01x08 - But the Memory Lingers On

[bunniefuu]

[PARTRIDGE FAMILY THEME PLAYING]

♪ Come on now
And meet everybody ♪

♪ And hear us singing ♪

♪ There's nothing better
Than being together ♪

♪ When we're singing ♪

♪ Five of us
And Mom working all day ♪

♪ We knew we could help her
If our music would pay ♪

♪ Danny got Reuben
To sell our song ♪

♪ And it really came together
When Mom sang along ♪

♪ Come on now
And meet everybody ♪

♪ And hear us singing ♪

♪ There's nothing better
Than being together ♪

♪ When we're singing ♪

♪ When we're singing ♪

♪ When we're singing ?♪

♪ Ba, ba-ba-ba ♪

♪ Ba-ba, ba-ba-ba ♪

♪ Ba, ba-ba-ba, ba ♪

♪ I'm sleeping ♪

♪ And right in the middle
Of a good dream ♪

SHIRLEY: It happened
on the way to an engagement

at the most exclusive hotel
we had ever played.

We were using the luxury

of an extra day
between bookings

to take advantage of nature.

Unfortunately,

it worked out
the other way around.

Nature took advantage of us.

♪ I think I love you ♪

♪ I think I love you ♪

♪ I think I love you ♪

♪ So what am I so afraid of ?♪

♪ I'm afraid
That I'm not sure of ♪

♪ A love there is no cure for ♪

♪ I think I love you ♪

♪ Isn't that
What life is made of ?♪

♪ Though it worries me to say ♪

♪ That I never felt this way ♪

[♪♪♪]

♪ Hey ♪

♪ I think I love you ♪

♪ So what am I so afraid of ?♪

♪ I'm afraid
That I'm not sure of ♪

♪ A love there is no cure for ♪

♪ I think I love you ♪

♪ Isn't that
What life is made of ?♪

♪ Though it worries me to say ♪

♪ I never felt this way ♪

♪ Believe me ♪

♪ You really
Don't have to worry ♪

♪ I only want
To make you happy ♪

♪ And if you say,
"Hey, go away," I will ♪

♪ But I think better still ♪

♪ I'd better stay around
And love you ♪

♪ Do you think I have a case ?♪

♪ Let me ask you to your face ♪

♪ Do you think you love me ?♪

♪ I think I love you ♪

♪ I think I love you ♪

♪ I think I love you ♪

♪ I think I love you ♪

♪ I think I love you ♪

♪ I think I love you ?♪

SHIRLEY:
♪ Oh, wasn't that fun?

KEITH: It must have been.
I feel guilty.

LAURIE: Simone,
will you stop squirming?

What's the matter
with you?

SHIRLEY:
Why do you feel guilty?

KEITH: For not rehearsing.

Maybe if we
went over that new song

a couple more times
this afternoon,

we can put it
in our opening tomorrow.

LAURIE: Oh, my gosh.

SHIRLEY: What's the matter,
Laurie?

Look, I don't want
anyone to panic? or anything,

but there's a skunk
sitting right behind me.

A what, dear?

A skunk, Mother.

[BRAKES SCREECH]

[ALL SHOUTING]

[SIMONE BARKING]

Is everybody
all right?

What's that
funny smell?

Don't look at me.

Skunk, honey.

Ooh, that smell is
absolutely gross.

It's very unpleasant,

but at least
he's gone now.

Yeah, but I have a feeling

he's gonna be with us in spirit
for a long time to come.

[♪♪♪]

Do you have
to do that?

I'm gonna end up
smelling like a girl.

Listen, you should
be so lucky.

Anyway, anything's
better than skunk.

I don't know.

At least skunk has
a masculine smell.

SHIRLEY: Okay, kids.

Welcome to Mae West's
boudoir.

Who?
Just get in.

I just used up a whole bottle
of my best perfume.

Doesn't it smell
any better?

No.

Just different.

What do you mean?

Now it smells like
perfumed skunk.

Well, we're just
going to have to live with it

until we get to the hotel,

and then we can
take a bath and change.

Thank goodness
we don't have to open

until tomorrow.

It'll give us a chance
to get our stuff fumigated.

Mom, isn't that place
we're playing

supposed to be
terribly elegant?

That's right.

Well, if we walk in
smelling like this,

we're gonna make
a terrible first impression.

Not only that,

but we're likely
to cause a stampede.

All right.

We'll stop at a motel
along the way

and rent one room
and all take a bath.

Get in.

You kids wait here.

