13x14 - Salty Sponge/Karen for Spot

[bunniefuu]

- Are you ready, kids?

kids:
Aye, aye, Captain!

- I can't hear you.

kids:
Aye, aye, Captain!

- ♪ Ohh... ♪

♪ Who lives in a pineapple
under the sea? ♪

kids:
SpongeBob SquarePants!

- ♪ Absorbent and yellow
and porous is he ♪

kids:
SpongeBob SquarePants!

- ♪ If nautical nonsense
be something you wish ♪

kids:
SpongeBob SquarePants!

- ♪ Then drop on the deck
and flop like a fish ♪

kids: SpongeBob SquarePants!
- Ready?

all:
SpongeBob SquarePants!

SpongeBob SquarePants!

SpongeBob SquarePants!

- SpongeBob

SquarePants!

[laughing]

♪ ♪

[waves crashing]

[upbeat rock music]

♪ ♪

- [gasps]

[grunts] Mwah.
- Aww.

- [laughing]

- Ha ha.

- Ha ha.

- [laughing]

Whoa!
- [quacks]

- Aww.

♪ Soon I will get a thrill,
cooking patties on my grill ♪

Whee!

[grunts] Whoa!

"Krusty Krab closed
on account of urchins"?

Oh, I must be in a nightmare.

- It's no nightmare, SpongeBob.

I'm closing the old girl up
for a week

to get rid
of those prickly pests.

Plus, I had a coupon
for Urchin B-Gone.

- What will become of me?

What am I gonna do
for a whole week?

- Slow your roll, Boy-o.

I've rented you out
to a different establishment

for the week,
so is not to disrupt

me incomin' monies.

- Oh, boy!

A temporary job sounds
so adventurous.

Is Squidward coming too?

- Nope, I got him a job
in the entertainment industry.

- Whoa.

[rowdy circus music]
[horn honking]

- Still better than working
with SpongeBob.

- [trumpets]

- Where will I be working,
Mr. Krabs?

- You'll be working right here
at The Salty Spitoon.

[yelling]
[spits]

- Aah!

- No, thanks.
That place is too tough for me.

[screams]
- [snarls, barks]

- You don't have
to be tough to work here.

You just gotta look tough.

- [grunting] There.

Now you look like a tough guy.

- I don't feel tough,
Mr. Krabs.

- Now when you go in there,
go up to the biggest customer,

look him squarely in the eye...
[bell dings]

And let him know exactly
what you think of him.

- No problem, Mr. K.

I'm great at looking squarely.

[laughs]

- No funny business, Boy-o.

[intense guitar music]

- Argh!
- Oh!

[both grunting]

♪ ♪

- [laughs]
[cannon blows]

♪ ♪

- Whoa!

- [mumbles]

- [squeaks]
- Aah!

[growls]

- Huh? [growls]

- Grr, I'm gonna tell you
exactly what I think of you.

You have got the most beautiful
baby blue eyes.

- Aw, thanks.

I got 'em from me mother.

- Blue eyes?
Everybody knows my green eyes

are the most beautiful.

- Oh, yeah?

- Yeah!

[both roaring]

- Aah!

- Hey. Yai.

- [whistles]
- You must be SpongeBob.

Welcome to The Salty Spitoon.
[spits]

I'm the owner of this joint.

That means youse works
for me now!

- My new boss.

So nice to meet--

[groans]

[heavy rock music]

[grunts]

- Here's the grill.

- Wha--aah. [blubbers]
- Here's the spatoola.

Now make with the grub.
- Aah.

- Um, just out of curiosity,

uh, what happened
to your last fry cook?

- That's our employee
of the month wall.

- [gasps]

- Your photo is gonna be next
if you don't get to work!

[smash]
- [winces]

[flames roaring]

Don't worry, SpongeBob.

It'll be just like working
at the Krusty Krab.

- ♪ La la la la la ♪

- Keep those patties comin',
pal.

I love you.

- Gimme a brick covered
in nails

with extra motor oil!

[bell dings]

Huh? What is this garbage?

I asked for a brick covered
with nails.

