02x09 - The Dating Game

[bunniefuu]

Oh, T.J., can I borrow your notes

for the Grapes of Wrath?

Sure. In fact, I wrote it down

all last night.

I'm sure everything you need is here...

except for you.

Hey, T.J., where's your sister?

Apparently in some other dimension.

Ha ha ha. I don't know

what you're talking about.

You just tell that phat honey dip Yvette,

that Mack Daddy Deion's clocking her.

She gonna be my boo.

I--I can't tell her that.

And why not?

Because the only word

I understood was Yvette.

Just tell her, alright?

She'll know. Peace!

Ew! That guy is such a pest.

How many ways can I tell him, no?

Well, there's

nyet, nischt, nein, nolo, oh-hee.

That's Greek, which is funny

because "yes" in Greek is neh,

-Which you'll think will be no.

-I get it.

Unfortunately, he doesn't.

That guy so thinks he's all that.

He's slimy, he's full of himself.

He's behind me, isn't he?

There's the pretty lady!

Yvette, after school, you, me,

and my ' La Sabre makes three.

I'm sorry, Deion, but I can't go out

with you after school.

Well, sure you can.

I cleared my schedule.

No, you see uh...

T.J.'s late for a doctor's appointment.

He has a bladder infection

and it could blow at any time.

What?

Make way! Ten-year-old with a

weak bladder!

Bad bladder coming through!

♪ Another slice of the life

Of Master T.J. Henderson ♪

♪ Super intelligent,

A fine young gentleman ♪

♪ A -year-old whiz kid

Bustin' high school ♪

♪ A pugnacious little shorty

With a thousand IQ ♪

♪ He's got a way with the ladies ♪

♪ And he's keepin' it real ♪

♪ Your favorite little study buddy

He knows the deal ♪

♪ That he's still just a kid

On the ball, very clever ♪

♪ You can say that he's bright

brainy, gifted, whatever ♪

♪ Your brother is smart ♪

♪ He's a smart guy ♪

♪ Smart guy ♪

♪ Smart guy ♪

♪ He's a smart guy ♪

Ohh... Bunch of messages.

[beep]

[Deion] Hey, baby. Big Daddy.

Clear your calendar tonight

'cause I got Good Burger on Pay-Per-View.

Oh, please.

[beep]

Where you at? Where you at? Where you at?

Pick it up. Pick it up. Pick up the phone!

You have to do something about this guy.

I did.

You did not.

You told people I have

a bladder infection, head lice

and a rash on my bottom.

It's for a good cause.

A rash on my bottom!

Mo in the house.

What up, Marcus? Let me guess.

You just chillin', right?

See what I did then?

Yeah. Woof woof!

I'm waiting on the mailman, fool.

My Father never wants to see a report card

like the last one.

Any chance this one's better?

Nope. So I respect his wishes

and never let him see it.

You're a very thoughtful son.

-What's up, fellas?

-Hey, what's up, Pop? What you got there?

About , pounds of groceries. Oh...

and I ran into the mailman out front.

Let me help you with that. Here you go.

Thanks.

Kids.

Lookin' for this?

Now... why would I be lookin' for that?

'Cause its full of C's

What? I actually pulled a "C" in Geometry?

Alright!

See, the fact that you're celebrating

does little to ease my mind.

Now, T.J. got all A's

and Yvette did great.

I'm tired of you goofing off

in school, Marcus.

Oh, come on, Pop.

Just keeping it real, you know?

Oh, keeping it real.

Is that what you're doin'?

If you don't get into college,

you're gonna find out

what real life is like, son.

It's real hard.

Aw, come on now. You didn't go to college.

I started, but then your mother had Yvette

and I had to quit to support us.

And my point is you did fine

without college.

And my point is shut your mouth.

Now, you want to do it the way I did it,

that's fine.

Starting tomorrow, after school

and on weekends,

you're workin' on my crew,

putting on roofs.

And you're gonna do exactly what they do,

no special treatment.

