03x04 - Henderson House Party

[bunniefuu]

Come on, just minutes at the arcade.

Please?

Okay, ? ?

Come on, just let me whack one mole.

This is the cutest car I've ever seen.

I've got to have this car.

Oh, if you put it that way,

I'm sure Dad will buy it for you.

It's free.

Great. Then I'll take a blue one.

The four people who come closest

to guessing the amount of jelly beans

in that jar, get in the car.

And then, whoever stays inside

the longest wins.

Whoa. Who pays to get

the smell out afterwards?

T.J., I don't suppose there might be

some genius mathematical way

to determine how many jelly beans

are in that jar?

Well, sure there is.

But I do my best math work

while playing video games in the arcade.

Uh, with your money.

Come on, cough it up.

-♪ I know you're doing your thing

-Yeah ♪

♪ Go 'head, smart guy ♪

-♪ Diggin' it baby, yeah

-Yeah go 'head, smart guy ♪

-♪ Uh, uh, uh, uh

-Yeah. Come on ♪

♪ Yeah ♪

Mmm.

Milk has done her body good.

Mmm.

Hey, Tony, what's up?

Oh, not too much. Just chillin'.

Chill away.

Dang! Who was that?

That's Erica Drew,

a fine-lookin' sophomore

and, quiet as it's kept,

a real party girl.

Don't keep quiet.

Last week I took Erica to Dawg Burger.

later that night, she took me

to the top of the mountain--

Mount Freaky-Deaky.

[both] Mount Freaky-Deaky.

Man, after just one date?

Man, how lucky can you get?

I know. The brother spent all that loot

on Dana last summer,

and all he got to show for it was

a kiss on the cheek

and sore knees from all that beggin'.

Hey, hey, hey. I did alright.

No, you didn't.

Listen, seeing as how Erica

is not exactly a long-term thing,

You want me to hook you up?

Look, I don't need your rejects, bro.

Okay? I got plenty of girls

waiting in line for a chance at the kid.

Heh.

Right. Yeah.

Hey.

How come you got my picture

in your locker?

It's Denzel Washington.

Oh! Hah! So, you're right.

I'm sorry, I always get us confused.

I could see how that would happen.

Really?

You play on

the basketball team, don't you?

Yes, I do.

Thought so.

You're the cute guy who sits on the bench.

Hey! Coach is savin' me for the playoffs.

You did say "cute guy," didn't you?

Yeah... must've slipped out.

I'm Erica.

Oh, hi. I'm Marcus.

It's nice to meet you, Erica.

Since we got the, uh,

blasé-blasé out of the way,

You know, maybe we could, uh--

Work on your free throws?

Say this Saturday, after dinner?

I might be free.

Cool.

By the way, here's a tip,

when you're sh**t' those free throws...

Use your legs.

Back at ya. Unh!

Hey, T.J., I see you have a sleepover

at Kenny's, Saturday night.

Is that still a go?

Party doesn't start till

I walk through the door.

Yeah, you're the b*mb-bay.

Okay, annoying little brother is covered.

Yvette, how about you?

What you doin' Saturday?

You know, Kenny's having a sleepover.

Plenty of single men. Tch!

On Saturday night,

I plan to be sitting inside of a new

Volkswagen Beetle trying to win it.

Aw, come on, there's no way you're gonna

get into that contest.

T.J.'s working on the equation.

Yvette gone.

Who's the girl?

What are you talkin' about?

Oh, please, Marcus,

even I know what she's talking about.

Her name is Erica Drew, she's a sophomore,

and you wouldn't know her.

Not as well as half the guys in school.

Oh, come on now, that's just petty gossip.

Marcus, I thought you

were better than that.

I didn't.

This is Ravin' Dave Brooks here,

with the great Beetle giveaway!

[everybody] Whoo!

Yeah!

You sure about your number?

Of course he's sure.

You are sure?

You're pressuring me, too?

Yvette needs a new car.

Now, either it's gonna cost me

thousands of dollars,

or my new favorite price, nothing.

Look, don't sweat it. When it comes

to math, the kid's got skills.

Our first finalist, with a guess of

, is...

Sidney Bloom!

Yes!

Dang! He blew it!

