01x18 - Lake Crashers/Boo Light Special

[bunniefuu]

- ♪ SpongeBob ♪

- ♪ I'm off to summer camp ♪

- ♪ SpongeBob ♪

- ♪ Through nature I will tramp ♪

- ♪ SpongeBob will have you screaming ♪

- ♪ While milk is streaming right out of your nose ♪

Whoa-whoa-whoa-whoa, whoa-whoa-whoa!

Ahh! Ahh!

♪ ♪

- ♪ SpongeBob ♪

- ♪ When nature's calling ♪

♪ You'll see me hauling ♪

♪ I'm hitting the trail ♪

[whistling]

[tense music]

- Are you ready?

- I'm ready!

- Fire coral Wrestling in three--

- [grunts] - Two.

[grunts] One.

[bell rings]

[both screaming]

- [laughs]

Y'all are more tangled up than a sow on spaghetti night.

- Mm, spaghetti.

- [whistling]

- Larry is wide open, bro. Throw it!

- [grunting]

- [groans]

- Meep?

- Hey, everyone crashing into each other

just gave me a crazy good idea of what we could do today.

- What is it, Sandy?

- Have our very own crash-a-rific demolition derby.

I spent a summer with my Uncle Earl traveling

with his Deep-Fried Mud-Pied Southern Baked

Demolition Derby.

[mimics revving] Yeehaw!

- Mm, mud pies.

- We need some derby vehicles and a place

for all the crashing without the grownups finding out.

- Ooh. [laughter]

[tense music]

♪ ♪

- [whistles]

- [grunting]

Go. - Whoa!

- Ah! - Meep!

- Whoo! - Ah--

all: Phew.

- Ah! - Meep.

- Meep.

- [grunts] - [grunts]

♪ ♪

[upbeat music]

- Good evening, and welcome to the first ever

Kamp Koral Under-the-Lake Demolition Derby!

[cheering]

- Reduced to cheerleader.

[grumbling] Hey!

What are you-- [screaming]

[cheering] - Squiddy!

- Squidward! - Did I say reduced?

I mean, promoted to cheerleader.

Yeah-ha!

- All right, let's get to it.

Born from the unholy union of nerds and jocks,

give it up for the number five car,

the Muscle Machine!

[rock music]

♪ ♪

And the number seven car--

[engine revving]

- Whoa!

- The Dinghy Dinger!

♪ ♪

- Ooh!

[upbeat music]

[sonar pinging]

- [grunting]

- Huh-hoo!

Rock and roll, SpongeBob.

It's time we rope these calves.

[bell rings]

[engine revving]

- [cackles]

- Ludum gladitorium!

Let's smash these bottom-feeders

back to the Dark Ages.

- Hey, watch it.

My mother is a bottom-feeder.

- On your mark.

- [growling]

- [growling]

- Get set.

[engine revving]

[dramatic music]

- Hang on, SpongeBob!

It's about to get bumpier than a swamp toad's backside.

- Go! - Yee-haw!

[tires squealing]

[laughter]

- [growling] - [whimpers]

[both laugh]

- [laughs] Two can play that game.

We're gonna take this sideways.

- Whoa!

[both laughing]

- Yee-haw!

[screaming]

[soft music]

- Whoa!

- [grunting]

both: Whoa!

[screaming]

- [whimpering]

- Whoa! Whoa!

Whoa! - Huh?

Aww.

[tires squealing]

[laughter]

- Let's see how they like my stilt legs.

[tires squealing]

- [laughs] ♪ Missed me, missed me ♪

♪ Now you gotta kiss me ♪

- Ha-ha!

I think not, my squishy yellow carbuncle.

- Huh? Whoa!

I can't see nothing through all this mud.

- Me either.

- Ahh! - Whoa!

[both yelling]

- [laughs] - Huh?

- You're up, SpongeBob.

- Whoa!

- Fire!

- Huh?

[tires squealing]

both: Whoa!

- [laughing]

[rock music]

[muted rock music]

♪ ♪

- [snoring]

[soft music]

Turn left.

♪ ♪

[engine revving]

[tires squealing]

- Oil burning?

Rubber melting?

Tires screeching?

Motors revving?

Ah!

Oh, sweet mama, it's a demolition derby!

Hmm.

[cheering]

- Wow! - Huh?

- Ah!

Oh, dear, I should probably put a stop to it.

But that smashing and crashing, it's so inviting.

Zoom, smash.

