02x19 - Strangers on the Net

[bunniefuu]

How much this video game gonna cost me?

How can you put a price

on experiencing what it's like to

be a starship doctor

on the front lines of an alien invasion?

Again I ask, what's it gonna cost me?

You're kind of fixated here.

Okay. It can be had for the low, low price

of $ .

$ ?

If that's low, low, I say, "no, no."

Yvette, tell dad that $

is not unreasonable for a CD-rom game.

$ is extremely reasonable

for a CD-rom game.

Thank you.

It's also extremely reasonable

for a pair of gold tube earrings

on sale at Macy's.

Hey, if you're gonna

buy something for Yvette,

the least you could do

is buy something for me.

Alright, I'll solve this.

I ain't buyin' nothin' for nobody.

Dad, can I have a car?

I am not buying you a car.

Now, I didn't ask you

to buy me a car, did I?

I saved up $ .

Oh, well, it's your money, Marcus.

If you can find a car

for $ , you can buy it.

Ta-da!

You bought a car for $ ?

No. Mo bought it.

Hello there.

Yeah. The whole thing cost $ ,

but I chipped in $ .

Yeah. We considered the $ car,

but at that price, you're just asking

for trouble.

Does the $ car have an engine?

Of course it does.

Oh, yeah. It's right here

in the back seat.

Not a problem, okay? Not a problem.

Hey, between us, we can fix this thing up

'cause Mo took auto shop.

Mo didn't take auto shop, Mo is auto shop.

Uh, Mo, there's a latch behind the grill.

Thank you.

See, I came late to auto shop. When

I got there, the hoods was already up.

♪ He's a smart guy ♪

My dad said if I wanted

to get a CD-rom game,

I have to buy it with my own money.

Where do they come up

with this absurd nonsense?

Well, you know what we could do?

I've been talking to this kid

in the hypergame's chat room.

He is so dope.

He's selling bootleg copies

of Starship Doctor.

How much?

$ .

I can find that much in my dad's couch.

Yeah, but, see, they're bootleg,

Which means you're dealing with

not entirely legal stuff.

Come on. He's charging

less than half price.

That's because it's counterfeit,

hence a crime.

The crime is charging bucks

for a disk that costs them $ . to make.

Well put.

I just don't want to get in trouble.

What are you, a wuss?

A wuss?

No one is less wusslike than me,

my little princess.

Oh, yeah?

Prove it.

What's the kid's online name?

Marky - .

"So, Marky, is Starship Doctor

still available?"

Oh, good. It is.

Wow, look at all the other

games he's selling.

We have hit the mother lode.

Oh! I want that one.

And that one!

And that one. I want all of 'em.

-There's just one problem.

-What's that?

We still don't have the money.

Oh, yeah.

[horn honks continually]

[Mo] The horn's working.

[honking]

[Mo] Horn won't stop working.

Tell him we'll meet him

at Dawgburger at : with game in hand.

We'll be wearing orioles caps.

But we don't have the money.

What's the matter?

Can't you hear the sound

of opportunity honking?

[honking]

So is the car running yet?

Shh! Can't you see the man's workin'?

One more adjustment and...

Got it. [laughing]

Alright, now, stand back.

This baby's ready to fly.

Uh-oh.

[music plays loudly]

-Alright. Yeah!

-Ha ha! Alright!

-You fixed the stereo. You are a genius!

-Thank you, my brother,

and, now, our patented happy dance.

Alright. Yeah.

♪ Uh-huh, uh-huh, Check it to the East ♪

♪ Check it to the West ♪

♪ Check it to the South ♪

♪ What's it all about? ♪

Yeah!

Is the car ever going to

take the stereo anywhere,

or is it just gonna be

on permanent display here?

Please, girl, let a man

enjoy his handiwork.

[static sound]

-[music stops]

-Aw! Aw!

Maybe you guys should concentrate on

making the engine dance?

We can't. The starter doesn't work.

And we don't have enough

money to buy a new one.

Well, I could, uh,

maybe help you guys out.

If you make me an equal

partner in the car.

Let me talk to my guy.

No, no, no, no.

No.

You're in!

For $ .

I can fix the starter.

Alright. Sorry, babe, we don't need

your money anymore. You're out.

I said I'd fix it.

I didn't say I'd fix it for free.

You're back in. You know I was against

lettin' you go?

Okay, how much, little man?

