02x08 - Book Smart

[bunniefuu]

I want you to understand,

when we go one-on-one, it's all business.

The friendship thing

is totally out the window.

Fine with me. I don't like you

that much anyway.

Excuse me.

E-excuse me. What are you doing?

Putting out mats.

You can't take a nap here.

We about to play ball.

Not today, fellas. The women's

self-defense class is meeting in the gym.

Now, listen, sweetie.

This is a basketball court.

There's the hoops, there's the lines

on the floor.

There's the door. Feel free to use it.

Now, look, why don't you little girls

take your little self-defense class over

to someone's house, okay?

Smack each other around with pillows

and paint your toenails later.

Excuse me.

Is there a problem here, Yvette?

Yes and I'm related to it.

Well, you can call Mrs. Bellamy

if you need any help with these jokers.

"With these jokers."

Check her out. Who she think she is?

An ex-Navy SEAL.

[both] Oh.

She knows six different ways to k*ll you

with a Popsicle stick.

Ahem.

Anyway, where are we

supposed to play ball?

Marcus, I don't care.

The fact is we're signed up for the gym

for the next weeks,

so bounce. No guys allowed.

-Ah! [laughing]

-Marcus.

Oh, so it's like that, okay, okay.

How about if I signed up for the bathroom

at home for the next two weeks

and you get to use the one

at the gas station?

-Marcus.

-Stop.

Or how about this?

How about if I sign up for the floor

and you get to walk on the walls?

Think you can do that?

Marcus, would you forget

all that and look around?

What?

Oh, my goodness. When did that happen?

We have got to get into this class.

Think about it.

You and me and a room full of girls

in a contact sport where you wear pajamas.

Look at them! They're stretching.

Oh...

♪ Another slice of the life

Of Master T.J. Henderson ♪

♪ Super intelligent,

A fine young gentleman ♪

♪ A -year-old whiz kid

Bustin' high school ♪

♪A pugnacious little shorty

With a thousand IQ ♪

♪ He's got a way with the ladies ♪

♪ And he's keepin' it real ♪

♪ Your favorite little study buddy

He knows the deal ♪

♪ That he's still just a kid

On the ball, very clever ♪

♪ You can say that he's bright,

Brainy, gifted, whatever ♪

♪ Your brother is smart ♪

♪ He's a smart guy ♪

♪ Smart guy ♪

♪ Smart guy ♪

♪ He's a smart guy ♪

Man! There's got to be some way

to get into that self-defense class.

The answer is really quite simple.

Just use the argument of reverse

disenfranchisement.

He's right! The argument of reverse

disenfranchisement.

You don't even know

what he's talking about.

Yeah, but he's always right.

Yvette wouldn't stand to be kept out

of something because she was a woman,

so she shouldn't keep

you guys out just because you're guys.

That's a lot better than

your idea to dress up as girls.

Hey, it's not like I went out there

and bought a pair of sling-backs now.

Sling-backs?

Yeah, yeah. They're like mules,

except they got little straps on the back.

Real cute in the summer.

I have a sister.

I have a Mama, but you don't see me

talking about pumps.

Good day, people.

Shh! Shh!

Today we continue our discussion

on the Puritans.

We will discuss what they hoped to find

in the New World,

what their effect was

on the indigenous peoples

and what is that on your head,

Mr. Henderson?

Oh, sorry. Kind of forgot it was there.

Well, it's so loud,

I'm surprised you couldn't hear it.

You know the rule. No hats in class.

Bring it up.

It's my favorite one!

Well, I don't know. I'm kind of partial

to that one with the cup holder.

Now, although there were English

settlers already living

in what is now the southern United States,

the Puritans were the first

to establish colonies in the North.

Oh, oh, Mr. Delk.

Yes, T.J.

What about the Norsemen who settled

in Newfoundland in the tenth century?

I mean, they were here years before

the Puritans,

plus they had those really cool helmets

and they ate with their hands.

Quite true.

Leif Ericson and his plucky band

of Vikings

did make a prior landing to the North.

Nevertheless, it was

the Puritans who first established--

Bjarni Herjolfsson.

Excuse me?

The earliest landing was by

Bjarni Herjolfsson in A.D.

Once T.J. gets going,

there's no stopping him.

Pencils down, eyes closed.

I think we should.

You see, everyone thinks

it was Leif Erikson

because he left written records,

but Bjarni got there first.

Yes, but because the Norsemen established

no permanent settlements,

they're just an historical curiosity.

