01x07 - Gidget is a Proper Noun

[bunniefuu]

Through this door passes the most
miserable girl in the world... me, Gidget.

And all because of having to take a
miserable foreign language... English.

There he is, the enemy,

otherwise known as my English
teacher, Mr. Donald Hardy.

More commonly known as
"Hardy-Har-Har." Frances.

Of course,
he's not really antique.

He just drinks an awful lot of whatever
beverage they make for those who think old.

Miss Lawrence,

I'm talking to you.

- Yes, sir.
- If it's not disturbing you too much,

would you give the class the
definition of a dangling participle?

Well,

a dangling participle...

Um, it's, uh,

when your sentence
had a leftover verb form,

sort of like... like hanging ten?

That's not quite the
definition I would expect...

from Professor Lawrence's
daughter.

I suggest, for extra homework
tonight, you read...

the section in our book
on dangling participles...

and do the exercises
on page .

"Hanging ten."

♪ If you're in doubt
about angels ♪

♪ Being real

♪ I can arrange to change

♪ Any doubts you feel

♪ Wait till you see my Gidget ♪

♪ You'll want her
for your valentine ♪

♪ You're gonna say
she's all that you adore ♪

♪ But stay away
Gidget is spoken for ♪

♪ You're gonna find
that Gidget is ♪

♪ Mine ♪

This is Professor
Russell Lawrence,

B.A., M.A., Ph.D...

and D-A-D.

He teaches English at UCLA,

and he's mildly
sensational at it.

That's the reason
old Hardy-Har-Har...

is so disappointed in me.

He'll never let me live down not
being able to live up to my father.

- Hi, sweetie.
- Hi, Dad.

Why couldn't you have been
a chemistry professor?

I'd probably blow up the school.

I know one classroom
I'd never miss.

Sounds ominous.
More trouble with your mother tongue?

Behaves more like a second
cousin, once removed.

You're blicking the hand
that feeds us.

I know.
It isn't any attitude,

quote... for an English
professor's daughter... unquote.

I gather your source of reference
is my former student, Donald Hardy.

He says you're only the all-time
bossest teacher he ever had.

Don Hardy said that?
Wonder how I ever passed him?

Well, the words may be mine,
but the music's his.

- Anybody home?
- We already gave!

Well, I hope you
haven't already eaten,

because we'd like you and
Dad to join us out for dinner.

You guys take Dad and run along.
I've got a pile of homework.

- Just bring me back a Bowser bag.
- Down, girl!

The three-letter word for
a unit of energy is "erg."

I hope I have enough ergs to get
through my English assignment.

How are you doing in English?

Well, I'm not sh**ting the curl,

but I'm not exactly
wiping out either.

Oh, Gidge.

When you talk like that,
you ought to at least have subtitles.

Translation:
she's not doing "A" work,

but she's not exactly
failing either.

Surfing spoken here.

You know, I was always at the
top of my class in English.

Like father, like daughter.

Gidget's troubles in English stem
from latent psychological reasons.

There's a deep-seated
hostility factor here.

Oh, come on.
I'm starved.

Gidget, you're sure you
don't want to come along?

Mmm, thanks a bunch,
but I'll dine here...

on cold chicken and leftover
dangling participles.

Okay.
Come on, Dad.

Don't press it too hard,
sweetie. And do me a favor.

Forget you're an English
professor's daughter, huh?

Remember, Frances,
you're an English professor's daughter.

I hope that this time you'll turn in
a paper worthy of that relationship.

We're riding the same wave,
Mr. Hardy.

We will call this assignment
"Outdoor Observations,"

because what I'm after is a
composition of descriptive detail...

An outdoor setting as seen and
appreciated by the inner you.

Now none of this business of "I went and
stood on the sand and looked at the water."

But rather something like this.

"The waves came in,
majestic and sonorous,

"spreading out over the
golden sands of the beach,

"festooning them
with wreaths of foam.

"The lofty black, eroded walls, shutting
in the beach with their semi-circle,

threw a melancholy
silence upon it."

There you have one author's
outdoor observations.

I'll be looking forward
to seeing yours.

Did you ever hear anything
so utterly flowery?

I'll bet he has to water
the book every day.

Actually, I shouldn't be doing
my homework on the beach.

I used to do my math here,

and then one day I thought a
speck of sand was a decimal point,

and I goofed up all that
compound interest.

"Outdoor Observations"
by Frances Lawrence.

The sea was an unbroken
expanse of blue.

