02x14 - Stop the Presses

[bunniefuu]

Okay, these are the pictures

of the student council.

Do you want to go with the one where

all their eyes are open

Or the one that's in focus?

Always go with focus.

Here you go, chief.

Got the copy proofs

for the bulldog edition,

graphs of straight skinny

on the Q.T., very hush-hush.

T.J., this is not The Daily Planet,

and you are not Jimmy Olson.

That's right. Jimmy was a shutterbug,

and I'm a graphite man.

I want to hit the bricks,

pound the pavement, sniff out the scoop.

Will you please talk to me like you're not

in a black-and-white movie?

I'm tired of proofreading.

I want to write articles.

I want to be a reporter so bad

I can taste it.

I like your gumption, half-pint.

You want a story...

You got a story.

As I approach forced retirement,

I look back on years

of serving hot meals to you young people.

I remember when they first, uh...

built the new cafeteria back in .

Or was it, uh, ' ?

No, ' . Uh, December of ' .

Uh, early December. October!

Maybe it was ' .

♪ Another slice of the life

Of master T.J. Henderson ♪

♪ Super intelligent,

A fine young gentleman ♪

♪ A -year-old whiz kid

Bustin' high school ♪

♪ A pugnacious little shorty

With a thousand I.Q. ♪

♪ He's got a way with the ladies ♪

♪ And he's keepin' it real ♪

♪ Your favorite little study buddy

He knows the deal ♪

♪ That he's still just a kid

On the ball, very clever ♪

♪ You can say that he's bright

Brainy, gifted, whatever ♪

♪ Your brother is smart ♪

♪ He's a smart guy ♪

♪ Smart guy ♪

♪ Smart guy ♪

♪ He's a smart guy ♪

Hey, fellas. What's the cameras for?

They're for-- oh. They're for school,

for the art class.

They had things like painting

and ceramics and printmaking,

but those take a lot of stuff like

time and effort.

This is just point and click.

Hmm, let's see.

First assignment, "Still life."

Hold still.

Okay, that's done.

And we can knock the

whole semester out in a day.

It says, uh, "create an evocative photo

study of a family member."

Alright, Pops, look evocative.

-Wha--

-Give it to me. Unh. Yeah.

We on a roll.

Look, fellas, put some effort into it.

Come on, taking pictures can be artistic,

and it can be satisfying.

Now, look, how about this?

"Photograph something

that profoundly moves you."

What profoundly moves you?

-Girls.

-And women.

Okay.

But what specifically

that you can photograph?

-Wendy.

-And her mama.

Her mama look better than Wendy.

They like the Judds.

As an editor, you'll appreciate this.

See, I took a short little puff piece

about a retiring cafeteria worker

and turned it into an exposé

of an inadequate pension system.

Uh-huh.

Well, what I wanted

was a short puff piece...

and here it is,

Concise and to the point.

But you're cutting the heart out of it.

No, just the fatty tissue.

Dad, Yvette's ruining my article.

I am not. T.J., you

just don't like being told what to do.

You never have and never will.

That's not true, not true at all.

Tell her, Dad.

-Well, actually--

-Dad, please.

This is between me and the

insane woman on the power trip.

Well, much as I hate to tell you anything,

your sister is the editor,

And it's her job to decide what goes in

and how long it is.

Good thing you weren't around

in ancient Egypt.

There'd only be five commandments.

Look, one day when you get a chance

to run the paper,

you can do things the way you want.

You know, you're right.

What you mean by that?

I don't need Yvette and The Penguin.

I can start my own paper,

A paper that isn't afraid to tackle

the important issues.

A paper that goes out and finds

the stories people really care about.

-That may be going a little too far, son.

-No, no, no, no, no.

Start your own little paper.

You will fall flat on your face.

Oh, yeah?

We'll see whose flat face falls first.

[T.J.] Retirement plan inadequate!

District employee shortchanged.

Read all about it in the Weekly Veritas.

Veritas means "truth" in Latin.

"Weekly" means "once a week" in English.

Don't pick up The Penguin.

Pick up my paper.

Can't read all about it

if you don't pick it up!

I am telling you, girl,

You are the next Tyra Banks.