Anyway--

And someday people will say the exact

same thing about our space program.

[flustered] Wha--

You see, the Vikings came to America

and they didn't stay?

We went to the moon and didn't stay.

If we don't establish colonies in space,

then won't the whole Apollo program

just be an historical curiosity?

Yes.

Meanwhile, we're in Massachusetts

in the th century.

And if we continue with these diversions,

I'm afraid we'll never

get to the th century

and there's some really nifty stuff there.

Like Jell-o!

You know why Jell-o was invented?

To feed the world.

The orange slices came later.

T.J., look. I'll tell you what.

If you have any other comments or

interesting digressions,

write them down for me, would you?

You bet.

Anyway, as I was saying,

the Puritans left

the Old World full of hope

and headed for the land

of promise, Virginia.

He confiscated your computer?

He's insane.

And it gets worse.

Yeah, the man took my hat.

You know, the yellow one.

Good Lord, will the madness never cease?

I fear not.

You have to sign the note so I can get

my computer back.

Well, why did he take your computer?

Because he's insane!

He said I was typing too loudly.

And what were you doing typing in class?

He told me to. He said if I had any

comments, I should write them down.

And when I do, he takes my computer.

Let's not forget my hat, which seems

to be getting completely ignored here.

Hey, Dad.

Hey, Yvette.

Didn't you have Mr. Delk last year?

Yeah. He still has of my hats. Why?

T.J. just had a run-in with him.

I was just trying to put historical events

into a larger perspective.

Well, T.J., Mr. Delk's

not really a big picture kind of guy.

He's more from the sit-down-

shut-up-and-give-me-your-hat school.

Is that what you want me to do, Dad?

Turn off my brain and fall asleep with

my eyes open like Mo?

[snores]

No. I don't ever want you to do that.

-[continues snoring]

-In fact... stop!

Now you're creeping me out.

Then what do you want me to do?

Well, look, as long as you're respectful

and you got something useful

to add to the discussion,

you've got every right to bring it up.

Would you write that on my note?

Uh, don't forget about mine now.

Oh, okay.

Oh, wha-- hold on.

How come T.J.'s note gets signed and mine

gets crumpled?

Well, because T.J. was

in pursuit of knowledge

and you were in pursuit of a hat

that makes you look like a banana.

Ahem. So, Yvette, how's

the world treating you?

No, you cannot join my class.

Then it is true.

You would practice the same

exclusionary policy.

Men have perpetrated upon women for years.

Now, we believe

there's a double standard here.

Now, sadly, the rights

and privileges that you claim for your sex

do not extend to ours.

Certainly, there must be

some role twp able-bodied young men

could play in your class.

Well, actually,

there may be something

that you guys can help with.

[Sarina] Hiya!

[Dana] Hiya.

Thanks for your help, guys.

You make great practice dummies.

Very nice throws, girls. Now, eye-gouging.

I'll go get my car keys.

Are you sure this is worth it?

Trust me.

When do we go ask them out?

As soon as the room stops spinning.

Hi. Keep up the good work, guys.

Ohh! Hoo! So, who's cuter?

Girl with the choke hold

or the one who maced you?

Mace girl.

Yeah, yeah. She is fine.

You know, when she slammed

my head into the wall,

I felt a definite emotional connection.

Every day, I fear puberty more and more.

Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow... ah.

I'm sorry, son, but visors count

as hats. Dump it in.

[bell rings]

Okay, good day, people.

In our last class, we discussed

the Mayflower Compact of .

If you remember, this is the first example

of the concept

of government by the consent

of the governed.

A notion which was fully realized

with the signing of the Declaration

of Independence on July , .

And here's T.J. with a rebuttal.

In point of fact, the Declaration

of Independence

was signed by most delegates on

August nd.

August nd, really?

Ain't that something?

Yeah, because there's a few hundred

million people

who think it's the fourth of July.

They're wrong.

So you think I'm wrong, too?

Misinformed?

Has Delk ever shoved an entire kid into

his desk drawer before?

Dad! Over here.

Well, what's going on here?

They called me at work

and said you were causing a disturbance.

Disturbance?

All I did was disagree

with Mr. Delk about a fact.

-That's it?

-That's it and then he went off.

Nothing else?

I just disagreed with him.

If he finds that disturbing,

then I'm guilty.

Lock me up before I disturb again.

Is this his classroom?

Yep. Make him sorry, Pop.