How much do we need?

For all three games, $ .

$ .

I threw in lunch.

Great! I'm an equal partner for $ .

I'll get your money.

Just do your stuff, little pep boy.

Every time I try to

get this starter to work,

it just gives me a little,

"ca-chig, ca-chig, ca-chig."

It won't turn off.

Hmm.

Your service record

should be paper-clipped

to the inside of your owner's manual.

Can I have that, please?

[starter turns]

[engine starts]

Here's your key.

You gonna make copies of that?

Do you think Marky - is already here?

Ooh! How about that kid?

Do you think that's him?

Is that him?

Yes, they're all him.

Actually, I'm him.

You're Marky - ?

You're not a kid.

Ah! You saw through my disguise.

We thought you were a kid

because you were in the kids' chat room.

Yeah. I know. I'm old.

I'm old enough to remember pong.

Ancient video game?

Little ball back-and-forth all day long?

Dink dink dink.

Not a good game.

Have a seat.

I don't know if we should.

Look, I didn't mean to mislead you,

but I like to talk games.

-And who else likes games?

-Kids.

At last, someone who understands me.

Okay, now that we understand each other,

Did you bring the...

Goods.

Boy, your boyfriend is all business.

He's not my boyfriend.

Well, I'd grab him up. He's a real catch.

Don't worry. I brought your games.

That part was for you.

-Starship Doctor.

-Cool.

Here are the other two games you ordered,

and I threw in a copy of Texecutioner,

just 'cause you guys are orioles fans.

Excellent. It's a pleasure

doing business with you.

Uh, uh... actually, until you give

me the money, it's not really business.

It's more like you're ripping me off.

O-oh! I'm sorry. I'm new at this.

That's okay. You're doing fine,

Except for the not

giving me the money part.

There you go.

You know what, we can show my dad

how many games I bought,

and with my own money.

Uh, do me a favor.

I'd appreciate it if you would not say

anything to your dad.

I'm selling bootleg copies,

a practice that is frowned upon

by big companies

and law-abiding fathers, so...

This is just between us.

Deal?

Deal.

Okay. If you want any more games,

you know how to find me.

Careful, doctor.

Careful...

[screaming]

Well, that's obviously not how you take

an alien's temperature.

Hey, he's got different places

to put a thermometer. I took a sh*t.

I heard screaming.

Wanted to make sure everything's okay.

Oh, it's okay, Dad.

We're just playing doctor.

Come again?

Starship Doctor.

Oh, that's that game you

were telling me about.

Yep, and you know what, Dad?

I bought it with my own money.

Hey.

God bless the child that's got his own.

There must be $ worth of games there.

Yeah.

I thought you only took

Marcus and Mo for $ .

Oh... yeah.

That paid for this game.

The rest of the games are Karen's, right?

Yeah. I got 'em as gifts.

Yeah. Nothing odd about that.

People get gifts. Except in this house.

Well, Karen's a very lucky girl.

As for you, dinner's in an hour.

Bread and water, as usual.

On tin plates.

I don't think he suspected anything.

[bleep]

Hey, you have mail.

It's from Marky - .

He wants to meet us in the chat room.

There he is.

He wants to know if we're

happy with the games.

What a good guy.

Yeah. He really stands behind

his stolen products.

Ooh, he has some new games in:

Grave Robber II, and Clowns of w*r,

$ each.

Great! "We'll get the cash,

and we'll meet you at Dawgburger at : ."

Good idea.

"I can't leave the house.

I'm trying to meet a deadline

on a new video game I'm inventing."

Wow! He makes his own games?

Whoa! He says if we want to come over,

we can test it.

Hey, he lives pretty close.

Yeah. I'll just tell Dad we're going.

Hello? Mark said no dads.

Oh, yeah.

Look, we'll sneak out the side door.

That way my dad won't see us.

Alright, try it now.

[engine falters]

She's not doing it right, man. You try.

Okay, cool.

Thank you.

[engine falters]

No sign of Dad.

Alright. Let's go.

Hang on. We got some games to buy.

I gotta make one more stop

at the cash machine.

So, how's it going?

-[Marcus] Oh, great. Great.

-[Mo] Good, good.

-The car's not working.

-Need help?

-No, no.

-We cool.

They're lying. Can you fix it?

Sure, but it's gonna cost you.

How much? What? bucks again?

