03x08 - Boomerang

[bunniefuu]

Then we sat on a hill

overlooking the Potomac,

and he hand-fed me Gorditas

and talked to me like

the Taco Bell Chihuahua.

It was so romantic.

In what way?

Well, after he got done

with Yo quiero Taco Bell,

we made out like we'd just been

released from prison.

Oh.

You know, you should really

have some romance in your life.

Nina, I don't have time for romance.

I mean, I've got all kinds of schoolwork,

I've got the student council,

newspaper meetings.

Look, we all know

and love overachieving Yvette.

But it's just as important,

if not more so,

to nurture emotional Yvette.

Excuse me.

Do you have any idea how to get

this ink out?

Uh, no, I'm sorry, I don't.

Use a glycerin-based solution,

some detergent, and an oil solvent.

Excellent. I have that in my locker.

So, what are you, a Home EC major?

No. Actually, my grandfather owns

a dry cleaning business.

I'm Calvin.

This is my friend, Yvette.

And this is Nina.

Who unfortunately has to go

and let you two get to know each other.

Life. Oh, well.

So anyway, My dad's coming down on me

about my grades,

tellin' me how my junior year

is my most important year,

How that's the year that

all the colleges are looking at,

and that's the year that's

gonna determine my future.

Whatever.

And a whole bunch of stuff

that I didn't hear

'cause he had some spinach

stuck in between his teeth,

and I couldn't take my eyes off of it.

So, if you're busy studying,

when is the band gonna rehearse

'cause I want to be ready

in case we get this gig in Roanoake.

Don't worry about that, bro.

I got a whole bunch of study techniques

that'll help bring up my grade

and give me plenty of time

to rehearse with the band.

What are you gonna do,

keep T.J. underneath your desk?

No.

But here's the deal.

See, Spanish is all locked up.

Now, I got a date

with Rosalinda Perez this weekend,

And I told her to speak Spanish

to me the whole night.

Ooh. The language of love.

Oui, oui, señor.

What you gonna do about History?

Oh, man, I got that wired, too.

See, it's all on television.

See, you got the A&E channel,

got the History channel.

TV, the shortcut to knowledge.

What about Math?

Ah, see, that's where

the train comes off the tracks.

I don't know any shortcuts,

so, I may actually have

to resort to studying.

You tried that last year,

that didn't work.

Coach Gerber?

What you doin' here?

Grab some wood there, boys.

Now I am here to inform you

that your Math teacher,

Mr. Burshtein has quit.

[everybody] Yeah!

Try to contain yourselves.

It should come as no shock that when

a -year-old man with a masters degree

can't keep up the payments

on his Toyota Corolla.

He questions some of his life's choices

and decides that maybe

his time would be better spent

picking figs on a Kibbutz in Kaiseria.

Shalom, Mr. Chips.

If he doesn't want to be here,

I say he shouldn't be here,

and if that means

that we don't have Math, so be it.

You sit your keister down, Mr. Henderson.

This class isn't over.

From now on, I'll be teaching it.

I mean that with the utmost respect.

Well, you rest assured that

I am a fully certified Math teacher,

and although it has been a few years,

Math is Math.

So, the quadratic formula is...

"X" equals minus "b" plus or minus the

square root of "b" squared,

minus ac over a.

What the heck does that mean?

It means I might be getting my first "A".

♪ Every day's another lesson ♪

♪ And my head's in a whirl ♪

♪ If I make a wrong decision ♪

♪ It's not the end of the world ♪

♪ I will reach my destination ♪

♪ Make mistakes from a to z ♪

♪ With each mistake there's a new lesson ♪

♪ I can be anything you want to be ♪

-♪ Never experiencing a dumb phase

-Smart guy ♪

♪ He's ahead of the game at a young age ♪

♪ The intelligence of a grown man ♪

♪ Trapped inside of a young brain ♪

♪ He's a bit on the short side ♪

♪ But stands tall when you show the ball ♪

♪ That's why I'm hanging

With the smart guy ♪

♪ AKA Mr. know-it-all ♪

♪ Smart guy ♪

♪ Yeah ♪

"To graph a Quadratic Parabola,

it is first necessary

to find the axis of symmetry."

Is that true?

Yes, it is.

No kidding.

What does it mean?

It means you have

no business teaching Math...

...sir.

I have no business being

responsible for children

in any way, shape, or form,

but, hey, I gotta make alimony payments.

Some judge says that

my ex-wife is accustomed

to a certain standard of living

which she cannot maintain

unless she gets bucks

a month from coach moneybags.

Perhaps I can be of some assistance.

I can't take money from a little kid.

No. I--I mean with Math.

