02x10 - Love Letters

[bunniefuu]

Yvette, I just wanted to let you know,

that if you ever need me

to do anything for you, I'll do it.

Okay. Thanks for coming by.

And I just want you

to know that the reverse holds true too.

That if you ever need me to do something,

I'll do it?

Thanks. You're a lifesaver.

Here's the deal.

I am halfway through the semester in this

Creative Cooking class

and I still can't cook.

Why would you sign up for a cooking class

in the first place?

I was hungry, I missed breakfast

and they were cooking bacon.

Look, you gotta teach me

to cook, Yvette, please.

It's hard. I got a midterm next week.

Don't make me beg 'cause I'll be all

"Please, please, please, please!"

Alright. I'll help you,

but this isn't like school.

You gotta pay attention and listen to me.

Whatever you say. I am yours to command.

Instruct me, o master.

Alright. I get the chicken

and you turn on the oven.

I think I can turn on the oven.

Hey, baby, you look kinda hot.

You ain't so bad yourself.

Oh, stop it. You crazy!

♪ He's a smart guy ♪

"So long as men can breathe

or eyes can see"

"so long lives this,

and this gives life to thee."

Wow. This is beautiful.

Shakespeare really knew how to write.

Yeah. Imagine what he would've done

with a laptop.

Of course, where would he plug it in?

I jest.

T.J., thanks for getting me up to speed

on all this stuff.

It's really tough when you change schools

in the middle of the semester.

Yeah. When I got transferred, I landed

right in the middle of Geometry.

What were you studying in your old school?

Coloring.

Reading sonnets is thirsty work.

Yeah. I'd love something to drink

right about now.

Oh. I'll be right back.

Chill, fair maiden.

Ohh...

I owe you big time!

Marcus Henderson at your service.

You're T.J.'s brother.

And aren't you in my Lit class?

Yeah, and girl, your feet must be tired

because you've been

running through my mind all day.

Wow. Has that line ever worked for you?

Yeah, sure.

Naw, never.

Hello.

I'm Marcus' father.

Hi. Nice to meet you, sir.

I'm Nina Duperley.

Nina. What a well-mannered young woman...

that's up here in your room, alone

with you, without me knowing.

Hey, I'm innocent.

T.J. snuck her up in here, not me.

Oh and I'm just supposed

to be old, dumb Dad?

I was . I know what you're doing.

Here. I brought us some Hula Punch

and some Fig Newtons.

[chuckles] Oh.

Okay. You guys carry on.

Come on. Let's let them study.

Wait a minute. Wait, Pop.

What? So T.J. can have a girl in the room,

but I can't?

What? You don't trust me?

-Right.

-Thanks.

Hear that, girl? Bad boy.

Your brother's a trip.

Was Marcus bothering you?

No. He was just being a guy

and guys are always up in your face.

They're so obvious.

Very unimaginative.

So you're looking for something

more like this?

"And with your face and lips like wine,

you teach this swan its grace,

the stars to shine."

That's amazing. Is that in this book?

No. I made it up.

Thanks, T.J.

I really appreciate all your help.

My pleasure. I'll see you tomorrow.

Okay, great. And it was nice meeting you.

Oh, nice isn't the word. The word is...

Nice. Nice is okay.

[imitates plane crashing]

I know, I know.

I can't help it.

She makes me nervous

and my mind goes blank.

How can you tell?

Come on, man. I need your help.

I just laid my best line on her up there

and I got no love.

Nina's different. Lines don't work on her.

She's smarter than that.

She likes romance and poetry.

Write her something.

You know what? [chuckles]

That's a great idea.

I'll just write her a letter.

You know, just speak from my heart,

express my feelings--

What do I say?

I'm not gonna write the whole letter.

-I'll give you a buck.

-I want a Land Cruiser.

-Five bucks.

-Deal.

Oh! Alright. Great news, T.J.

Mission accomplished. I put the letter

into locker , just like you said.

Really? . That's terrific.

Nina's locker is .

Are you Marcus...

The "Bashful pilgrim who worships

at my shrine"?

No, no. My bad.

See, that letter was for someone else.

I thought I was putting it

into her locker.

Oh, I see.

Well, it was really beautifully written.

She's a lucky girl.

At some point in this relationship,

you'll have to do something for yourself.

But not yet.

-T.J.?

-Oh, hi, Nina.

Did you really think you could fool me?

I didn't think it would hurt--

Why didn't you tell me what a great writer

your brother is?

Look. "Nina, your name is a golden bell

hung on my heart,

and when I think of you, I tremble,

and the bell swings and rings,

Nina , Nina , Nina .

Do you like me, too? Check box yes or no."

What?

Great! He's adding stuff.

I mean...

So, which box are you gonna check?

I can't just check a box.

The person who wrote this letter

deserves an equally expressive sentiment.

Something straight from the heart.

So could you write me a letter?

What?

I have all these feelings inside,

but I can't express them

on paper like you can.

So you want me to write a love letter

to my brother?

That's creepy.

But it'll be my thoughts and my feelings

and your poetic flair.

