01x05 - Gidget Gadget

[bunniefuu]

Go, go and gone!

Hang on, kids,
for another disk by The Cleansers.

They wipe you out, don't they?

Now, how would you like
to win a valuable prize?

No gimmicks.
Just answer this question.

Name the th state
and its most famous dance.

Got it? All right.
Go, go to the phone right now.

Call Hollywood...
That's HO... - .

HO - .

Hello. Hello, contest?

The answer is Hawaii and hula.

That's absolutely
correct. I win?

You certainly do. May I have your
name, address and phone number?

Well, you certainly can.
It's Gid... Frances Lawrence.

And the address is
North Dutton Drive.

The number is - .
What'd I win?

Well, I'm Mark Hillman from the
Glamorous You Dance Studios,

and I'm happy to tell you you've got
one absolutely free dance lesson coming.

You can have the lesson in our
own air-conditioned studio...

or in the privacy of your own
home anytime within two weeks.

Joy unconfined!
A free dance lesson.

That's right, absolutely free.

How can you say that
to a girl with a wooden leg?

♪ If you're in doubt
about angels ♪

♪ Being real

♪ I can arrange to change

♪ Any doubts you feel

♪ Wait till you see
my Gidget ♪

♪ You'll want her
for your valentine ♪

♪ You're gonna say
she's all that you adore ♪

♪ But stay away
Gidget is spoken for ♪

♪ You're gonna find
that Gidget is ♪

♪ Mine ♪

You left John? It happens, you know.

Marriages don't always work out,
and ours didn't. We're finished.

Gidget, would you please
go upstairs?

Why? I don't wanna learn
about life by eavesdropping.

Daddy, this is serious. What did John do?

He... Well, he stood me up.

- Oh, Annie.
- Well, that sounds silly, I know,

but it hurts when you're
stood up for a date.

I have been stood up, ignored,
treated like the wallpaper for six months.

- Yeah, but John's work, you...
- I know he has to study hard and often,

but all day, all night?

Do you realize we've been out of the
apartment together in the past half year...

exactly once together,
to the library.

I was giddy with excitement.

Annie, you must be stir crazy.

And he won't even watch TV.
He says it rots the mind.

And he promised to take me dancing.
He promised.

And then he forgot,
and he yelled at me for reminding him.

- That's terrible!
- If I want conversation, he lectures me.

If I wanna go out, he says,
"Okay, go." So, okay, I went.

And here I am.

Annie, this is your home,

and you stay here as long as
it takes until John shapes up.

Right? You're welcome to stay,
of course, Annie.

Thanks, family.

Oh, excuse me.

Oh, that "blick" John.

He should be horsewhipped,
and with a mean horse.

Francie, this is Anne's problem.

And it may shrink to
manageable size by tomorrow.

Oh, you sure are taking
all this pretty ho-hum cool.

I am the battle-scarred veteran of
two... count 'em two... daughters.

I've been there before.
And often it's a very quick round trip.

Well, I think blood is thicker than
water, and this looks like blood.

No matter how long it takes,
this is Annie's home.

That's very loyal of you, considering
she's going to be sharing your room.

My room? Yeah, until the ceiling's
fixed in the spare bedroom...

and the water damage cleaned up.

Sharing my room?

Dad, maybe we should have a serious,
calm, mature talk with Annie.

Frances. But...

French and Indian w*r.

England versus France,
to .

Check. Battle of Quebec.

General Wolfe mopped up
on General Montcalm,

. Check.

Kids, I don't think this is
any way to be studying.

It's pragmatic. That is to say, it works.

Larue, it's almost dinnertime.

A touch of the whip.
I go.

Don't leave blood stains
on the linoleum.

Gidget, believe me,
I know I'm right.

And out she went,

leaving only a faint trail
of vapor from her broomstick.

Not that I have anything against
my elder sibling, I just pity her.

I wanna see her back with her husband...
and both of them in Greenland.