By the time I get through with you,

you'll be keeping it so real, you're gonna

be one big, tar-smelling bruise.

Now, there are still

groceries out in the car.

Whatever Mo hasn't eaten, bring it in.

T.J., if your bottom

is still bothering you,

my wife has a powder

that always works for me.

Thanks, Mr. Militich.

I don't have head lice. Get away.

Aren't people funny?

Want my pie?

Hey, Yvette.

This is your lucky day.

Deion's thinking of taking you

to the dance Friday night.

How about it?

I wish that I could, but, um...

They have to prep T.J. for surgery.

-You see, he has slightly webbed feet.

-That's it!

Deion, Yvette doesn't

want to go out with you.

Well, why not?

Why not?

Because...

she has a boyfriend.

Why didn't y'all say so?

Hey, Deion respects turf.

I won't crowd you.

So who is it?

Who?

It's, uh...

It's, uh...

That Mo.

Ha...

Wearing out a little?

Gaa! My arms are shaking,

my back is on fire

and I can't feel my feet.

Well, how's it goin', Marcus?

Great, great, great, Pop.

Just handing Sonny this big box of screws.

There you go, buddy.

Hurt like a son of a g*n, don't you?

Nope. Nope. Actually feeling kind of good.

Goin' skating later.

Ahh.

Well, maybe you don't need college,

since you like this job so much.

This ruse will only work

if Deion believes Yvette is Mo's woman.

Mo's woman?

Let the boy speak.

The point is until Yvette

finds a real boyfriend

or Deion finds a different girl,

everyone has to believe

that you're a real couple.

Meaning what?

Meaning you have to exhibit

couple-like behavior.

For instance, holding hands?

You're asking a lot, but okay.

Listen, the only hand contact

between the two of us is this--

That's not good enough.

It's not like Romeo and Juliet

went around going,

"Hi. How you doin'?

Everything okay in the castle?"

Okay. I'll hold hands.

Point . Him putting his arm around you.

Waist. Shoulder.

He'll take it.

What about her hand?

Can she put it in my back pocket?

Ha!

Alright, alright. I'll give on that,

as long as I get to tenderly stroke

her cheek and go, "rrrr."

Alright. I'll put my hand

in your back pocket.

And pick imaginary lint off my lapel.

I like that.

You got the back pocket. Don't push it.

Which brings us to our final issue...

kissing.

Which there will be

absolutely none of ever!

Good, 'cause it's yucky.

So, my pet, how did you find

Literature class today?

I turned left at the auditorium.

-That was good.

-I was feeling in the moment.

My goodness, love drop,

you finished all your lunch.

You must be ready for dessert.

I thought some kisses would be nice.

Mo, that is not part of the deal.

I know. That's why I got you these.

Aw, that's sweet, Mo.

-I'm gonna go get you another soda.

-Okay.

Mo, word on the street

is you and Yvette are the "it" couple.

Keep it up.

-T.J., I understand you have worms.

-What?

Aw, don't be shy about it.

Just drink apple cider vinegar.

Cleans me out every time.

There. I bet Mo never bought you

a $ . rose.

No, but he brings me Colonel Bubble soda,

and he's a gentleman.

Oh, he's a water head.

Come on, you deserve somebody better,

like me.

Come on now. How about this weekend?

No, Deion. No, thank you.

Don't tell me no.

And I don't appreciate

no attitude from you, neither.

Well, how about from me?

Don't be pointin' at my girlfriend.

Show some respect.

-Yeah, or what?

-Or you'll swallow this soda

while it's still in the can. You feel me?

You may want to think twice about that.

I'll b*at him with you.

I'll be around, Yvette.

Man, a chump by any other name, huh?

Yeah.

That was probably really clever,

but I didn't follow it.

Let me put it this way.

A Mo by any other name

would still be as sweet.

What happened to the "no kissing" rule?

Secret loophole.

When you do something really brave,

like you just did,

the rules change. See ya later.

That's Yvette. She's my girlfriend.

Man, I feel great.

I'll see you later.

