06x04 - Pretty Mess

[bunniefuu]

Since the beginning of time,

or at least the ' s,

society decided to stop being polite

and start getting real.

People love to hate on reality TV.

- Reality television

- is the digital artifact

- that will be studied next to the pyramids

- and dinosaurs.

But the reality of reality TV

- doesn't stop at the end of an episode.

Dating Annika has
shown me that sometimes

the storylines follow you home.

♪ I got the blood, no middleman ♪

I'll be honest: it has required

some adjustment on my part.

But after we worked out the
kinks in our relationship,

I am comfortable being
an influencer boyfriend.

If that what it takes to be with Annika,

that's a small price to pay.

What's up, dog? Here.

Nothing makes me prouder than
kicking back with the Gammas

and watching my baby do her
thing on "Influencer Island."

All right, let's go,
let's get it, let's get it.

Let's see what we got
going on this week.

You know what time it is.

Tonight, on "Influencer Island"...

looks like Annika is taking
a break from stirring the pot.

Or does she?

I've got dibs on little spoon tonight.

Oh!

- Oh!
- Ooh...

- [CHUCKLING, CHATTER]
- Chill, chill, chill, chill.

As night falls,

things are heating up
between Annika and Drea.

[SCATTERED CHUCKLES]

Hoo...

I don't think you have trouble, bro.

You have competition.

Looks like Annika has
a new cuddle buddy.

Does my girlfriend have a girlfriend?

♪ Watch out world ♪

♪ I'm grown now ♪

♪ I'm grown ♪

♪ Learn something new every day ♪

♪ I don't know, so I'ma feel my way ♪

♪ Got the weight of the world on me ♪

♪ But no regrets, this is what I say ♪

♪ Watch out, world ♪

♪ I'm grown now ♪

♪ You can tell me ♪

♪ My heart b*ating so loud ♪

♪ ♪

♪ Mama, look, I'm grown now ♪

♪ I'm grown ♪

♪ Bad Lil' bitch, she
don't care about the drama ♪

♪ Shorty double kicked up
and she get it from her mama ♪

♪ Tell her boys ease up but
shorty drop it to the floor ♪

- [KNOCK ON DOOR]
- Hide the vodka.

Okay, calm down, guys. Just me.

You can keep drinking.

- Whew.
- Great show tonight, babe.

Can I pull you aside for a second?

Yeah, what's up?

How'd you like tonight's episode?

Um, about that... that Drea girl.

She seems real cool.

Yeah, we got so cool on the show.

- Mm.
- And you'll get to meet her

along with the rest of my
cast members, because...

- drumroll, please.
- No.

You're all invited

to the "Influencer
Island" reunion tomorrow

as my VIP guests.

[SQUEALS]

Also, I snagged some
seats for the Gammas

so they can just stroll on in... get it?

- Oh, thank you, babe.
- Okay, I understand

why the producers wanna swindle
young, impressionable minds

to the inaugural Gen
Z NXIVM cult meeting,

but why do you want us to be there?

I don't know. I think
it sounds exciting.

I thought you said you didn't wanna be

seen around me in public

because I was wearing a
sensible flat after : p.m.

Excuse Kiela. We will be there
in your preferred footwear.

As a matter of fact, I
will not leave your side

even when you're talking
to cast members like Drea.

I will be front and
center, cheering you on

as your man, your partner.

Ten toes down for my woman!

Thanks.

I'm gonna need all
the support I can get.

This villain edit is
getting out of control.

I thought you liked that.

I thought I did, too, but turns out,

Black people not only
get hosed in a real court,

but also in the court of public opinion.

- Damn.
- Well, I guess

we're just gonna have
to let those b*tches know

that you're the sweetest
bitch in the world.

Oh!

Okay. Let's find you an outfit.

Okay.

[CLEARS THROAT]

Your pupils aren't dilated,

but your hands and face are clammy.

Also, your breath smells
like a wet dish rag.

What is going on?

Uh... I think that Annika

might be cheating with
that chick from the show.

Can't you just ask her what's going on?

No! No, a-are you kidding me?

We already got off to
a rocky start this year,

and we haven't even hard-launched
our relationship yet.

I can't be out here acting soft.

I wanna be on a "Below Deck"
yacht, not the "Titanic."

Yeah. You cannot just
ask her what's going on.

Exactly. That's why
I have to be out here,

acting like a secure Black man

who has not spent the past half hour

wondering if my queen is
out here getting scissored

by some influential influencer
with impeccable bone structure.

Okay, first of all,

scissoring is not the primary
lesbian sexual position.

- Really?
- And secondly,

I haven't even seen the show.

- Fine! Show me the evidence.
- Thank you.