Lawrence Liquor Lobby. Excuse me.
Is this Miss Lawrence?

None other. Well, this is
Mark Hillman again...

from the Glamorous You
Dance Studios.

Look, I don't need
lessons. Ah, can you be sure?

Now, why not enjoy our free
trial estimate in your own home?

Impossible. I'd love to,
but... security, you know.

Dancing.

The funeral is Wednesday.
Now good-bye.

This is Mark Hillman, Miss Lawrence.
I wish you'd reconsider.

It's sort of important to me. We're rated
on how many prospects we get to see and...

Yes, of course.
I'm very anxious to have you come.

I'm sorry I hung up on you.
It's only because I'm, uh, shy.

Shy? Timid.
How tall are you?

' and / ".

Weight? .

You said you're shy? Terribly.

Listen, can you come
to my house for that lesson,

say, uh,
tomorrow night, : ?

Why certainly, yes.
What makes you think you're shy?

Take my word for it.
Just be here tomorrow night, : sharp.

Why should I come to Anne?

And why, for heaven sakes,
at : exactly?

John, she needs you.

She can get me... on the phone.

John, I... Well,
it's none of my business.

Exactly. Except she is my sister,
and I do care about her.

I wouldn't want Annie
to do anything foolish.

Such as what? Well,

a girl can get lonely
just sitting and waiting.

And Annie's very attractive.

I'm aware of that.
She is my wife.

And if she's lonely,
she can come home.

I see no reason
to make the first move.

Well, it's not much of a move,
just four blocks to our house.

Well... At : ?

I'll think it over.
No promises.

John, as a sister-in-law,
I'm counting on you.

I've got an insane idea.

You need rehabilitation.

What?

Well, it's all right to just
drizzle around the house,

but you've gotta
stay in practice.

What are you talking about?

You know that sharp dress
you showed me the other day?

Why don't you put it on tonight,
and I'll do your hair and your nails?

It'd be fun. Yeah, it might
be fun.

And besides,
it'd steam up your morale.

Okay. I'll dig out
my hair spray.

Frances? Oh, hello, Daddy.

Francie, you're plotting. I am what?

That proves it. Whenever you
get theatrical, my radar reacts.

Come into my office.

Sit down.

You're whomping up some maneuver
to muscle Annie back to John.

Well, they belong together.

Translation:
Get outta my closet.

I am getting a little weary.
Annie's always on my back.

Francie, I know it hasn't
been easy for you,

but, remember,
Anne is having real problems.

I just wanna
help her solve them.

Honey, let me put this very plainly.
Don't interfere.

This isn't a game.
Anne is married.

She's not just your sister.
She's John's wife.

Because if you mix in, Francie,
and you make a mistake,

it'll be a very serious one.

I won't meddle,
and I advise you to do the same.

End of lecture.

Yeah, and end of a very cunning
plot, I guess.

Oh, you're a tricky one.
You don't land on me very often,

but when you do, I feel...
Ironed out flat.

Hello. Hello, John?
Gidget.

I just wanted to tell you to forget
it about tonight. It was all a joke.

A joke? Yeah.

And don't worry.
Annie will call you when she's ready.

We may not even be in tonight.

Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
Something's up.

- Nothing. Honestly.
- That's a pretty mysterious nothing.

You tell Anne I'll be
there at : sharp, hmm?

No, John! Uh...

Hello, Glamorous You
Dance Studios?

Is, uh... uh, Mr. Hillman...
Mark Hillman, is he there?

It's very important.

He's gone out
on a demonstration.

Oh, no, I know
where he's going to be...

Right at point zero
when the b*mb drops.

You know, it would be nice
if John stopped by.

I mean, I feel
dressed up for him.

He's terribly proud, you know.

I thought you said
he was stubborn.

When I'm mad at him,
he's stubborn.

When I'm not, I call it pride.

But I'm stubborn too.
That's the problem.

