02x04 - Hannah

[bunniefuu]

This girl living in a tent
outside of this big old house?

Something is wrong with her.

Since I'm pretty much
solving this case by myself,

I'm gonna take the lead
interviewing Hannah.

- You guys can back me up.
- I don't think that's a good idea.

She's obviously obsessed
with her brother.

She didn't want him to get married.
That is what we call motive.

I mean, it's a pretty plausible idea.

Mm-hmm. Okay. We'll do it your way.

But just remember, we actually
need Hannah to talk to us.

Oh, come on. I found the m*rder w*apon.

Plus, her typewriter key
was in Edgar's pocket.

Now we just gotta catch her in a lie.

Shalom. Welcome to my home.

Please excuse the untidiness.

Okay... [SIGHS] ... enough with
the, uh, being a gracious host.

We are here to talk to you about this.

The devil's trumpet.

- Yes.
- Huh.

So you think that's what k*lled
Edgar. And because it's from my garden,

- you think that I k*lled him.
- Exactly.

Well, should I procure a lawyer,

or should we just head
straight to my execution?

Hannah, we just wanna hear
your side of the story.

- No one's here to accuse you of anything.
- Uh, I am. [SCOFFS]

Why do you have Edgar's dead lizard?

Oh, I'm sorry. Do you want her?

[STAMMERS] No, ew.

Well, she's my niece, so please
don't talk about her like that.

Look, we're here because Travis said

that you wanted to stop the wedding.

I did.

Very much so.

Your own brother's wedding?
Why did you wanna stop it?

Very well.

Please.

[SIGHS]

Oh, do you like music?

Um, I think everybody likes music.

Oh. Oh, I know.

["PIAZZA, NEW YORK CATCHER" PLAYING]

My story begins with this
precocious young girl.

Hannah Cornelia Minnows
was the adopted child

of Alexander and Isabel Minnows.

[HANNAH] When she came
of age, to be exact,

she built herself a yurt
fashioned after the Mongolian Ger.

[BUILDER GRUNTING]

[HANNAH] It was one of her many hobbies.

Hannah was denied proper
affection as a child.

[HANNAH] So she found herself
engaging in unique activities

that would help pass the time.

[HANNAH] Often Edgar would join her.

Having a frigid mother and an
absent father brought them together.

[THUDS]

[HANNAH] Sebastian
would often join as well.

Despite presumably having
his own family in England,

he was a regular fixture
at the Minnows home.

Though Edgar never liked an audience.

[SIGHS]

[TYPING]

[HANNAH] As they grew
older, Edgar became

more dogged about his
business endeavors.

He lost interest in
their mutual hobbies.

But Hannah's love for her brother
remained steadfast and true.

[ALL] Happy Birthday!

Oh, it's actually my adoption
day. I don't know when I was born.

Oh.

[HANNAH BLOWING]

[CHEERING, LAUGHING]

[DANCE MUSIC PLAYING]

Hannah, this is Grace.

She sold me this typewriter
so that I could give it to you.

So, I-I guess one could say
that it's from both of us.

I'm really thrilled it's going to
someone who will really appreciate it

for all of its quirks and charms.

- It's perfect.
- [HORN BLOWS]

Oh. [CHUCKLES]

It's my telephone. Excuse me.

Bartholomew, you ne'er-do-well.

[GASPS] Edgar told me the theme
of your party is "Francophile."

Are you French?

Oh, I don't know.

- Oh.
- But I'm turned on by their culture.

They're an unkind and beautiful people.

I'd like to live there someday.

In a really rundown building
with charming fixtures.

[CHUCKLES]

Edgar tells me you share my
penchant for antique oddities.

Yes, the odder the better.

I get really caught up
imagining the life it's had.

- The places it's traveled to.
- I'd like to show you something.

[GRACE] Okay.

Is that a Blickensderfer No. ?

- It is a Blickensderfer No. . [CHUCKLES]
- [GASPS]

Oh, she's beautiful.

She really is.

Hannah and Grace were
immediately friends.

And soon, Grace and Edgar
were engaged to be married.

Hannah felt a kinship with her, and
the two spent more time together.

[DANNER] Wait, you were
in Amsterdam with Grace?

Wasn't that supposed to
be a lunch date with Edgar?

He was very busy with
work, so I took his place.

Grace didn't tell me that.