If we all go in,
we're liable

to contaminate
the motel.

No offense, Mom,

but I think
you're capable

of doing that
all by yourself.

Maybe I should try

to shout through
the windows.

Why don't we use the phone?

Phone?

You know something,
Danny?

About once a year,

you do come up
with a good idea.

[RINGING]

Sunshine Motor Haven.

Yes, we do have a vacancy.

What time shall we expect you?

In about seconds.

seconds?

Who is this? Peter Pan?

Well...

Well, you see, I'm...

I'm phoning
from just outside the motel.

Would you hold on
for just a moment, please?

This is an emergency.

Give me the police.

[SIRENS WAILING]

POLICE SERGEANT:
Everybody freeze. Come on, now.

Up against the bus.

Put your hands
against the bus.

Everybody. Do it.

Come on,
do as I say.

Hey, you too, lady.
You too. Move it.

Up against the bus.

SHIRLEY: We haven't
done anything wrong.

Why were you wearing
holdup masks?

We ran into a skunk.

We can't stand
to smell ourselves.

Don't you see?

That's why
I was phoning

outside the motel.

We didn't want
to offend anyone.

Yeah.

Well, armed robbery offends me.

Now, turn around

and put your hands
against that bus.

Sweeney, frisk them.

What's the matter?

Uh, sarge,

I got a funny feeling

they're telling
the truth.

Oh, how'd you
get that?

Intuition?

No, it's, uh...

more than that.

All right, everyone.

Grab a suitcase.

We'll have to leave Simone
in the bus

till we can get her shampooed.

Poor Simone.

She'll be lonely.

Honey,
the way she smells,

she'll be lonely
wherever she goes.

After siccing the police on us,

the least that guy could've done
was let us take a bath.

He's very
house-proud.

Well, how are we gonna
get through the lobby

smelling like this?

We'll just have
to brazen it through.

Everyone stick
close together,

and don't get near
any of the other guests.

Let's go.

I don't think
that's gonna be

too much
of a problem.

We're the Partridge
family.

Do you have
our suite ready?

Yes.

Would you like
to register?

I don't think

we should come
any closer.

Oh?

You see, we've had this
rather unfortunate accident.

Accident?

We don't smell very good.

Could you just throw me the key,
please?

Yes.

I don't think that would be
within regulations, Madam.

Why don't you just
place it on the desk

and back away?

Sure.

A skunk stowed away in our bus.

I see.

There's a message for you,
Mrs. Partridge.

Thank you.

Oh, no.

What's it say?

"Arranged benefit performance
this evening at seven o'clock.

"Will arrive shortly
and explain.

Reuben."

Seven o'clock?

We'll never be
cleaned up and ready

by then.

We'll just have
to get out of it.

Could you tell us

where our room is,
please?

I don't think
we'll need a bellboy.

Well, I could call
for volunteers.

It won't be necessary.

th floor, suite .

Thank you.

Oh, and you don't
have to worry.

We'll all be taking baths
very shortly.

Sure.

Hold it, please.

This is very embarrassing.

Gee, is it that bad?

Whatever it is, it's that bad.

It's a mixture between skunk
and ladies' cologne.

Don't bottle it.
It'll never sell.

Look, would you mind

taking the elevator up
yourselves?

I'm terribly sorry about driving
all your passengers away.

That's okay, lady.

Just keep it moving.

Otherwise,

this elevator will be classified
as a pollution area.

No offense.

Sure.

Uh, I'll send you a free ticket

for tomorrow night's
performance.

Terrific.

Make it in the back
of the room.

Okay.

Nobody touch
anything.

Stand perfectly still.

Can't we even
sit down?

No.
You'll contaminate the chairs.

Laurie and Tracy,

use the bath
and the shower

in there.

Chris, Danny,
use the other bathroom.

Put your socks, shoes,
and clothes

in the hamper.

We'll bury them later.

Everyone else
stand perfectly still

until it's your turn to shower.

Can I sit
on the suitcase?

Okay.

Keep your feet off the floor.

You know, it's weird,

but I can still
smell that stuff.

Well, it's probably
your imagination.

Then I have
a pretty powerful imagination.

I think it got
inside our nostrils.

That's one part
I forgot to wash.

Oh, it's so good
to be clean again.

If you hold on a minute,
I'll get you some clothes.

[KNOCKING]

I'll get it.

Oh, hi, Mr. Kincaid.

Yeah.

Hey, what's going on in here?

I asked
the desk clerk downstairs

if I could come up.

