01x20 - Ego a-Go-Go

[bunniefuu]

Shari Lou, you going
to the Spinsters Hop?

- Natch.
- Who are you taking?

Deke Masters.
Oh, wow!

Gidget, you going
to the Spinsters Hop?

I thought you would be.
Who are you taking?

Wally Purcell,
the captain of the debating squad...

whose aunt just so happens to be one of
Rock Hudson's secretary's half sister?

No, Larue! Then who?
Mitch Shields,

who crewed three times
in the Ensenada yacht race...

coming in second on his
first try in a homemade boat.

Larue!
One of those lettermen.

Hi, Gidge. Hello, Gidge. Hi.

So who are you taking?
Uh, hi, Gidget.

Uh, my father said
I could rent a tux,

so everything is A-oh-boy!

♪ If you're in doubt
about angels ♪

♪ Being real

♪ I can arrange to change

♪ Any doubts you feel

♪ Wait till you see my Gidget ♪

♪ You'll want her
for your valentine ♪

♪ You're gonna say
she's all that you adore ♪

♪ But stay away
Gidget is spoken for ♪

♪ You're gonna find
that Gidget is ♪

♪ Mine ♪

Durf. Of all people in the
world, Durf the Drag.

Just tell me why. That's all.
A simple little "Why?"

I wanted to build up his ego.

He's always slumping around the
school like no one can stand him.

You know why? 'Cause no one can stand him.
'Cause no one can stand him.

He has no self-confidence.

Because he can't
even stand himself.

Well, one thing,
he's got good taste.

Anyway, who are you, Florence Nightingale?
I made a bet with John.

Your psycho brother-in-law?

It is my contention that a
therapeutic life experience...

can mend a shattered ego, or at least
put it back on the road to health.

Listen, stuck is stuck.

Besides, since when am I
in contest with Shari Lou?

Since she transferred over
from Uni High four weeks ago

and set you up
as the competition.

Well, I couldn't care less.

Maybe if I'm really lucky,
I'll break my leg before the dance.

Well, you know,
you could break the date.

Breaking the leg
would be easier.

Did you see the way he looked today?
Different.

He almost smiled.
You thought he was smiling?

You should've seen Shari Lou.

She practically unzipped
the whole top of her head.

You know who you should
show up with?

A cross between Prince Charming,
Ringo and Sandy Koufax.

Forget it. Anybody who's one-fortieth
of that is already taken.

' ", pound even.

Run the hundred in . flat.
Full equipment. Move like a whippet.

And my -yard touchdown
passes are not uncommon.

Uh, one of you Gadget?

Gidget.
Oh.

Chuck Batson.
Your "fodder" said to wait.

My fodder... Father?

The prof's gonna coach me.

At college, you wanna be quarterback,
they got a rule about grammar, and...

Well, they don't think
I talk such hot grammar.

Back home in Bensonhurst,
I talk splendid.

But rules is rules, huh, Gadget?

Gidget. I'm Larue.
I think you talk splendid right here.

Yeah. So anyway, I'm waitin' for
your old man. I mean, the prof.

Go ahead, Gadget, Leroy.

It's okay.

What makes you so sure he'll
go to the dance with you?

"At college, you wanna play quarterback,
you got a rule about grammar."

You wanna get a good grade from
prof, you get in good with Gadget."

You father would never
grade like that.

You know that and I know
that, but, uh,

Superman is new
around here, eh, Leroy?

That's blackmail.
It's polished persuasion.

And any girl who didn't take
advantage of it is crazy.

So what are you gonna tell Durf?
The truth.

That you're ditching him
to show up Shari Lou?

Not that truth.
Which?

I don't know.
I haven't made it up yet.

But I will.
I may hate myself in the morning,

but I can't pass up a once-in-a-lifetime
opportunity like this.

Uh-uh.
Uh-uh what?

Uh-uh.
You'll never do it.

That's French for "If you think
so, that's your problem."

Coq au vin...
That's French for "chicken."

What's such a big deal
about breaking a date anyway?

Hello.

Hello. Mrs. Durfner?

Is Norman there?
He isn't?

Oh, what a pity.
No, no, no message.

All right.
Tell him Gidget called...

and asked him
to come over tonight.

Yes.

Yes, it's Norman Durfner I want.

Well, sure I'm a girl.

Yes. The Norman Durfner who
goes to Westside High. Right.

Toodles.

Ooh! You'd think a girl
never called him before.

