01x23 - Regi-Hilled/The Perfect Camper

[bunniefuu]

- ♪ SpongeBob ♪

- ♪ I'm off to summer camp ♪

- ♪ SpongeBob ♪

- ♪ Through nature I will tramp ♪

- ♪ SpongeBob will have you screaming ♪

- ♪ While milk is streaming right out of your nose ♪

Whoa-whoa-whoa-whoa, whoa-whoa-whoa!

Ahh! Ahh!

♪ ♪

- ♪ SpongeBob ♪

- ♪ When nature's calling ♪

♪ You'll see me hauling ♪

♪ I'm hitting the trail ♪

[toilet flushes]

[lighthearted music]

[alarm beeping]

- [humming]

- [snoring]

[cheerful classical music]

♪ ♪

[chuckles]

[blender whirring]

- [crows]

- [humming]

[thermometer beeps]

- Regigille, we'll have the Pacific pancakes instead.

- Very good, madam.

[dishes crash]

[mumbling]

[sighs]

[slurps]

- [sighs]

[thermometer beeps]

- Two degrees off!

This cannot be tolerated.

Regigille, you're fired.

- But-- but--

- Hang this butler sign out front on your way.

- Of course, madam.

[mumbling]

Oh, my.

Ohh.

[pounding at door]

- Have no fear.

Your new butler is here.

- And what makes you think you can buttle?

- I'm great at butting in and helping out.

[gasps]

[screams]

- Oh!

- Oh.

Oh!

- Don't forget to use a coaster.

- You're hired.

[twangy music]

- Ooh!

- Hey, Nobby.

Come on, now.

both: Huh?

[mystical music]

- Wah-hoo! - Whoo-wee!

The ever-loving mushrooms motherlode!

Get the biggun' in the middle.

[shouts]

Huh?

- Pardon me, but-- - Ahh! Ugh!

- Ow.

- Ugh! Huh?

- [grunts] - All hail the mushroom king!

- Whatever are you talking about?

I am a butler who laid down amongst these mushrooms

to wallow in the shame of my inadequacy.

[tummy rumbling]

- You sound hungry.

Hey, Mr. Not a Mushroom Man, why don't you come on back

to our shack for some vittles?

[chomps]

- [screams]

- [laughs]

- [groans]

- Ahh. Whoo!

- [grunting]

- Hmm.

Oh!

[donkey braying]

- Aww.

[chomping]

- How do you live like this?

The dust on this chair is an inch thick.

- Oh, that ain't a chair.

- Uh...oh.

- As you can see, we ain't highfalutin,

but this is home sweet home.

- [grunting]

Mm? Mm.

[humming]

both: Huh?

- [grunts]

[teapot shattering]

[tea sloshing]

Ooh.

Perfect.

[mumbles]

Your tea.

- [slurps] Just the way I like it.

Here's Regigille's list of daily chores.

- [gasps]

I'll start by patching up that hole in the wall.

Time to do the washing.

[humming]

[dishes shattering]

[humming]

- Whoa! Ahh! Ohh!

[grunting]

Wah!

[donkey braying]

[both yawning]

[both gasp]

- What in the--

both: Huh?

- Good morning.

I made you each a cup of tea.

- [screams] You done cleaned the sugar squeezer.

You wiped away years of taste crystals and sweet seasoning.

[both sneezing]

- Oh, dear.

You're allergic to the flowers.

I shall take them away at once.

- It ain't the... [sneezes]

Flowers.

It's the vases.

We're allergic to fancy.

both: Achoo!

- [groans]

[humming]

- [sighs]

You have a cleaning need so deep you can't help yourself.

But that's OK, because we're going to teach

you the way of the woods.

Out here, we let nature do our cleaning.

Nobby, if you would?

- [laughs]

[vacuum whirring]

[loud expl*si*n]

[donkey brays]

- Huh? Uh...

[screaming]

- Told ya.

Nature takes care of it.

[pounding at door]

- I'll get it.

- No, don't answer the door.

- [roars] - Ahh!

[loud crashing]

Ahh! Ugh!

- That's the : a.m. sea bear.

He comes every day, same time.

If that'd been a real guest, they would have

come in through the window.

- Very good, Madam.

- Hey, cuz.

Just passing through.

Whee!

- Bye, cuz!

- [humming]

both: Huh?

[water gushing]

- Argh!

- [humming]

[exhales]

- No! - [screams]

- That's what the dishwasher's for.

Take a gander at this.

[donkey braying]

All clean.

