02x22 - My Two Dads

[bunniefuu]

Wow.

Yeah.

-You know what I'm saying?

-Oh, nice gear, homeys.

Where'd you get that jacket? Ooh!

Uh, my attic.

Now, is that a new store?

Where is that at?

You turn left at the linen closet,

pull the stairs down and go up.

So it's an old leather

jacket your Dad wore.

You found it, you put it on.

It's very retro. It's very Shaft .

-Shut your mouth.

-Alright.

How come you're wearing that cap?

Because my Grandmama gave me a fade

and she's got the shakes.

Why are you asking all these questions?

Boy?

Fellas, this is what I do.

I spot trends and then report them

to the fine people

at Gear Airs Sportswear.

They want to know what

the cool people are wearing.

I tell 'em. I'm a style chaser.

You better pick up the pace

'cause judging by that outfit you got on,

style is way ahead of you. Go get it.

[bell rings]

Hi.

Mr. Harrison.

New teacher.

Alright, Ziggy Marley.

Get that all the time.

But take my word for it

and don't ask me to sing.

Okay. Why doesn't everyone come

to order and take a seat?

Or we could pick one student at random

and b*at him within an inch of his life.

Or we could study Astronomy.

I'll be filling in for Mrs. Krup,

who will be on

an extended leave of absence.

Did she have to go back

to the quote, unquote "spa"

for her problems with quote,

unquote "pain K*llers?"

[chuckles]

Quote, unquote "no."

But you can e-mail her at www.bllbbbl.com.

Hey, that was a good one.

Now let's see what kind

of hand I been dealt.

Who can tell me something

about Orion's Belt?

And please don't say

it holds up Orion's pants.

Orion's Belt is a row

of three bright stars

in one of the youngest constellations

visible to the naked eye.

You must be T.J.

I've been reading about

the pros and cons of this class.

Speaking of cons, who are Marcus and Mo?

Uh, they're... they're not here.

Well, as far as I'm concerned,

we're starting off with a clean slate.

Ha. Morris L. Tibbs is not falling

for that one.

If he was here.

You tell him "hi" when you see him.

The good news is

that you'll all get a chance

to see Orion's Belt

when the class visits

the National Planetarium!

How many of you will be up

for a field trip?

Alright! A field trip.

It'll have to be on a Saturday.

Morris L. Tibbs does not

do school on Saturday.

If he were here.

[whistle blows]

♪ Another slice of the life

Of Master T.J. Henderson ♪

♪ Super intelligent,

A fine young gentleman ♪

♪ A -year-old whiz kid

Bustin' high school ♪

♪ A pugnacious little shorty

With a thousand IQ ♪

♪ He's got a way with the ladies ♪

♪ And he's keepin' it real ♪

♪ Your favorite little study buddy

He knows the deal ♪

♪ That he's still just a kid

On the ball, very clever ♪

♪ You can say that he's bright,

Brainy, gifted, whatever ♪

♪ Your brother is smart ♪

♪ He's a smart guy ♪

♪ Smart guy ♪

♪ Smart guy ♪

♪ He's a smart guy ♪

Hey, guys. Are these pants big enough?

For what?

You know, to be trendy.

To be in the groove?

To be a hip-hop hero?

They're perfect.

I wouldn't change a thing.

You're my idol.

No. Come on, serious, guys.

Why you asking us, bruh?

Because you are the fashion kings.

Why else would Deon be selling pictures

of you to Gear Airs?

Whoa, whoa, whoa, wait. Selling?

For money?

Uh, scrillah is money, right?

Yeah, yeah, for money.

How 'bout these shoes?

Are they fly?

They're flyzilla.

Flyzilla!

Alright!

Flyzilla?

Hey, these stupid phrases

have to start somewhere.

I don't know about you guys,

but Deon making money off of us?

That just burns me up.

It's not just the money, though.

It's just something about it

that just don't feel right.

Maybe what doesn't feel right

is that Deon's stealing a part of you.

You know, many Native American tribes

don't allow themselves to be photographed

because they feel that a little piece

of their soul's being taken from them.

Nah, it's the money.

Hey, anyone mind if I sit here?

No. Go ahead. Have a seat.

Listen, I'm having trouble

typing up that assignment.

It'll be a little late.

I didn't give you an assignment.

Will you be?

Yes, at some point.

It'll be a little late.

Some people aren't accustomed

to social contact with teachers.

Yeah, man. It's kinda silly, you know?

'Cause you're just a regular

person like anybody else

who has an outside life in,

uh, I gotta go. Excuse me.