- Oh, I thought
that was just diner lingo.

Sorry.
[grunting]

Brick covered with nails,
extra motor oil.

Salty Spitoon style.

[spits]
- Hmm.

Now that's a tough sandwich.

[everyone grunting, gasping]

- Oh.

- Ooh, the brick is so tender,
and the nails are roasted.

[all cheering]

- Whoo-hoo!
- Got some more orders for you,

SpongeBob.

- bricks covered
in motor oil coming right up.

[panting]

[cheering]

[all gasp]
- Whaddaya know?

Whaddaya say, g*ng?

- It's Puff the Tuff!
- [gasps]

[stuttering] Puff the Tuff?

[straining]
- [grunts]

[laughs]

[inhales]

[all groan]

- Gimme a tall glass
of broken glass

in a dirty glass.

[glass shatters]

- [growls]

[chomp]

- [laughing]

- That laugh. No!

It can't be him.

- Who ordered the b*mb-becue?

[laughs]

- SpongeBob!
- [gasps]

- [groans] Aah!

[all gasp]

- Was that Mrs. Puff?

- Wait a second.

Why is Puff the Tuff afraid
of you?

- Oh, she probably
didn't recognize me

now that I'm a tough guy.

[horn honks]
Oh, my shoelace is untied.

Safety first.
[boom]

- Aah!
- That new little cook

seems pretty tough.

- Oh, yeah?
Let's see how tough he is.

Let the trials
of toughness begin!

Mechanical Sea-bull.

- Whoa! Whoa! Aah!

- Aw, poor thing.

You're probably tired of people
riding you all the time.

Take a break and ride me.

- [snorts]
- [laughs]

Whee!
[smash]

Oops.

- Whoo-hoo. Whoo-hoo.

- Punching bag!

- [grunting]

- [growling]

Whoa.

[air squeaking]

- Nice punch, SpongeBob.

- Body hair strength!

- [grunts]

[laughs]

- Uh.

Oh.

I'll just use my abrasive side.

[laughs]

- [gasps] Aww.

- I declare the toughest guy
at The Salty Spitoon...

[spits]
Is SpongeBob SquarePants.

[cheers and applause]

[chain clangs]

Whoo!

- As our tough guy leader,

you have the power
to do whatever you want.

- Well, in that case,
I've got a few wild ideas

for this place.

[all quacking]

[motor roars]

[upbeat rock music]

[motor revs]

[horn honks]
- Aah!

♪ ♪

[tires screeching]

- All right, guys.

Prepare to rumble
in the toughest place

in Bikini Bottom.

[cheering]

- [gasps]

Huh? [growls]

[light music]

♪ ♪

Yeah, no, no, no, no.
This is the right place.

What's going on in here?

I demand to speak
to whoever's in charge.

[patrons quietly conversing]

[old Western music playing]

- Welcome, stranger.

- Oh. [chuckles]

Why is the cheese talking
to me?

- You asked to speak
with the tough leader?

- No, no, really, who let
this guy in here?

- I see you're admiring
the new décor.

- Tell him how it is, lad.

- I'll do him one better.

♪ Oh ♪

all: ♪ Oh ♪

- Hey, what's happening?

♪ Come one and come all
to The Softy Spitoon ♪

all: ♪ Softy Spitoon ♪

- ♪ Where all of our cupcakes
come with a balloon ♪

all: ♪ Softy Spitoon ♪

- If you like head kisses
and cuddly hugs ♪

all: ♪ Softy Spitoon ♪

- ♪ And raise up your milk
with "I heart Mom" mugs ♪

all: ♪ Softy Spitoon ♪
- ♪ Ready? ♪

all: ♪ Softy ♪
- Enough!

You're acting like a bunch
of weenies.

- Weenies?

We have those,
and they are to die for.

A dab of freshly pickled
relish, perhaps?

- [growls]

- [cries]
- Hey!

There ain't no cryin'
in The Softy--

I mean The Salty Spitoon.

- Well, there is now,
buttercup.

And if you don't like it,
you can hike it.

- Oh, yeah?

