03x01 - The Luchadora Tango Caper

[bunniefuu]

[theme music]

♪ Where in the world is Carmen Sandiego? ♪

♪ Sandiego ♪

♪ Where in the world is Carmen Sandiego? ♪

[Maelstrom] Scotland, the gothic
grandeur of its Highlands.

The majestic bellow of its bagpipes.

The tartan weave of its kilts.

[Cleo shudders]
The bitter sting of its cold.

How are they not freezing?

It is unusually drafty in here.

[Maelstrom] Sure, our new headquarters
could use some weatherproofing,

but doesn't it just scream vile?

I'm gonna start screaming
if they don't quit the caterwauling!

[groans]
It's like strangling a goose.

Gunnar, however are we expected
to entice new students

to the very edge of the Earth?

[Roundabout] Pshaw, Dr. Bellum.

The Outer Hebrides of Scotland
are practically next door to London!

Then why don't you vacate
your plush, heated office

and pop over for a spot of tea, neighbor?

Now, now, Countess.
Our esteemed colleague Roundabout

pulled many strings
to help us relocate VILE Academy

in our hour of need,
completely under the radar.

Way to go, new guy.

Besides, I'm presently
focused on monitoring

all transmissions for Carmen Sandiego,

there has been no sign of her
all summer long,

despite the globe-scouring efforts
of our recent graduates.

Fiercest class ever.
They'll tear her apart.

If Shadowsan hasn't
already done so, Coach Brunt.

The recent lack of Carmen sightings

suggests that our strategy
of provoking a decisive falling out

between our two traitors
may have paid off.

Carmen Sandiego
may already very well be no more.

[tango music playing]

[music continues]

[tense music]

Player, I'm in.

Gotta say, robbing my birth country's
best-known bank

is not what I wanna be remembered for.

[Player] You're targeting a safety
deposit box in a bank in Argentina

linked to your late father,

which, in theory,
makes you the rightful heir

to whatever might be inside that box.

[clattering]

Hopefully, a clue to my mother's identity

since I highly doubt
her name is Vera Cruz.

[Player] Like the city in Mexico,
could be where she was born,

or where your dad was planning
to start a new life with you, guys,

- after leaving VILE.
- All good thoughts, Player.

Let's see if we can't find out.

So that's Dexter Wolfe.

I have his eyes.

These all belong to my father.

There's something else.

Player, take a look at this.

Okay, how cute were you?

Very. But I meant a close look.

Image analysis, on it.

Who knew the Irish jig was such
a big deal here in Buenos Aires?

They're dancing the tango, bro,
nothing Irish about it.

Though it does have
a kicky thing going on.

[Carmen] Zack, Ivy.

- Heading your way.
- [Ivy] Turn up anything, Carm?

[sighs] Another link to my past.

May I have this dance, Señorita Sandiego?

Who may I have the pleasure of declining?

- You can call me...
- [gasps]

Spinkick!

[both grunt]

Codename's kind of on the nose, isn't it?

My foot, your nose!

- Hiyah!
- [grunts]

[tense music]

- [car horn honks]
- [grunts]

Hiyah!

[grunts]

It takes two to tangle.

Call me... Flytrap.

So, all the good codenames
finally got taken?

Coach assured us
you'd head to high ground.

VILE really made
Catching Carmen Sandiego

a required course?

Tough class, but we aced it.

A shame that you were unable
to take my class...

but I can still teach you
a valuable lesson.

[tense music]

[yelling]

That went well.

Sandiego won't get far.

It would seem that Vile Academy
is still teaching the fundamentals.

Pursuing leads will be that more difficult
with VILE's new class here

breathing down my neck.

[Player] Not sure you need to stick
around Buenos Aires any longer, Red.

That shape in the background
of your photo?

It's a church bell tower.

- And I've located a match.
- Where?

Where else? Veracruz, Mexico.

You tracked down Carmen Sandiego
in Buenos Aires, Argentina?

With Shadowsan?

Battling side by side, Coach.

In perfect sync, like tango partners.

That cannot be.

Carmen should despise Shadowsan
after what she learned.

Outstanding plan, Maelstrom.
Really diabolical.

I did manage to pop a tracker on her.

She's currently flying east,
toward the southern tip of Africa.

Do try not to lose her again, please!

[Shadowsan]
Carmen's path may prove difficult.

If she does manage to complete her quest,

she could learn that her mother
is a civilian or a thief.

We're here for Carmen, promise.

Comrades, my intelligence reports
that Carmen Sandiego, only moments ago,

chartered a jet from Buenos Aires
to Veracruz, Mexico.

Ain't that a fur-piece
from the southern tip of Africa?

Bait and switch.