I'll take care of it, son.

Dad!

Hat!

Did he apologize? Did you hurt him?

Wait a minute. Where's your hat?

What happened to your hat?

You didn't tell me the whole story.

I told you exactly what happened.

-August nd?

-It's true.

Okay, fine.

Whether it's true or not

isn't the point though.

-Yes, it is the point.

-No, it's not.

The problem seems to be here

that you're preventing Mr. Delk

from teaching the rest of his class.

You're taking his side.

I'm not taking sides, T.J.

Yes, you are.

You grownups get together and talk about

old people stuff.

What's up with those kids

and those baggy pants?

And that music they listen to.

And in the end, it's

the little kid who's wrong.

Well, in this case, T.J., he is.

Fine. I thought you came

here to stick up for me,

but obviously I was

wrong about everything.

Hey, T.J.

Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow.

How do you know if you have a broken rib?

Can't you think of a less dangerous way

to meet girls?

Yeah, but I'd need a job,

my own place to live

and a solid gold BMW.

Uhh! Whatcha doing?

Research.

Mr. Delk thinks I'm just being

disruptive and argumentative.

But once I show him written proof

that I was right, he'll have to apologize.

So you think you're going to get a teacher

to admit he was wrong?

Yes.

And they say you're the smart one.

Okay, fellas, nearly bedtime.

Say, what are you working on there, buddy?

Homework, internet, new novel?

Nothing.

Nothing, huh?

Mm-hmm.

Look, T.J., I want you to know,

I didn't go into his classroom to take

Mr. Delk's side,

but he does have a point.

Okay.

Okay. Good night, son.

Good night, Father.

Hiya!

I'd love to go out with you tonight.

Great, Sarina! Now go for the head lock.

No. No!

So, where do you want to go?

I thought a nice dinner

and then hip-hop dancing at the hip-hop--

Aiiyaa!

Can't wait.

Okay, girls. That's it for today.

Way to go, brah.

Hey, Dana. Slow down girl.

Say, look, I was thinking maybe we

could kick it tonight.

And by the way, I'm not "it."

Gee, Mo, you seem real nice and all but,

I just couldn't go out with a guy

who I made cry.

Oh, that. Well, see, I was just trying

to build your confidence.

-Really?

-Yeah, it worked, didn't it?

Oh, I feel bad now.

All the girls were laughing about you

in the shower.

Really? They were talking

about me in the shower?

Yeah, they were.

Call me later, okay?

It worked. Ha ha.

-Way to go, brah.

-Yeah.

You're both going to Hell for this.

But we're going with dates.

[bell rings]

Good day, class.

Oh, Mr. Delk.

Not a good day?

I just wanted to apologize

for my behavior yesterday.

I was being argumentative.

Well, apology accepted.

I should've been able to prove

what I was saying.

So, I accessed the Library of Congress'

archival database.

Oh, goody.

This is a copy of the minutes of the

journal of the Continental Congress.

As you can see, the only delegates

who signed the Declaration on July fourth

were Charles Thompson and John Hancock.

Hmm.

The rest signed August second,

just like I said.

Well, it appears that you are correct.

[Marcus scoffs]

Way to go, T.J.

You changed history.

Yeah, you're invited to my house for a big

nd of August barbecue.

[class laughs]

Alright, settle down, everyone.

Settle down.

Now that T.J.'s made his point,

perhaps we can continue.

-Mr. Delk?

-Yes, Mr. Tibbs.

If you were wrong about this whole

Declaration thing,

maybe you were wrong about my midterm.

Trust me, Mr. Tibbs, the medieval Saxons

did not invent saxophones.

And I'm supposed to take

your word on that?

We should ask T.J.

Mr. Delk, recent disclosures

have shaken my faith in this course.

So, what do you suggest we do, Mackey?

I suggest we recess until such time as

T.J. can rewrite this book, huh?

Yeah, T.J. you showed him.

I just wanted the correct facts.

And the correct fact is, you showed him.

T.J., would you come up here, please?

[class oohs]

Well, T.J., since you seem to have

a firmer grasp of the facts, here.

Perhaps you'll have better luck

at teaching this class than I do.

Alright, T.J. Free period!

No! No! Mr. Delk put me in charge.

So I guess this means

we should open up our books to page .

No. It means free period.

-Hats on.

-Uh, guys. Settle please. Alright.

The coloni--

Ah, excuse me, teach.

Pick it up. Pick it up.

Wear the yellow!