He asked me
if I had a strong stomach.

Reuben, it's a long story.

What's this
about a benefit tonight?

Oh, I couldn't refuse, Shirley.

It's at a children's hospital.

The kids all play your records,

and when they phoned,

I just didn't
have the heart to...

turn them down.

Why aren't you ready?

I don't think we're
going to be able to make it.

We're due there
at seven o'clock.

I can't cancel now.

Yeah.

We can't disappoint
them now, Mom.

Well, if we hurry,
we can still make it.

I'd have
told you sooner,

but I didn't have a...

Excuse me, but did you know

there's a terrible smell
in here?

Smell?

Oh, there can't be anymore.

What kind of smell?

Well, I don't know.

The whole place smells
of freshly washed skunk.

[TRACY AND CHRIS LAUGHING]

Hold it down, kids.

We can't hold our noses and ears

at the same time.

We can't
go into a hospital

smelling of skunk.

At least it's clean skunk.

There's no such thing.

Anyway, it wouldn't be fair
for us to walk in like this.

After all, they're
a c*ptive audience.

Those kids'll be
heartbroken.

I don't understand it.

We've scrubbed
until our skins are raw.

What did you use?

What do you mean?

Soap and water.

Tomato juice.

Tomato juice?

Only thing that'll
get rid of it.

Uh, room service,
please.

Reuben,
are you sure?

I have it from a very
reliable source.

Who?

I forget,

but there's something

about the ingredients
of tomato juice--

Hello, room service?

This is suite, uh...

.

Would you please
send up,

oh, large cans
of tomato juice?

cans?

That's right.
cans.

I realize

you don't usually
send it up in cans,

but this is
an emergency.

Well, what do you care
what kind of emergency?

All right.
All right.

We have a whole
family up here

who are stinking.

No, they do not want
to make Bloody Marys.

Look, if you must know,

they want to take
a bath in it.

Very funny, fella.

Just send up the cans.

Because it cuts
the smell of skunk!

Okay. Okay.

Just send it up in glasses.

Well, how do I know
how many glasses?

Enough to fill a bathtub.

No, we do not need any ice.

Sir.

Uh, where do you want it?

Oh, in the bathtub.

There goes bucks.

What?

Room service bet me bucks

you were going to
take a bath in it.

Naturally,
we took the bet.

This is beginning to smell
like a set-up to me.

Really?

Is that what it
smells like to you?

No. Actually,
it smells like skunk.

All right.
This tomato juice

is going to get rid
of that smell.

Get it?
Got it.

Good.

Now, would you do
as I ask?

You know, I just
thought of something.

What?

What if they
end up smelling

like tomatoes
instead?

[LAUGHS]

Okay,

go sit with
the clean group.

How do you feel,
Danny?

As if somebody
should salt and pepper me.

Are you clean?

Well,
it's pretty hard

to raise a lather
with that stuff.

Chris, you're next.

I don't
want to wash

in his dirty
tomato juice.

Come on,
get in there.

How are we doing
on time?

The hospital's
only minutes away.

We should make it.

We won't be able
to perform in costume.

We'll have to wear
what's in these suitcases.

I don't think the kids
at the hospital will mind.

Tracy, you wear...
Oh, there it is again.

There's what again?

Can't you smell it?

I can smell it.
It's coming from the case.

Close it up, Mom.

All over our clothes.

Don't you have some more clothes
in the bus?

Well, if these
are contaminated,

they're
going to be too.

What are we
going to do?

Why don't we follow the trend?

LAURIE:
What are you talking about?

Perform topless.

That'll only solve
half our problem.

Well, I'm game
to go the whole way.

We already have

enough comedy
in the act.

Knock it off.
It's no time to be funny.

There must be

some clothing stores
here in the hotel.

They'll be closed.

There may be some stores in town
still open.

There isn't time
for that, Laurie.

Now, wait a minute.
Hold it, everybody.

Let's not panic.
Let me think.

I've got an extra
set of clothes here.

You can wear these.

Great, but what about
the other five of us?

We'll just have
to borrow some.

Who's gonna
lend us clothes

in the next
five minutes?

I'll think
of somebody,

but I'll need
some help.

Keith, are you still polluted?

Yeah, but I wish

you wouldn't put it
like that.

Then it'll just
have to be you, Danny.

Here.

Put these on.

What do you want me to do?

Charm the pants
off people.

Excuse me, miss.

Could I see you
in private?

What for?

I have a proposition
to make.