Easy, Marcus. Almost quittin' time.

It is? Man, I don't

even get tired anymore.

Yeah, this job makes you strong.

Yeah, so true. The pythons

are getting quite large.

I guess that's a fringe benefit.

It is. That and this great view.

Yeah. Yeah. You can see the capitol.

Not the capitol.

-Those are women.

-Secretaries.

Mmm... gorgeous and your friend too.

Oh, look, there's more. [chuckles]

Ooh, looking very good. Looking very--

You are gorgeous.

Why, thank you, son.

I try to stay in shape, watch what I eat.

So, still feeling sore, aren't you?

Actually, I feel great. Working

in the fresh air, women to watch.

How can it be better?

On Friday, you get paid.

I get paid?

Well, I mean, you know,

if you make it til Friday.

But believe me, it's not gonna be much.

How much?

It's minimum wage, and there's

with holding, there's FICA--

How much?

bucks.

bucks? That's like,

uh, bucks a month.

You might want to save

some of that for college.

College? I don't need no college.

With bucks a month,

let's see, if I work for years,

after raises and bonuses,

I could make over a half a million

dollars.

I could get a Corvette.

I can get a top-of-the-line home theater.

You're missing the life lesson here.

I could get a jet ski.

I'm gonna see how much jet skis cost.

Thanks for hooking me up

with this job, Pops.

You are alright. I love you.

You know, Mo, you really

didn't have to stay after

for my sisterhood poetry group.

This is a full-service relationship.

That's why I'm taking you

to the dance Friday night.

That's great. I'm really

looking forward to it.

I'll see ya tomorrow, boyfriend.

Ciao, girlfriend.

Hey, little man,

you really deserve something

for setting up this

little thing with Yvette.

Here's a Jolly Rancher

and a car wash coupon.

Wow. So your arrangement's going okay?

It's better than okay.

I never thought I would

pull a girl like that.

She's something.

But you know it's all for show, remember?

Absolutely, positively no kissing ever.

She kissed me today at lunch.

Really?

Yep. Right smack in the cafeteria.

See, I know this started out fake,

but things have been moving along.

I predict by the time I'm done

dancing with her on Friday,

she'll be mine forever.

Just from dancing?

It's the whole ambiance.

See, once I get her in my arms,

working as one around the dance floor,

crepe paper hangin' everywhere...

it's like magic.

She will be swept up in the...

Mo-mentum.

[rap music plays]

Alright! DJ T.J. in the house!

I'll be back in five.

Principal Whitfield wants me to remind you

that there's only minutes

til the hot dogs go bad.

Enjoy them with a frosty Colonel Bubble.

Mmm-mmm-mmm. So good.

Yeah.

Yo, T.J., play this for me.

This is for the dance

where I win Yvette's heart.

Then I'm gonna seal the deal

with a little necklace I bought for her.

Oh, so you got this all figured out.

Yeah. I leave nothin' to chance.

I must have left the necklace in the car.

Yvette boo, I'll be right back.

Hey, Yvette. You havin' a good time?

Hey, Garret. Yeah. It's a great party.

Yeah. Yeah.

So, who are you here with?

Nobody, actually.

To be honest, I was thinking

for a long time

about asking you, but, um...

You wanted to ask me out?

Wow. I kinda always wished that you would.

Why didn't you?

'Cause you're large with Mo

and Mo's... large.

Ohh. Well, see, I'm not really with Mo.

He's just helping me

keep another guy away.

Oh! Well, uh, would you like to--

Dance?

Yeah.

[music stops]

Oops. Parental advisory on that one.

That was close. Terry...

I haven't been to a lot of these things.

Is it considered okay for a guy

to steal another guy's date

while he's out of the room?

No. It's the ultimate dis.

Thanks for bringing up bad memories.

Well, the horror is about to happen

to somebody else.

Listen, go out to the parking lot,

find Mo and bring him back here quick.

What are you gonna do?

Stall for as long as I can.

Hey, T.J., what's up with the tunes?

