01x03 - Brother, Brother

[bunniefuu]

Oh, come on, Ms. Timmons,

you know I'm not snowing you.

Mr. Henderson, school policy does not

permit us to switch students from

one homeroom to another mid-semester.

But Miss Willoughby puts me to sleep

before the day even starts.

I mean, I need stimulation.

I need new things...

new room, new posters, new maps.

New girls who don't know

you for the loser you are.

Shut up.

You know, I think I'm going

to like it here.

Well, I know you will, Rochelle,

but if you have any problems,

just ask your homeroom

teacher, Mrs. Willoughby.

Thank you.

Or better yet, ask somebody who's already

one of wonderful Willoughby's

happy students.

Hi. I'm Marcus.

And that's the last honest thing

she'll ever hear him say.

Technocraft called again.

Have you made a decision

about the new computer system?

Look, I don't like to be pushed.

You tell them I have received

their technical manuals,

I have read them front to back

and I have not a clue what

they're talking about.

You have to pick.

Fine. Get the one that comes in black.

It's slimming.

The Technocraft ?

-Yes.

-No!

Look, I'm sure you know what you're doing.

No, I don't.

It's very simple.

You need a server with

a dual processor C.P.U.

That can drive a fast

megabit-per-second local area network.

Let's talk.

I want you to have my phone number.

It's a new school and you're gonna

have some questions.

You don't mind me calling you?

Well, nah. It's better than me asking

you for your phone number,

'cause then you're just going

to think I'm hitting on you.

Oh. Well, I was kind of hoping you were.

Oh, okay. It's a straight hit then.

You want to go out Friday night?

Oh, gosh, I have a volleyball game.

I hope that's not a problem.

Oh, no, no. That's a good thing.

See, any time you get a group

of girls jumping up and down,

I say, God bless.

So, Saturday night?

If you're, you know, not busy.

Well, you know, it is my Grandmother's

th birthday party,

but I think I can push

that back a day or two.

Yeah, she's . She's partied enough.

So, I'll see you.

Right.

-Thank you.

-[tongue clicks] Bye bye.

And now my happy dance.

Ugh.

[whistle blows]

♪ Another slice of the life

Of Master T.J. Henderson ♪

♪ Super intelligent,

A fine, young gentleman ♪

♪ A -year-old whiz kid

Bustin' high school ♪

♪A pugnacious little shorty

With a thousand IQ ♪

♪ He's got a way with the ladies ♪

♪ And he's keepin' it real ♪

♪ Your favorite little study buddy

He knows the deal ♪

♪ That he's still just a kid

On the ball, very clever ♪

♪ You can say that he's bright

Brainy, gifted, whatever ♪

♪ Your brother is smart ♪

♪ He's a smart guy ♪

♪ Smart guy ♪

♪ Smart guy ♪

♪ He's a smart guy ♪

[knock on door]

-Mr. Henderson?

-Yes.

Mr. T.J. Henderson?

Nah. Is he in some sort of trouble?

No, sir. Why would you think that?

white guys show up

on my door in FBI suits?

What am I supposed to think?

Happens all the time.

We're from I.B.T.

International Business Technologies.

We're here to pitch T.J.

on the new computer system

at Piedmont High.

No kidding. Well, come on in.

He never mentioned it to me.

Oh, T.J., you have company.

You guys haven't met him yet, have you?

-No, sir.

-No, sir.

Yeah, Dad?

These gentlemen are from I.B.T.

Sup, G?

Hey, yo, you got a phat crib here, my man.

You guys don't stand a chance.

There's no vision here, guys.

What if we expand

our interface with the web?

Have you ever thought of that?

We'll need at least a T- capability

on our gateway to the fiber optic hub.

Yeah, what about the fiber optic hub?

[knock on door]

Hello.

Oh, happy day.

Vivian Kennedy from Technocraft Computers,

looking for T.J. Henderson.

Oh, that would be...

me.

I heard he was a little kid.

There's a little kid in all of us.

T.J...

your : is here.

We thought you might enjoy this prototype

of our latest terrifying interactive game.

Wow.

"Night Shift Cashier."

[both] Vivian.