Yeah. Well,
that's the first step.

Stand by for the second.
What are you gonna do?

I'm gonna go show ' ",
even...

what a close relationship between
fodder and daughter looks like.

A relationship in which
there is an exchange...

of trust and ideas
and influence.

And I'm supposed to just stand here?
Here.

Do your eye exercises.

Once more, Chuck.

What is the subject
of this sentence?

Abraham Lincoln was the th
president of the United States.

Take your time.
Think about it.

Abraham Lincoln...

was the th president
of the United States.

The subject?

United States.

- President?
- No. Abraham Lincoln, Chuck.

You see, the subject of...
Hi, Daddy.

Hello, honey.
I didn't hear you come in.

Oh. I didn't know you were busy.
We're very close.

Yes, that's true.
I am close to strangling.

I didn't mean to interrupt.
Who pushed you into it?

No, I meant I didn't realize
Chuck was still here.

Yeah, me and Abraham Lincoln.

- You two have met?
- Me and Gadget are old friends.

- "Gidget and I are old friends."
- Well, you're her fodder.

Yes. And he's the best
fodder a girl ever had.

If the commercial is over,
I'd like to get on with the show.

I just wanted to welcome you home.
Yeah.

I'm touched.
Now, Chuck...

Mr. Javits eats dinner.
The subject?

Dinner.

Daddy...
I'm welcomed. I'm welcomed.

No, no.
Um, I thought...

- May I? Chuck?
- Yeah, kid?

Beyond a shadow of a doubt,

Chuck Batson will be the West Coast's
outstanding quarterback this year.

- Subject?
- Chuck Batson!

Verb?
Will be!

- Object?
- Quarterback.

And star is an adverb.

It's an adjective.
But that's very good, Chuck.

Go ahead.
It's all right.

It came zero hour minus one,

and I was already in hot water.

Soon, old Durf the Drag
was gonna show up,

and I was gonna have
to break his heart.

Maybe I wasn't going
to exactly break his heart,

but I was sure going to do a
little shattering to his ego.

Nothing like a little
shattering practice.

Isn't this relaxing?

Oh, yeah.
Relaxing.

Boy, I'm really...
relaxed.

I've never been so, uh, relaxed.
Relaxed.

Yeah.
Are you warm enough?

What do you mean?

I just meant I could get one of
my father's sweaters for you.

Oh. No.
I'm swell.

I'm warm-blooded.
I mean, my...

My normal body temperature
is-is abnormally high.

You may not
believe this, but, uh,

I've never been in a patio
at night with a girl before.

Oh, I can't believe that.

No. Why should I lie
about a thing like that?

Oh, no, no. I mean,
it's hard to understand how a fellow as...

attractive as you are...

Attractive?
Oh, come on.

Well, there you go
knocking yourself again.

You happen to be
very attractive.

Oh, take your eyes.

You have very expressive eyes.

So do cocker spaniels.

That's another thing.

You have such
a wonderful sense of humor.

- Gidget, you're a nice girl.
- Well, I'm not just being nice.

I want you to see yourself
as I see you.

- Attractive?
- Attractive.

- Expressive eyes?
- Very.

- And the sense of humor is wonderful.
- Wonderful.

And that's why you asked
me to the dance? Yes.

Well. Gee.

I had no idea. I always sort of
thought you thought I was a schlump.

Oh, absolutely not.

Gee!

I also think
you're very sensible...

and mature and understanding.

That's what I'd like
to talk to you about, Norman.

I think I'd better
talk to you first, Gidget.

- The thing is, Norman...
- You may or may not be aware of this,

but I have this uncle who is a
brain specialist in Chicago...

Your uncle? What does your
uncle have to do with it?

Well, you see, he's always sort of had the
idea that I would follow in his footsteps.

I once tried to follow in my father's
footsteps, but he got aggravated.

Anyway, this is gonna take a long time.
One year high school,

four year pre-med,
four year medical school,

one year interning,
and the brain residency.

That's years, Gidget.

Oh, that's very interesting, Norman.
But what are you saying?

Well, you're a very nice girl, Gidget,
and I'd do anything not to hurt your ego,

but, uh, I'm just not ready
to get serious yet.

Serious?

There'll be plenty of other
guys with expressive eyes

and wonderful senses of humor.

But with me, the brain... The brain
comes first. I'm sorry, Gidget.

It's not too late
to ask someone else.

You're breaking the date
for the dance?

Cut it clean.
It's the only way.