So Drea, here,

a hot streetwear model, and Annika

are now bedtime cuddle buddies.

I don't wanna jump to any conclusions,

but that means they're gay, right?

I mean, what if Drea
and her have something

that I could never understand?

The verdict is inconclusive.
But, rest assured...

your "Charisma Uniqueness
Nerve and Talent"

appointed attorney is on the case.

You better not be setting up
your face ID on my phone again.

That's just a safety measure.

I'm actually just finessing
your dating profile.

I don't even use that thing, dude.

It's just to have something
to talk about with people,

like the weather or blue light glasses.

Okay. Well, you need to start.

% of eligible singles are on the apps,

and you need to be a part of the
masses to get back into society.

I don't wanna get back out there, man.

- I wanna stay here, on my couch.
- Okay, well, you're too late,

because the new and improved
Aaron Jackson dating profile

is ready. I accept mobile cash apps

and the names and numbers
of all the lovely ladies

that you are not compatible with.

Because my boy is about to be out here

like the Humane Society
with his pick of the litter.

- Thank you. Here. Enjoy.
- All right, let me see that.

What am I looking at?

I've seen German wax
figures of Black celebrities

that look way more natural than
anything I'm seeing right now.

Bro, what you had before
was dull and bland.

Had to put a little Lawry's on it.

Looks like you poured the
whole bottle on here, man.

And why do I look like Jim
Crow's protege in this photo?*

No, this is good.

This makes you look
like an academic, okay?

You Bell Hooks 'em, you keep 'em.

Okay, one day. You get one day outta me.

Sit back, swipe,

and by sundown, you're
gonna have women on your page

like Walmart on Black Friday.

♪ Whoo ♪

- [FUNKY MUSIC]
- _

_

_

♪ I'll tell you what I
want, what I really want ♪

_

- Rahul, give me fierce!
- _

♪ A little bit more ♪

_

♪ Just a little bit more ♪

One more, one more. Before
we go in, everybody together.

That's great. Thank you.

♪ A little bit more ♪

♪ Oh oh oh ♪

♪ A little, a little bit more ♪

♪ Oh oh oh ♪

♪ A little bit, little bit more ♪

♪ Oh oh oh ♪

- ♪ Just a little bit... ♪
- All right, pretty people,

eyes on me, listen up, folks.

We're five minutes out from rolling,

so I'm gonna need talent on deck

and civilians to report to the audience.

Get a move on, gen pop.

Wow. I've always wondered what it's like

to be treated as a second-class citizen.

- You coming?
- Yeah, I'll be there in a second.

Aw. He wants to wish his girl luck.

Black love.

Pop off, Annika!

♪ ♪

- [BOTH GIGGLING]
- Yes, Drea! Yes!

Oh, my gosh. Drea, you play too much.

Well, when I like the game...

Sweetie!

Honey bunches of gluten-free oats.

Drea.

So I'ma dip.

- Break a leg out there.
- Thanks, baby.

Wait. You know that I'm happy and secure

in our relationship, right?

And I don't feel threatened at all.

And that I am an avid
Marsha P. Davis enthusiast.

I just need to know, is
there anything going on

between you and Drea?

Okay, you think I'm cheating on you?

You're trying to get
really deep right now,

and I'm literally in
the middle of a work day.

- Annika, I...
- You have nothing to worry about, okay?

I have to go; I don't
wanna hold up production.

- Okay...
- Uh, babe, my lips.

Four minutes!

♪ ♪

- [BEEPING]
- Match. Match.

I got a match. What do I do?

Show me the stats. Let's go.

Okay. All right, uh...

- Mallory is her name.
- Mmm.

- Stunning.
- She's a nurse.

- Come on, Black excellence.
- Indigenous.

Come on, Native American excellence.

- . That's not bad.
- Oh, hey, yes, yes.

This is the momentum that we need.

Now, set up the date
for the bar tonight.

- Okay.
- This will be the best way

for me to soft-launch the basement.

Okay. I'm gonna go, but this
isn't one of those sex rooms

that I see on my "Real
Estate Surprises" subreddit,

'cause if it is, you're
legally obligated to tell me.

Subreddit where?

[BACKGROUND CHATTER]

So it's all good.

She told me that there
is nothing to worry about.

[SHRILLY] So nothin' to worry about.

Well, there is something to worry about,

because if she's not two-timing you,

then she's two-timing America
as a world-class queerbaiter.

If it's between America
and me, I choose me.

Welcome back to the
"Influencer Island" reunion.

Our influencers may be on an island,

but it looks like two of our stars

still have some narrow
stretches of land to explore.

Grab your sunscreen,

because things are about to heat up

between Drea and Annika.

Take a look.

This had Remi's name
on it in the fridge.