Maybe I can help free up

some of your time.

You know, grade papers,

answer a couple kids' questions?

You mean like a teacher's assistant?

Right, and all you'd have to do for me

is give me an official credit as a TA,

which would look awfully good

on my college applications.

What do you say?

I say...

let's play dodge ball.

We're fast.

So, did you go out with Calvin?

Oh, Nina, it was so sweet.

We went on a picnic

and went bicycling

and played the cloud game.

Not the Cloud game.

We never even talked about teachers

or school or anything like that.

See how happy emotionally

that can make you?

I wasn't unhappy before,

you know. Just busy.

Well, hey there. You're in a good mood.

Yeah. Just aced my American History Test.

What are you doing taking that?

That's a Tenth Grade class.

I'm in Tenth Grade.

Tenth grade?

With the -year-olds?

Did you start school late, maybe?

Yvette, I'm years old.

I thought you knew.

Oh! Yeah, I knew.

I was just teasing you,

you know, showing you a side

of me you haven't seen before.

Tease, tease, tease.

You know, we don't see

teasing Yvette enough.

Yeah, well, I don't see any Yvette enough.

How 'bout we remedy that

with dinner Friday night?

You drive.

Of course. Because I can.

Cool.

See you later, sexy.

No wonder we went bicycling!

He's just a child!

He probably was excited to get

the training wheels off!

Alright.

We're kind of seeing

overreacting Yvette right now.

Will you stop referring

to my emotions as separate people?

I can't date a -year-old.

Why not?

What difference does age make

when you found your soul mate?

I'm a senior.

Seniors don't date down.

I'd date down to the ground

for somebody that fine.

What are you doing here?

What's this desk doing here?

This desk wasn't here yesterday,

and neither were you.

Is this bad? This has got to be bad.

No, I'm the new teacher's assistant.

He doesn't need no assistant.

He's doing fine. We like him.

First time in Math class, we happy.

Yeah, but are you learning anything?

No. That's why we're happy.

Happy.

Now, class, I have written

this quadratic equation on the board.

I need a student to come up

here and solve it for me.

Anyone?

Anyone at all?

Okay. If that's your attitude,

I don't know why I even bother.

T.J., take the chalk.

I'm too angry to teach.

I gotta simmer down.

Very compelling.

I also teach drama.

You want to get the radical

over on one side,

so we make it

the square root of x plus one,

equals x minus one.

Then we square both sides,

and that leaves us with...

x plus one...

What happened here?

When I walked in,

this was my easiest class.

I know. We were sitting here

not learning a thing.

That was my America.

Morris?

You seem to have a lot to say.

Can you tell us the answer

to this equation?

.

"X" over "Y".

One of them little squiggly things.

Amazing.

You could have said treaty

of Guadalupe Hidalgo

and been closer.

Man, he got you.

Marcus?

Huh?

Can you solve this?

Listen, man, I don't have to answer

any of your annoying

little-brother questions, okay?

Oh, yes, you do.

Treaty of Guadalupe Hidalgo.

You wouldn't believe it, Dad.

I was standing right up

in the front of the classroom

with the chalk in one hand

and the pointer in the other,

teaching quadratic equations.

What a rush!

All eyes on me, hanging on my every word.

People were hanging on a Math lesson?

I'm excited, Dad. Don't bring me down.

Gracias, Rosalinda.

Hasta la vista.

I'm sorry I have to break up with you, Marcus,

but you just don't seem to understand me.

Gracias. I'll call you.

She's a great girl, huh?

Well, I'm glad you're happy.

Well, why wouldn't I be?

I mean, I just came from a Spanish lesson

with a beautiful girl who's wild about me,

and my favorite Math teacher

lives right here in my own home.

T.J.'s teaching your Math class,

and you're okay with that?

At first, I gotta admit,

I was a little resentful.

You threw a book at me.

But then I realized I could get

helpful tutoring tips whenever I need it.

Like right now, after school,

while I still got my academic vibe going.

Hey, listen, T.J., I was wondering,

could you help me out

with these quadratic gizmos

you assigned in class today?

Like this first one.

Oh, that's simple.

See, there's the square root,

and the first thing we want

to do is square both sides

to make it easier to work with.

Good, good. Square those puppies.

Rosalinda, Rosalinda.

When I'm near you, I surrender.

Rosalinda, love me tender.

What are you doing?

Oh, a song lyric just popped in my head.

I didn't want to forget it.

What about that second problem?

Boy, that one's got me bamboozled.

Oh, I see what's going on here.

You want me to do it all for you.

No!

Oh, man, I just want you

to help me out a little, that's all.

You know, brother to brother.