Hey, now, can I clear a room or what?

I spoke to my buddy at the planetarium.

He said he could take a small group

to see the new exhibition before it opens.

That's... that's excellent!

So between me and you and all the kids

in my other classes who are interested,

it'll be, um... me and you.

Great. I can change seats

a lot on the bus.

I mean, he actually knows about science.

Mrs. Krup just used to pick food

out of her teeth,

stare at the clock

and mumble about tenure.

Boy, Mr. Harrison sounds

like a terrific teacher.

He is. He even arranged for us

to go to the planetarium

and look through this

isofractal telescope this Saturday.

But we're going camping Saturday.

Oh, I completely forgot.

You forgot?

I want to go camping. I really do.

The last thing I want to do is

hurt your feelings.

It's just an incredible opportunity.

Oh, well, I understand.

You know, those opportunities come up,

you just gotta grab them.

So that means I gotta

miss out on dragging my butt

up Hogback Mountain,

sleeping on a half-inflated air mattress

and going to the bathroom

in front of a deer.

So be it.

Thanks, Dad.

Hey, Deon, thanks for coming over, man.

Hey, y'all tell me there's

a new look on one of them bus

with a brand new roll of film.

No. Wait a minute, homey.

Before we start posing,

it has come to our attention

that you seem to be making money

off of our unique sense

of flare and style.

Yeah. We're not too wild about that.

Hey, I'm just being paid to do my j-o-b.

Okay, which happens to be taking pictures

of people I decide they're worth

taking pictures of.

Uh-uh and we're worth

getting p-a-i-d for it.

Hmm.

Oh, I see.

Y'all want me to cut you in.

No.

Wait a minute. Now, you're making money.

Gear Airs's making money.

We're the only ones not making no money.

Yeah, so either share some of the luciano

or stop taking pictures of us.

I can take a picture

of you anytime I want...

because it's a free country and, uh,

how are you gonna stop me?

Ow!

Hey, slamming shoes!

-Oh, you like 'em?

-I like those. Are those blue?

Yeah. What?

Ohh! Somebody oughta deep fry that shrimp.

Deon's not letting you in on his action.

I am stunned.

And he won't stop taking pictures of us.

Again, stunned.

Look, if you guys want Deon to stop

taking pictures of you,

don't be so stylish.

Hmm, you might as well tell

an ostrich not to fly.

You know?

They don't... fly.

Well, then how do they

get South for the winter?

I'm going to say this slowly.

If you guys wear stupid-looking clothes

and convince Deon they're in style,

you could make him look like a fool.

Now, I can get behind that.

Yeah. I know what we'll do.

We'll take big, oversized shirts

and wear them backwards.

Or we could wear our glasses upside down

and turn our pockets inside out.

Yeah. Orthodontic headgear

even if we don't need it.

Pants that actually fit.

Now, that's just crazy, man. Are you okay?

What's up with your boy?

I don't know.

Would you please stop?

Pop, I am hungry.

I'm tired of waiting on T.J.

Now, how long does it take

to explore the universe?

About an hour longer than we thought.

[door closes]

[T.J.] Dad, I'm home!

Well, time to eat.

I got the end piece. Called it.

Hey, Dad, I want you to meet

my Science teacher, Mr. Harrison.

Pleased to meet you. And it's Mitch.

Hey! T.J. speaks very highly of you.

Well, he's still young.

His voice hasn't changed.

Voice hasn't changed. Isn't he funny?

Yeah!

Um, look, we've been

holding dinner for you.

Uh, you still hungry?

Yeah. Can Mr. Harrison stay?

Can he? Can he? Can he?

Hey, I don't want to impose.

You're not imposing.

Tell him he's not imposing.

-You're not imposing.

-See? You're not imposing.

Okay, then.

So, that means you're gonna have

dinner with us at the table?

That seems to be the plan.

Sure. A teacher--

a teacher having dinner with us. Cool.

Yeah. Listen, I gotta go. Okay?

Well, that frees up

the end piece for you, Mitch.

Have a seat.

Here. You can sit next to me.

But Dewar pointed out in

his large number hypothesis

that ten to the th power is nearly

the age of the universe in atomic units.

Now this coincidence could be understood

in fundamental constants,

in particular, "g"--

That's the gravitational constant.

Guh.

If "g" varied as the universe aged.

Yes, but that flies in the face

of general relativity

as Einstein described it.

I think he got you on that one, man.

Oh, thank goodness, food.

Hey, honey.

Hi, Dad, T.J.

Mr. Harrison, who's here,

watching me eat like a pig.