Peace and solitude
covered the beach like a...

Ugh!
Cut it out!

Can't you see I'm trying
to do my homework?

At the beach? What do you wanna
do, give surfers a bad name?

Yeah. Come on, Jason. Come on.

Well, I've been all
up and down the beach.

Make any observations?
Uh-huh.

Shirley Scoville
is here with Rick Carter.

And Don and Charlotte aren't
going steady anymore. Oh.

I didn't make
much progress either.

Maybe I'll just hand in
a blank piece of paper...

and tell him it was too cold
to go outdoors to observe.

That's not what
old Hardy-Har-Har...

expects from
Professor Lawrence's daughter.

I always say, the only
good thing about success...

is that it keeps you
from being a failure.

This a private daydream,
or can anyone intrude?

I'm just doing my homework.

I didn't realize you were
majoring in ceiling watching.

I'm writing a composition...

on outdoor observations.

Hardy only wants a masterpiece,

stuffed with adjectives
and similes and junk.

How can you laugh at something
so utterly tragic?

Because somewhere in my files
is a composition labeled...

"Outdoor Observations"
by Russell Lawrence,

full of adjectives
and similes and junk.

Baby, outdoor observations was assigned
to me when I went to school years ago.

I've been assigning it
to all my classes ever since.

The topic's so old,
it's got whiskers.

Well, by the time I come up with something
to write, I may have whiskers too.

You'd better hurry up before
you ruin your whole social life.

Oh, Daddy, I can't write
what Hardy expects.

All you've got to do is look
through those pretty brown eyes

and put down what you see.

Doesn't matter
what I write anyway.

He'll just say it's not worthy of
Professor Lawrence's daughter...

and chalk up another "C."
Aw, come on, sweetie.

You know teachers go out of
their way not to be prejudiced.

Well, Hardy is pre-prejudiced.

He makes up his mind beforehand
how he's gonna make up his mind.

It seems to me that somebody else around
here is making up her mind beforehand too.

Who, me?

Me.

You put down what you see.

Good night, hon.

Well, it was finished.

And so would I be
when I turned it in.

But I guess
we've all got to go sometime.

Hello, Larue?
I'm calling a summit conference.

Operation Hardy?
Right.

I'm going to prove
that old Hardy-Har-Har...

is very large in prejudice about
Professor Lawrence's daughter.

What do you think about that?
Not much.

You've positively flipped.
What if I was to hand in...

an absolutely genuine "A" paper
and he didn't give me an "A"?

Yes, that would prove it.

Except for one teeny-weeny detail.
What's that?

How are you going to write
an "A" composition? I'm not.

I'm gonna copy one.
Gidget!

It's all right.
It's my father's.

And it's years old.
And he got an "A" on it.

Gidget, that's perjury!
Plagiarism.

Well, whatever it is,
it's cheating.

Not if I turn myself in
afterwards.

When he gives me a "C" and all that stuff
about Professor Lawrence's daughter,

I'll just flaunt
the paper in his face.

Hardy-har-har,
old Hardy-Har-Har.

But the paper
which bugs you so much...

just happens
to have been written...

by none other than Professor
Lawrence's daughter's father.

Gidget, maybe you ought to tell
your father what you plan to do.

How can I prove to him
that Hardy's prejudiced...

if I give him the scoop beforehand?
You lost me.

What has that got to do with it?
He'd stop me.

I'm for that!
Larue, will you stop worrying?

You'll be gray before you're .
Okay.

I won't say another word.
But you ought to hear what I'm thinking.

Look. "Outdoor Observations"
by Russell Lawrence.

"The saucy seagulls were swooping
over the sparkling seascape,

skittering and scudding along
the stretches of silvery sand."

That's positively mystical.

I didn't know your father could
write as soggy as that. Correction.

You didn't know I could
write as soggy as that.

Well, the show was on the road.

I had copied over Dad's "A" composition
and handed it in under my own name.

Give Hardy-Har-Har enough rope
and he'll hang himself out to dry.

Now that your papers have all been properly
presented... "papers properly presented."

That reminds me of something I hope
I won't run across in your writing...

Overdone alliteration,
repetition of the same sound.

- Uh, what do you mean by, uh, overdone?
- That's a good question.

You see,
beginning writers have a tendency,

especially in passages
of descriptive detail...

It'll be positively delicious...

watching that square root
of a lemon suffer and squirm.

But after I've psyched him out
real good, I'll forgive him.