Boy, that sure is a terrific game

you got there,

but you really need a -speed

CD-ROM drive to run it.

Yeah, mine's only a -speed.

Oh, well, that just won't do.

Compliments of Technocraft.

Oh, now, wait, wait, wait.

That's really not necessary.

Dad...

please.

This is how business is done.

-[T.J.] Ow!

-Oh, sorry there, little man.

Didn't see you down there.

Whoa. Tolstoy.

No wonder it hurt.

What class teaches this?

Oh, I'm just reading that for fun.

You're going out with Marcus?

Boy, that's going to be

one quiet car ride.

-Who's Marcus?

-My brother.

The big doofus you made

a date with yesterday.

Oh, that wasn't me.

Well, if it wasn't you, you got a twin

sister walking around here somewhere.

Hey, you forgot this, Roxanne.

-Thanks, Rochelle.

-Mm-hmm.

Beep, beep, beep, beep, beep.

New girl alert.

Yo, I'd like to press up on that.

Excuse me.

Hey, hey, hey.

Slow your roll. She's taken, alright, bro?

Hey, uh, I like the new look.

It's different.

It's like a whole new person.

Marcus, right?

Wow, get a load of that.

She remembers your name.

Ahem. So, uh, listen, Rochelle,

about Saturday night, you know,

my first thought was

a basketball game and a pizza.

And then I thought, "Marcus,

you big, sweet old fool,

why don't you just let the lady decide,

you know?"

Oh, I like that,

willing to change your mind.

Flexibility's not egodystonic to you.

Yeah.

Dystonic?

Don't worry, bro.

She just speaking ebonics.

Wow, brains and a jock.

You got the total package, don't you?

Thanks for the compliment, but I can't

go out with you this Saturday night.

Hey, hey, she does have brains.

How you doing?

You're going out with my sister.

They're twins.

That means there's two of them.

I know what that means.

So you're not Rochelle?

I'm Roxanne.

So I'm not going out with you?

Afraid not.

See you.

[mumbling]

Isn't she a sight to behold?

And I will be a-holding

her in a few moments. Ta-ta.

You know, I don't know what it is,

but there's something about that girl.

Hmm, let's see.

Could it be that she's a dead ringer

for the one you're already going out with?

Nah, nah, nah, that's not it.

Well, I spend most

of my spare time reading.

I like to read.

You read Sports Illustrated?

My favorite is " :

The Year in Pictures."

That one was real good.

Hey, uh, listen, Moe,

I just saw some guys leaning up

against your car, bro.

My Pinto?

I paid $ for that car. Move out my way.

Excuse me! Watch out!

[yelling]

Thank you. You were very sweet.

Hey, it's just me being me.

Too bad there's only one of you.

[bell rings]

Yeah, because if you were twins,

you could go out with both of them.

You are a genius.

Oh, Roxanne.

Wait, I was just kidding.

You know it's funny.

In all the excitement,

I completely forgot to tell you.

I'm a twin, too.

-Really?

-Yeah.

Yeah and they both share one thin brain.

[T.J.] So who are you going

to tell her you are?

I'm Marcus' debonair brother...

Marquise.

Boy, when you let your imagination go,

it just sits on the front step.

Man, but this is got to be the best

idea that you ever gave me.

No, study before the test

was the best idea I ever gave you...

become your own twin, the worst.

But, somehow, that's the one

that flew right under the radar.

Hey, T.J., you got

another package from, uh--

Did you have that this morning?

The school play. Othello.

Really?

Yeah.

"To be or not to be,

that is the question."

No, the question is, why is Othello

doing Hamlet's lines?

Hey, Dad...

look what Gary and Hank sent me.

-A message-pager watch.

-A what?

You can transmit messages

to me from anywhere

and they appear right across

the face of the watch.

Isn't that cool?

These guys should not be trying

to influence your decisions

like this, T.J.

Don't blame it on them, Dad.

I asked for this stuff.

Pretty smooth, huh?

Smooth? Yeah,

but that doesn't make it right.

Oh, and whatever you're up to,

fur face, stop it.

Man, I think you got some

glue on my mouth.

That could be an advantage.

You won't have to talk.

When I talked to Roxanne,

I did pretty good, you know?

"Well..."