This one's goin' out with love

to all of our servicemen.

["Star Spangled Banner" playing]

Play ball.

We got it partyin' til the break of dawn,

so why stop now, party people?

Work it!

♪ Oh, the itsy-bitsy spider ♪

♪ Went up the water spout ♪

♪ Down came the rain ♪

♪ And washed the spider out ♪

♪ Out came the sun... ♪

Mmm, man. This is the life.

I can't believe all the time I've wasted

in high school.

Yep. Nothing like sitting on a roof,

drinking beer in a can.

What are you up to tonight?

Well, there is this school dance going on,

but I'm kinda outgrowing that stuff.

Aren't we all supposed to go over to Ed's?

Yeah. We're headin' over about : .

Ed lives above a dry cleaner.

It's kind of steamy there

til that joint closes.

Joey passed out last time.

Oh. Well, why don't we

just go to your place, then?

Yeah. I suppose we could do that.

It's parked right over there.

You live in your van?

I wouldn't exactly call it living.

No kitchen, no TV.

No women.

No women? Aah.

Truth is, we roofers don't really score

the prime babes.

They got this thing

about the way we smell.

Plus, this job really wears you out.

Well, what about Buck over there?

He's in pretty good shape

for an old-timer.

Yeah, he is in pretty good shape

for an old-timer.

He's .

I gotta go.

I don't get it. Didn't your Dad tell you

about this stuff?

He's always on about how hard work is

and how it's important for me

to stay in school.

You didn't listen?

He's my Dad.

Uh, will you look at the time?

I can still make the dance. Well, bye.

-What's up, Pop?

-Hey, Marcus. You going home?

-Nope. School dance.

-Sure you don't wanna stick around?

We're gonna sell some blood later on.

Make a couple of bucks.

Gonna go get some waffles.

Blood for waffles?

Well, you said make it sound ugly.

And you succeeded.

I appreciate it.

No sweat, Mr. Henderson.

It's like you said...

sometimes kids just don't hear things

from their parents.

Yeah, you're right. Well, anyway,

you earned your vacation, Sonny.

Hey, great. Yep, me and my girlfriend...

we're gonna sail the boat down

to my place in Bermuda.

How much am I payin' you?

[woman speaking French]

Ecoute this!

If you don't play

some music, we're all gonna k*ll you.

What are you doing over there with Garret?

You're supposed to be dancing with Mo.

Remember the deal?

Oh, it's okay. See, we don't have

to pretend anymore.

Me and Garret are kickin' it

and Mo's free to dance

with whoever he wants to.

-Oh.

-Oh, what?

It's just what if Mo wants

to dance with you?

He just left for a minute

and I know he'll be right back.

Fine, but in the meantime, play some music

for your own safety.

Since you put it that way.

Shall we dance?

[tango music plays]

Hey, Yvette is dancin' with Mo?

Yeah. They've been dating.

Dating?

I guess you miss a lot workin' on a roof.

Wow, you're good.

It helps when you have the right partner.

[rap music plays]

Oh, you know that's my jam. Let's do it.

I'm sorry, Mo. I would dance with you

again, but I promised Garret.

Garret?

Yeah. See, we don't

have to pretend anymore.

Garret really wants to go out with me,

so you're off the hook.

Oh. Oh, okay, that's cool. Cool.

And I want to go out with him.

Isn't it great?

Yeah, yeah, that's great.

So... I guess that's it for our deal.

Thanks for everything.

Sure. No problem. It was fun.

-Listen, Yvette...

-Yeah?

I want to give you something.

Good luck with Garret.

Thank you, Mo.

I thought the two of you

looked better out there.

You gonna be okay?

Sooner or later.

Man, Mo, I had no idea

you could dance so well.

Do you think maybe you could show me

some of your moves?

Sooner. Right this way, Mia.

Enchanting.

Next!

Alright. Next!

Here you go. Yeah. Yeah. Next!

Yeah. Next!

Two! You two girls yeah.

[clapper] I'm never working

for this guy again.