[Brunt groans]

I had little red robin hood
dead to rights on that train in Botswana,

and you made me let her walk!

[Brunt] Sherlock, get me on a flight
to Mexico, pronto!

[shudders] Warm. Jealous.

Coach Brunt, you are aware
that as a member of VILE's faculty,

entering the field presents risks
which could thr*aten to expose all of us.

Mama Bear needs one last sh*t
at dragging little black sheep back here

by her pretty hair. Just one.

[Player] Okay, g*ng,
you're leaving Buenos Aires,

known as the Paris of South America

due to its European-influenced
architecture,

and traveling out of what's commonly known

as The Southern Cone
up to the city of Veracruz.

It's the oldest Spanish settlement
in what is now Mexico,

and get this, the state of Veracruz

has a coat of arms
which features a red cross.

[Zack] Whoa! Argentina's coat of arms
had a red cap,

it's like, all roads connect to Carmen!

[Player] There are many similarities
and differences

between Argentina and Mexico, Zack.

Both are predominantly
Spanish-speaking countries,

but musically speaking, you're more likely
to bump into mariachi bands

in Mexico than tango dancers.

[Zack] What about the grub?

I already miss Argentina's juicy steaks,

slathered in chimichurri sauce.

[Player] Where you're headed,

the signature dish
is Red Snapper Veracruz.

[Zack] Hey, another red!

Whoa. Wait, yuck! That's fish!

Oh, why? Why?

[Carmen] This is definitely the spot.

My mother had to be the one
who took this photo.

[Ivy] Think maybe that's where she lives?

[old man] Carlotta? It cannot be!

Oh, how foolish.

You are much too young
to be Carlotta Valdez.

The resemblance is striking,
you must be a relation?

I must be,
though she and I have never met.

What can you tell me about her?

Carmen Sandiego, this is your unlucky day.

Carmen Sandiego, you are toast.

Um... And I eat thieves like you
for breakfast.

- Carmen Sandiego, you are...
- Agent Devineaux, must you?

What? I wish to be prepared
for our moment of victory,

the Scarlet Superthief
cannot outrun us forever!

But yet, it seems that she can,

we have not heard nor seen
any sign of her for weeks.

[scoffs]

What else am I supposed to do
while we wait, Agent Argent?

Unlike yourself, I have no interest

in learning dull facts
about boring things.

Each to his or her own, I suppose.

Just my luck.

Chief brings me back into the field,
I finally get my suit,

then ACME's Most Wanted goes on holiday.

[alarm beeping]

Red alert, team, and I do mean red.

We finally have a fresh
Carmen Sandiego sighting in Mexico.

- Ha-ha!
- [sighs sharply]

[giggling]

[Player]
Thanks to your mother's old neighbor,

we now know she only lived in Veracruz
for one year.

[camera shutter clicking]

[Player] A single woman,
with no other known family,

before vanishing without a trace.

Well, Carlotta Valdez
isn't exactly an unusual name,

if it's even her real one.

[Carmen] I may as well
throw darts at a map,

my mother could be anywhere.

[Player] But you have to start somewhere,
so why not start with the Carlotta Valdez

who fits the age profile,
and lives close to Veracruz.

- I guess we wait.
- I'm sorry.

Did you not attend a school for thieves?

She could be my mother!
Way to make a first impression.

"Hey! Just broke in your house,
I'm your long-lost daughter."

But if this Carlotta Valdez
isn't your mom,

finding evidence to confirm that
could spare you

from having one super-awkward
conversation.

[groans]

[door lock clacking]

[tense music]

Don't touch anything.

Whoa. My maybe mommy is really into masks.

As in Halloween? Or burglar?

[Lupe] Ha-ha!

- [Ivy] Hey!
- Hey! Would you...

Hola! Shall I snap your amigos in half,

or would you care to explain
what you are doing here in mi casa?

[Ivy grunts]
Don't tell her anything, Carm!

Yeah! We can take her.

Do you always wear a mask
in your own house?

You are not here to steal
my trophies, are you?

I'm looking for Carlotta Valdez.

[Ivy, Zack groan]

I do not go by that name anymore.
I am Lupe Peligro.

[wolf howls]

[Lupe] I have never seen the man
in the photograph,

nor have I ever had children.

I have been married only
to my calling as a luchadora.

Though I have been known
to make men tremble...

with fear.

The masked wrestler,
Lupe Peligro, Lupe Danger.

Muy bien, mi amiga.

My Spanish has improved
during my recent travels.

I wish I could tell you otherwise,
but I am not your madre.

We should just have a little peek
to see if there's any resemblance,

you know, for peace of mind.

Uh-uh-uh...

You would need to pry this from my skin.

