01x09 - Squisery/Game Night

[bunniefuu]

- ♪ SpongeBob ♪

- ♪ I'm off to summer camp ♪

- ♪ SpongeBob ♪

- ♪ Through nature I will tramp ♪

- ♪ SpongeBob will have you screaming ♪

- ♪ Till milk is streaming right out of your nose ♪

Whoa-whoa-whoa-whoa, whoa-whoa-whoa!

Ahh! Ahh!

♪ ♪

- ♪ SpongeBob ♪

- ♪ When nature's calling ♪

♪ You'll see me hauling ♪

♪ I'm hitting the trail ♪

- All right. Keep it moving.

Stay with the group.

No stragglers.

Patrick! You're falling behind! What are you doing?

- Oh! Sorry, Mr. Tentacles.

I was just looking at this cool jelly, see?

- [screams]

I'm blind!

- Oh, I'll describe it to you, then.

It's pink, with pretty spots--

- I know what a jellyfish looks like, you dolt!

[yelps]

Quit messing around!

We need to keep up with the other campers.

Hmm.

Yuck! Patrick?

- Sorry again, Mr. Tentacles!

Just tying my shoe!

Ready!

- Hmm...hmm! About time!

We need to hurry--what?

- Help! I forgot how shoes work!

[screams]

- Patrick! [sighs]

I'm getting too old for this.

[grumbles]

Patrick? Patrick!

- [laughs] - Get back here!

- [laughter continues] - Hmm? Hmm?

Oh!

[screams]

[grunts]

[groans]

- Oh, Mr. Tentacles. Relaxing, I see!

Hey, your legs look funny.

Are you okay? - Of course, I'm not okay!

Look at me!

My ankles are more twisted than a pretzel!

- Mmm, pretzel. [gargles]

- Patrick. Patrick!

At least tilt your head forward so you don't drown.

[yelps]

- Mr. Tentacles! You saved my life!

Don't worry! I'm gonna save yours too!

- Um, actually, I'm okay.

I'll just lie here in the middle

of this uncharted wilderness

until someone else comes along and finds me!

- You're funny! - Ow! My ankles!

Put me down!

- Oh, I'm sorry. My bad.

- [screams] Stop! Not my ankles!

- Well, geez, make up your mind already!

- Look, Patrick.

We're gonna have to stay here until I've healed a bit.

That means we're going to need--

- Cocktail wieners? - What? No!

We need shelter, to get us out of this freezing fog!

Didn't you read the camp handbook?

- What is..."canned ham-brook"?

- Ugh, never mind.

Just find us some shelter already!

- Yes, sir, Counselor, sir!

[grunts] D'oh!

[wails]

- [chattering]

- [hums]

- [groans] - There you are!

Well, quit playing hide and seek!

The shelter is ready!

- [groans]

- Check it out! I built us a rock.

- You built...a rock? - Uh-huh.

- Out of logs? - Yep!

- Right next to an actual rock? - Correct.

- You're a moron.

- Aw, you're just saying that!

Let's get you in, out of the cold.

[grunts]

Now, I'll use my body heat to warm you up!

I had spicy nachos for breakfast,

so my butt is definitely the warmest part of me.

- Ow! Just leave me alone!

- I'm afraid I can't do that, Mr. Tentacles.

Until you're all better,

I'm going to do everything for you!

See? I made you a blanket!

- Well, that's actually very thoughtful of--

[sneezes]

[both scream]

[growls]

I'm allergic to urchins, you clod!

- Oh, not cold anymore huh? Maybe you're hungry, then!

- Actually, I'm still pretty full from--

- Here comes the seaplane! Choo-choo!

- [gags, then spits]

Patrick, that soup is awful! It tastes like dirt.

- That's because it is dirt!

Mmm! But don't worry.

I made you a toothbrush.

- Huh? - Brushy brushy brushy!

All done!

- Huh?!

[hisses] Thank you.

- And if you need to use the bathroom,

I built a toilet too!

- Uh...I think I'll just hold it

till we're back at camp.

- Suit yourself.

[moans] Ah. All right.

You spilled my yummy dirt,

so I'm gonna go find more food.

Be back in a while!

Don't go anywhere.

- If that moron's food doesn't k*ll me, his toilet sure will.

I gotta get out of here!

[grunts]

[yelps]

[grunting continues]

Haha, success!

I'm free! I'm free!

[grunts]

[sea moose growls] I'm doomed.

- [spits] Get away from Mr. Tentacles!

No one crushes my counselor but me!

[grunts]

[growls]

[belches]

[sea moose whimpers]

Hmm?

Oh.

Oh...you...

You saved me, Patrick! - Well, duh.

I said I was here to do everything for you!

[belches]

[chuckles]

[belches]

- [sighs, then belches]

[sighs]

You know, Patrick, at first, I thought I was gonna die

out here thanks to your idiocy,

but this has turned out to be a lovely experience.