And between the two of us,

we'd be Marcus' perfect girl.

See? Right there... creepy!

You know what I mean.

Can you write a letter for me, please?

Okay. For you.

Okay. Thanks.

You're a sweetheart.

She smells good.

Okay, now add your onions.

Now mix it up.

With your hands.

Girl, that's dead cow in there.

Oh, come on, ohh! No! Ohh!

It's cool. Kind of squishy.

Mmm. What smells so good?

My Jamaican patties. Taste one.

Come on, Dad. We need a guinea pig

for Mo's first dish.

Can I be the guinea pig

for Mo's th dish?

You only live once.

Not a selling point.

Marcus!

These are for you.

Oh, thanks, Pop.

Mmm! These are good!

They are? Let me try one.

No way! They're mine!

T.J., great news!

Nina just wrote me the same kind

of gushy letter.

You wanna hear my favorite part?

"Dear Marcus..."

Go on.

That was it.

She called me "Dear."

I know there was more...

I mean, wasn't there more?

Yeah, but it kind of went pffft! You know?

[telephone rings]

[ring]

Hello?

Oh, hi, Nina.

Does she wanna talk to me?

If she wanted to talk to you,

she would've said it.

Hi there.

Oh, yeah. He's here.

[excited] Hi!

T.J., ha ha!

Quit kidding around, man!

[low voice] Nina.

Yeah, I got your letter too.

Listen, would you like to go out sometime?

You would?

With me, right?

Great. Alright, I'll see you tomorrow.

I just got a date with Nina

and I owe it all to you.

Man, y'all gotta try some of these

crab fritters.

Oh, Pop, great news. Nina just called.

She likes me! I got a date!

Isn't that great?

-Yeah, man!

-How cool!

That Nina's a nice, smart girl.

I'm glad she's interested in Marcus.

She doesn't know it, but she's actually

interested in me.

I wrote the letters Marcus sent to her

that got her all impressed with him.

You wrote it?

He asked me to.

That's not a good idea.

But as long as it ends there...

It doesn't end there, does it?

Sort of. Only Nina had me write

the letter she sent back to Marcus.

Wait a second.

You're writing letters from you

and back to you?

When you put it like that,

it sounds kooky.

Put it in a way that's not kooky.

Okay.

It's kooky.

T.J., you're playing with other people's

feelings

and I'm just afraid

somebody's gonna get hurt.

But I'd never do anything to hurt Nina.

She's just so sweet and smart and pretty.

Oh.

Oh, what?

You like her.

Sure. I study with her.

No. I mean you really like her.

Ugh!

A girl?

You think I like...

No way!

Eww!

He got it bad.

This plate is spotless.

Was you lickin' while I wasn't looking

or did this family buy a dog?

That was some serious pot roast, Mo.

Yeah. It was even better than Yvette's.

What? It was. Lots better.

Let's not forget, though,

that Yvette taught Mo how to cook.

He should be teaching her.

[laughing]

But let's not forget

Yvette's famous lemon squares.

Mmm! Ohh!

Especially good tonight.

Yeah, they are.

What's so different about these?

Mo made them.

I knew it!

Can I talk to you for a minute, please?

Sure. Let me just grab a couple of these

tasty lemon squares.

When you grow up and you get married,

if you wanna ruin that marriage,

say all the things you just said.

Marcus, what are you doing here?

Did Nina cancel your date?

-No.

-Oh.

I got it all worked out.

The key to this relationship

is to keep all conversation to a minimum.

Check this out.

First, I'll pick her up late.

No time to talk there.

Then we go to the movies.

Can't talk there either.

The singing trash cans

tell you not to. [chuckles]

Then we go to dinner where we can talk

about the movie.

And before you know it,

we're dancing and we're kissing

and there is no talking there, buddy.

That might actually work.

Don't wait up.

If you wanna come across

being unimaginative and obvious,

which Nina hates.

-Hates?

-I'm sure you'll be fine.

No! What, what?

Well, if I were going out with Nina,

I'd take her to the art museum.

She'd like that.

I don't know anything about art.

That's what you got a little brother for.

I'll tell you everything to say.

Oh, you're a lifesaver.

Listen to this,

the most interesting thing

about abstract art,

is that it all comes together

when you look at it like this.

See, it all comes together

if you just go like this.

Come on! Try!

No, no, no. You're doing it wrong.

Look, maybe we should get away

from the abstract art.

Oh, look. It says in the next room

that they have Picassos.

Ha ha! Oh!

Did you know that Picasso

was one of the original Little Rascals?

[yawn] Hi, Marcus.

How was your date?

Horrible.

The whole evening was a nightmare.

And I even tried all those great facts

you gave me about Picasso and Monet,

but that didn't even work.

She could tell I was faking.

Boy, knock me over with a feather!

Me and Nina just don't belong together.

I need somebody

who I could be myself with.

You know, grab a hamburger,

catch an action film.

Not all that fancy stuff.

That's too bad.

I really thought you two kids

had a future.

Want me to write you a breakup letter?

Would you?

That smells good.

Tastes better.

Ohh!

You are my new son.