My mask is my identity,
both inside and outside the ring.

To be unmasked, would be to lose my honor.

What'd I tell you, Ivy?
Wrestling's not fake!

Oh, I bet you're wicked awesome
at that flying grab and flip maneuver!

The Chicali Backcracker.
Would you like to see?

[both] Would we?

- Try it out on her.
- Try it out on him.

You are in luck. There is a match tonight,

and I would be pleased to have
all three of you as my guests.

It could lift your spirits.

We would be honored.

[tense music]

- Right where Chief said it would be.
- Maybe I should drive?

Do not be concerned about my past minor
mishaps involving vehicles, Agent Argent.

You are gazing upon the new
and improved Chase Devineaux!

Besides, Chief required me to take
a defensive driving course.

[revving]

[lively music]

- [knocks on door]
- Uh-huh?

Espero que ganes esta noche.

Of course, I will win tonight, Carmencita.

It is scripted that way.

Just don't tell Zack,
I would hate to spoil the magic for him.

[tense music]

May I help you?

I just need to borrow that, por favor.

[lively music playing]

Zack, Ivy, double decoy time!

- [Zack] Oh, now?
- [Ivy] On it, Carm.

I cannot fathom what Carmen Sandiego
might be doing at a wrestling event,

there is nothing here to steal.

Eh?

[bell rings]

And now, for the main event!

To know her is to fear
all pounds of her!

Presenting... El Monstruo Gigante!

[Brunt] Well, well...

[grunts]

Que pasa... Lambkins?

[crowd booing]

El Monstruo Gigante!

[groaning]

[Brunt] Now, are you gonna come back home
with Mama Bear,

or do I need to bust you
open like a piñata?

El Monstruo, have you gone loca?

Vamoose, El Masko. Family matter.

[gasps] An impostor?

This isn't your fight.

Mi casa, my fight.

[Lupe grunts]

[crowd cheering]

That does not look fake.

Of course, it is fake,
you can easily tell by the...

La Femme Rouge!
She's heading for the exit!

Circle around back!

[grunts]

[crowd] Olé!

[tense music]

Ah! The wrestling is not the only
thing around here that is fake.

[crowd cheering]

And the battle is on!

- [bell rings]
- [both grunt]

[Brunt] You do not know
who you are dealing with!

- [grunts]
- [groans]

[Chase] Carmen Sandiego, you are toast.

Devineaux, really, not a good time.

My sincerest apologies for the incon...
[yells]

[grunts]

- [groans]
- [chuckles]

- Brunt, leave her alone!
- [gasping]

I see you brought
your handsome police pal.

Handsome?

- [grunts]
- [gasps]

- [crowd] Ow!
- [gasps]

[crowd cheering]

[Brunt] Three little birds,

one great big stone! Yee-haw!

- [Brunt grunts]
- [Chase groans]

[whimpering]

Now who wants some...

- What?
- [grunts]

Come on, Devineaux. [groans]

[straining]

[chuckles]

- [grunts]
- [Brunt groans]

- Coach Brunt?
- [laughing]

Oh, pocket dial.

[crowd] Lupe! Lupe!

Now let us see the true face
of this impostor.

- [Brunt] No! No!
- [Maelstrom] Coach Brunt!

[grunts]

- [crowd] Lupe! Lupe!
- [booing]

- And the winner, Lupe Peligro!
- [crowd cheering]

[groans]

[gasping]

Agent Devineaux, do you read me?

[Julia] If Carmen Sandiego were here,
she vanished without a trace.

[groans] What?

She is escaping!

No, no, no, no. Not again!

- Agent Devineaux, what happened to you?
- Never mind that!

- [beeps]
- [revs]

I may look like a wreck,
just be happy the vehicle is one piece.

[shatters]

[whimpers]

[Carmen]
And that's why she was out to get me,

why they're all still out to get me.

Do not worry, I can keep a secret.

But tell me, Carmen, would you continue
your search for your real mother?

[sighs sharply]

The next Carlotta Valdez may not be
as capable of defending herself

as the great Lupe Danger.

[Player] Red, sorry to interrupt.

But I just came across a news item

regarding a recent string
of museum thefts.

Thought you might be interested,

since they happened
close by in Mexico City.

Copy that, Player.

For the moment, I may need to get back
to fighting the good fight.

Viajes seguros, Carmen Sandiego.
Safe travels.

[Lupe] And know this,

if I had a daughter,
I would want her to be just like you.

[thunder rumbling]

[Brunt] Not one single soul
saw my face. Honest.

[Maelstrom] How fortunate

since it is imperative that VILE
operate from the shadows,

from behind masks.

Shall we get into the spirit, then?

Halloween is nearly upon us.

[closing theme music]