Believe me, it's better.

Oh, well, I like that.

Or do I?

You did it? How?
Tell me. What did he say?

Why didn't you call and tell me?
Larue, it's done. Forget it!

Was he destroyed?
Come on. Give!

Did he throw himself at your feet?
Larue!

I told you about the time with my
Uncle Morton and the bum check.

That's our family's
darkest secret.

Okay.
He took it fine.

As a matter of fact,
he broke the date.

He broke the date?

- Well, I was going to.
- Yeah, but...

But I was just doing it so carefully
to be sure not to shatter his ego...

Well, he thought
I was getting serious.

I guess it is kind of funny.

Well, what's so funny
is that you're bugged.

Bugged? About being turned
down by Durf the Drag?

You mean you don't suddenly find him
just the teensiest bit attractive?

- Attractive?
- Durf the... Surf?

Durf the Surf.
Is that catchy enough?

What are you trying to catch?
Cute, cute.

Oh, I just thought old
Deke Masters had

that class presidency sewn up
long enough.

- "Vote for Durf the Surf."
- What's that?

My petition. It's too late
to file for the election,

but if I can just get
signatures...

I'll sign it. What are you doing?
What happened to you?

Aw. You still feel sore
about the other night.

Feelings of rejection.
I dig.

Believe me, I dig.
But it's all past.

It is?
I'll sign.

Larue, we're talking.
I'm not rejected, just curious.

What's this "that's
all past" business?

Well, I figured if a girl
like you was crazy about me...

- I'm not.
- Mom was worried about you.

But she was pretty excited. Kept
calling me her late-blooming Valentino.

- But she's funny that way.
- I bet.

And she bought me
all these new clothes.

I'd like to sign it.
Really. Larue!

And she told me
about my Uncle Ralph.

He's the one in brains.
Been married four times.

F-O-U-R. For the first time,
when he was .

Is that a pussycat?

No, thank you.
I've already decided on my vote.

Oh.
We'll be friends some day.

It takes time.

I never noticed his eyes
were violet before.

Yeah, they're blue and bloodshot.
That makes 'em purple.

Oh, that conceited... Shh!

Here come the meow twins.

Oh, hi, Gidge.

Oh, hi, Shar.
Mar.

Say hello, Lar.

King's "X" for seconds.

Just got the word that Durf's running
against Deke for class president.

So?

So I thought you might like to
double to the Spinsters Hop.

- Doubling?
- Yeah.

You and Durf and me and Deke.
The candidates and their girls.

- Oh, it'll be kicky.
- Gidget doesn't wanna double.

Besides... We'd love to.

With Durf?
Who else?

Swell. I thought you might
be afraid of the competition.

Hardly anyone ever wants
to double with me.

Isn't that silly?
I would say so, yes.

You see? And you thought
she'd be afraid to lose him.

- Durf the Drag?
- No, Durf the Surf.

I gotta give you credit,
Gidge. I mean,

who else would have figured that underneath
all that hair was, ooh, such a doll?

And that he has violet eyes.

Listen, honey, those violet eyes of
his got bloodshot from staring at me.

Well, then it's a date?

And, uh, may the best
candidate win.

I've created a monster.

And now I've got to uncreate him!
But how?

I'm afraid that
throughout literature,

monster creators have been
destroyed by their own creations.

Take Frankenstein. I'd love to.
He won't go with me.

There are other boys.

If I don't show up
at that dance with Durf,

Shari Lou will find out he broke the date
and laugh me clear through to graduation.

How would she find out something like that?
Wiretapping.

Oh, you don't know her.
Lucky she's on America's side.

I wish there was something
I could do to help.

You could sign the papers.
Papers?

Yeah. I understand I'm underage
for the foreign legion.

There must be a solution
closer to home.

Believe me, there isn't
one deceitful, dirty,

conniving trick I haven't
already thought of.

There is the truth.
You could explain to Norman...

that he misunderstood you
the other evening.

That you were in fact
trying to break the date,

not trap him
into a teenage marriage.

He wouldn't listen.
Since his head got so swelled,

the distance from his ear to
his brain is in light years.

Then may I suggest that
you brood someplace else.

I'm expecting Chuck for a
tutoring session any minute.

Oh, hi, Gadget.
How are you doing?

That bad?
Worse.

Anything I could do?
Like, uh, hittin'?

I need a date
for the Spinsters Hop.

Well, I sock better than I rock,

but I cut a nice figure.

You mean you'd really take me?

