glass shatters)


Oh! Hey, it's kid ruthless.


Wonder what he wants?


There's another kid ruthless?


Dude, you should not have stolen his sidekick name!


Kid ruthless oy! Which one of you dares call himself kid ruthless?


Um mr. Ruthless, sir,


Uh, or can I call you kid?


Mr. Ruthless it is.


Uh listen, there's totally been a misunderstanding here.


Kid ruthless shut your gob!


That name is mine!


And if you want it,


You're gonna have to pry it from my cold,


Calloused, ruggedly handsome, hands.


Guys?


This identity is all I've got.


You want a fight?


You've got one!


(Crunching sound)


At least I can't hear everybody laughing at me


Up here.


People on plane (laugh)


Oh...


Pamplemoose class, we ready to reveal our secret identities.


Where is herr needles?


Eric I'm right here.


Say hello to maxum eric boy... Lad!


Or a better name if I think of one later!


So, let's see what this maxum eric boy lad can do.


I order...


A pop quiz!


(Robots whir)


Uh oh! Nobody mentioned a quiz!


(Robot whirs)


(Lasers blasts)


Eric whoa!


(Crashes)


So far, maxum eric boy lad does just as poorly


As normal eric does!


Well, let's see how those buckets of bolts


Do against this...


(All cheering)


(String twangs)


Students booooo!


Or, how about this...


(Clangs)


(Mechanical growl)


Aaaaaah!


What next, herr needles?


Run out of your little tricks?


(Mechanical snarl)


(Wheel squeaks)


(Wheel screeches)


(Electricity crackles)


Now to channel some of that kid ruthless attitude.


Yaaaah!


Hi-yaaah!


(expl*si*n)


Students (cheering) hooray! Yay!


I can't believe it! I did it!


Maxum eric boy lad did it!


And with groovy style too!


Students boooo!


Eric an f?


I got an f?


Just because I called myself maxum eric?


It's the secret identity rule.


Everybody knows you never use


Your real name, duh!


Well, I had the best sidekick identity ever!


But all I got was a c minus.


We'll get 'em next time, boys.


We'll get 'em next time.


(Chomps)


I guess I'll figure out my sidekick identity someday.


Until then,


I'm happy just being plain old eric.


Okay, who's the one they call "plain old eric?"


(Gulps)


♪♪♪



Pamplemoose needles and troublemeyer.


For failing the last hundred exams,


Your punishment is...


Another exam!


We're so hosed.


Yep, fire truck hosed.


Pamplemoose prepare for the...


"Save your super by being smacked around


Until you almost but not quite cry,


Then you explode",


Make up exam!


(Machines whir)


(Fists thunk)


Pamplemoose herr needles!


Choose your opponent!


Your super needs you!


Okay, giant robot.


No! Uh, the little robots!


No, no! The wrecking ball!


Too slow!


Eric oof!


Trevor grrrf!


Ow!


Ow.


Eric ow ow ow ow ow ow ow!


Oof!


Whoa!


Classic!


Trevor (hushed) did we pass?


You fail! Eric, f double minus!


Trevor! Zee first ever h minus!


Yes! I'm a trailblazahhh!


This was your final chance.


Now you leave me with no choice!


You must go back to zee basics!


Um, what does that mean?


Coochie coochie coo.


(Giggles)


Ha ha ha! Maxum man here.


Good sidekicks know they have to walk


Before they can run.


Into a brick wall.


But what do they do before they can walk?


They toddle!


At the thundershorts sidekick pre-preschool!


We get the kids started down the right path


To pre-pre-sidekicking.


Or if they're special,


Pre-pre-superheroing!


Yaaaah!


(Bike rumbles)


They'll learn to pilot a rocket cycle...


(Rocket cycle rumbles)


Take super power naps...


(Energy hums)


And, use their heat seeking eye lasers!


Oh!


(Lasers blast)


The thundershorts sidekick pre-preschool!


A foundation in the bare minimum!


And the bare bottom!


(Baby farts)


(Baby giggles)


Frau pamplemoose children, vee have two new classmates.


Treat them as equals,


For some day, they may be.


Oh, come on!


This is so humiliating!


We're not babies!


(Slurping)


(Laughs)


I'm your teacher, frau pamplemoose.


You will return to the academy


Once you pass today's lessons.


If you pass!


Fine! We'll pass your silly baby tests,


And then, we're outta here!


Yes well, we shall see about that!


(Door opens)


Ah! Our volunteers are here!


Aah! Vana and kitty!


Hide! Oof!


I can't believe you talked me into doing this


For extra credit.


But these superbabies are so cute!


Yeah, they're also dirty, slobbery,


And I think that one's staring at us!


Okay cuties,


We'll be back later for nappy time!


Ugh! As if this couldn't get any worse.


Let's just pass the tests already.


Frau pamplemoose babies!


Put zee right shapes into zee right holes!


Go now!


(Energy hums)


(Baby coos)


I got this!


Unh!


Hmm...


(Grunts with effort)



Well done, troublemeyer!


If something does not fit,


Make it do so!