But until she cracks
million on TikTok,

I don't think she deserves this pudding.

But something tells me you do!

[CROWD MURMURS, LAUGHS]

Could Annika and Drea

be sharing a little more than pudding?

- Ooh!
- Ooh!

[AUDIENCE MURMURING]

Your girlfriend has a girlfriend.

You know it.

Drea is moving in,
and you're sulking here

without even putting up a fight?

So I wasn't overreacting!

It's not like I really
care if Annika's into women.

I just want her to be honest with me.

Like, is she just playing
it up for the cameras,

or is this how she feels about Drea?

Do we even know if Drea is gay?

[BOTH GIGGLING]

Should I go ask her?

Are you out of your mind?

That's rude.

Fine! Just hold my drink.

Thank you.

Is your staring problem terminal,

or are you just rude?

I have this dilemma.

I have free tickets to a Sparks game,

but that same night, I have
a Meghan Trainor concert.

- Mm.
- What would you do in that situation?

I'd ask myself if I was
a lesbian or a gay man

and make my decision from there.

So you would go to
the Sparks game bec...

I think organized sports of any kind

are a legal form of sl*very,

and I'm not a Meghan Trainor fan

because I don't listen
to future Kidz Bops.

I have to go.

♪ ♪

So?

Kinsey scale? I don't know.

Bitch scale? She's off the charts.

Okay. This is quite
the Underground Railroad

immersion experience you got goin' on.

Okay, but Harriet did
not have drip like this.

Dude, come on. Show some respect.

Okay, my apologies, but, uh,

I'm allowing you to christen this space.

So don't mess up the vibes.

Welcome to The Doug Out.

♪ Yeah yeah yeah real quick ♪

♪ I been goin' to the top ♪

♪ Yeah, real quick, I'ma
switch up on the spot ♪

♪ Yeah, real quick, I'ma
cop it while it's hot ♪

♪ Yeah, real quick, bro bro hit it... ♪

Yo, this basement is top notch.

Congratulations.

♪ Bro bro bro, hit it real quick ♪

Can I get two? Tequila sodas, please.

- Hey.
- What's up?

I don't know what game
you're playing with Drea,

but you need to watch yourself.

I know that you think that
you have a handle on this,

but you're gonna confuse people.

- I'm fine.
- I know you,

so I am not losing sleep,

but the rest of the
world may not be as kind.

Even Harry Styles lost fans

because he acts sexually fluid,

but then he only openly dates women.

Harry Styles, okay?

If he is not immune to a flop era,

literally no one is... even you.

Zaara, I'm fine.

Okay, well, count your
days on lesbian Twitter.

[BOTH CHUCKLING]

But I do wanna say thank you for, uh,

coming down here on such short notice.

And for not running when I invited
you to a basement for our first date.

Mm. I'm more concerned
with just how many

Toni Morrison books you have.

I knew Solomon had a song,

but, clearly, I missed
most of his discography.

- Yeah, about that.
That wasn't me, okay?

It's my friend Doug. He
packs a lotta creativity

into such a trim frame.

But if my profile was so cringe,

why'd you come?

I know a good thing when I see it.

Plus, a crazy friend of mine

Googled you before I could swipe left.

Okay. To crazy friends.

To crazy friends.

You know, I may be, um,

saying this too soon,

but I'm thinking we
should do this again.

I... like that you said that.

I've been on these apps for months,

and you're the first person
I feel a connection with.

I don't know about you,

but I'm ready to delete
them after tonight.

Delete them? But then
how would we communicate?

Well, people who are dating

typically have each other's numbers.

What? Dating?

Like dating for real?
Like D-A-T-I-N-G dating?

Nice, nice. Um, you know what?

If we're gonna be potentially dating,

I think you should know
some stuff about me.

I think it's only fair, you know,

that I put all my cards on the table.

One: I bite my fingernails.

Also bite my toenails.

I cry during sex. Not
because I'm afraid.

More so, because I'm
emotionally involved.

Sometimes too emotionally
involved to where

I push people away, but only
because I really want them.

Just cannot wrap my head around

why Annika would care
more about a TV storyline

- than our relationship.
- You are a better man than me.

There is no way that I'd
let my chick have me out here

lookin' like boo boo the fool.

I mean, do her fans even
know that she has a boyfriend?

She hasn't even
hard-launched me on IG yet.

Right now, I would
settle for a soft launch,

you know, just like a pic of our shadows

with an "Us period" caption.

Or maybe her just, like, coming out

as in a relationship with a man.

That's literally not a thing.

But it is super jacked up of Annika

to be using queerness as a
tool to entice more followers

when the gayest thing about her

is her "Cool for the Summer" playlist.

Okay. Now you're gatekeeping being gay?

