02x04 - The Fashionista Caper

[bunniefuu]

[theme music playing]

♪ Where in the world is Carmen Sandiego? ♪

♪ Sandiego ♪

[vocalizing]

♪ Where in the world ♪

♪ Is Carmen Sandiego? ♪

[crickets chirping]

[Player] How's the big,
fat Greek caper going, Red?

Wish I were gazing
on the Parthenon in Athens

instead of some airstrip in the boonies.

But your intel was spot on.

VILE's on the scene intercepting
a package, contents unknown.

- Time to intercept their intercept.
- [blade whooshes]

[Carmen gasps]

- [metal clanging]
- [gasps]

Carmen Sandiego,
you should watch your noggin.

Dash Haber.
Neat little hat trick you got there.

I call it the "buzz cut."

- [grunts]
- [grunts]

[exhales]

[clangs]

[Dash whistles]

[Carmen grunts]

[crashes]

[crashes]

- [grunts]
- [crashes]

[grunts]

Huh?

Haber, time to fly.

[helicopter blades whirring]

[Dash grunts]

Not so fast, Hat Hair,
I have a date with that crate.

Catch.

You owe me a chapeau.

[grunts]

Player, intercept was a bust.

Then again.

Fabric?

[camera shutter clicks]

Why would VILE steal
only one crate of fabric?

Maybe Coach Brunt just needed enough
material to knit Maelstrom a sweater.

I'd like to think
it's because Carmen scared 'em off.

She's wicked awesome.

Scare off Dash Haber? Maybe.

But the Cleaners do not know fear.

Look, honey, a samurai.

[growls]

Perhaps it would be best
not to discuss delicate matters in public,

especially since my attire seems to be
attracting unwanted attention.

We're at the apocalypse,
ancient Greeks wore togas here.

- Acropolis.
- That's what I said, apocalypse.

[Shadowsan] Clothes do not make the man,

but I might still suggest retreating
to the privacy of your headquarters.

- [scoffs] As in HQ?
- Does that stand for something?

I admire your discretion.

I am not sure that I would trust me enough
to reveal its location just yet either.

We would trust you, Shadowsan,
if we actually had one.

Hard to believe but true.

Why would you not possess a home base?

I vowed if I ever left VILE Island,
I'd see the world.

And here we are.

Welcome to Carmen Sandiego's
never ending tour.

And the wicked sweet part,
VILE's footing the bill.

[Carmen] I guess if I knew more
about my past,

I might have a better idea
where I'd wanna hang my hat.

I mean, home base should feel like home,
shouldn't it?

[phone ringing]

Heads up, g*ng,
those samples VILE stole,

turns out it's smart fabric.

Used for totally cutting-edge
wearable technology,

designed to make the clothes on your back
as smart as the phone in your pocket.

Imagine, pants that alert you
when you're packing on the pounds,

golf shirts that track your swings,

underwear that can monitor your...

- [Zack cackling]
- [Ivy] Ew!

...heart rate.

- Oh, that's not so gross.
- [scoffs] Or hilarious.

[Player] I scoured the data
on VILE's hard drive

for a potential connection
to anything involving fabric.

The only thread I could pull was
a passing mention of something happening

in Milan, Italy, this week.

Fashion Fest.

Where clothing designers
display their latest styles.

Countess Cleo always took an interest.

We know she was a failed runway model
before turning to a career of crime.

Though wearable tech does
scream more of Dr. Bellum, am I right?

It could be a team effort
or the brainchild of someone new entirely.

It is inevitable that VILE will begin
the process of seeking my replacement,

if they have not done so already.

The financial health of VILE
is not looking pretty.

Our profits are down
and we continue to suffer losses,

Rio being quite the fiasco.

Carmen Sandiego's been putting
way too big a dent in our resources,

which is why it would behoove you
to fill the vacancy left by Shadowsan

with someone who knows
how to get VILE out of the red.

Not only is Cookie stylish,
she's smart with money.

[in Italian] Grazie, mi Contessa.

And a team player,
our very own bookkeeper, a numbers girl,

hatched a plan melding my technology
with Cleo's fashion connections.

I, for one, champion comfort
over frilly frills.

[Maelstrom] You will need to pull out
all the stops, Miss Booker,

after all, Black Sheep's escape
from this island, her very look,

can be traced back
to your failings on that fateful night.