So, brother to brother,

I just do your work for you,

and then maybe I give you a good grade

you didn't earn on a test.

Wow. Great. That's more than

what I hoped for.

Well, it's not gonna happen, mister.

I may be your little brother here,

but in class you're just another student.

And if you don't shape up, you fail.

Oh, and by the way,

I wouldn't spend too much time

on that song of yours

'cause Rosalinda just broke up with you.

Hey, Boo.

Hi. How ya doin'?

Ah, doin' good.

Just on my way to drivers' ed.

Three weeks from now

I'll be driving you around,

provided there's a licensed

adult in the car.

Aww.

Just making sure

we're on for Friday night.

Friday?

Oh, that's the, um...

Aren't we doing something Friday?

-No.

-Yes, we are.

-No, we're not.

-Yes. It was off,

and now it's on again, remember?

Oh, yes. The thing at the place.

It was off, but now it's on again.

Sorry.

Oh. Okay, well...

let me know when you're free, then.

What's wrong with you?

There are so few good guys in this school,

and you're ready to push that guy away

because he's

a couple of years younger than you.

Look, it's fine going out with him

when it's just him and me,

but I live in the real world.

I mean, what's gonna happen around here

when people find out about us?

They're gonna say,

"hooray for you, Yvette. Hooray."

Hello there.

Nina, you're looking lovely as always.

Stella, got your groove back yet?

I didn't say anything.

Other than I was happy for you.

Me, too. You're giving hope

to Middle Schoolers everywhere.

Mo!

I'm sorry.

It's just that when

I first heard about you and Calvin,

I was thinking,

"what does he have that I don't?"

Then I realized it's probably a rattle.

Mo, stop it.

Look, I got three more, though.

They really--

-No, no, no. Nope. Shh.

-But they--

Alright, fine.

I'll just tell them

to the other guys. Peace!

Well, that was fun.

I see what you were talking about.

There are a lot

of narrow-minded people in this world,

and it's not worth enduring their mocking

just to go out with Calvin,

No matter how sensitive

and heavily muscled he is.

Yeah. I guess.

Hey. How's it goin', little man?

Great.

-Everything good?

-Yep.

-No complaints?

-Nope.

Everything good?

If you want to know about Marcus' grades,

just ask me.

I want to know about Marcus' grades.

Are you asking me father to son

or parent to teacher?

Uh, parent to teacher.

Sit down, Mr. Henderson.

I don't like the sound of that.

Your son is struggling

a little bit right now,

but I wouldn't worry too much.

I'm confident that with a little work,

he'll do fine on

our next test, this Friday.

-You sure?

-He shows promise.

He just doesn't seem to be concentrating.

Is there a problem in the home?

Okay. This is too weird.

Now it's father to son. Let me see those.

Actually, these are very private.

Gimme that.

Okay.

How could he be doing this poorly?

What's going on in that class?

Sure. Blame the teacher.

You know, there was

a time when teachers just taught.

Now we're asked to be babysitters,

psychologists and policemen.

If you parents would take a little bit

more responsibility in your children--

Why don't you just take out the garbage?

Right away, sir.

[piano music]

What are you doing?

Oh, I'm working on my new song.

You're supposed to be doing your homework.

It's all done.

Demi Moore in The Scarlet Letter?

See, she indulged her forbidden passion

and bore a love child

in Puritan, New England.

Adult situations.

Brief nudity.

Is this how you study for English?

Man, hey, it's better than reading.

It's like a talking pop-up book.

Ah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm getting my belt.

Hold on, hold on. Wait a minute, Dad.

Hold on.

Ain't no need for the belt.

I'm doing better.

Not according to this.

Now, you need to read a book, Marcus,

not watch a movie. Make the effort.

I am making an effort.

Marcus, big news, baby.

This is not a good time, Mo.

It's gonna be a great time

when I tell you this.

Remember that gig we auditioned

for at Papa John's in Roanoake?

We got it!

-What?

-This is not a good time, Mo.

No, see, this is a paying gig.

This is gonna be our first road trip gig.

We on our way.

You not on your way anywhere.

Now, if I don't see

some improvement in your grades,

things are gonna get ugly around here,

And I'm talkin' about

grandma-gettin'-out-of-the-tub ugly.

This is not a good time.

-But, Pops--

-I'm serious, Marcus.

You got a Math test coming up,

and if you don't get at least a "B",

you're not going to any gig,

you understand me?

Yeah.

Now, get upstairs and hit the books.

And read 'em, don't watch 'em.

Alright. Do the review section

at the end of the chapter,

all the odd problems.

And by "odd," I don't mean the ones

that look weird to you.