Why not?
Oh, brother.

You'd do anything to get a passing
grade from my father, wouldn't you?

Right.
Well, at least you're honest,

which is more than I'd be
if I accepted the offer.

You mean you're puttin' me down?

Well, let's put it this way.
I have somebody else in mind.

Then what's the hitch?

The hitch is he's in my mind,

but lately he's been
a little out of his.

George Bernard Shaw once said...

that youth was wasted
on the young.

Well, as far as I'm concerned,
my share is up for grabs.

Me for some marcelled,
light blue hair,

an old rocker,
and no boys to worry about.

Of course, there was the outside
chance that Daddy's idea could work.

Did you ever dial
with crossed fingers?

Hello, Mrs. Durfner?
This is Gidget.

Oh, I'm fine.
Yes, I, um...

I know Normy told you.

Listen, would you ask him
to stop by later?

Yes. I know I'll heal.

Yes, I'm young.

Listen, Mrs. Durfner,
just ask him to stop by...

Oh, a regular Valentino.

Late bloomer, yeah.

Just like his uncle.
Late bloomer.

Mmm.
So is poison ivy.

The patio again?
I told you, Gidget, I'm not ready.

It's got nothing to do
with you personally.

All I want is just five
minutes of your gorgeous time.

Okay. Mom said
I owe you that much.

But remember, no crying.

Why t*rture yourself?

I don't believe you!
I just don't believe you!

I meant every word.
I've got years ahead of me.

No. I mean, the way
you're so different.

Well, let's say,
with your help and Mom's,

I'm scaling the pinnacle
of my potential.

I wonder if anyone ever
collaborated on a monster before.

Oh, Gidget, you're hurt.
But you'll get over it.

Beyond a shadow of a doubt,

Chuck Batson will be the West
Coast's star quarterback.

- What was that?
- Now one with a prepositional phrase.

Without Chuck Batson, the...

The team wouldn't
stand a chance.

Durf, I'm trying to talk to you.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.

But that guy... Who is he?
That's Chuck Batson.

Now listen.
He's Chuck Batson?

And he's talking like that
about himself?

No.
He's, uh... Why?

Well, I never heard anything
like it in my whole life.

Really?

In spite of his good looks
and charming personality,

Chuck Batson don't...
Doesn't show off.

He doesn't, huh?
I never heard anybody so conceited.

Now read this section.
Oh.

You think so, huh?
Well, it's embarrassing to listen to.

Who does he think he is? Maybe he's just
scaling the pinnacle of his potential.

Oh, come on.
I...

- You mean I sound like that?
- Well, you're not from Brooklyn.

Oh, but the way he praises himself,
like he was some gift to... to...

To... I do.

Oh, wow. Oh, gee,
you should've told me.

- Would you have listened?
- You could've written it on my petition.

I don't know what happened to me.
I must've had moon stroke.

The other night, I told you I'd never
been in a patio with a girl before.

And then my mother with her late
bloomer jazz. I guess I went into orbit.

Well, it could happen
to anybody.

If you haven't asked
anyone else to the dance...

No.

I mean, if you wouldn't mind going
with me after the jerk I've been...

Well, let's just
look at it this way.

At least it gave us all a chance to
notice that your eyes are violet.

The only way to start the day is
with a victory dance, I always say.

That's not till tomorrow night.
This is just a warm-up.

I ought to be celebrating myself.
You know, at this point,

there is not one sentence
that Chuck cannot parse,

as long as he is the subject,
I mean.

I ought to thank you.
Just understanding the male ego.

Of course, it may be a little difficult to
move Chuck out and old Abe Lincoln back in.

What's that about the male ego?

I had a good, long think
about it.

Well, look what happened
to Durf.

I mean, like he said,
he really went into orbit.

And the only thing that forced him back
into the reentry was another male ego.

Good old ' ", pounds.

He could've still been out
there with Mariner .

- That's the male ego, huh?
- Now don't get yours all stirred up.

I'll do my best. But now that
you're in a good, long think mood,

how about that inflated ego
that figures...

one invitation to a dance is
enough to cure a boy of shyness?

Well, that was...

And then gets so worried
about what she thinks...

somebody's going to think that
she decides to break that date.

And then... Cut.

The point is made?

Check.

There are many differences
between boys and girls,

happily, but that
is not one of them.

You know, you're right.

When it comes to the me of things,
it's... It's everybody's dance.

Sort of... Sort of ego...

A-go-go?