Hi, Yvette.

Here. Let me show you

a possible mathematical variation

that would explain what I mean.

Since observational limits

are wildly inadequate,

we have to use our intuition to infer

the existence of constants that vary,

just like Dewar did.

You make a good point.

The man makes a good point.

Good point, brother.

You have no idea

what they're talking about, do you?

Not a clue.

I was with them up til "pass the butter."

After that, everything got foggy.

I'm just looking for the right opening

to get back in.

You know, Mr. Harrison,

maybe the whole class

could go on a stargazing

field trip sometime.

Stargazing, that's a great idea.

Why don't I take you and your friends

up to Hogback Mountain?

That's a great place to study the sky.

I don't know, Dad.

It's good for camping and all, but--

Actually, the atmospheric conditions

on Hogback are exceptional.

It's one of the best spots in the area.

Really? Could you take us sometime?

Sure.

Hey, Dad, did you hear that?

The school Mr. Harrison went

to had its own planetarium.

Piedmont won't even spring

for a telescope.

Well, Bradbury's got a lot of rich alumni

who like to see their names on buildings.

The only names on Piedmont buildings

are spraypainted.

Well, I'd lobby to get

a telescope for Piedmont,

but they're not gonna listen to me.

I'm going back to teach

at Bradbury next year.

Oh, no!

Did you hear that, Dad?

No. Really?

Is it a long way away?

No. It's in Virginia, about an hour away.

In fact, it'll be

a great place for T.J to go.

Oh, yeah. I'll just have

to cash in some of them gold bars

I got the truck propped up on.

They've got a full scholarship program.

That's how I got in.

What kind of a GPA did you have?

. .

But I went on a basketball scholarship.

Wow! You hoop, too?

Only through college.

Yeah? What position did you play?

-Point guard.

-I played forward.

Power forward.

Hey, nice rotation on the ball.

I got skills.

You wouldn't happen

to want to play one, would you?

I mean, first one up to ten?

Dad!

Look, you've been having fun

with him all night.

Now it's my turn.

Your ball out.

Okay.

Nice sh*t.

My backyard.

Game!

Pretty good game, huh?

Y-yeah, I guess.

Are you okay?

Oh, yeah, yeah. Good game.

Hey, T.J.

You know, we're gonna have

a new North Star one day?

Yeah. Vega.

They say it'll be in a few thousand years

due to the Earth's procession.

Precession.

It's like the wobbling of a top.

Oh, yeah. Yeah. Precession.

Oh, I think that's amazing, man.

It's almost as amazing as black holes.

You know, those things are so dense,

not even light can escape

their gravitational pull.

Hence, the name.

Black.

That's right. Anything else?

No. I'm done.

Nice try.

What?

Come on, Dad.

Between that macho basketball display

the other night

and this let's-rap-about-astronomy thing?

It's quite clear what's going on.

And that is?

You're watching

your child transfer his hero worship

from Father to another person.

And you're scrambling to hold on

to that worship a little longer.

I think scrambling is a little strong.

Maybe what you should do is accept

the situation, be supportive

and don't try to compete

with Mr. Harrison.

You're right.

Somebody else can give

T.J. something I can't.

I shouldn't fight him.

I should encourage him.

Well, it's not like you

can't give T.J. stuff.

No, no. I always knew T.J.

would outgrow me one day.

I just wasn't ready

for it to be this soon.

Everything happens faster with T.J.

If it's any consolation,

Marcus will probably live

with you until he's .

No need to smile, people.

It's not your face I'm interested in.

Alright.

So what do you feel like having?

I'm kind of craving some halibut.

Hey, yo, yo. What's up?

Why are you two dressed up

like Mr. and Mrs. Pauls?

I don't know. It's our new look.

Yeah. You like it?

You want to take some pictures?

How stupid do you think I am?

Gear Airs would fire my behind

If I told him

Gilligan and the Skipper were the flavor.

Let me tell you 'bout the flavor.

Hey, bud.

What's up?

I asked Mr. Militich

if the school had money for a telescope.

He laughed. He's still laughing.

I counted five gold fillings.

I'm sick of this stupid school.

So go to a less stupid school.

Huh?

I spoke to the dean of admissions

over at Bradbury...

told him all about you.

He said you sound like the perfect

candidate for a scholarship.

Are you interested?

Yeah, I guess.

But wouldn't I have to live away

from home to go there?

Well, it's an hour away,

but you could come home on weekends.

I know it's a big change,

but it's really a terrific school.

Yeah.

Wow!

So, check it out.