You did "well."

Look, Roxanne is smart.

If you're not careful,

she's going to figure out

you're not who you're saying you are.

Well, I'm not worried

because I'm going to have my little

encyclopedia brotannico

right there with me.

I can't help you. I can't be in your head.

No, you can't...

but you can be on my wrist.

Oh.

You know, I think it was

the year that I spent

in Mexico with the Peace Corps

that really turned me on to Mayan poetry.

I said pottery, not poetry.

I didn't realize Mayans wrote poetry.

Well, you know, they didn't write it a lot

because they had to chisel

it into those big stone temple things.

Oh.

Well, um, if you spent time in Mexico,

I'm sure you just devoured tons

of Garcia Marquez.

Aw, yeah, but, you know,

they make it real spicy down there.

But, of course, you mean

the author and not the burrito.

You know, his--his sense

of magical realism

mirrors an ancient civilization's attempts

to explain the unknowable.

I could listen to you all day,

but I really should

get to my violin lesson.

Violins? I--I thought angels played harps.

What are you doing tomorrow night?

I have a date with your sister--

your Sisters of Mercy Hospital.

I--I give blood there times a week.

But we have so little time

before you have to return

to school in Caracas.

Well, you can have me all day Sunday,

or as we say in Venezuela,

Hyundai.

Okay, she's headed for the door.

We're cool. We did it. Come on, come on.

Marquise? Get back, get back, get back.

Hey, I'm Rochelle,

Roxanne's sister.

Oh, really. Uh, what brings you here?

Eh, curiosity.

You know, when Roxanne told me that

Marcus had a twin brother,

I just had to see for myself.

Well, you've seen me and I've seen you.

Now, let's see if we can't

get you home. Shall we?

You know... you seem so much

more worldly than Marcus.

I hope I can study abroad one day.

I was listening on the other

side of the ficus.

Mmm, you're a very naughty girl.

Could I get you something to drink?

-[smack]

-Ugh!

Or better yet, let's get something

to go, shall we?

-Hey, Marcus, Moe.

-What's up, Pop?

So, uh, Moe, you got yourself

a new bike here, huh?

Well, yeah, you know, the car

just wasn't attracting the ladies

like the little red bike do. Right, babe?

[honk]

Nah, it's T.J.'s. The computer

lady dropped it off for him.

Oh, boy.

Where's this going to end, huh?

[both] Bang!

Hey, hey, hey.

Civilian in the room.

Sorry, Dad.

You were in our airspace.

Did Vivian give this to you too?

No, Hank and Gary.

Hmm.

Have a seat, Buzz Lightyear.

Ooh...

He used your full name.

"To infinity... and beyond!"

Hey, Dad, did you see my new bike?

Yeah...

I think we need to have a talk about that,

you know, businessman to businessman.

See, I have a roofing company.

People ask me to bid on jobs,

kind of like what you're doing

with Gary and Hank and Vivian.

And, of course, I know my customers

are getting bids from all the roofers,

so I give them a little

extra time to think it over.

Hey, I'm just thinking it over.

No, you are working them over.

Now, when are you going to pick

one of these companies?

Hard to say, Dad.

They each have so much to offer.

Decision-wise,

I'm still in a fact-finding mode.

Pshoo! Bang! Pshoo! Bang! Bang!

[telephone rings]

[ring]

Henderson household. Talk to me.

Who?

Marquise?

-Nah, there's nobody here by that name.

-Yes there is.

She means me, Pops.

You know...

if the girl can't pronounce your name,

you probably need to set

your sights a little higher.

Good looking out, Pops.

Marquise here.

Rochelle?

Don't you want to speak to Marcus?

What?

No, no, no, you can't come here.

Maybe we can meet at--

Hello?

Marquise?

Oh, good. I wasn't sure.

I thought you might be Marcus.

Why?

Why would you say that?

I don't think I can ever see him anymore.

What?

Why not? I--I mean, um, ahem...

Marcus is such a swell guy.

Oh, oh, he's nice,

but you know, sometimes,

nice just isn't enough.

Not when you meet someone who's brilliant,

sophisticated and worldly.

Don't you see it's you I love?

Nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, see, now--

now you messing with the program, see?