Hmm.

On an overcast Saturday afternoon,

exactly days before the wedding,

Grace and her bachelorette party
congregated by Lake Swellgood.

The lake is forested with maple,
redwood and orange blossom trees.

There were spa treatments, arts and

crafts and a mime who
was also a stripper.

It was your perfect bachelorette.

Except that Grace was
fighting with Zoë.

You think marriage
will fix your problems?

- [GROANS]
- The guy can't even bring you chicken...

"... soup!"

Okay, I just wanna say
again, I was not yelling.

And we were not fighting. I was
just worried about my sister,

and that is what older
sisters are supposed to do.

If you want, I could just say
that you were intensely whispering.

[WHISPERING] You think a marriage
will fix all your problems?

This guy can't even bring you soup.

I mean, that wasn't
what happened either.

Why don't we just skip
ahead to what happened next?

We shall.

Can I get you anything?

Jamón ibérico?

Courtesan au chocolat?

Swig of whiskey? [CHUCKLES]

No, thank you. I'm too upset.

Also, I really think whiskey tastes
like drinking a catcher's mitt.

I agree.

[SPLASHES]

So, are you upset because your sister
is right or because she's wrong?

I'm not sure.

You know better than anyone
how busy Edgar's been lately.

But I know he wants to be with me.

Well, what do you want?

Well, I want love.

Heart-bursting, mind-exploding,
nipple-chilling love.

You know?

All I know is that Edgar is so lucky

to be marrying someone
as wonderful as you.

I'm so sorry, I
shouldn't have done that.

[ZOË] No f*cking way.

You kissed my sister?

Technically, she kissed me, but I
was very willing and very consensual.

Ooh, bachelorette parties are so
juicy. Good stuff come out of them.

If this really happened,
why wouldn't Grace tell me?

Maybe 'cause you wouldn't
stop whisper-shouting at her.

Or maybe because it makes
her look very guilty.

Well, I don't believe it.
I need to go talk to Grace.

Tell her I say hi.

[DANNER] Whoa, whoa. Hey, hold up.

Now, if we wanna solve this,

we have to finish hearing
what Hannah has to say.

Why? She is obviously lying.

Zoë, Danner's right.
We should hear her out.

You know what?

I think it might be better for all of us

if we conduct separate investigations.

- [DOOR OPENS]
- Zoë.

- [DOOR CLOSES]
- I-I should go with her, right?

Nuh-uh. Look, I know you love
her, but that is some sister sh*t.

[SIGHS]

Okay, so y'all was kissing.

[DOOR CLOSES]

[FOOTSTEPS APPROACHING]

You are not gonna believe...

[WHISPERING] ... what
Hannah is saying about you.

Would you stop whisper-shouting?

[THROUGH TEETH] I'm not.

[CHUCKLES]

Can we please not do this here?

Oh, my God, is it true?

There are things that are true,
yes. But this is not the time...

Girls, everything all right?

Yeah. Everything's...
[CHUCKLES] ... fine.

Is it though?

[CLICKS TONGUE]

Well, obv... obviously other than
the big thing that's not fine.

Feng, can I borrow you?

It's business.

Business? Yeah, absolutely. It's
like they say, "Money never... "

- Now, please.
- Yep, coming.

You know, do you wanna talk outside?

- Yeah, I'd love that.
- Oh! How wonderful for both of us.

Cute. Sister time.

Um, Feng, uh... [STAMMERS] ... do
you mind if I ask, what are you?

Wow. Great question. So many things.

I'm a businessman. A father. A dreamer.

Ethnically.

Oh, well, my mother was
Korean, but my father w...

Oh, thank God. Do you speak it?

- Korean? Uh, yeah, but...
- Fantastic.

I have a very important
deal out of Busan,

and I was hoping that,
as a fellow businessman,

you might be able to help me close it.

Be the, uh, Rosetta to
my stone. What do you say?

I say you came to the right
guy. I'm an ace negotiator.

- You'll see. This will be a bowl of bing.
- A what?

Like "piece of cake," but "bing."
I-It doesn't matter. I would l...

There we are. Careful.

This guy's a real knacker cr*cker.

[LINE RINGS]

- [PERSON, IN KOREAN] Hello?
- Hello, how are you?

My name is Feng Zhu.

I'm a... top business partner of...