- Yeah.
- [snaps]

[everyone yelling]

- Well, let's see
how SpongeBob is doing.

This oughta be good.
[glass shatters]

[gasps]

- Krabs,
what are you doin' here?

The week ain't up yet.

- SpongeBob isn't giving you
a problem?

- Problem?

Nah, he's the belle
of the ball.

- [chomps] Ah.
[groans]

- In fact,
the customers like him so much,

I'm gonna keep him
on permanently.

- You can't do that.

He's coming back
with me right now.

- Oh, yeah?

- Yeah.

[gasps]
[both grunting]

- I better take you home,
Mr. Krabs.

This place is much too tough
for you.

You might get hurt, see?

- Whoa.
- Ha.

- Fare thee well,
you old Softy Spitoon.

We'll always have...
[spits]

- [groaning]

Huh? Hey, everybody.

That guy is kidnapping
our leader.

[all grunting]

- ♪ Softy Spitoon ♪

♪ Softy Spitoon ♪

♪ Softy ♪

♪ Spitoon ♪

[laughs]

[light beachy music]

♪ ♪

- [barking]

- All right, Plankton.

I managed to fit changes
of underwear

in your suitcase.

Will that be enough
for the trip?

- [laughing]
- [barking]

- I'm gonna be gone
for three days, Karen,

so yeah, that should cover it.

[giggles]

That's right, Spot.
Daddy has to go

to the annual Doomsday Device
Expo in Shell City.

He's gonna find you
an instrument of ultimate evil.

Yes, he is.

- [barks]
- Don't worry, boy.

I left lots of instructions
for Mommy,

so she knows exactly how
to care for you

while I'm gone.

[bright orchestral music]

My wittle man just needs wots
of extra wove,

and I would destroy
the whole world

if anything happened to him.

[horn honks]
- Oh, your taxi's here.

♪ ♪

[tires screeching]

Off you go, Sheldon.

- So long, Karen.

Bye, Spotty!

- Bye, Plankton.

Have a nice trip.

Looks like it's just you
and me, Spot.

Spot?
- [barking]

[alarm blares]

Oh, Plankton's instructions.

Spot, bad amoeba.

- [barks]

- Oh, who needs
Plankton's little notes?

A sophisticated AI like myself
should have no problem

with a simple organic being.

All he needs
is a basic analysis.

[dramatic music]

[laser humming]

- [chomps]
- No!

I'm not done analyzing you.
- [barks]

- Spot! Heel, boy.

Heel.
- [barks, pants]

[squish]

- Uh-oh.

Is he supposed to do that?

Hmm, maybe he needs
a little pumping up.

[light music]

♪ ♪

- [squeaking]
- [grunts]

[straining]

There you go, Spot.
- [barks]

[splat]

- Aah!

I k*lled him!

[pounding at door]

Huh?

[gasps]

Who sent you?

What do you know?

- Hi, Karen.

Gary has a playdate with Spot,
remember?

- Meow.

- Uh, oh, with Spot, huh?

[laughs nervously]
Well, uh, the thing is,

Spot can't play today
because he's, uh--

he--busy. He's busy.

He's, uh, very busy, um...
[dial-up beeps]

All over the place in bits
and pieces

because I exploded him.

[wailing, crying]

- [laughs]

Yeah, that's Spot all right.

[laughing]

- Huh?

- Spot, come to SpongeBob!

[whistles]

[cheery music]

♪ ♪

- How did you figure that out?

- This happens all the time
when he plays with Gary.

- [squeals]
- [grunts]

- [squeals]
- Meow.

- Oh, I admit,
looking after Spot

while Plankton is gone
is proving trickier

than I thought.

♪ ♪

[crunch]

- Whoo!

[squealing]

- Maybe he needs
to burn off some energy?

- [grunting]

How are you so strong?

♪ ♪

[sighs]
- [barks]

- [growls]

[purrs]

- [barks]

[belches]

[sizzling]

- Meow?

[brakes screeching]

- Spot, look at this mess.

- Come on, Spot.

Don't you want
to be a good boy like Gary?