What are the pictures for?

Me. Well, ahem, that is

to say, uh, my art class.

Yeah, it's all very academic.

Nothing freaky about it at all.

Well, do you have a concept?

Well, yeah. I would like to show

the beauty of nature.

Okay. I like that.

Cool. Alright, so this what we gonna do.

We're gonna start you off in a bikini,

And I'm gonna put you right next

to this poster of Hawaii

that sits right in my room.

I'm gonna hook you up.

Gonna look-- hey!

Hey!

See, it's totally private. It's just

for my art class. Nobody's gonna see it.

Then forget it.

Look, I'm a model, okay? I've studied.

If this were for an ad or a calendar

or something where I could get

a little exposure, I'd be interested.

You'll be exposed.

You'll be in a bikini.

Hey, Brenda said she'd pose if it gets

printed up somewhere.

Well, who's gonna print our pictures?

Just read it.

Okay, don't read it. Just take a copy.

Come on, it might rain today.

You can use it as a hat.

I don't get it.

Why don't they want to read my paper?

'cause it stinks!

It's informative. It's thought-provoking.

Well, see, that's your problem

right there.

Let me give you some advice, son.

You want people to read your articles,

You gotta get 'em in the tent.

What tent?

This may be hard to believe,

but I come from a long line

of circus folk.

It's not hard to believe.

In fact, it explains a lot.

My great-granddaddy ringmaster Tibbs,

He always said, "you gotta get their

attention before you can fleece 'em."

Or in your case, enlighten 'em.

And you know what would get

their attention?

Pictures of students...

-Reading, studying, debating...

-All in swimwear.

-See ya.

-W-wait.

Well, what could it hurt?

The entire integrity of my paper.

I'm willing to take that risk.

Let's be risk-takers.

Forget it.

I'm not selling out to fill your... tent.

Well, T.J., your issue's not exactly

jumping off the newsstand, is it?

I tried to tell you that you couldn't

start a paper on your own

and get people to read it.

Hey, it's the first issue.

Eventually, people will discover it.

I got it! I got it!

And what's this, miss know-it-all?

Suddenly there seems to be a run

on the Veritas.

Ah, but not to read it.

Congratulations, T.J.

My paper's more popular,

but yours is more absorbent.

[laughs]

Okay, fellas.

Time to fill the tent.

Mm-hmm.

Okay, Mo, I see you as the quintessential

Piedmont student,

The average guy.

You hear that? "average."

What you like, they'll like.

To determine your interest level

in sample news stories,

I'm gonna measure your response

with biosensors.

Okay, let's run a first test.

Oprah.

I don't think that thing's working.

Oprah's money.

Halle Berry in a bathing suit

on top of Oprah's money.

[sensors beeping]

Okay. We're operational.

First story

"Flu epidemic ravages Piedmont students."

Flu epidemic ravages Piedmont women.

Female flu victims take ice baths

to lower fever.

[sensors beep]

Pictures inside.

[sensors alarming]

Okay. That's our lead story.

Girl of the week! Get your--

Read all about it in the--

Boy, I don't have to do anything.

The cover does it all.

Photo by Mo Tibbs. Here's my card.

Headshots, portfolios, boudoirs.

How do I become girl of the week?

Ah, girl, it's a long and rigorous

screening process.

Please?

You're in.

Ooh. I love journalism. Machiavelli.

What is this?

The paper that's gonna

run you out of town.

-T.J. this is tacky, it's trash, it's--

-A huge success.

So I can't put out a paper people

will read, huh?

I'll fall on my face, huh?

Who's kissing pavement now, sweetheart?

Don't let him get to you.

You're the editor of The Penguin.

You're putting out a quality newspaper

you can be proud of.

Exactly, And nobody's reading it.

Well, I guess only one paper can survive

in this school.

And it's gonna be ours.

T.J.'s paper must die.

[bell rings]

Hello, T.J.

Can I talk to you about your newspaper?

Hot stuff, huh?

Sleazy stuff.

Whatever happened to doing stories about

important issues that people care about?

I put that paper out.

They cleaned the floor with it.

So, you're just gonna give up

and fill that paper with mindless garbage?