[PERSON] Tell Sebastian I'm
in. I'll take five million.

Oh. Oh.

[IN ENGLISH] This
guy's playing hardball.

What? Really?

[GROANS] Damn it.

[PERSON] Hello? Are you saying
something? What are you saying?

Tell him I will go % percent
lower, but that's my basement.

Okay.

[IN KOREAN] How's the weather in Busan?

- By now it's around bedtime I guess!
- [PERSON] What?

I'm just saying words so it
sounds like we're negotiating!

[PERSON] I don't understand.
Are you in or are you out?

- What's he saying?
- [IN ENGLISH] He's furious.

- I'm gonna have to sweet-talk him.
- Don't lose this.

All right, all right. Let's proceed

as originally negotiated then, okay?

[PERSON] As originally negotiated?
What is all this nonsense?

Ah, that's nice. Thank you.
Sure, I'll contact you soon again.

- [IN ENGLISH] Bye.
- [PERSON, IN KOREAN] Whatever.

That's it? What happened?

He's in and at the original price.

[SIGHS] No discount?

No discount!

I've gotta say, you have really
come through on this one, mate.

Thank you, Feng.

Hey. Like I told you, "bowl of bing."

- [CHUCKLES]
- Whatever that is.

So, now that we're working together,

and Edgar is technically
unavailable forever,

I would love to discuss a
business opportunity with you.

[STAMMERS] Absolutely. No,
yeah, I'd love to do that.

[FENG] Great.

Um, we'll, uh, set a time and
then, you know, knock it around.

All right.

Imagine ribbons of ice shaved so fine,

it melts the second it hits your tongue.

But it's... And you... Where are you?

[DANNER] So, this kiss.

If Grace didn't tell us
about it, why are you?

Well, probably because it
was just a onetime mistake,

and both of you realized that and
decided to pretend it never happened

and move on with your lives?

No, it happened many, many times.

[SIGHS]

And it was the most thrilling
month of my entire life.

Mmm. [CHUCKLES]

We can't keep doing this.

Okay.

[CHUCKLES]

[GRUNTS] We can't keep doing this.

Okay.

[KISSING]

We can't keep doing this.

Okay.

[CHUCKLES]

Dee-dee-dee-dee-dee.

[HANNAH] Hannah and Grace both
knew it wasn't fair to Edgar.

But they were so drawn to each
other, and Edgar was never around.

We should go on a
trip to Paris, finally.

[GRACE SIGHS]

Maybe Spain.

The Florida Panhandle?

I marry your brother in a week.

Then we'll go the week after.

Hannah...

we have to stop.

Okay.

N-No. Like, I really mean it this time.

I just feel like I've
been really awful to Edgar.

Yeah, we both have.

I'm sorry.

But I'm in love with you.

[SIGHS]

[SIZZLING]

[HANNAH] And so Hannah
entered a state of mourning.

- [KNOCKS]
- Who is it?

- [PERSON] It's your mother.
- [DOOR OPENS]

But I don't know my mother.

Oh, it's you.

Did you order a suit of armor?

Oh, I don't think so.

I guess I did.

- I like it.
- Hmm.

You look upset.

I am upset.

Mmm.

Well, get over it.

[HANNAH] It was good advice,
and despite her sadness,

Hannah decided to take it.

Get over it.

Okay.

After all, she had agreed
to officiate the wedding.

[BUBBLES BLOWING]

[HANNAH] But at the rehearsal,

when Hannah saw Grace make
her way towards the altar,

she realized she would
never get over it.

She had to tell her.

I have to tell her.

I'd like to tell
everyone about my flowers.

- [GROANS]
- They're from my Garden of the Bizarre.

So first we have the Venus
flytrap, or Dionaea muscipula.

Then we have the devil's
trumpet, Datura stramonium.

And then some very lush Cannabis sativa

that will take us
straight into outer space.

[HANNAH] But to tell her,
Hannah needed a distraction.

Aniq knows what I'm talking about.

He does dr*gs.

Oh, there seems to be a very
big misunderstanding here.

The only dr*gs I enjoy are life,
family, friends, ducks, in general...

- When?
- ... babies and adults...

leather goods, such as
belts, Toblerone, a violin.

What do you want?

I want you to call off the wedding.

Well, I can't do that.

But I'm in love with you.