I think maybe I'll call him.

It all sort of seems silly now.

Annie...

Oh, no.

Aren't you going
to answer it? I'll get it.

Miss Lawrence? No.

Gidget. What I mean is,
we don't want any.

But you said to come tonight.

- For what?
- For the free trial dance lesson...

from the Glamorous You
Dance Studios.

- I'm, uh, Mark Hillman.
- Anne Cooper,

Gidget's sister. Hi.

I'm sorry, but I've changed my mind.
Good-bye.

But look, I've come
all the way out here.

And, uh, believe me,
it's very important to me,

And it could be very valuable to you.
Please?

Of course.
Excuse my sister.

Come on in. Thank you.

Gidget, whatever is the matter with you?
You just can't be rude.

Well, Annie, what will the
neighbors think? It's late.

Don't be silly.
It's only : .

Uh, use that outlet. Oh, thanks.

There.

- Now, shall we dance?
- No, thank you.

Uh, well, I think your
sister's a little bit shy.

Now, about you? She's married.

Yes, but it's not my golden
anniversary yet. Well, of course not.

I could see instantly
that you're in tune...

with the youth and vitality that
we at Glamorous You believe in.

And I'm sure you're
already a marvelous dancer.

I think you'd enjoy
just a few steps.

There we are.
Now, at Glamorous You Dance Studios,

we believe that dancing
is really a health factor.

It builds character,
a sound mind and a sound body, you know.

Please, not so fast. Oh, never say "not."

Negative thinking is destructive.
Say "I can." Say "I will."

Come on.

Oh, come on, John.

John?

John!

I'll get the door.

- Aha!
- John!

Oh, John, um... Mark,
this is my husband, John.

John, Mark Hillman. My pleasure, John.

Uh, I may call you John?

Listen, incidentally,
congratulations.

Anne is just a marvelous dancer.

Just like this?
In less than a week?

John, there's something
I'd like to explain to you.

Gidget, you'd better
go upstairs. You're right.

- Why, for heaven sakes?
- You mean, she already knows?

Oh, John, would you
let me explain exactly what... Explain?

It's clear enough.
I find my wife in the arms of another man.

No, no, I'm not another man.

I mean, your wife doesn't mean
anything to me personally.

Not that she isn't
a lovely little person.

It's just a cheap adventure, eh?

John, we were dancing.
Period.

Well, of course. This is a
professional affair for me. That's all.

- Professional affair?
- Yeah.

You're a gigolo!

Oh, John, that's very good though.
I like that step. It's cute.

Listen, John, now we at the
Glamorous You Dance Studios...

believe that dancing
is the best form of exercise.

Dance studios? Yes.
As in dance lesson.

As in free
home demonstration. Oh, no.

Ah. Well, John,
what a pleasant surprise.

Good evening. Hello there.

Well, congratulate me. You are
looking at the new world's champion...

of the English department. Oh, fine.

While she's dancing his shoes off,
you're out sh**ting a little snooker.

What's all this? Well, actually,
I think I'd better be going.

I mean, another time
might be better.

Although, our motto is: The
family that'll dance together...

has a better chance...
together.

It's... Oh, it's late.
Oh, it's very late.

And I think I'd better
be on my way.

It's been a pleasure, though, and I look
forward to another valuable meeting...

at, uh, another time.

Uh, good night.

Will somebody please explain
to an aging pool shark?

It's really very simple.

I was enjoying a dancing lesson.

And then
my beloved ex-husband...

came stumbling in here on both
his suspicious left feet...

and gave us the benefit
of his nasty little mind.

What was I supposed to think?

Gidget, was this
what you called me about?

Gidget, did you set up
this little ambush?

Well, actually,
to be perfectly honest...

I mean, speaking frankly...

I only meant to... To embarrass me,

to make a fool
out of me. John.

No! The title is
"Dear John,"

as in good-bye forever.