- [groaning]

- [babbling]

- You're right, Nobby.

This is going to be harder than we thought.

Well, let's wake him up and get on with learning him to relax.

- [groaning]

[gentle piano music]

- [humming]

[both screaming]

- [humming]

- Ooh! both: Ooh!

- Heh-heh.

- [humming]

- [gasps] Oh, my.

- Ooh.

I was just going to bring this to you.

It's the perfect temperature.

Huh? - [gags]

- You're fired.

- Very good, madam.

♪ La, la, la, la la, la, la ♪

[twangy banjo music]

- Ahh.

- Oh, Cousin Reggie, ain't this the life?

- You said it, Cousin Narlene.

Oh, nature.

[bugs gnawing]

[knock at door] - Y'all come on in.

The window's open.

[all grunting]

- Oh!

[together] Oh!

- Howdy, Cousin Missy.

What brings you to these parts?

- I demand you return Regigille this instant.

- If'n you want him back, you're going to have

to foot-wrestle for him.

- Very well.

- Why, you couldn't kick the seeds out

of a pickle with them tiny tootsies.

[dramatic music]

[both gasping]

- Ha!

- Hoo-wee!

All right, toe-wrestling fans.

Are you ready?

[all cheering]

It's toe against toe, bunion against bunion

in a foot battle for the ages.

Let's get it on!

[bell rings, donkey brays]

[both grunting]

- Oh! A clothesline!

Narlene is up, and she's got a chair!

- [grunting]

- Oh, a sweeping suplex from Missy.

[both grunting]

- [whimpering]

- [grunting]

- Time to bring down the hammer toe.

[both grunting]

- Huh? Ohh!

- Ha-ha!

Ha-ha-ha!

- Ooh-ooh! - Narlene wins.

- Whoo-hoo!

You can stay, Cousin Reggie.

- I can't believe we're going to have

to live without Regigille.

I even perspired.

[somber music]

- Hmm.

You actually exerted yourself for me, madam,

something I took no pleasure in watching.

So why don't we all return home and let

things get back to normal?

- [babbling]

- Nobby says you're welcome back anytime.

You know where the window is.

- Thank you, madam.

It was an eye-opening-- scratch that.

It was a real hoot.

[humming]

[whistles] - Ooh!

- Ah, nature.

- Hee-haw!

[upbeat music]

- Good morning!

And what a beautiful day it is for the annual Kamp

Koral Summer Games.

Let's go down to the field where

the competitors are getting ready for the day's events.

both: Oh, oh, oh.

- Allow me.

[both grunting]

- You got this, bro.

- Bro. - Bro.

- Bro.

[together] Bro, bro, bro, bro, bro, bro, bro, bro.

- Stop!

- I see the Creepy Trawler cabin getting ready to needle

the competition.

[knitting needles clicking]

[bell ding]

- Ooh!

- [babbling]

- [hisses]

- You are right, Kidferatu.

I am faster this year.

We can't lose.

I can just feel it.

- And here we have our illustrious judges.

[all cheering]

- All right.

Let's get these lame games over with.

- In the badminton event, it's the Yacht Cabin

versus the Trawlers.

[all grunting]

- I got it!

I got it!

[screaming]

[cheers and applause]

- First win goes to the Yacht Cabin.

- Hooray for you.

[together] Aww.

- That's just the first event.

We'll get them in the next one.

- Up next, it's the hammer throw.

From the Frigate Cabin, Craig Mammalton.

- [grunting]

[whistles, crashes]

- [mumbling]

- feet!

A new camp record.

- Ahh!

- Oh-ho-ho-ho!

[upbeat music]

♪ ♪

[hat pops]

- Ahh!

[loud expl*si*n]

- Frigate Cabin wins.

[together] Whoa!

both: Aww.

- OK. That's two.

But this next one is ours for the taking.

[vacuum whirring]

- Next event, extreme speed knitting.

- All right, you nitwits, knit.

[needles clicking]

Knitting doesn't seem like much of a sport to me,

but-- whoa!

- Time's up.

Needles down.

An interesting entry from the Trawler Cabin.

- [gasps]

[muffled muttering]

[horse neighing]

- But what's this?

A noble-knitted knight.

- Ha-ha!

[together] Excelsior!

both: Aww.

- Don't feel bad, guys.

I have a good feeling about this next event.

- And now the final event of the day,

the grossest camper competition.

This should be a slam dunk for the Trawlers.

- Thank you!

[sloshing]

[squirting]

all: Eww!