[both humming]

- I also thought we were going to die.

- If you had told me all those weeks ago

that I'd be here with you now,

dancing through the-- [gasps]

What?! We're dancing!

- Well, I'm dancing. You're just following.

[hums] - Huh? Huh?

No, you fool. This means my ankles are better!

Whoo-hoo! I'm healed!

We can finally go back to Kamp Koral!

- You wanna go back?

- Of course, I do! As soon as possible.

- [whimpers] I thought we were happy here.

- Well, you thought wrong. We're leaving.

- But I don't wanna leave!

This is the only home I remember!

Look! I made you a clarinet out of leaves!

It sounds great. Listen! - [screams]

[clarinet toots off-key] Those are poison kelp leaves!

- Oh, that explains the itching.

- [grunts]

[screams] Ow! Patrick!

My ankles! Again!

- Oh, sorry, Mr. Tentacles.

Does that mean we get to stay?

- No! No more waiting!

We are heading back to camp,

even if you have to carry me the whole way!

- Well, fine!

But we're keeping this place as a vacation home.

Maybe we can rent it out.

- A one-bedroom in this neighborhood?

Good luck. [yelps]

- [humming] - [grunting]

[all scream]

Wait, wait, wait-- - We're gonna make it, buddy!

- [gargles]

[wheezes]

[groans]

- I can't do it. I can't walk anymore.

[both grunt] - Oh, no. This is it.

We're gonna die out here, lost in the middle of...

[whistle toots] [rooster clucks]

[record scratch] Kamp Koral?

- Oh, boy! We made it!

- Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow.

- [grunts] Oh, hey fellas.

- That's it! "Howdy, fellas"?

Why didn't you send a search party for us?

I've been trapped in this buffoon's wooden rock

for weeks!

- Send out a search party?

Why would we do that?

- It sure sounded like y'all were havin' fun playin' house.

- You could hear us?

- Well, we ain't got beans in our ears.

Y'all were only feet away!

- Huh?!

[gasps]

[grunts]

[foghorn blares] - Whoo-wee! Chow time!

- Come on, Sandy! See ya at the canteen!

[both laugh]

[sea moose groans, then sighs]

- Well, at least we can get some real food in us.

Let's go. - I hope they're serving dirt!

- Mm-hmm...

[groans]

- Oh! We're trapped in here!

Not again!

- Hmm? [chuckles softly]

Shall we?

- This time, I'll lead.

[both humming]

[thud] Ow! My ankles!

- [grunts]

- He ate, like, a whole tub of paste.

- Hey, who hasn't? Am I right?

- [panting]

- [giggles]

- Password? - Aw. C'mon, Krabs.

You know it's us!

- Password!

- [sighs] Fine, it's...

[mutters]

- What was that? I couldn't quite hear you.

- [growls]

♪ I'm a baby pea pod, green and new ♪

♪ And I just love to dance for you ♪

- [chuckles] Come on in.

- Every week, it's the same stupid song and dance.

I'm sick of it-- [both scream]

- Did any of the children see you?!

- Not a chance!

This isn't my first rodeo, you know.

- Did you...

get the goods, Krabs?

- Of course, I did. It's all right here.

- Great. Let's go!

- Whoo-hoo-hoo! - Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!

- We made it! We're free! We're--

[all gasp]

- [snoring softly]

[softly] Hold it, Puff.

Don't move.

You've got a B-A-B-Y on you!

- Oh, she must've been sleepcrawlin' again.

- Hurry, Eugene!

If Pearl wakes up...

- It'll be okay.

I'm gonna try cutting the red wire.

[grunting]

- Careful Krabs.

That baby could go off at any moment!

- [whimpers]

[sighs] - Oh, boy.

- Finally. Time for...

Game Night! - Yay!

- With no campers.

- We should play Peril: The Game of Undersea Conquest!

I'll destroy both of you and take over the ocean.

- Boring! That game takes too long.

Let's play something more profitable,

like Money-opoly!

- No, thank you.

You always play the bank, and you always win.

How about Slot Boat Racers?

- Oh, no! Krabs "accidentally" ran over me last time.

My leg is still healing!

- His leg!

- I said I was sorry!

Besides, we ain't playin' race cars neither.

We're playin'...Lobster Trap!

both: Ooh, Lobster Trap!

- Oh, I like that! - Ooh, my favorite.

[whimsical music]

♪ ♪

- You know, sometimes I think these adult-only nights

are the only thing keepin' me sanity in check.

- Tell me about it.

If I have to deal with another one of the campers'

ridiculous requests, I might just

bulldoze this whole camp!

[breathing heavily]

[chuckles nervously]

- [groaning]

Ouch! How 'bout a little help here?

- [chuckles] Here ya go.

- Okay, we're ready!

Dibs on the battleship! - No way!

Battleships are too big for you, short stuff.