Only from now on, he'll treat me as
me, not Professor Lawrence's daughter.

But me, Gidget... girl avenger.

However, your question may best be
answered by this classic example.

"The saucy seagulls swooped
over the sparkling seascape,

skittering and scudding along
the stretches of silvery sand."

You were about to say
something, Frances?

I just wondered where you read
that sentence, Mr. Hardy?

When I was a student,
a teacher of mine related it to us.

As a matter of fact,
he was the one who wrote it.

And I guess we know who that teacher
was, don't we, Frances?

Gidget, please don't do this.

But I can't get into any more
trouble than I'm already in.

Yes, you can.
You can drag me in with you.

All I'm going to do is substitute the
paper I wrote for the paper I handed in.

What if Mr. Hardy comes back?

Well, you stay out here and
whistle if you see him coming.

You know I can't whistle.
Will it be all right if I hum?

Just keep a lookout.

You ought to do something about that
cough, Larue. Oh, I will, Mr. Hardy!

Thank you, Mr. Hardy.
Water... you'll find some right over there.

Well, Frances,
I didn't expect to find you here.

Neither did I,
Mr. Hardy.

Uh, I mean,
I just came up to look up a word.

Most commendable.
What word?

What word?
Oh, yes, what word.

Uh, xylophagous.

I need to look up
a new word every day.

That way, you end up with
a really insane vocabulary.

Yes.
You certainly do.

Well, uh, if you'll
excuse me, Frances,

I've a great deal of reading to do.
Well...

Uh, bye.

Xylophagous.

- Whoo-hoo!
- Whoo-hoo.

Hi, Dad.
Hi, sweetie.

Anne's here. Oh, good.
That makes my day complete.

Well, there's some
linzer torte for dessert.

I'm not especially hungry.

Hey, come on.
The world's not coming to an end.

That's the only thing
that could save me now.

- That sounds serious enough.
- It's a total bust.

It's like building a big,
beautiful sand castle and then, zap...

The tide comes in.

Well, couldn't you just, zap...
Start it all over again?

Oh, this castle wasn't
just wiped out, Dad.

It was declared a disaster area.
Can I help?

Laugh, and the world
laughs with you.

Cry, and...
your mascara runs.

No thanks, Dad.

I've involved you
enough already.

Well, baby, when you feel
you're ready to tell me...

I could never tell you,
not in a million years.

I copied your outdoor
observations composition...

and handed it in as my own.

Gidget, you cheated?
I didn't cheat. I...

I just copied it.

Donald Hardy is sure
to recognize that composition.

I found that out.
That's when the tide came in.

Well, you mustn't
blame yourself too much.

I should have realized
old Hardy-Har-Har...

might be familiar
with one of Dad's papers.

What I mean is, we've all been tempted
to cheat at one time or another.

Why, even I... Well,
with a husband like John...

- Gidget.
- Okay.

But I didn't cheat.

Well, it does happen
in the best of families.

Personally, I...

Anne, didn't you say you
had tickets to a concert?

- Well, yes, I did, but...
- I think I hear the orchestra tuning up.

Just remember, dear,
I'm on your side.

Good-bye, Dad.
Bye, sweetie.

Bye, Gidge.

You're angry with me,
aren't you?

No, but I'm disappointed in you.

You don't believe me either?

You, of all people!
I didn't say that.

I just said you let me down.

Dad, I didn't cheat.

When I copied your paper,
I didn't do it to cheat.

I know that. But I have a pretty
good idea what you were up to.

And that's why I'm disappointed.

I was waiting for Hardy to give
a bad mark to your composition.

- Well, I thought it would prove something.
- What would that have proved?

Your fanciful notion
that Hardy is prejudiced?

Teachers work under
a great handicap, sweetie.

We're expected to do a superhuman
job, but we're only human.

So we make mistakes.
I do. Don Hardy does.

But he's always demanding more of
me just because I'm your daughter.

All right, maybe he has put
too much pressure on you,

but that's very different
from prejudice.

And you're not going to prove it to
him by trying to teach him a lesson.

The only one that's learned
a lesson from this is you.

Don't I know it.

I tried to get the composition back
before he read it, but I couldn't.

All I could do
was leave the one I wrote.

- You did one of your own?
- Mm-hmm.

You told me to write about something I
see, so I wrote about surfing.

You can imagine
how that'll grab him.

"This above all,
to thine own self be true."

Oh, Daddy, what am I gonna do?

Hardy won't understand.
Nobody will.