- A strong showing from the Trawlers.

- Yuck.

- You might want to hold on to that celebration.

Mind if I dunk?

[sloshing]

[crowd gasps]

- [belches]

[together] Ahh!

- [grunts] - Augh!

- Anybody want a taste?

[crowd gasps]

- Looks like I spoke too soon, folks.

It's a Hail Mary win for the Dinghies.

- Yay, Patrick!

- Ohh, we lost every event today.

- If I'm not the grossest camper, then who am I?

- How are we even going to compete

in tomorrow's big event?

[thunder crashing]

- That is a creep-tastic idea, Kidferatu.

I love it.

[mischievous music]

- [snoring]

- Bro, bro, bro, bro, bro, bro, bro, bro.

Bro, bro, bro, bro, bro, bro, bro, bro.

Bro, bro, bro, bro.

- Oh! Ooh.

[humming]

[yawns]

- Eee-eee-eee-eee-eee.

- [mumbles]

[squirting]

- [snoring]

- Success.

[thunder crashing]

- Unite these things that we did borrow

to bring us victory tomorrow.

Create one who can really scamper,

our cabin's champion, the perfect camper!

[cackling]

all: Ah-ha-ha-ha!

- Whoa. - [hisses]

- Whoa-ho-ho-ho. - Ahh.

- [growling]

Call me Clay.

[cheerful music]

[loud thudding] - Uh?

- Huh? - Hmm?

- This is Clay.

He'll be representing the Trawler Cabin today.

- Oh, not so fast.

Camp rules state that it must be your cabin's

counselor who competes.

If for some reason they cannot race, then and only then

can you use a substitute.

[loud expl*si*n]

[sighs]

Welcome to the games, Clay.

- Welcome back to day two of the Kamp Koral Summer Games.

Let's start with the obstacle course.

[all grunting]

- Huh?

These Trawler kids get weirder

and weirder every summer.

- On your mark, get set, go!

It's a good start for the Creepy Trawlers.

[together] Go, Clay, go!

- [grunting]

[all grunting]

[upbeat music]

[all screaming]

- [grunting]

Ahh!

- Ahh.

Huh? [gasps]

- Surprise!

To juice things up, we added electric chum balls.

- Me.

Me.

[electricity crackling]

- Me.

[together] Me.

Me.

♪ ♪

[electricity crackling]

- And the Pontoon Cabin is out of there.

- Huh? Huh?

[grunting]

- Hmm.

[grunting]

[together] Me, me, me.

[both grunting]

[all cheering]

- And the race moves on to the harrowing hang gliding event.

[both grunting]

- Counselor Larry plunges into the lead.

- [grunting]

- Now that's what I call a hair-raising maneuver.

- Ohh!

- [mumbling]

[gulps]

- You can do it, Mr. Tentacles.

[all cheering]

- Watch out. - Oh, no.

No!

Tentacles.

- Oh, yeah.

I'm out.

- Whoa. [chuckles]

Whoa-oh!

[laughs]

Whoa.

[laughs]

- [laughs]

Whoa.

- Pardon me, madam.

But your hair may cause me to...

both: Whoa! Whoa!

[both mumbling]

- Crash.

- Looks like the Yacht Cabin has been hung out to dry.

[dramatic music]

♪ ♪

- Ugh! Ugh!

- On to the final leg of our competition, the donkey dance.

[donkey braying]

- Move it, yo bro.

[crowd cheering]

[together] Larry!

Larry!

Larry! Larry!

[together] Clay! Clay!

Clay!

- They're neck-and-neck as they come into the home stretch.

- [mumbling]

- [grunting]

- Ehh! [grunting]

- What a finish!

And Clay wins by an ink gland.

- You did it, Clay!

- And the trophy goes to the Creepy Trawlers.

[crowd cheering] - Let's go put that beautiful

winning trophy in our cabin.

- Uh, no.

I won't be returning to your creepy, weirdo cabin.

I just won the Best Camper Award.

And there's no "we" in "I."

- But there is a "we" in "weirdo."

- ♪ Go, Clay, number one ♪

♪ Go, Clay ♪

- The spell is only temporary.

Should we tell him?

- Ehh.

- He looks so happy.

- Let him enjoy the moment.

- My retainer!

Welcome home, my trusty compadre.

[cheers and applause]

- Whoo-hoo!

- Wahh!

- Yippee! - [hisses]

- Ha-ha-ha-ha!

- And so another Kamp Koral Summer Games comes to an end.

- [screaming]

- A really weird end.