Oh, John, I moved...

Your bicycle onto the porch.

Anne, I just wanted to... I know.

Don't you see?

He came over after me,

and then he walked into
that bear trap you set up.

Oh, Gidget, I'm sorry,
but I can't forgive you.

Good afternoon, John.
I may call you John?

Uh... I'm here for
your very first lesson.

In what? Oh, it's a surprise.

Well, you've just been given a special
introductory course for beginners.

You see, I'm from the Glamorous
You Dance Studios and...

Oh, uh, introductory course?

Well, yes, our special.

I understand you suffer from
poor muscular coordination.

What?
Who would have...

Anne! Anne?
No, my name's Sylvia.

No, no. The person... and I use the
term lightly... who wants you here.

Mrs. Anne Cooper, hmm? No, it was a, uh...

A Gidget? Gidget.

Oh, that little...
monster!

Oh, but your lesson. Oh, I've had mine.

And now she's gonna get hers.

This is .
Leadfinger just blasted off.

Annie, there's something
I'd like to get straight.

Aside from necessary
communication, don't talk to me.

You're hogging my closet.

What? I'm a very
reasonable person,

but you're pushy,
messy sloppy and taking up too much room.

So I've packed
half your stuff away.

You didn't dare! In your suitcases.
Look.

Why, Gidget. But I'm willing
to accept an apology.

An apology from me?

After you've ruined my life
and wrecked my marriage?

Hmm. I guess I'll just have
to make my point clear.

Look. Gidget, open up this...

Gidget, open this door!

Wait'll I get out of here!

Open this door!

Let me out of here!

Open this door! Aha! So there you are.
Hiding, huh?

Gidget!

Where is that little monster?

I thought
she was in here. She must be hiding.

She'd better.
If I get my hands on that...

Saboteur! Exactly.

I find it hard to believe
that you're sisters.

Gidget is basically
a morbid, hostile personality.

- Yeah, a troublemaker.
- She's an emotional arsonist.

- Sending that girl over.
- What girl?

A dance instructress.

She wiggled right in and announced
that Gidget had sent her.

Oh, she wiggled in, did she?

I suppose she was pretty too.

Well, in an obvious,
flamboyant sort of way.

Not really pretty.

What's it called when you use
a hammer on your own sister?

Justifiable homicide.

I could strangle her.

No, that's unprofessional.

- No, I mean it.
- Good.

I'll hold her while you choke.

Come on. We'll look downstairs.
And when I find her...

No. What?

You hold her, and I'll choke.

Anything you say, darling.

"Darling."
That sounds nice.

Now let me understand. Francie bought
you a course of dancing lessons, John?

Exactly.

Well, you could use a refresher
course, darling.

But I don't need lessons.

Hey, you know,
maybe I've been overdoing the studying.

If we just went out
dancing more, huh?

That's a wonderful idea. And you, Anne...

Francie demonstrated her morbid, hostile
personality by packing your clothes?

That's right.
She just threw them into my suitcases.

They're upstairs now.
It's an obvious symbol for burial.

Or her way
of saying good-bye. What?

I think we'd better let Francie
face this situation herself.

Frances.

We'd like to talk with you.

Do you're realize
what you've done?

Mm-hmm.
I think so.

So if you wanna strangle me,
go right ahead.

Just so you do it together.

What? "Together" is,
I believe, the key word.

Oh, no.

You mean you,
with deliberate malice aforethought...

Malice aforethought.

Oh, did you take a chance.

But I'm forgiven?

Oh, well...

Hey, what is this?

Togetherness, darling.

So my new motto is: Stay out
of other people's problems.

Only one of my problems
is that half my life...

is being interested and curious
about my family's affairs.

Because, frankly, I don't have any
really dramatic problems of my own yet.

I think maybe the hardest thing in the
world for a teenager to learn is patience.

But I'm working on it.
And I may make it.

If my family survives
long enough.