Guys!

Mr. Delk? Can I come in?

So, five minutes in front of the class

and you already want to hide out

in the Teacher's Lounge?

No. I just thought you

might want to come back to the class.

They're breaking up desks for firewood.

Couldn't handle them, huh?

They're animals!

Not the cute, cuddly kind,

but the ones you see on TV

that att*ck Land Rovers

and carry off Australian babies.

I know it's not easy to teach a class

when someone's constantly challenging

your authority.

You're talking about me, aren't you?

Mm-hmm.

Ah! Excellent object lesson.

Now, let's get back to class. Off we go.

No, no, no, no.

Not until you and I understand each other

a little better.

Right. Okay.

If you come back to the class,

I promise never to raise my hand again

as long as I live. Now, let's go.

No, no. That's not it.

Come on! What do you want?

They've got, " Lord of the Flies"

going on in there.

I want you to participate, T.J.

You're a bright, enthusiastic,

young student.

-It's just that--

-I know. I know. I'm incessant.

Well, you're a ten-year-old kid.

It's in your job description.

It's also the reason why I never taught

elementary school.

I was happy to get out too.

Sit down.

You're in high school now, T.J.

You've got to learn

a little self-restraint.

You gotta keep your comments to the topic.

But I've got so many ideas

ping-ponging around in my head.

I can't always stop them.

They're like... zing!

Ving! Boing! Bang! Boom! Zowie!

You know, I get the occasional zowie

myself now and then.

Did you know

that they have found remnants

of a Celtic settlement in Mississippi

that pre-date the Norse expeditions?

I didn't know that.

Oh, yeah. I got a lot of stuff like that.

You know, anytime you want to debate

these arcane points,

you can stop by my office.

I'd like that.

Oh, it's okay. Mr. Henderson had

a tough class.

[moaning]

So how's your back, man?

Not so good.

This damp weather makes it act up.

How 'bout you?

I should have your back.

Man, I woke up this morning,

turned to the left,

had a white flash in my eye.

You can turn to the left?

Let's take a squat. Come on.

[both moan]

[both sigh]

[doorbell rings]

[both groan]

-Those are the girls.

-Yeah.

Come on. Let's get up.

[both sigh]

[both] It's open!

Hey, guys, ready?

Yeah. You know it.

Never been two more ready guys.

Well, let's go.

-Let's do this.

-Come on.

-Uhh! Not gonna happen.

-Nuh-uh.

Oh, you poor boys, did we hurt you?

No. No, we're fine.

-Let me help you up.

-[Mo] Okay.

Oh thanks. Oh, girl.

-[Marcus] Wait a minute.

-[Sarina] Is that better?

Yeah. It's getting there.

Now you guys take

care of yourselves, okay?

Wait a minute. Hold on.

Y'all not gonna stay?

No! We going dancing.

Oh, okay. Well, dress warm.

Don't drink the punch.

They put things in it.

[both] Alright.

[both] Hi.

Oh, hello.

Bye.

So, who are they?

Our dates.

Wow! That's a trip. In my day, we used to

go out with our dates.

Where's your little brother at?

He's in the kitchen.

Alright, T.J. Now this silent treatment

has gone on long enough.

You're right, Dad.

I feel awful about the way I behaved.

It was mean and you didn't deserve it.

You're my Dad and all you do is look out

for me and my best interests.

Oh.

Okay.

Now the other thing is about

your behavior in school.

I know. I disrupted the class to pursue

my own line of inquiry

and made it impossible

for Mr. Delk to complete his lesson plan

and educate the rest of the class.

It was childish and I'm embarrassed.

Sorry I had to be so rough on you.

It's okay, Dad,

you did what you had to do.

Well, I set aside two hours

for this conversation,

so you want to go see

a movie or something?

Sure!

It seems like the older you get,

the less parenting I have to do.

[Marcus] Pop! I done fell off the couch .

Help me, please.

You want to help me out in here?

!

Hut!

Man, I caught a chill.

It's the weather.

No matter what you wear,

the wind cuts right through.

I hear Miami's a nice place to live.

Fort Lauderdale's cheaper.

-Yeah?

-Yeah. I know a place

where you can get an entire steak dinner

for $ . .

You just got to be there before : .

I could do that.

Ooh, Matlock!

Oh, no, man. I already seen this one.

There go the Golden Girls.

Ooh, go Blanche.

Oh, she fly.

[clapper]

I'm never working for this guy again.