There's an informative

article on global warming on page two.

Where?

Oh, yeah. That's right.

We had to cut it out to make room for

"Mystic Mo predicts."

"By the year , we will commute

to school on rocket packs

and apes will rule the earth."

Hey, it can happen.

And look at all the e-mail I've gotten.

Everybody loves the paper.

I don't like it, T.J.

I think it's a waste of your abilities.

Dad, I'm doing this

to get them in the tent.

Now that I've got them

picking up the paper,

I can start slipping in the smart

articles. That's the plan.

Well, it better be a short-term plan.

And it better happen before the apes

rule the earth.

Dad, we're on the same page. Believe me.

You got dirt?

Oh, yeah.

Mo called.

He's got pictures of those two girls,

that were boxing in the parking lot.

That's our cover story.

Bodacious babes battle on blacktop.

Wow.

Okay.

I've done some snooping around

for some hot stories.

Good. What do you got?

I hear, that Laura O'Donnell

is gonna be replaced at first clarinet.

Really?

Band gossip!

Tina, I'm trying to move papers,

and you give me band gossip!

I need scandal! I need trash!

I'm trying to run a newspaper here!

Well, well, if it isn't the fine staff

of The Penguin.

And I do mean fine.

Do you mind? We're trying to work here.

So am I.

I got a breaking news story for my editor.

Gold from the golden boy ace photo-hound,

Morris L. Tibbs.

Really? What's in there?

Oh, just a couple of pictures

of some prominent Piedmont girls

gettin' they scrap on.

You wanna see?

Sorry. Can't see me.

What if The Penguin were interested

in running your pictures?

Don't think so.

Let me ask you this, Morris.

How much is T.J. giving you

for those photos?

Nothing.

Hmm. Well, you know, each week,

The Penguin runs an ad

for the Capitol Cineplex,

in exchange for which they give us

movie passes,

Lots of movie passes.

What do you say, Mo?

I say, "shh...

I'm trying to watch the movie."

You just hang with The Penguin,

and the perks will keep on coming.

Really?

I'm not a perk.

But I am.

It's a pleasure doing business

with you, Mo.

Mm-hmm.

What's going on here?

Just lining up a new lead story.

Cat fight in the car park.

How could you?

I'm freelance, man.

That was my story.

T.J., in the newspaper business,

we call that a scoop.

Want to go to the movies?

My treat.

That Yvette is low.

I can't believe she would do that to us.

Us? She got you.

No, she got us.

If my paper goes down, say good-bye

to your,

"Girl, you're so fine,

you should be a centerfold."

We got to do something

about Yvette and quick.

We've got to find something

that captures the readers' interest

and gets back at Yvette

for what she did to us.

Well, it can't be her diary.

Yeah, 'cause that's just plain boring.

Well, look, if we can't use Mo's pictures,

we just gonna have to find

two girls of the week.

Actually, we only need one girl,

but the right girl.

A special girl.

Now, what you gonna do with that?

I'm gonna scan it onto my computer.

Why? That's just me, you,

and Yvette on the beach.

It's gonna be on the front page

of the paper.

Now, wait a minute.

We gonna be the girls of the week?

Just one of us.

Look, first I cut you out.

Hey, man, I like me in that picture.

Say good-bye to you in that picture.

[whimpers]

Ooh. Man, that was dope. Do that again.

Okay, say good-bye to me.

Oh. Man I love that.

Now do Yvette.

You're kind of missing the point.

Look, what could be better for The Veritas

than having the editor of The Penguin

as its girl of the week?

Extra! Extra!

Penguin editor bares all in Veritas.

This Penguin likes it hot!

Oh, it's even better than I heard.

I thought your sister was one of those

smart girls,

with integrity and all that junk,

but I was wrong, so very wrong.

Remember, you saw it in The Veritas.

All the news that's fit to go a-oohga at.

Hey, Yvette. Hey, I know it's cold now,

but come this summer, how about you and I

go swimming?

Why are you talking to me?

'cause you're almost nude

in this photo. Look.

You can keep that one. I've got tons.

Good thing you bought

those pictures from Mo.