I told you, I'm marrying your brother.

But do you love him?

Yeah. Of course I do.

I have to... I have to go.

Wait. Come to my yurt tonight.

I'm sad.

Hey, take my picture.

Are you talking to me?

You're the videographer, right?

Kind of. I'm... I'm
supposed to be invisible.

Hmm. I can relate.

Oh.

[HANNAH SIGHS]

When Hannah witnessed that
disturbing display of affection,

she realized Grace was
playing some sort of game.

So she thought to herself...

Okay, I'll play.

Can I have this? I'm gonna have it.

[SLURPS]

Who are you again?

Grace's ex?

Hmm, perfect.

- Just so you know...
- Mm-hmm.

... I'm here to take this wedding down.

- [CHUCKLING]
- [SLURPS]

You're so funny. You're fun.

You're full of adventure. [SLURPS]

Kiss me.

What?

[HANNAH KISSES] Oh.

Mmm. Mmm.

Oh, my God. I'm wet.

You should probably
know, I have a girlfriend.

Her name is Weronika. She's
a nautical crane operator.

[HANNAH] Hannah could see the
flash of jealousy in Grace's eyes.

Now she was certain Grace would come
to her yurt that night. [TYPING]

[HANNAH] She decided
to type Grace a letter.

One that would convey
her feelings properly.

Forged from the typewriter that
had brought them all together.

Hmm.

- [KNOCKING]
- [DOOR OPENS]

Grace?

[THUDS]

Oh, it's you.

I couldn't sleep. Saw your light on.

Thought you might need some company.

- You look upset.
- I am upset.

- Would you like to talk about it?
- Not really.

I'm upset too.

Tomorrow's a big day for both of us.

You're losing a brother. I'm
losing a business partner.

I think it's time for you to leave.

[CHUCKLES]

Oh, you actually want me to go.

- Right now.
- Cheerio.

Bye.

Oh, please don't even...

[SEBASTIAN GRUNTING]

- [CRASHING]
- [SEBASTIAN] Oh, tits.

Sorry.

Hold up. Sebastian showed up here
Friday night looking to get busy?

You hitting that too?

Sebastian? Oh, no. I don't find
him... [CHUCKLING] ... attractive.

Right. I mean, his face is,
like, so weird. And that accent.

No, his accent's very charming.

It's hot.

Tsk.

I knew you weren't happy with Edgar.

I knew it. Why didn't you just tell me?

I didn't know how to.
I was cheating on Edgar.

And Brett cheated on you, and
I know how much that hurt you.

- Right, I... Well...
- [SIGHS]

... do you have real feelings for her?

No, it was just a fling. I-I
mean, I think I was confused.

Are you sure?

Yes.

Okay.

Then it's all gonna be fine.

Just no more secrets.

Because when you hide things,
it makes you look more guilty.

Hey. I really don't think Hannah
could have k*lled him though.

Yeah, well, someone did.

And maybe she was hoping
it wasn't just a fling.

Okay, so you sat up all night.

Did Grace ever come?

No. I was confused and frustrated,

and so I needed to meditate
and just let off some steam.

Sorry!

First time?

No, really bad at it.

- Welsh longbow.
- Mm-hmm.

- F-Fifteenth century?
- I bought it from The Louvre.

May I?

[HANNAH BREATHES DEEPLY]

[GROANS]

Clearly done this before.

I spent some time among the Apache.

Well, among one Apache.

[INHALES SHARPLY] Really nice guy.
He's actually a data analyst now.

But he used to say,

"Ulysses, your aim is off because
you're not sh**ting from here."

And the Apache say,

"Don't aim with your
eyes, aim with your heart."

Of course, the Chippewa
say, "Aim with your eyes."

And they won the w*r, so...

Thank you for that
strange piece of wisdom.

Don't give up.

In archery or in love?

Dealer's choice.

[HANNAH EXHALES SHARPLY]

Last night you told me you
wanted to stop the wedding.

- Your brother is a criminal. I have proof.
- Great.

So we'll stop this wedding together.

Here's how we're gonna do it.

I'm going to officiate the wedding.

If anyone objects to this marriage,

speak now or forever hold your peace.

And then, you're gonna
jump up and say...

I do! I object!

[GASPS]

As the officiant, I have no choice

but to allow this objection to be heard.

What is your objection, sir?