Hey, Dad, I hope you're hungry.

I'm gonna make you the best dinner

you've ever had.

When? [chuckles]

Tomorrow night?

No. Tonight.

You're so weird.

Hey, coach.

What are you doing here?

I got my midterm tomorrow,

so, I wanted to try out my Osso Buco

on all the Hendersons.

Why don't you try your Osso Buco

on your own family?

Because they don't appreciate fine dining

like your family does.

They just rave on and on,

like they ain't never had a decent meal

in their lives.

You're exaggerating.

But this is the woman

who took a scared kid off the street,

put him in front of a stove

and made him a first-class chef.

The woman can do no wrong.

-Needs salt.

-What do you know? It's perfect.

-It's devoid of flavor.

-No, it isn't.

-Yes, it is.

-No, it isn't.

-Yes it is!

-Kids!

Kids, there's too many chefs here.

Yvette, why don't you make one of these

wonderful salads that you make

and let's both remember,

it takes more than one dish

to make a meal.

-Excuse me.

-Excuse me.

You added salt.

I did not!

Yes, you did! You ruined it!

I fixed it!

Well, then...

fix this.

[sighs]

No problem. Just needs...

different presentation.

Presentation. Girl...

Ah. I see what you mean.

Maybe you can give me a couple of pointers

on my side dish.

[knock on door]

Oh, hey, Nina. Come on in.

I set us up a little study table.

Oh. That's nice.

You want a drink,

a little fruit of the vine?

It's cran-grape.

Oh. Yeah, yeah, sure.

What's wrong?

It's just this letter

I got from Marcus today.

Looks like things didn't work out for him.

Oh. I'm sorry.

A breakup is always rough,

but sometimes you find somebody new.

Somebody right underneath your nose.

Yeah.

Gosh, he sure does break up beautifully.

His words really got to you, huh?

Yeah.

I'm really gonna miss the guy who wrote

these beautiful letters.

You don't have to miss him.

He's right here.

What?

Marcus didn't know how to express himself,

so I wrote the letters for him.

You wrote this beautiful language?

You wrote all these romantic thoughts?

Righty-o.

Eww.

Eww? Why eww? What's with the eww?

You're ten.

Actually, I'm closer to .

How could you write a letter

and pretend to be someone else?

Well, like this.

[imitating Nina] T.J., can you write

a letter to Marcus for me, please?"

No. Look, that was different.

I was intimidated.

I didn't think I could measure up

to his beautiful letter--

your beautiful letters.

You could've written your own letter.

I mean, you're so brilliant

and sophisticated.

No, I'm not.

[sighs]

I admire all that stuff,

but I don't understand it.

That's why I couldn't follow anything

Marcus was saying at the art museum.

To be truthful,

I just would've been happier

buying a burger and catching a movie.

A burger and a movie?

I thought you liked...

You mean you're not...?

Oh, boy.

Look, T.J., you're very sweet, but this...

this is just too weird.

I'm sorry.

We're just gonna have to do this

another time.

Nina?

Hey, Marcus.

I was up there studying

with your brother and--

Yeah, sure, yeah.

No, stop! Come back!

You're about to walk out on the most

perfect guy in the world for you.

T.J., don't get me wrong.

I'm flattered, but--

I'm talking about Marcus.

Me?

Yes, you.

You're made for each other.

You're exactly alike.

Both of you were using me and pretending

that you're deep,

but you're completely shallow!

You're shallow?

Yeah.

Me, too!

See? Perfect!

Now why don't you guys

see some terrible movie?

I hear Ernest is in space or something.

So wait a minute.

You hated the museum too?

Boring.

She's great!

That can't have been easy.

Leave the bottle.

You gonna be okay?

Oh, yeah, I'm fine. Absolutely fine.

There was nothing going on between us.

We're just friends, that's all.

Kills you, doesn't it?

Brutal.

Yeah.

Really hurts the first time,

you get your heart broken by a girl.

But then your heart mends

and you bounce right back.

-Really?

-Nah.

You end up spending the next three months

sitting in your underwear

eating ravioli from a can.

I don't understand what happened here.

I mean, she said she wanted romance

and poetry.

What she really wanted

is kickboxing movies and Marcus.

I just don't get women.

Son...

you can be the smartest man in the world.

And for all I know, you are...

but you will never understand women.

How come I suddenly want to?

'Cause suddenly, son,

you're becoming a man.

Ewww!

Hey, Yvette, guess what?

I got an "A" on my Osso Buco.

-What?

-My cooking midterm. I aced it.

So now it's time for me

to do something for you.

Thanks, but the potato

in my face was enough.

Oh, no, see, I wanna make up for that.

So tonight for dinner,

I'm gonna come over and not cook

or lift a finger to help.

Really?

You'd do that for me?

Absolutely. I'm gonna just eat and eat

and soon as the food's gone,

I'm outta there.

Gee, Mo, you really are a thoughtful guy.

Yeah, I know. Come on.

I'm gonna make you some of my famous

veal shank.

Make sure you use a lot of-- Never mind.

[clapper]

I'm never gonna work for this guy again.