No, . That way it's divisible by three.

Is it?

Okay, but no paper clips this time.

No paper clips.

'cause that was embarrassing.

Stand back, please?

Alright, don't try the air filter

'cause that's brand-new.

Yeah, and don't try the carburettor

because that's new, too.

Well, you're right. The engine's fine.

You're outta gas.

Man, I hate him! Who's with me?

Wow!

Whoa!

This place is amazing.

Ah, just a little something

I threw together.

You've got Clowns of w*r over there,

Grave Robber II on that one...

and Ultrablaster IV over there.

Oh, and, uh, here's the one

I was telling you about.

Whoa!

This is like a virtual reality setup.

Very good.

Boy, you are smart.

I'm calling it Surf City,

and the idea is, you select famous beaches

from around the world:

Zuma, Waimea bay, Sunset beach,

and you test your surfing skills.

Sounds cool.

Here's the really cool part.

I use that video camera

to put your image in the game.

Wow! Can we do it?

Well, sure. You'll be the first.

Okay, what do we have to do?

Okay, you stand on the platform

in front of the blue screen,

which allows me to

put the ocean behind you,

and you watch yourself surf

on the monitor.

Now, the longer you ride,

the higher your score,

but, remember, there are sharks,

eels, and jellyfish,

and they're trying to get you.

Alright, I'm ready

to hang ten. Let 'er rip.

-[Karen] Whoa!

-[Marky] Watch out!

-[T.J.] Whoa!

-[Marky] Watch out!

Whoa.

[Karen] Aw, neat!

Cool!

Boy, that was great. This game rocks.

Thanks. After all, you guys

are the buyers, I gotta please.

I think we got a winner here.

The only thing that's weird is...

See, you're surfing

in your sweaters and jeans.

It sort of ruins the reality of this.

You really ought to be in swimsuits.

That may be winter wear

in Hawaii, but not D.C.,

Which stands for "darn cold."

But you're wearing underwear, right?

I mean, boxers are just like jams.

That might work.

What do you think?

Uh... I'd rather not.

Yeah. I'm more comfortable like this.

I gotcha. You know, I have other friends

who were a little nervous at first,

but, you know, after

they played for a while,

They really loosened up.

I'll show you some pictures.

See? Now, this is Melissa. She's your age,

and the first time she came here,

she was nervous, too.

But she got comfortable

and started getting into it,

and before you knew it, she was surfing

with her shirt off.

I thought you said that we were the first

to try this game.

Oh, you are. For this version.

I've had to redo it several times,

you know, to get the bugs out.

I haven't let anybody try this version.

Come on. Who wants to catch a wave?

You don't have to take off your pants,

just take off your shirt.

Uh, I think we should go.

Hey, what's the rush?

Listen, let's forget about Surf City.

I have been having a lot of trouble

with level six of Ultrablaster IV.

Oh, Ultrablaster IV.

You know, I bet a smart kid like you

could really help us figure this out.

No. I gotta get home for dinner.

Ah, that's too bad.

Karen, you can still stay, right?

Yeah. I guess.

No. She's having dinner

at my house, right?

No, I'm not.

You are tonight.

Why are you acting so weird?

Low blood sugar. I'm hungry. Come on.

Okay, Okay. I'll go.

Hey, you guys can come back

any time you want.

Just don't forget our little agreement,

not to tell your parents.

You don't want them mad at you

for buying bootleg games.

Don't worry. We won't tell anybody

about anything.

[laughing] Will you listen to that?

Yeah, it's saying, "Hey, Mo, there

ain't no cops around.

Take me up to ."

You wreck my third of the car,

I wreck a very important third of you.

Hey, you got it runnin'.

Was there any doubt?

There was only doubt.

But I'm glad to see you proved me wrong.

Alright. Thanks, Pops.

Alright. So you guys ready

to take it out on the road?

Aw, yeah.

Yeah. We got everything we need.

It's gassed up, tires are inflated,

little green air-freshener,

smell like a pine tree.

I got rid of the zebra seat covers.

Well, you win some, you lose some.

So, basically, we got it all covered.

You got insurance?

That's gonna cost some money, isn't it?

Three teenagers in a muscle car?

You define high-risk.

Man, we gonna have to sell another

piece of this car.

Mr. Henderson, I find myself in a position

to offer you the deal of a lifetime.

Now, just what would it take to get you

behind the wheel of this beauty?