I don't date midgets.

I'll bet you're
a perfect size .

I beg your pardon?

Oh. Oh, look,

I know this may
sound unusual,

but could I
rent your dress

for one night?

I'm not sure
this is your color.

DANNY:
Look, I don't have time

to tell you
the whole story.

I'll give you bucks

to rent your outfit
for a couple of hours.

Okay, but answer me
one thing.

How come you're
wearing clothes

sizes
too big for you?

Would you believe
when I started the day

I was six feet tall?

You gonna mail it
to me, kid, or what?

Should I come back?

Taxi.

Okay, now,
you all go over there by cab,

and I'll drive the bus over
with the equipment.

Why can't we all
go by bus?

Because you're sterile,
and you get in the bus,

you'll be
contaminated again.

Come on.

Well, won't you
get to smell bad?

Sometimes managers
have to make sacrifices.

St. Mark's Hospital, please.

See you later.

Are you the
Partridge Family?

Yes.

I got something
for you.

Oh, no!

What's the matter?
Isn't he your dog?

I saw him in your bus,
and he looked lonely.

Well, didn't you
notice

anything unusual
about him?

Unusual?

He's been
in direct contact

with a skunk.

Oh, well,
I wouldn't know about that,

cause you see,
I got this terrible cold.

Now what, Mom?

We have to get
to the hospital.

How?

I guess we'll have
to bribe the driver.

How are we gonna
get into a hospital

smelling like this?

I'll think
of something.

["BRAND-NEW ME" PLAYING]

♪ Come on down ♪

♪ Off of your cloud ♪

♪ Why just be ♪

♪ A face in the crowd? ♪

♪ You can remember ♪

♪ That once upon
A love-affair.

♪ Your heart was warm
Your lips were tender ♪

♪ And I didn't care, baby ♪

♪ You're gonna see ♪

♪ You're gonna see ♪

♪ A brand-new me in me ♪

♪ A brand-new me ♪

♪ It's you that's on my mind
This time ♪

♪ I really love you ♪

♪ I'll be around ♪

♪ I'll never let you down ♪

♪ Won't be the same ♪

♪ Can't you see my ♪

♪ Feet are on the ground? ♪

♪ Ooh ♪

♪ I've had my fill ♪

♪ Of foolin' around ♪

♪ Ain't no life ♪

♪ Just being a clown ♪

♪ I heard the weather report ♪

♪ And it said, "Sunny today" ♪

♪ How did it know
That you would show up ♪

♪ To love me today, baby? ♪

♪ You're gonna see ♪

♪ You're gonna see ♪

♪ A brand-new me in me ♪

♪ It's you that's on my mind
This time ♪

♪ I'll be a new man ♪

♪ I'll be around ♪

♪ I'll never
Let you down ♪

♪ Won't be the same ♪

♪ Can't you see my ♪

♪ Feet are on the ground? ♪

♪ Ah, ah ♪

♪ Ah, ah ♪

♪ Ah, ah ♪

♪ Ah, ah ♪

♪ Ah ♪

♪ Ah ♪

♪ Ah ♪

♪ Ah ♪

♪ You're gonna see ♪

♪ Oh, you're gonna see ♪

♪ A brand-new me ♪

♪ It's you that's on my mind
This time ♪

♪ I'll be around ♪

♪ I'll never
let you down ♪

♪ Can't you see my ♪

♪ Feet are on the ground? ♪

♪ You're gonna see ♪

♪ A brand-new me in me ♪

♪ It's you that's on my mind ?♪

[APPLAUSE]

[♪♪♪]

You know,

I think the show
turned out okay.

SHIRLEY:
The kids seemed very pleased.

Oh, let's catch the elevator.
ALL: Hold it!

Wait a minute.

Oh, it's all right.

There's nothing
wrong with us now.

Whatever you say.

We may look a little funny,
but we're all right otherwise.

We got decontaminated
at the hospital.

Oh.

I'm glad
you changed your lifestyle.

I like you much better that way.

A little freaky looking,

but you're definitely
on the right path.

Shirley?

Shirley?
Reuben!

Hi, Mr. Kincaid.

Thank you.

WOMAN:
Hold it.

What did I do?

You were in our bus.

Yeah, but...

You mean, I...

To high heaven.

Would you mind

taking it up
yourself, sir?

Shirley?

Don't worry. We'll
have the bellboy

bring up

an embarrassing amount
of tomato juice.

So, that's
the thanks I get.

Abandoned.

[♪♪♪]