You stupid, stupid kid!

And our second contestant,

with a guess of ,...

Yvette Henderson!

-Whoo!

-Whoo!

I'm in! I'm in! Thank you.

Now remember, honey,

there's no shame in losing,

but if you don't wanna see your daddy cry,

you'll stay in this car

till your butt gets numb.

Love you.

Next with a guess of , is...

Jon Delrimple!

Here I am! I'm here!

Hi! Jon Delrimple!

Hi, everyone.

Oh, whoo! I ran all the way here.

My heart's b*ating like a rabbit.

I'll be sweatin' for hours.

You're pretty.

It's gonna be lonely around

the house, Saturday night.

I mean, Yvette's gone,

T.J.'s gone, you're gone.

I'm not gone. You're not gone?

No. Maxine called and said

she had to cancel,

had to go to Buffalo on business.

And our last contestant,

with a guess of , is...

Morris L. Tibbs!

-Huh?

-Huh?

How did you come up with that?

It's my lucky number.

Hello dere.

Yvette, I always knew I'd get you

in the back seat someday.

Boy, it's stuffy in here.

You think this is stuffy?

This is nothing.

Back in World w*r II, I was a P.O.W.

Spent all of in an x foot box

with five other guys.

None of whom I liked.

Is anyone else hot?

Nope, I ain't hot.

You aren't hot.

There's no such word as "ain't."

Sorry. My bad.

Not your bad, your mistake.

It's one extra syllable.

Take the time, you've nowhere to go.

What are you, an English teacher?

Yes, till kids like you

drove me to an early retirement.

[sighs] Well, I'm warm. Heh.

We big guys, we tend to burn hot.

Ooh, just wish I could find a deodorant

that didn't stop working after minutes.

That makes two of us.

Listen, Pops, I know you're down

on the account

of your woman being out of town.

So, to put a smile back on your face,

I got you tickets to see

the Wizards play the Lakers,

this Saturday night.

You're in some kind of trouble,

aren't you?

I'm not in trouble.

-You got expelled, didn't you?

-No.

-You wreck my car?

-No.

You b*rned something big?

Look, I'm starting to get a complex here.

Now, I got the tickets for this girl

that I was trying to impress,

but it turns out she hates basketball,

So, my loss is your gain.

You were always my favorite child.

[snores]

[snores]

You asleep?

How can I sleep when Sidney snores,

and John smells like a hot donkey?

Yeah, I can't take much more of it.

Sidney keeps correcting my grammar,

and notorious very B-I-G over there

keeps looking at me like I'm a turkey leg.

These guys are tough.

If either one of us

is going to win this car,

We're going to have to work together.

I don't know about that.

Come on.

We get them to quit,

and then one of us gets out

So, the other one can claim the car,

and then we split it.

What do you say?

Well, oh.

I'm in.

Ah.

So Tina goes, "I like Tito,"

and I'm like,

"No way. He's going with Monica,"

and she's all, "Nuh-uh,"

And I'm like, "What?" and she's

like, "You crazy."

Said.

She said, "You're crazy".

Say what?

Use proper English.

People don't "go", they say.

They reply, they answer, they speak.

You know, man, you got to chill.

You know what I'm saying?

We just, you know,

keeping it real, you know?

No, I don't know,

and I don't want to know,

because listening to you speak

makes me envy my dead brother.

Ten-minute bathroom break.

Just in time

'cause homeboy here is trippin'.

Homeboy is tripping.

"ing" with a "g,"

Like in "Get outta here!"

Which is exactly what I'm going to do.

Because I am not getting

back into that car.

I did not fight a w*r and lose a toe

to hear you mutilate the English language.

Good-bye!

One down, one to go.

Heh heh heh. Yeah.

Well, here we are. Ha ha.

Hey, Dad, I'm home.

T.J.

Yvette.

Strange. Wonder where everybody is?

Uh-huh. Nice place.

Well, uh, how about a tour?

Let's see, that's the upstairs,

this is the kitchen,

and this is the living room and oh, look.

there's a couch, hall we get comfortable?

A-ha ha.

You promised to play me one of your songs.

Oh, yeah. The song. Ha ha.

Gonna bang out one of these hits.

Ahh.