- Edgar's a criminal! I have proof!
- [CROWD GASPS]

[GASPS]

You'll never take me alive!

- Citizen's arrest! Don't let him get away!
- [CLAMORING]

You don't have to marry
him now. We can be together.

I love you.

"Citizens' arrest?" I
would never say that.

Do you really think your
brother's a criminal?

No. I... He's just a capitalist.

And why do you think he would run
if he hadn't done anything wrong?

I'll admit it wasn't a very
well-thought-out scheme,

but I thought I was the
one that truly loved Grace.

Until I heard Edgar's vows.

- [EDGAR] Oh, damn it!
- [GRACE] Aniq, that was incredibly loud.

Ladies and gentlemen,
the vow box. My apologies.

[EDGAR] I know I'm stuck in my
ways, but Grace, when I look at you,

my dopamine levels go from % to %.

Norepinephrine from % to %.

And the oxytocin rises to
levels I've never known before,

. %.

These... These are unprecedented moves.

[HANNAH] It was the most raw emotion her

brother had shown in his entire life.

She knew there was no denying it.

Edgar was deeply in love with Grace.

And that meant they both loved her.

But they couldn't both be with her.

One of them would have to be alone.

Hannah decided it would be her.

[EDGAR] It's a glandular typhoon.

[CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKS]

[PHOTOGRAPHER] Okay, folks, now let's

get one that's just the wedding party.

[CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKS]

My brother really loves you.

I know.

Good.

I'm really happy for you.

[CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKS]

[HANNAH] Hannah decided
it would be far too painful

to see them together every day.

So, she booked passage
on an ocean liner.

[HANNAH] Hannah would
spend a year at sea.

[HANNAH] But there was one
more thing she needed to do.

[LAUGHS]

I see Sebastian is throwing back
an entire bottle of Shackleton.

He's having a rough day.

A toast.

Hmm?

To you...

and Grace.

I have something for you.

[CHUCKLES]

Well, it's very thoughtful,

but won't this make
your typewriter unusable?

There'll be hundreds of thousands

of words you'll never be able to spell.

Dungarees.

Frigate.

Gigolo. If you wanna write
about a gargantuan gigolo,

you're gonna be in a real fix.

You've been very kind to me.

Treating me like a
sister even when I'm not.

I'm returning the kindness.

And also, I'm moving out.

Effective immediately.

So... [SIGHS] ... goodbye, Edgar.

Well, it would be, "Oodbye, Edar."

- Ooh.
- Oh.

Oopsie-daisy. Be careful.
Someone's a little bit drunk.

Bye.

Fin.

Wha... Really? That's the end?

Most people, when they
tell their stories,

they try to refute their motives.

Yours is just all motive.

Okay. Well, I didn't k*ll my brother.

Yeah, well, he was poisoned
with flowers from your garden

and the last thing you did...

Was run into Sebastian,
who was sad and drunk.

But why would Sebastian be sad?

Well, when he came here on
Friday just wanting me so bad,

he said, "You're losing a
brother. I'm losing a... "

"... a business partner."
Yeah, no, I remember.

But you don't lose a business
partner because of a marriage. Y...

Holy sh*t!

[DANNER] Wait! Where are you going?

- Damn! I gotta follow him.
- [DOOR CLOSES]

Hold up. Now that
your brother's at rest,

at peace if you will,

you think you're gonna
try to get Grace back?

I don't know. We're both
very upset right now.

I feel like you do know.

- Wait a minute, fool!
- [DOOR OPENS]

You're really gonna make me chase
you all over this damn estate?

I'm looking for something.

Does it have anything to
do with this SEC thing?

No. I still don't know
what to make of that.

And it's all just
making me nuts. [SIGHS]

[ANIQ] I knew it.

These aren't cover identities.

They're candidates from
an executive headhunter.

Edgar was looking for
a new business partner.

Because he fired Sebastian.

Damn, you good.

Well, thank you. It's... [CHUCKLES]

But wait, if Edgar fired Sebastian,

why is he on the phone making calls

like he still works for the company?

Because no one knew.

Yes, things are moving very quickly.

That's why Edgar and
I wanna get this done.

Of course. I'll just go get him.

[IMITATING EDGAR] Hello.
This is Edgar Minnows.

Yes.

Sebastian Drapewood
has my full authority.