[siren blares]
- [growls]

- [belches]

[barking]
- Spot, no!

Bad boy.

- Whoa!
- [barking]

- [sobbing]
- [gasps]

- Whoa!

- [chomps]

- I nose this ain't my donut.

- Oh.

[chokes]

- [barking]

- He's too fast.

How can this get any worse?

[phone rings]

- Karen's head,
how may I direct your call?

- Oh, yes.
May I talk to Karen?

Wait a minute. Who is this?

- Uh, uh, that was me...
[laughs]

Throwing my voice,
and now it's you.

How's the Doomsday Expo?

- Oh, it's over.

I'm coming home early.
- You're what?

- But I bought the most evil
world-conquering device

I could find.

[spooky music]

Anyway, how's my little Spot?

Put him on the phone.

I miss his voice.

- Put Spot on the phone?
- Whoa.

This phone?
- [whimpers]

Ooh.

- [barks]

- There's my wittle man.

Sounds like Mommy is taking
good care of you.

- Hey, some idiot left
this tiny suitcase

next to an open flame!

[explosions]
Oh, no.

[everyone screaming]

- Uh, gotta go.

[tense music]

♪ ♪

[bell dings]

- [grunts]

Whew, let's get back
before Plankton comes home.

- Meow.
- Oh, hey, Gary.

How was your shift?
- Meow.

- [barking]

- What's wrong?

You haven't touched your chum.

- No, thank you.

I don't really eat chum.

- Yep, me neither.

- [growling, barking]

- Karen? Have you fed Spot yet?

- No, does he not consume
power from his battery?

- Uh, no.

He consumes other stuff.

- [sniffs]

[barks]

- Are you still hungry?
- [barks]

- Okay, how 'bout a nice, um,
a napkin dispenser?

- [gulps]

- Gee, Spot'll eat anything,
huh?

- [barking]

- [gasps, growls]
No more, Spot.

You literally just ate us
out of house and home.

- [barks]

- Fine, you're still hungry?

I'll give you all
the nourishment

you'll ever need.

Here, I synthesized
a perpetual nutrient pill.

It'll keep feeding you
so you'll be full.

Forever.

Huh? Uh--

- Hey, Karen?

Is he supposed
to be getting bigger?

- That was not
in my calculations.

- It's gonna stop soon? Right?
- Meow.

- Uh, well,
you see, SpongeBob,

I didn't program the pill
to stop.

Ever.

[creaking]

- I gotta be careful with you.
[laughs]

One wrong move and you'll blow
the whole ocean sky-high.

[laughs]

Huh?

- [barking]

Huh, the good times never last.

Aah!

[dramatic music]

[boom]
- Ouch!

♪ ♪

- [gasps]
- Huh?

[citizens murmuring]

- Karen!

- [grunts]
- None of my sticky notes said

to turn Spot into a behemoth!

- Well,
this wouldn't have happened

if you had trained him
properly.

- I'm a busy man.

You should've been following
my instructions.

- Excuse me?

I am your computer wife,
not your computer maid.

- [whining]
- I sl*ve all day

over a hot keyboard--
- Oh, so everything

is my fault!

It's all ones and zeroes
with you, honey.

You probably made Spot bigger
than me on purpose...

- Aha!
- To make me feel small.

- Spot?
- Your mouth is the biggest

part of you--
- Ah!

- Everything about you
is small.

- My heart is big.

- [straining]
- I should not have settled.

- Look!
both: Huh?

- [barking]

- Spot!

I think he's dividing.

- Aww, he doesn't like it
when Mommy and Daddy fight.

Come on, boy. Come to Papa.
- [groaning]

- Come on, boy!
- Come to Daddy.

- Come on!
- [groaning]

[snap]

all: Spot!

- [groans]

Aww. [laughs]

Aww.
- Oh, I can't stay mad

at these cute little faces.

- Well,
I'm still a little mad.

[both laugh]
- Aww.

- [chomps]
- [laughing]

[playful music]

♪ ♪

[sizzling]

[light beachy music]

♪ ♪