I'll be branded
with a scarlet letter.

You know,
"C" for "cheater."

Dad, Hardy respects you.

Maybe you could...

No, I couldn't ask you.
Could I?

Gidge, I'll answer that
question with another.

You know what a paradox is?

Uh, isn't it a statement that
kind of contradicts itself?

Mm-hmm.
That's right.

So maybe you'll understand
when I tell you that...

I love you so much,
I'd do anything in the world for you.

And because I do love you that much,
I will not intercede between you and Hardy.

I'll have to take
my medicine, huh?

And hope that Hardy dishes
it out with a small spoon.

Oh, Dad.

Why can't the world ever be
the way you want it to be?

Because then little girls would never
come to their fathers for consolation.

Oh. Well...

Well, I imagine you can
all guess why we're here.

If I may be allowed an
indoor observation of my own,

you turned in some surprisingly
good outdoor observations.

There was even one I
considered to be excellent.

However, on the minus side,

I was appalled to find one paper
which was not a student's own work.

Frances, come up here
in front of the class, please.

Just my luck to have
an English teacher...

who moonlights
as a public executioner.

Would you be so good as to read
that for the benefit of the class?

You want me to read that?
You wrote it, didn't you?

Out loud?
Out very loud.

"'Outdoor Observations'
by Frances Lawrence.

"The day was a big one.

"A mild, off-shore breeze gently
tickled the glassy waves...

"that peaked up and rolled
evenly toward the beach.

"Like one perfect wave
breaking over and over.

"As I sat there watching,
a lonely surfer made the scene.

"He dropped his board into the
water, scudded through the soup...

"and eased his way
out past the lineup.

"Almost immediately,
he caught a neat peeler with a left slide.

"Standing up, he angled swiftly
under the fast-forming hook,

"cutting a path diagonally
from the foaming crest,

"and zoomed in
for a real tough landing.

"It was a good ride... those few moments
in the tube when the soul tumbled free.

"I couldn't help thinking that life is like
surfing and I'm like that lonely surfer,

"longing for those
brief moments of freedom,

"hoping for the good ride,
waiting for the perfect set.

"So, I, too, must go down to the sea
again, again and again and again,

to watch the lonely surfer and let
my heart ride tandem with him."

Ladies and gentlemen,
an "A" composition.

Gidge, that was too much. That's the
best surfing thing I've ever heard.

Thank you.
Oh, that was beautiful.

Gidge, that was
the absolute ultimate.

Well, I just lucked out.
That's all.

Um, listen. I'll meet you at the car.
See you later.

Okay. I've got your books.
Great.

Um, I wanna thank you
for the "A," Mr. Hardy.

Well, you deserved it, Frances.
It was a fine composition.

You also deserve this.

I don't suppose the "F"
stands for "fine."

No, I don't suppose.

You understand, it wasn't
because of the content,

but because I knew
you hadn't written it.

Would you mind telling me
why you did it?

I don't believe it was
an attempt to cheat.

No. I just...

Well, I wanted to see how you'd grade
Russell Lawrence's composition...

if you thought it was written
by Russ Lawrence's daughter.

And you were going to grade me?

Well, only because I'm not just his
daughter. I'm me. Of course you are.

And I wanted you to be the
very best "me" you knew how.

You see,
I owe your father a great deal...

for giving me his knowledge
and encouragement.

I wanted to repay him in part
by inspiring his daughter.

I'm sorry if I went
about it the wrong way.

Well, you're only human.

Friends?
The royalist.

- See you tomorrow, Mr. Hardy.
- Crazy.

And give my regards to Gidget
Lawrence's father, will you?

Right.
Toodles!

Good-bye, Dad.
Got to go to school early.

Wait a minute. Wait a minute.
You haven't had your breakfast.

I stashed a piece of
toast in my notebook.

I'll eat it during study period.
When you gonna study?

During lunch.
Unleash me, Dad.

I've got to go put some stuff
on the board in English.

Don't tell me you're assisting
old Hardy-Har-Har?

Mister Hardy. You're speaking of
the English teacher I dig most.

Just because he gave you
an "A" on that composition?

Don't knock it, Dad.
He gave you an "F."

Duh.

Oh, I'll be home late.

Siddo's giving a glassing party
'cause he has some dings in his board.

Well, happy glassing, sweetie.
Remember, you're only young once.

Don't I know it.

It's true, you know.
You are only young once.

But if you work it right,
once is enough.

Yeah.