♪ Ooo baby, ooo baby ♪

And so forth.

Ahh.

I like the way you sing.

And I like the way you listen.

Thanks. I never had a lesson.

[telephone rings]

[rings]

Are you going to get that?

Get what?

[answering machine] Hi, you've reached

the Henderson residence.

Leave us a message.

We'll get right back to you.

[T.J.] Marcus, pick up.

Marcus, I'm sick.

I ate oysters by accident.

Is that a problem?

Only for him. He's allergic.

Oh.

Pick up the phone, or you'll have

to explain to Dad

why you let me die at Kenny's house.

Aw, man.

Excuse me.

What are you doing

eating shellfish anyhow, man?

You should know better than that.

You're the genius.

[T.J.] It was hidden in the stuffing.

I feel terrible.

Well, then, lie down.

Where? I already threw up on their couch.

Marcus, I want to come home.

I want to throw up on my own couch.

I think we should go get the little guy.

Yeah.

I'm bored.

Me, too.

We could sing a song.

♪ I know a song that gets

On everybody's nerves ♪

♪ Everybody's nerves everybody's nerves ♪

[both] ♪ I know a song that gets on

Everybody's nerves ♪

♪ And this is how it goes ♪

♪ I know a song that gets on

Everybody's nerves ♪

♪ Everybody's nerves everybody's nerves ♪

♪ I know a song that gets

On everybody's nerves ♪

♪ And this is how it goes ♪

♪ I know a song that gets on

Everybody's nerves ♪

♪ Everybody's nerves Everybody's nerves ♪

Okay, honey, we're almost there.

Ow!

Marcus, I know I ruined your date,

but please don't try and k*ll me.

How you feeling, kiddo?

I think I'm going to be sick again.

Need any help?

No, no. I got this.

Sorry.

This is the kind of thing you have

to go through

when you're an older brother.

Not in my house.

I have two older brothers

who would've let me die at Kenny's.

What? They give you a hard time?

They're jerks.

They take after their father, Steve,

Lord of the jerks.

Oh, they're stepbrothers.

Yeah, I guess that can be rough.

I'm used to it.

What about your mom?

I mean, doesn't she look out for you?

Nah, my mom can't afford to take my side.

She doesn't want to hack off Steve

'cause he's got a condo

and a trans am.

Well, hey, a trans am.

[both] ♪ I know a song that gets on

Everybody's nerves ♪

♪ Everybody's nerves Everybody's nerves ♪

♪ I know a song that gets on

Everybody's nerves ♪

♪ And this is how it goes ♪

♪ I know a song that gets on

Everybody's nerves ♪

♪ Everybody's nerves Everybody's nerves ♪

♪ I know a song that gets on

Everybody's nerves ♪

♪ And ♪

I know what you're doing.

You want me to think you stopped singing.

Then, just when I let my guard down,

you'll start singing again.

Not gonna work.

I can take anything you two can dish out.

I can't take it.

The silence is deafening!

[screaming]

Ah. Oh. Ah.

Aah!

Congratulations, Mr. Tibbs.

Couldn't have done

it without you, Ms. Henderson.

Okay, here's what we do.

You hop out, then I can claim the car,

and we'll split it.

That's good. Or you can hop out,

and I can claim the car.

It was my plan.

I think I should claim the car.

It was my song.

I think I should claim the car.

Okay. Compromise.

Why don't we both get out of the car at

the exact same time,

and then we can both claim the car?

Sounds fair.

Okay, count of three?

Okay.

One... two... three!

-Cheater!

-Liar!

Oh, you got the new Janet Jackson CD.

When I was growing up,

I thought it would be so cool to be her.

Get to travel all over the place

and sing and be in videos.

I figure if you're gonna be in

a screwed-up family,

you might as well be rich.

Hey, Upchuck!

Feeling better?

Yeah, better.

No. Bye.

Anyway, so, uh...

We were talking about your family.

I'm sick of talking about my family.

So, let's talk about something

that makes you feel good.

I like reading about different places.

I read this book--

Hawaii by James Michener.

All about the history of the islands.

They were discovered by this British guy.

I forget his name.

[T.J.] James Coo-ook...

That's it.