Now, dazzle me herr needles.


Eric too easy!


(Shapes click into place)


Oops, heh, sorry, little guy.


Got carried away there.


You okay-whoa!


Unh! Aaah!


Yep, he's okay.


(Clicks tongue disapprovingly)


(Sucking)


Now the riding of the trirocketcycles!


Put on your safety harnesses!


(Clips buckle)


Hold on, i-i think mine's broken.


- - -Go!


Yaaaaaaaaagh! How awesome are these things?


They have three wheels!


Three of them!


Eric yaaaaaaaah!


(Crashes) oof!


Hey, how come eric gets to leave?!


(Sleepy moans)


Now it is time for the most important test.


On my command,


Commence... Naptime!


(Snoring)


(Babies coo)


(Sighs) I can't believe this.


I'm not even a good baby!


Kitty hey! We're here to tucky wucky


You little super babies in!


The girls!


(Toys squeak)


(Baby snores)


Well, they don't look that super to me!


And those two are just straight up ugly!


(Trevor and eric cooing)


Oh, aren't you two chubby? (Giggles)


Maybe we should skip your afternoon cookies, huh?


Trevor you do, and I'm gonna throw the biggest tantrum


You've ever seen!


You're such a cute little woogums!


Oh, yes you are!


Trevor, we gotta get out of here, now!


Trevor (snoring)


Trevor! Would you...


Aww....


He is a cute little woogums.


(Crayon sharpener buzzes)


Hmm!


Herr needles, this is nap time.


The time when you should be napping!


I'm not napping, because I'm not a baby!


That's it, I'm out of here!


(Energy hums)


I can't believe her!


(Sighs) but she can't hold me.


Trevor, escape plan b.


Um... About that.


I really like it here.


We get to nap, and get graded on it!


I wanna stay!


What's the deal with you and the babies anyway?


I know, right?


They totally listen to every word I say!


Watch. (Claps)


More juice!


(Gulps)


More snacks!


(Claps) more butt cream!


(Cream squelches)


Hee hee hee hee!


It's great.


It's like I'm their king, or something.


Dude, it's not great!


We're wearing diapers!


This cannot get any worse!


Kitty oh... My...


Eric!


(Laugh uncontrollably)


I stand corrected.


This is so going in the school paper!


And on the website!


Ooh! And t-shirts!


Ha! Too funny!


Eric, you are soooo...


Not cute!


In fact, for the first time ever,


I find you... Kinda creepy.


You'll get used to it. Trust me.


I'm leaving. Right now!


Are you with me?


But dude, extra cookies!


Babies, activate force shields!


(Phone dings)


Heh heh.


Freedom.



Goodbye, babyland!


I can't let you leave, eric.


What?


It's too awesome here.


The outside world must never know!


Get out of my way, trevor.


I'll go through you if I have to.


Babies...


Goo goo!


Aaaaah!


Ow! Oh-ow!


Owww!


Hey! Now that's just way too hard.


Sowwy!


Aaaaaah!


Ha! Hoo! Unh!


Ha! Hoo! Unh!


Waaaaah!


Yes!


No!


Babies! att*ck pattern alpha banana bacon!


Great, now I'm hungry.


(Lasers hum)


Aaaaaaaaaaah!


Huh! Unh!


Huh! Whoa!


(Lasers blast)


Aaah!


Ohhhh....


(Trirocketcycle revs) eric yeeeeeeee...


Haaaaaaaaw!


Aaah! Oof!


(Toys clatter)


Sure you're freakishly strong,


But can you defend against this?


(Force field pops)


Oof! Ahhh....


So, it's come to this.


It's go time!


(Lasers hum)


Raaaaah!


Unh! Unh!


Unh! Ah!


Eric oof!


I'll destroy you!


Trevor, it's your last chance to return to the outside!


Come with me!


Normal's not so bad.


Never!


You could have had it all, eric.


We could have ruled these babies together.


But no, it's all over.


Trevor! Seriously,


It doesn't have to end this way!


Come on!


No.


No!


Noooooo!


Wha?


Um, what's going on in here?


(Chomping)


What did you do?


Just turned the lights on.


Nap time's over.


You ruin everything!


Not cool, dude!


I was king!


There, there.


(Burps)


Ahhh...


(Snores)


(Farts)


Ewww!


Trevor ow!


Well done!


What's going on?


You showed quick thinking under pressure, herr needles.


Exactly what we were looking for this whole time!


Does this mean...


You are free to go!


As soon as possible, please.


Yes! Trevor, let's get out of here!


Nein!


Herr troublemeyer is going nowhere!


He failed. Again.


Yes!


But, but you have to let him go too!


What am I gonna do without him?


Who will I eat my lunch with?


He's my best friend!


(Loud crash)


Trevor (snoring)


There, there.


Sounds like somebody missed his nap,


And is getting cranky! (Giggles)


Hey!


Unh! What are you doing?


Let me go! I am not cranky,


And I do not need a nap!


I just wanna get out of-



(Burps)


Hey, that is better.


I feel so much-


(Snores)


(Giggles) awww...