No, I can't.

I must put the children's safety first.

But the infectious sound of crunching steel--

the derby is calling, and we must answer.

[suspenseful music]

- Go, go, rah, rah!

Go, go, rah, rah!

Whoa!

- Who the El Paso is that?

- Looks like we have a new contender.

I don't know who it is or what cabin they're from,

but they sure can drive!

- Ha-sha!

They call me Driver X.

X as in extreme!

The best darn derby driver that you've ever seen.

all: Whoa.

[cheering]

- Ah! - Huh?

- Huh? - Mm-hmm.

- [laughs]

- As my Uncle Earl would say, let's tie a knot in her tail.

- Pedal to the metal!

[laughter]

- Yah! [grunting]

[tires squealing]

[dramatic music]

[all screaming]

both: Uh-oh.

- Hyah!

[cackles]

♪ ♪

both: Uh-oh!

[all screaming]

♪ ♪

[cheering]

[groans]

- Thank you, thank you.

Whoa!

Well, all right.

Now we've got us a derby.

[laughs]

both: Whoa!

[both screaming]

- [laughs]

- Oh, the old stilt leg trick, eh?

Well, take this!

[grunting]

[both screaming]

♪ ♪

[both screaming]

[all gasp]

- [whimpers]

- [babbling]

- Larry, Larry, he's our man.

If he can't do it--

[blowhole whistles] - Ah!

- [babbling]

- Sandy can!

Whoo, whoo, whoo!

- [babbling]

[rock music]

♪ ♪

- Huh? There's a baby out there!

- [babbles]

- Oh! - Yeah!

- Oh! - [laughing]

I gotcha!

- Ah! [whimpers]

♪ ♪

Yeah!

- Whoa!

♪ ♪

- Mrs. Puff?

all: Whoa. - Wow.

- [gasps]

- Boo!

Bring back Driver X!

- You like the demolition derby?

- Like it? It's in my blood.

♪ ♪

I came here to keep you safe and protect you,

just like I protected Pearl.

[engine starting]

- But who's gonna protect us from her?

- [babbling]

[tires squealing]

[all screaming]

[upbeat music]

[laughter]

♪ ♪

- Thank you!

- Hup, hup, hup, hup, hup!

- Whoa!

- Oh, so much to do!

Why did I schedule every activity on the same day?

[growls]

Hey, ya scallywags!

That ain't how you arch an archery!

- Hmm.

- [groans]

- Ha-ha!

[bell rings]

- [gasps] The camp store!

- Bull's eye!

[panting]

- Here you go, one sun block.

- Uh, what about my change?

- Oh ho-ho-ho, you mean me tip?

That goes right in the jar.

- [roaring]

- The lake!

- [giggles]

[both panting] - [growls]

[both screaming]

- [cackles]

[roars]

- Why is there a kraken in me camp?

- Ow!

Why is there a camp around my lake?

[bell rings] - Oh, the store!

[grunting]

[percussive music]

Hey!

[all whimpering]

- [grunting]

[bell rings]

♪ ♪

- [panting]

[whimpering]

Oh, Universe, if you have a heart in your bosom,

send me some help!

[echoing]

- Did someone scream help?

Ooh, my favorite kind of scream!

Kamp Koral.

This place must be filled with miserable souls

for me to haunt.

[cackles]

- There's too many activities.

Too many kids.

[muttering]

[dramatic music]

- Ahoy, matey! - Ahh!

- I hear you be needing help running your trading post.

- You?

You can't run me store.

You look like a bad smell.

Huh?

[all whimpering]

But I can't be picky.

You're hired. I got to go.

[light music]

- Har, har, har!

This be perfect!

By ghostly law, I be able to curse any item

these kids buy from me.

Hmm.

No shrunken heads.

No evil daggers.

No bleeding walls.

This place needs some sprucing up.

Ha, ha!

Ha-huh!

- [hisses] - Blah!

- Ha!

[eerie music]

And for the final touch, yah!

[thunder crashes]

Ahh.

- [humming]

- Ah, me first victim--

I mean, customer.

- [muttering]

Ooh!

- May I help you find something, young lad?

- Oh, no, thanks. I'm just window shopping.

[laughs]

- Let you know when you decide. - Okay.

- Hmm.

What can I help you with?

I said, what?

- Oh, now I can hear you.

[laughs]

- What do you want? - Nothing.

I'll just keep browsing.

Sorry try to be a "pane."