You're with Marcus, Roxanne's

with Marquise... that's me

and never the twins shall meet.

I know and if Roxanne finds out,

she'll k*ll me.

Where will we hide?

There's nowhere on earth you can hide.

You mean, you're not Roxanne?

For shame.

You back-stabbing hussy,

trying to creep with my man!

What? I can't help the way I feel.

Well, work on it. You've got

your own man... what's-his-name.

Marcus.

Marquise is mine.

Well, listen, Missy, I don't see

your name on him.

Well, my name was on my -speed bike,

but you stole that, too.

What? That was years ago!

I only took it because you lost

my pink Winnie the Pooh sweater!

Ladies... ladies.

Now we seem to have some

deep-seated issues here.

Now there's got to be a way we can

all get what we want out of this.

Yes, there is.

We'll let Marquise decide.

-Choose me, Marquise.

-No, no, no! Choose me, Marquise!

No, me, Marquise!

Look, there is no Marquise!

-[gasps]

-[gasps]

There's just Marcus.

That's right. I met you

and I liked you, right?

And I met you and I liked you too.

So I decided the compassionate thing to do

was for me to make up a twin

so I could go out with everybody.

Look...

look, I know it was wrong,

but I really am sorry.

There's no Marquise?

Are you sure?

Yes. I think I'd know.

Oh, Rochelle,

I wouldn't jeopardize

my relationship with you for...

Marcus.

Now, you see, if it was Marquise...

we'd be having that one

out on Jenny Jones.

Mm-hmm.

sh**t, what seems so big about Marquise?

I mean, I like Marcus.

I think Marcus is a good guy.

sh**t, I can't tell you...

Hey, Marcus,

did I just see Roxanne

and Rochelle leaving here...

together?

Yeah, they just caught me and me together.

I mean...

what was I thinking?

Hey, man, they busted me and...

well, to tell you the truth, I deserve it.

That's too bad.

But you got to look on the bright side.

I'm making out like a bandit!

[honk honk]

Yipes!

Mrs. Dowling.

Your Father asked me to drop

by and help you with your decision.

Aw, that wasn't necessary, Pops.

Yes it was.

I can see why you're

having trouble deciding,

so why don't we confab and see

if we can sort this out together?

Actually, my research is going quite well.

Good.

So what's your opinion of I.B.T.?

Oh, Gary and Hank are real nice.

They gave me this remote control airplane

with a sky diver who blows up on impact.

And what about their computers?

It's good.

Alright, how about Technocraft?

Oh, Vivian is the coolest.

She took me to the aquarium,

and we saw this k*ller whale...

and this isn't what you wanted to hear.

-I blew it, right?

-No, T.J.,

I think I blew it.

I'm sorry, Mr. Henderson.

You have a remarkable son here.

It's just that when I hear him talk about

computers and cyberspace and...

and the fiber optic hub.

Yeah.

I forget he's still just years old.

So it's not my fault?

No, it's your fault.

So you were trying to play both

ends against the middle.

And you got lucky,

because usually when a person does that,

they end up with nothing.

Pfft. Ain't it the truth?

Oh, go on. I mean, almost anything

you say from this point on

applies to me too.

I shouldn't have given

you so much responsibility, T.J.

You may be smart enough to do the job,

but you're not quite ready to do it.

So, T.J...

if we forget about how nice

Gary and Hank were

or how Vivian sort of floats

when she walks...

What I'm saying is...

Which computer is the best buy?

Actually...

Neither one.

Go on.

The best system is made

by the Zectonic Company.

They're a no frills group

that puts out an excellent product.

So why is it you haven't

mentioned them before?

Well... all they sent me

was this key chain.

There's a key on it.

"Jaguar."

I say we go with them.



Whoa, wait a minute.

You're the brains behind this?

You're Marquise?

Well, the goatee was Marcus,

but the soul, the spirit,

the poetry,

pretty much me.

What a mind you must have.

-I saw him first.

-I talked to him first.

Girls, girls...

Can't we discuss this over some ice cream?

Oh, hey, Marcus, don't wait up for me.

I'll be out with the twins.

Aw, man.

Mmm.

[clapper]

I'm never working for this guy again.