Freed up space for my best feature ever.

Yvette, honey, you coming down for dinner?

[no reply]

You want me to keep a plate warm for you?

[no reply]

Want to make some noise

so I ain't gotta call ?

[tap]

Thank you, baby.

Your sister's been acting kind of funny

ever since she got home from school.

Either of you know anything about that?

-No.

-No, no, not a thing. No.

I'll take that as a yes.

Now, either of you gentlemen

have anything to do with that?

-[Marcus] Absolutely not.

-[T.J.] We didn't do anything.

Another yes.

So what did you do?

Look, it's possible she might be

out of sorts

because our newspaper competition

has gotten a little rough and tumble.

And what with the give and take,

This and that may have happened

here and there.

Well, now that that's all cleared up,

I'll be going.

-Sit.

-Ayeee.

Now let me see a copy of that paper.

Sold out.

Is that right?

You're just gonna go through all my stuff

Like there's no constitution

or individual rights?

Yep.

T.J., what is--

How?

You said you were gonna clean this up,

but you did it to your sister instead.

She stole my lead story.

I had to retaliate.

Retaliate?

Is that all this paper is. Is just

something to get back at your sister with?

There's also sports.

Well, not anymore.

The Veritas is very dead,

and that was the farewell issue.

You can't just shut down my paper.

Don't I have any rights?

I think he's made it

very clear that you don't.

I believe you can handle

this one without my help.

Doesn't it occur to you

That you ought to be a lot less concerned

about your little paper

and a lot more concerned

about what you just did to your sister?

I didn't do anything that bad.

It was just a friendly rivalry.

T.J., you humiliated her

in front of the whole school.

Listen,

your sister prides herself

on having a certain level of dignity

and on being a very serious young woman,

and having the respect

of all of her fellow students.

You took that from her today.

You turned her into the girl of the week.

Hey there.

What you watching, movie?

Must be a good one 'cause you're

really into it.

Oh, no, not the silent treatment.

I hate the silent treatment.

Yell at me. Hit me. Do something.

Oh, no, not the look.

I can't take the look.

It's worse than the silent treatment.

Don't go.

I'm trying to tell you you were right.

Look, I wasn't ready

to start my own paper.

If I was, I wouldn't have

tried to get back at you.

Now I've humiliated you

in front of hundreds of kids.

Who knows? Maybe even thousands.

It's probably even on the internet by now.

I know I can't give you your dignity back,

but you can have mine.

You could tell people how I still sleep

with frosty my bear.

Oh, you could print an embarrassing

picture of me.

Ooh, the tush picture.

Come here. Come here.

Sit here.

Ooh, I got better.

Remember that time Dad tried to save five

bucks to give me a buzz haircut himself?

Two words, A-team.

[imitates Mr. T] I pity the fool

with that haircut.

Not bad enough? I got worse.

Ooh, look. Here I am on my training potty.

Look at that concentration.

Look, you print that picture of me,

I'll never be able to show my face

in school again.

Well, at least not that face.

You talked to me. Alright!

We're making progress.

Ooh, look. Here's another one that I hate.

Me with the chickenpox.

Ohh, I remember that.

We had to cover you with calamine lotion.

You looked like a big bottle

of Pepto Bismol.

I don't remember that part.

You were only three.

You were so pitiful.

You itched so bad you couldn't sleep,

So, I stayed up half the night

and read you stories.

Oh. And I repay you by humiliating you

in front of the whole school.

I'm sorry.

I didn't mean to hurt you.

I believe you.

I'm gonna use the tush picture.

What you doing?

Publishing one last issue of The Veritas.

I thought I told you not to publish any--

Ooh, it's the tush picture.

Yeah, well, it's an agreement

Yvette and I worked out.

She said she didn't want to compromise

her journalistic integrity,

So, I agreed to publish this

embarrassing picture of me in my paper,

Unless you want to put your foot down

and forbid me.

Nah. It's okay with me. Go ahead.

Hey, you had every reason to shut me down.

Ooh hoo hoo hoo.

Well, you got the right

to put this picture out.

Oh, now I got rights.

No. Just a cute tush.

[clapper] I'm never working

for this guy again.