Let me assure you, Gunnar,

no one steals from me,
locks me in a closet

and impersonates me
without paying the price.

And I didn't even mention
the water balloon att*cks.

If Carmen Sandiego
shows her face in Milan,

she will become my first fashion victim.

[Julia] There has to be some explanation
for why there were seen together in Rio.

Carmen Sandiego may have been
information gathering or...

or trying to keep an enemy close.

Possible but unlikely.

I'm afraid our girl was recently seen
in Japan and in Greece.

Care to guess
who her traveling companion was?

They do seem like more
than casual acquaintances.

One agent's opinion.

Our mystery man is one of two suspects
your ex-partner ID'd

as his abductors that night in Poitiers,

yet, ACME still can't put a name
to the face.

He's a ghost, a shadow.

In short,
he fits VILE's profile perfectly.

Our CrimeNet analysts indicate
our super thief maybe bound for Milan.

It's Fashion Fest there, Agent Argent,
so you had better look sharp

as well as sharpen your resolve
to catch Carmen Sandiego.

Anything more on potential VILE targets
in Milan?

Working on it, Red. But I did learn
a thing or two about Fashion Fest.

All the top designers show off
their seasonal collections

at certain times of the year
in different cities of the world,

Milan's a big one.

Every year, the shows get more elaborate
and more competitive.

- [camera shutters clicking]
- Big buzz translates to big profits.

[Carmen] What really fascinates me
is Italy has a long history with fashion,

dating back to the Renaissance,

a period of great artistic
and cultural achievement

that began in the th century.

Wealthy families, like the Medicis,

didn't just sponsor artists like
Michelangelo and Leonardo Da Vinci,

they cultivated their own sense
of high style.

[Player] No kidding,
check out their threads.

Guess the Medicis did good
while looking good, just like you, Red.

At least Shadowsan's getup
doesn't look so out of place here.

Whoa, whoa, whoa!

Pizza and ice cream.
My four basic food groups right there.

Dairy, toppings, crust and cone.

It's gelato, Zack, Italian ice cream,

and you can feed your face
after we stop VILE.

Aw! Shadowsan will let me, right?

[Shadowsan growls]

That's not a no.

Fashion events are taking place
in every major venue.

We should separate to cover more ground.

I'll need to blend in.

Shouldn't be too hard to find something
chic to wear in my color around here.

Carmen Sandiego, you are under arrest.

[sighs]

Sandiego, you just got beached.

ETA to Milan, minutes, seconds.

Are you ready to bag a super thief?

Yes, Agent Zari. In fact, I am.

[music playing over stereo]

[man] Ladies, you are representing
La Dolcé Rita, so please class it up.

Number two, more mascara,
I want to see your lashes from space.

And where are your fascinators?
The hats, the hats.

- The lining's being re-stitched.
- On all of them?

A haberdasher showed up,
said Rita herself sent him.

Some hottie with a hat.

Someone, please make sure
they're ready by showtime.

We're modeling
with authentic Medici gowns tonight.

Not one seam in our presentation
can be out of place.

Hottie with a hat,
sounds like someone we know.

- You catch the part about the Medicis?
- [Player] Yep.

It wasn't publicized,

but it looks like the costume gallery
of Pitti Palace in Florence

recently loaned their th century finds.

Four vintage Medici gowns.

They're gonna be displayed

during designer label
La Dolcé Rita's presentation.

[Carmen] Not exactly what I'd call
off the rack.

More like dressed to the nines,

as in nine million euros
because that's about their combined worth.

Stage crew, be on alert.

We may have just learned VILE's
this season's must-haves.

You gotta it, Carm.

Guess that would make us
the fashion police.

The Medici gowns are almost certain
to be Carmen Sandiego's target,

though they'll likely be
under lock and key until showtime.

Search the hall,
I'll have a look backstage.

[Player] So you think VILE's hats
are lined with smart tech?

I'd bet my hat on it.

We know Bellum loves
her mind control experiments.

Instant remote controlled thieves.

Okay, but why the models?

The Medici gowns will be vulnerable
for a brief window of time

while the models are on stage.

They'll be the only ones with clearance
to be within reach of them.

All part of the show.
In plain view. Totally VILE's M.O.