Talk it over with your Dad.

Hey, little man. What you got there?

Uh, Bradbury Academy.

Really?

Yeah. Mr. Harrison gave it to me.

They seem to have a scholarship opening.

Oh. Oh! Ohh!

Ha ha. That's great!

Yeah. Yeah, it's great!

Well, let me take a look at it.

Ah, got a lot of stuff here.

A planetarium, horseback riding,

rowing, a spa.

Yeah. The closest thing

to a spa at Piedmont

is the vaporizer in Mr. Militich's office.

Well, it's an impressive school.

Heck, it's an impressive resort.

Of course, I'd have to live there

and I know how you feel about that.

Yeah, but if Mr. Harrison thinks that

you'd like it there,

then I think we ought to check it out.

You mean, actually go see it?

Yeah. We'll do it Saturday.

I'll bring my polo mallet.

-It was weird.

-I told you he was gonna--

Aw, hey, guys.

Where are the slickers?

Have you got tired of people pointing

and laughing at y'all?

Hee hee. Have you?

Man, go away!

Here's your notes back, Marcus. Thanks.

Well, that was weird.

Yeah. Since when did you

start taking notes?

I'm talking about what she's wearing.

Ahoy there, homeys.

Oh, hold up. Hold up. Hold up.

What are you doing dressed like that?

It's what they're wearing, matey.

Ha! Will you look at that?

Who would've thunk it?

We invent a fad to make Deon look bad

and it catches on.

And Deon's here to catch it all on film.

Hey! Now stop taking pictures.

We told you we don't want you selling

our ideas to some big company.

You're right. I shouldn't sell 'em

to a big company.

Yeah, I should sell 'em

to a small company.

Hold on, hold on.

What are you talking about?

Man, I'm gonna buy up all the slickers

I can find,

slap a logo on it, and... voila !

Deon wear.

Get your Deon! Yeah, I like that!

-Yeah!

-Get your Deon!

Alright, everybody. He's gone.

Bring your slickers up, single file line.

Very convincing, ladies and gentlemen.

A job well done.

Operation stick-it-to-Deon was a success.

Can I, uh, can I keep my slicker?

I kinda like the way I look.

Sure, man, it's a flyzilla.

Yeah!

Well, that Bradbury is a pretty

impressive place.

So you like it, huh?

Oh, yeah. What's not to like?

The dorms are incredible.

I could come down anytime I want

and visit you.

Play nine holes, take steam.

Well, there's more to a school

than Nautilus equipment

and skeet sh**ting.

Oh, yeah. I mean, academically, it's tops.

Ten to one student/teacher ratio

and a very impressive faculty.

And your Mr. Harrison's gonna be there.

And I know how much you like him.

Sounds like the perfect place for you.

Why don't you just open

the door and push me out?

What?

It's dark. No one will see.

You can watch me bounce

in the rearview mirror.

What are you talking about?

It's like you want to get rid of me.

Don't you like me anymore?

Of course I like you.

In fact, I've grown downright fond of you

over the last years.

Then why are you so desperate

to get me to go to Bradbury?

I'm not. I thought you wanted to go.

You keep telling Mr. Harrison

about how great it sounded.

I didn't want to offend him.

I was kind of hoping you'd do

the Dad thing and forbid me to go.

So, you don't want to go to Bradbury?

I don't want to live

away from home next year.

I don't want to live away from home

until I'm in college.

Well, that could be, like, next year.

Are you throwing me

out of the truck again?

No!

No.

I want to keep you in this truck

as long as possible.

It's just that sometimes I'm not sure

if I can give you all

the things a smart kid like you needs.

So if Mr. Harrison says he can get you

into a place like Bradbury,

I feel like I ought to step aside,

give you something

better than what you've got.

I like what I've got.

Really?

Yeah. I mean, it's worked up till now.

Besides, I don't play golf

and horses scare me.

You're right.

It has worked pretty well up until now.

Hey, Dad, you think tomorrow we can go

up to Hogback Mountain and camp out?

Do a little stargazing?

Sure. How about it?

Sounds good to me.

Hey, there's Polaris.

That's an airplane, Dad.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah, but it's blocking Polaris.

Yes, it is.

Hi, Daddy. How was the camping trip?

It was a nightmare.

It rained, couldn't see the stars.

It was freezing, coyotes ate our food,

tore my down sleeping bag,

lost my good hunting Kn*fe,

didn't catch a single fish.

I am never going back

to godforsaken Hogback Mountain again.

Where's T.J.?

Aw, crud.

[clapper]

I'm never working for this guy again.