You get the thimble, like always!

- [grunts] - [laughs]

- Huh? Wait. What was that?

- [laughter continues] - [gasps] It couldn't be...

- [gasps] Maybe it was the wind?

- [laughter continues]

[screams] - [gasps]

- Camp Master Krabs! Emergency!

I need your help! - What is it, boy?

- Patrick swallowed my teddy bear,

and I can't sleep without it!

- Sorry, Krabs. He asked for you!

[chuckles]

- [sighs] All right. Let's get this over with.

- Hooray!

[plunger pops]

[both grunting]

- Are you sure he ate it, SpongeBob?

I'm not findin' anything!

- Keep plunging, Mr. Krabs!

My teddy's gotta be in there somewhere!

It's not Patrick's fault he's a chronic sleep-eater,

but without my teddy, I won't be able to sleep,

or eat, or shower, or...huh?

Oh. Ha, unless it was under my covers the whole time?

[chuckles nervously] - Are you kidding me?

[grumbles] - What a minute.

If I didn't eat your teddy, then what did I eat?

[retches] - [growls]

Ya ate me, ya dunderhead!

Ugh! - [grunts]

- [chuckles, then gasps] Huh?

What are you doing, Krabs? It's my turn!

It won't be nobody's turn if we don't get out of here!

SpongeBob's seen us.

It's only a matter of time before he's back.

- He's right. Grab everything!

We can hide out at my place.

[dramatic music]

♪ ♪

So, I finally paddled the canoe out on the lake,

and Camper Harvey immediately gets seasick

all over my new boots!

both: Ew! - Kids is disgustering!

Three! [chuckles]

- You think that's bad, you should see 'em eat.

I've known worm-hogs with better manners.

In fact--what in the name of Neptune

is that annoying noise?!

- Probably just jellyfish attracted to the lamp.

I'll go get rid of them.

Shoo!

Get out of here, jellies!

Shoo! [sighs]

- Oh Mrs. Puff, thank goodness!

I need your help! It's an emergency!

- What now, SpongeBob?

- Will you walk me to the outhouse?

I'm afraid to go alone at night.

[whimpers] It's so dark.

- [sighs] Fine. Let's go.

[grumbles]

All right. Here we are.

Now you go right back to bed when you're finished, you hear?

[grumbles]

- Mrs. Puff? - Yes, SpongeBob?

- Will you go inside and check for bugs?

I can't go if bugs are watching.

- [grumbles]

There aren't any bugs in the outhouse, SpongeBob!

Just get in there and-- [screams]

- You know, on second thought, I'll just hold it till morning.

Bye!

- He's found us! Time to move!

[both gasp]

- I guess it's my place next.

[all panting]

- Oh, it might be a tight fit, but I think this kitchen

of yours is the perfect hiding place, Mr. Plankton!

Now, where were we?

- I believe it was my turn!

- Your turn? I thought I was next.

- My secret lab!

All my evil plans, exposed!

This is the worst thing that could happen to me!

- Let's see, my piece was here.

Then I moved ahead two spaces.

- And you landed on "Lose Your Turn."

- What? I thought it said, "Lose Your Turtle"!

Ugh, why do they have to print everything so tiny

on these game boards? - I do not know!

- Phew! I'm in the clear.

- [wheezing happily]

- I stand corrected.

- Thank you for doing this. - All right, here we are.

Now, what did you need, SpongeBrain?

- Mr. Plankton? Can I have a glass of water?

- What? Why didn't you just--

you were already up when-- oh, never mind.

Just stay in bed. Forever.

- Time for my middle-of-the-night vitamin!

- [screams]

- Oh, you too, huh?

- So I told Harvey no more corn dogs before boating...

- [groans] We're moving!

- I need help! all: Hmm? Aw...

[all scream] - I need help!

I need help! - [screams]

[all grunt]

He'll never find us way out here!

- That place sure looks creepy.

- Yeah, I know! SpongeBob would be terrified.

It's perfect! [chuckles]

[both scream]

Hey, look at this!

I told ya this place was perfect!

There's already snacks here.

Mmm, pretty good too!

Oh, uh, you don't mind, do ya, buddy?

Uh, buddy?

What the--

- Why is the door locked, Krabs?

- And why is the ground moving away so quickly?

- Oh, no!

We've walked into a real, live--

all: Lobster trap!

- Well, Krabs,

this is another fine mess you've gotten us into.

- All right, who's next? Number !

- You know, we may be stuck in this dried-out

bizarro world,

but it's nice to finally have the time to relax!

- Indeed. - You said it!

- Pow!

- [laughs] all: Huh?!

- Mr. Krabs! Mrs. Puff! Mr. Plankton!

Oh, thank goodness. I need your help.

It's an emergency!

My socks are too tight, I lost all my comic books,

and my fingernails keep growing.

[all crying]

[upbeat music]

♪ ♪