[Cleo] My hench model, Dash Haber,
is on site

transposing La Dolcé Rita's headgear
with our own.

Bellissimo, Countess. Those mindless waifs
will be dressed to steal.

And now, some headgear of my own.

Showtime, ladies.

[Zari] Hold it right there.

Funny,
you actually have something right there.

- Hi-yah!
- [gas hissing]

Take five.

[groans, thuds]

[music playing over stereo]

[lights clicking]

[man] In the beginning were the Medicis.

They're stunning.

Today, La Dolcé Rita brings
a new fashion renaissance to Milan.

It's showtime.

[Bellum] Walk the walk,

then secure the gowns.

- Showtime.
- Carmen Sandiego, you are under arrest.

Jules, right?

Hands in the air. Now. [gasps]

You're not really dressed
for the occasion, but we'll make it work.

What?

Come on, I need your help.

To do what?

The reason you're here,
save those Medicis.

Keep it natural.

Just imagine an invisible string pulling
your head straight up from your spine.

Walk with long strides and smile.

[Julia whimpers]

Ready and turn.

Follow my lead
and be ready to grab a gown.

You want me to steal?

If we don't, the models will.

But there are four gowns.

Got it covered.

- Work it, work it.
- Uh-huh, uh-huh.

Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.

[Cookie] Who are they?

One of them may or may not be a duke.

Mr. Haber, report.

Uh, the gowns are ready for carry out,
Countess.

[Cleo] Do not be so certain.

They like us.

Nouveau Zack and Ivy
is gonna be all the rage, bro.

[indistinct chatter]

[woman] Amazing.

[Zack] Mind if we cut in?

Bye-bye.

[Cookie gasps] It's her.

- Carmen Sandiego.
- Saira, we need a redirect.

Ladies, I'm trying to focus here.

Supermodels, stop that super thief.

Retrieve those gowns.

[models grunting]

[Zack] What's the plan, Carm?

Get the gowns to safety.
Oh, and Jules is in charge.

- What about you?
- [banging]

Busy.

Get the gowns to safety.

[banging continues]

That is far enough.

Sorry, teach, no dealio.

[models yelling]

Not too ladylike, but I'm game.

[grunting]

Clothes line.

I don't want to hurt you, ladies,
but you're gonna need to lose those hats.

[grunts]

[grunts]

[groans, thuds]

[grunting]

[grunts]

[Carmen] Thanks for the tip.

[groans]

[grunting]

Whew!

[both groaning]

Thanks. My hats off to you.

[in Italian] Oh, scusi, scusi.

[in English] You were magnifico.
Which modeling agency are you with?

I have quite a headache. Goodnight.

[chuckles nervously]

That's the way the cookie crumbles?

[Carmen in Italian] Molto bello.

[in English] And the best part,
VILE's footing the bill.

Good, because the price is steep.

You won't invite stares on the street
dressed this way.

I still wish to revisit the idea
of a proper headquarters.

[Player] Funny Shadowsan
should mention it, Red.

When I was trawling around
for fabric and fashion info,

you wouldn't believe what I stumbled on.

Hackers really can wear white hats
after Labor Day?

Noted, but no.
Remember Carmen Brand Outerware?

- Like I could forget.
- Well, guess what.

After proudly serving San Diego county
for years,

they've gone out of business.

So you interrupted shopping day to tell me

VILE's bookkeeper needs somewhere new
to buy her rain gear?

No.

The warehouse is up for sale.
The original location.

- In San Diego.
- And?

Well, wouldn't it be freaky
if the building made for a cool HQ?

Can I get these?

Zack got to have gelato and pizza.

I can't argue with the results,
Agent Argent,

though, your choice of partner
was a bit outside the box.

It has been a challenge to reconcile
all of Carmen Sandiego's contradictions.

Perhaps, but I feel I now know enough

to propose that we stop
trying to capture Carmen Sandiego.

What if we tried to recruit her?

- [Brunt] Next.
- [monitor beeps]

Pity shame the number cruncher
didn't make the cut.

A shame indeed, Coach Brunt.

After the failure of Shadowsan,

we cannot accept anyone less
than completely loyal to VILE

or thoroughly evil to the bone.

We must find
Shadowsan's ideal replacement.

[pop music playing]