Aren't we all on a sexual spectrum?

Annika could one day
be boo'd up with a girl.

Having the potential to be q*eer

does not make you part of the community.

Like, I could be a m*rder*r,

but that doesn't mean
I'm forcing white women

to thirst after me before I get there.

Why is all this on Annika, though?

She's queerbaiting. That's why.

All I see is someone trying
to do whatever she can

to further her career,
and if the producers

are making it look like
her relationship with Drea

is something it's not,

and she's not coming
out to say it's fake,

who's really at fault?

Damn.

We're rolling!

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

Welcome back to the
"Influencer Island" reunion.

We're having a Fab, Fit,
Fundamentally good time.

Now, let's take a
question from our audience.

What's your name and where are you from?

Hi, I'm Blair. I'm
from Towson, Maryland,

and my question is for Annika and Drea.

- Hi, Blair.
- Ladies, are you gay?

q*eer, bi, pan,

or just straight and
straight-up lying b*tches?

Thanks!

'Scuse me.

Keep my girl's name out of your mouth!

[LAUGHTER] I'm sor... I'm speaking

for my girlfriend, Annika Longstreet,

when I say that she is straight.

An ally to all,

and straight with me.

She's just faking it for the show.

So in conclusion, she's
straight, and straight with me.

Thank you. Thank you.

[ALL MURMURING]

So that didn't go as planned,

but on the bright side,

at least everyone knows the truth.

I tell you I'm not cheating,

and you're still in your feelings?

I was just trying to protect you.

I don't need you to protect me.

I need you to trust me.

I'm trying to make this work for me

- without compromising myself.
- What about compromising me

- and us, Annika?
- This isn't about you.

Don't you see how much
pressure I'm under here?

It's so hard being a Black
woman on a show like this.

Either I'm too ghetto
or I'm too white-acting,

or I'm used as a meme in
a modern-day minstrel show.

Between producers

and agents and fans and
interviews and now you...

I'm realizing I can't control much here.

So it's just... okay
for everybody to think

that you're stepping
out because it's easier?

To be honest, I thought
no harm, no foul.

I got some extra followers
and more engagement

through a misunderstanding, but...

I guess Zaara was right.

I didn't think it would hurt anyone.

but it clearly did,
and it got out of hand.

Plus, it hurts me to hurt you.

So I'm sorry.

And I'm sorry for projecting
my insecurities onto you

and for embarrassing you at work.

I really hope they don't call HR.

Reality television doesn't have HR.

So home girl laid it on too thick?

Yeah, man, I mean, she was
talking about deleting apps.

I wasn't even trying to be
on 'em in the first place.

Well, that might have been my fault.

Uh, yeah, made the
basement a bit too sexy.

- Sorry.
- Yeah, with that being said,

I'm gonna get rid of the facade,
rid of the profile.

But please send me the
photoshopped pic of me skydiving.

My mom wants something more
impressive to put on the Christmas card

other than "has job."

- Say less.
- Yeah, thanks.

[SNICKERS]

I'm not sure I'm entirely comfortable

with you making those noises
while looking at photos of me.

Bro, it's a work thing.

- A work thing?
- Yeah.

- [SNICKERING]
- Okay, well, if, you know,

if Ray's making you this giddy,

I might have to rethink
our best friendship.

- Okay.
- It's not that I'm a jealous

man; I'm just saying it'll be
on sight next time I see you.

Stand down, because this
is just our new wine rep.

Her name's Sloane.

Am I getting, like, some subtle notes

of a crush here, Douglas?

Hey, man, you can call me Suave Blanc,

'cause I'm about to swirl, sniff, sip,

spit out a new relationship,
the way things are going.

That doesn't sound appropriate.

I know.

Drea, is it? I didn't catch your name

when we spoke earlier.

You mean when you spoke at me?

Tomato, "tomahto."

It's Drea.

Drea, are you gay?

"How are you?" took the day off?

Why do you care so much?

[LAUGHS]

It's 'cause you think I'm hot.

See you around, Zaara.

♪ ♪

Reality television holds up a mirror

for us to reflect on
society and our place in it.

It's less about the drama
and more about realizing

we are all crafting story lines

and curating how we
want the world to see us.

But I'm ready to leave

a lot of what I thought would be my edit

on the cutting room floor.

♪ When you got too much pride ♪

♪ It all falls down... ♪

Are you hard-launching me?

Only if you promise to
hard-launch me later tonight.

♪ Yeah, I like how that sounds, hey ♪

♪ So I'm just finna take my sh*t ♪

♪ Yeah, I like how that sounds, hey ♪

[MELLOW R&B]

Tch. Oh, sh*t.

♪ ♪


Oh... sh*t.

[SQUEALS]