[bell rings]

Hey, uh, T.J.,

can I talk to you for a second?

Uh, Coach?

Yeah.

Could I have the room?

Oh, sure. Sorry.

Listen, I need a little help

on this assignment.

Oh, you want me to do it for you?

Forget I asked. I'll just do it myself.

No. Wait a second.

Sorry.

What was it you wanted to ask?

I just need help on this page, man.

My brain has been pounding a lot lately,

and I can't think straight.

Dad's really been

bearing down on you, huh?

I know what that's like.

Do you?

No.

Just tell me where you're getting stuck.

Can I have everyone's attention, please?

Hi. I'm Yvette Henderson, a senior.

and this is Calvin Davidson, a Sophomore.

And we've been dating.

That's right, dating.

And you know what?

Even though he's younger than me,

I don't care.

-Uh, Yvette--

-Shh. Honey, I got this.

I don't care if you guys

like it or don't like it,

because Calvin is my man,

and I'm here to say so.

Uh, Yvette.

I started seeing someone else.

What do you mean

you're seeing someone else?

Hey, eat your lunches.

This isn't Ricki Lake.

Calvin, could I talk to you

for a moment, please, in private?

Calvin, what happened?

Well, I could tell

you were uncomfortable with me,

and it kind of made me uncomfortable.

But I've put that behind us.

I wish I'd known.

I thought you weren't ready

for a relationship.

-So, I met this other girl, and--

-Oh, I see.

Is it anybody I know?

I don't think so.

She's a Sophomore.

Oh, I understand.

I mean, you don't have

to say anything else.

It makes sense.

You're a Sophomore, and it's just easier

to date someone your own age.

Uh, she's a Sophomore

at Howard University.

Well, that's just sick!

You have obviously got

some sort of mother complex.

I mean, why don't you

just date Eartha Kitt?

How'd I do?

You got an !

Ah, for real?

For real. A real B-plus.

Wow. Okay.

So, now I can do the Roanoake gig.

See? I knew if you studied,

you could do it.

You just needed encouragement,

and I gave you that.

Boy, teaching is really rewarding.

I'd go into it for a living,

except it pays Jack.

Dad!

You earned the grade, So I'll let you

have the honor of telling him.

Hey, what's up, guys?

Dad, Marcus got an ! Oh...

Sorry, man.

I went kind of kid on you there.

? Alright!

Well, I'll let you two

whoop it up by yourselves.

I know it's a big moment.

Alright. This is really

impressive, Marcus.

Now, you see what you can do

when you set your mind to it?

The only thing I see is that

I have no interest in schoolwork.

What are you talking about?

An is no fluke.

You focused, you concentrated,

you accomplished your goal.

Nah.

I accomplished your goal.

My goal for you, Marcus.

To know you can learn when you want to.

Son, you can be anything you want

if you just try.

There you go again,

saying I don't try. I do try.

I just don't try

at the things that you want.

Look, I don't care

about quadratic equations

or who was the Emperor of Rome.

I like music,

and the hours I spend

on the keyboard, that's focus,

that's concentration, that's discipline.

Okay. You're right. And I respect that.

But now, where's that gonna get you?

It's gonna get me to where I want to go.

What, a musician?

And what if that doesn't pan out, Marcus?

You know, Denny's is full of musicians.

Well, maybe they spent

too much time on homework

and not enough on music.

Look, I want you to be able to do more

in your life, Marcus,

than wait tables and hope

for some big break that may never come.

Isn't that my choice?

Not while you're in high school.

Now, look, you want

to write songs, that's fine,

but you'll do that

after you finish your homework.

You know what? That's cool.

This is your house.

You set the rules, I'll follow 'em.

You tell me to study, I'll study.

But it's only wasting my time

and delaying me to where I want to go.

Hey, you're right, it is my house,

and those are my rules,

and you will study.

And just so you know,

in the long run it's gonna do you good,

and you'll thank me.

Don't count on it.

Look, if there's nothing else,

I've finished my homework.

I gotta get ready for a gig. Can I go?

Yeah. You can go.

[door closes]

Hola. Me llamo es Coach Gerber.

I'm gonna be your new Maestro De Spanish.

Capisce?

We may finally be getting our first "A".

But since I haven't spoken Spanish since

that Swingles Cruise to Ixtapa in ',

where I met the now ex Mrs. Gerber--

or, as you would say in Spanish,

el blood suckero--

I've asked for assistance in this class.

Oh, no. Not again.

Rosalinda?

Hola, clase.

[speaking Spanish]

This is gonna take a lot of work.

Yeah. We might have to stay after class.

[clapper]

I'm never working for this guy again.