[laughs]

- [growls] Huh.

- Excuse me. - [shrieks]

- Are these slippers gluten free?

- That doesn't even make sense!

[bell rings]

- Ooh, this is a barrel of fun.

[laughs]

- May I be of help to you two?

- Yes. We're here for a toothbrush.

- Finally, customers who know what they want.

Right this way.

[soft music]

We got red ones, blue ones,

the official Kamp Koral toothbrush.

- Oh, no. Too common.

- We special ordered a toothbrush.

It should be behind the counter.

- Aye, I'll be right back.

Oh, boy!

Me first curse of the day!

Hmm.

Yeah.

Ittity bittity bip!

You're cursed.

[dramatic music]

Here you go.

Come again.

Hope your teeth get to be a nice ghostly white.

[bell rings]

- Whoa. [laughs]

Excuse me, shopkeep.

Might I peruse your drawer of toothbrushes?

- Oh, that would be me pleasure.

- Whoa!

Hmm.

Which toothbrush do I want?

No, no.

- Ugh.

- Ooh, I'll put that one in my "maybe" pile.

[bell rings]

- Ooh, a young athletic type.

Might I interest you in weights,

kettlebells, or cursed--

I mean, "Krab-ercise" VHS tape?

- No!

Horsey!

- That?

It be kind of lame, don't ya think?

- I want the horsey for water aerobics in the lake, Grandpa.

- Yes, sir, ma'am!

One sec.

♪ ♪

Ittity bittity bip!

You're cursed.

Here you go.

- Thanks, Dutchy! [laughs]

♪ ♪

- [laughing]

- Ooh, I'd like to check out the weights.

[grunting]

Whoa. - Ah!

- Never mind, I'll keep on browsing.

- Enough of your shenanigans!

Either you buy something, or you get out!

- Sorry, Mr. Store Man, sir.

It's just so hard to decide.

- How about you tell me how much money you have,

and I'll tell you what you can afford?

- Great idea! Let's see.

Hmm.

[muttering]

I have a shiny new penny.

- Huh? A penny?

You can't buy anything for a penny!

Wait, there is one thing.

Over in that gumball machine.

- Oh, thank you!

Yay!

- That there sponge be exhausting.

[groaning]

- Oh, Mr. Shopkeep,

the gumball machine stole my penny.

- Ugh.

Let me get that for ya.

- Nah, orange tickles my nose.

- [growling]

- Ooh, hmm.

Too round.

No, no, no.

Ooh, put that one in the "maybe" pile.

No, no, no, no.

[gasps] Perfect!

- Really? You'll take it?

One moment.

Ooh, I'm gonna triple curse this one.

Yabba dabba bibbity bip, you're cursed.

Have a nice day.

- Thank you, Dutchie.

Whoa!

- Now to see my curses in action.

♪ ♪

- Look, I got us a gumball!

- I'll split 'er up! Hyah!

♪ ♪

[ghosts growling]

[all screaming]

- [cackles]

- Hey, I ain't no gumball, ya big galoot!

Ahh!

- [laughing]

- [growls] - Ahh!

[gasps]

- [groans]

- Looks like I gummed up their evening.

[laughing]

Hmm.

[both whimpering]

- Oh, it's too minty fresh!

- [laughs]

Remember to brush after every squeal!

[laughs]

- Whoa! [screaming]

Ah! - [whinnies]

- Looks like her horsey turned into a night "mare"!

[laughs]

- Hey, I'm working this side of the pond, all right?

[thunder rumbles]

- This turned out great.

I shoulda got me a job centuries ago.

[gasps] - Unacceptable!

[all yelling]

- You sold us defective merchandise!

- We want our money back!

- [laughs]

Fools, I'm a ghost!

I'm not bound to the whimpering wants of mere mortals.

- Sure, but as an employee of the camp store,

you are bound by its return policy.

- Hmm? -hour return policy?

Curses!

- [shrieks]

- Ahh!

- [grunting]

- Oh, what's wrong, new best friend?

Do you want to join the angry mob?

- [babbles]

- Oh, you go be you, buddy.

[upbeat music]

- That gives him something to think about.

- [groaning]

That's it. I quit!

I hate retail.

[foghorn blares]

[tires squeal]

- Great Neptune, what happened here?

Looks like that creepy old codger quit on me.

[sighs]

You just can't find good help these days.

[eerie music]

[screaming]

[upbeat music]

♪ ♪