Vanessa Williams in the passenger seat.

Hey, little man, where you been?

Uh... nowhere.

Hey, T.J., you know

we got the car runnin'?

Great.

What's wrong, Teej?

Nothin'.

You got a problem with your computer, son?

No. I've just had enough of it.

What? Enough of your computer?

What are you? Sick?

I'm fine. I'm okay.

Really?

It's just that usually when you say,

"I'm fine, I'm okay,"

it means, "I'm not fine. I'm not okay."

Well, in this case, it means I'm fine.

Fine.

Did you have a fight with Karen?

No, and I don't want to talk about it.

Okay, well, at least we've established

that there's an "it"

you don't want to talk about.

But if you're not ready, I can wait.

It's just that you need to know

that at some point,

we're gonna have to talk about it.

I just don't know where to start.

Don't make such a big deal out of it.

Just start talking, and, eventually,

it'll come out.

Karen and I were talking

to this guy we met in a chat room.

Mm-hmm.

He was selling some bootleg games.

Bootleg games?

-Come on, T.J., you know better than that.

-That's not it.

There's more?

See, he was in the kids' chat room,

But he wasn't a kid.

Yes, I'm here at their house

with the family now.

Thanks.

I'll tell them.

It turns out that the man

your son told us about

has served time for this before.

He's currently on parole.

Just talking to your son and his friend

was a violation of that.

He's been arrested. He's in custody.

He's not getting out on bail, is he?

No, sir.

It's lucky for him.

Hey, T.J., you hear that?

Because you told me what happened,

he's not gonna be able to do that

to anybody anymore.

Yeah. Way to go, T.J.,

you did the right thing.

The important thing is that you felt

something was wrong,

and you got out of there.

And you got Karen out, too.

You're a hero, T.J.

Thanks.

I'm tired, Dad. Can I go to bed now?

Sure. Come on. I'll tuck you in.

[T.J.] Dad?

-[T.J.] Dad?

-Yeah, T.J.!

You okay?

What are you doing down here?

I went in your room,

and you weren't there.

I came down here 'cause I couldn't sleep.

I just came down to read.

Then leave a note or something.

Don't just not be in your room.

Look, it's okay.

Everything's alright.

You have a bad dream or somethin'?

I don't know.

I just woke up, and I couldn't

fall back asleep.

You can stay down here with me

if you want.

Thanks.

You want to watch some T.V. or something?

[sighs] I was so stupid.

Oh, come on, now. It's not your fault.

Everybody keeps saying that.

Everybody wants me to feel better.

Well, I don't.

Look, you made a mistake, T.J.

Now, you went over to a stranger's house,

and you shouldn't have,

but we're all just glad that you're safe.

But he wasn't a stranger.

I met him on the net. He was a nice guy.

You know, that's what scares me

about this whole internet thing.

I mean, you're talking to a guy before you

ever get to see him,

so he feels like he's not a stranger,

But, you know what? He is.

And that's probably why you felt like it

was okay to go over there.

But it wasn't okay.

And as soon as you saw that, you got out.

Well, it won't happen again.

I packed up the modem,

and I'm giving it away.

I don't want to talk

to anybody on that thing ever again.

Yeah. I understand.

That could kinda be throwing out the baby

with the bath water, though.

Now, sure, the internet let

that guy in the house,

But doesn't it connect you

to a lot of good things and good people?

But how do you know

who's good and who's not?

You don't.

But if you're not sure, you can always

come to me.

I'm open hours a day,

No access charges, no busy signals.

You can always get through.

Okay.

Good.

Wait a minute.

What about when you're watching

Monday night football?

Halftime.

And commercials.

There's lots of those.

Yeah.

Okay, now this is the last schedule

that I'm drawin' up.

Now, Yvette, Tuesdays and Saturdays.

Marcus, Wednesdays and Sundays.

Me? Mondays and Fridays.

Man, I don't want Wednesdays and Sundays.

And I don't want the car on Tuesdays.

Well, I don't want the car on Mondays.

Nobody likes this schedule. That's what

makes it the perfect compromise.

You know what? This isn't working.

Let's go back to months, alright?

January, February, March.

I am not taking the car in February.

February is a short month,

even on leap year.

I say we wrestle for it.

Best two out of three falls?

Oh! Wait. Alright, girl.

[clapper] I'm not working

for this guy again.