Someday, I'm gonna go there...

and Paris and Athens and Hong Kong.

Hey, I'd love to go to Paris.

Yeah, the French people are

the friendliest people in the world.

I'd go there to study fashion.

And I'd go there to study fashion models.

Oh, you would, would you?

Yeah, but none of 'em would be

as fine as you.

Hey, Barf Daddy...

how you feeling?

Lettuce came out of my nose.

Did you eat lettuce?

No.

You know, I gotta hand it to these

last two contestants,

'cause they have been in that car for over

straight hours,

And there is no sign

of either one of them cracking.

Stop it!

You know, I wanted to win this car

so that I could drive to the mall,

drive to college,

be a more independent person.

Now I wanna win the car

so I can run you over...

and then back up and do it again.

That's good. Just so I don't have

to keep listening to you.

This car happens to be very important

to me and my life.

And it's not important to me?

What about my life?

Which isn't going too well, either.

What are you talking about?

It's just... Never mind.

No. What is it?

Mom and Dad have been

kind of at it lately.

That's why I been at your house so much.

I figured if I had my own car,

I could drive someplace--

someplace away from all that yelling.

I'm sorry. I didn't know.

It's okay.

Three days in this car out

of that house has been heaven.

Especially with you.

Oh, Mo...

come here.

Maybe you should have the car.

If you weren't such a lying skunk!

That came straight from the heart.

It came from th Heaven.

I saw that episode.

And we have a winner, Yvette Henderson!

Aah! I win! Whoo!

Ha ha ha!

Whoo! Yes! Dave!

Oh, I love you!

I love you, car!

[voice] I love you, too!

Aah!

What's the matter, sweetheart?

But you--you were supposed to--

You look like you're trippin'.

That's right. Trippin'.

No "G".

Okay, wait a minute. You left.

No. you left.

And while you guys were busy relieving

your scrawny little bladders,

I made myself comfortable back there.

Compared to that sweat box

in the Philippines,

that trunk is like a day at Miami Beach.

Well, Sidney, as the last person

out of the Volkswagen,

you are our winner.

In your face, girlie.

How's the patient?

Sleeping, finally.

I put a towel on his pillow

and a bucket next to his bed.

Heck of a Saturday night, huh?

Yeah. That's a little

more throwing up than I figured on,

and a lot more little brother.

Boy, this night did not turn out

the way I expected it to.

What were you expecting?

Well, you know... just to hang out.

The two of us. Make popcorn.

Play Dominoes.

Marcus, I'm not an idiot.

I know what you expected.

What you mean?

I know what the guys say about me.

That's why you asked me out.

Naw... I mean, you know...

I may have heard a couple things,

but, you know... guys talk.

Yeah, they do.

They been talking ever since

I was in ninth grade.

What happened in the ninth grade?

I fell for this senior.

He told me he loved me,

and as soon as I slept with him,

he dumped me.

Then, all of a sudden,

a lot of guys were asking me out.

'Cause guys talk.

I didn't sleep with them,

but they all said I did.

Pretty soon, word around

school is I'm a freak,

and none of the girls

would have anything to do with me.

So I got tired of fighting it.

Besides, it beats being lonely.

No, you don't have to do this.

Why not? I don't mind.

No. I mean...

You were right about

why I asked you out...

but then I got to know you.

Boy, that was a mistake.

Thank you.

No. I mean... you alright,

And I like you.

And I just don't wanna be another

one of those guys.

Gee, no one's ever turned me down before.

I'm glad I could be your first.

So what do you wanna do now?

We can make some popcorn

and play some dominoes.

Yeah? And what're you gonna tell

the guys at school on Monday?

That I won.

Come on.

Okay. Here's one in Baltimore.

You gotta ride

a roller coaster for four days.

-What kind of car?

-A minivan.

Do I look like I drive a minivan?

No. Alright... Here's one in Charlotte.

You gotta eat an eight-pound steak.

What do I get?

Geo Metro.

Pah!

Oh! Oh, oh, oh!

Wheeling, West Virginia!

Jeep Grand Cherokee.

That's the one! What do I do?

Hold your breath for minutes.

Oh, no, no.

You gotta be in a t*nk with a shark.

[clapper]

I'm never working for this guy again.