01x11 - This Is My Song

[bunniefuu]

[PARTRIDGE FAMILY THEME PLAYING]

♪ Come on now and
Meet everybody ♪

♪ And hear us singing ♪

♪ There's nothing better
Than being together ♪

♪ When we're singing ♪

♪ The five of us ♪

♪ And Mom working all day ♪

♪ We knew we could help her
If our music would pay ♪

♪ Danny got Reuben
To sell our song ♪

♪ And it really came together
When Mom sang along ♪

♪ Come on now
And meet everybody ♪

♪ And hear us singing ♪

♪ There's nothing better
Than being together ♪

♪ When we're singing ♪

♪ When we're singing ♪

♪ When we're singing ?♪

["THEME FROM MOULIN ROUGE"
PLAYING ON TELEVISION]

[SNORING]

Shh! Shh!

Oh, I thought
it was the commercial.

Boy, Toulouse Lautrec
was a real artist.

He knew what it was to suffer.

You three-footers
really empathize

with each other,
don't you?

I felt sorry for him.

Ah, don't feel
sorry for him

because he was short.
Why not?

I heard it
from a reliable source.

Lautrec was a leg man.

Reuben.

You're all heart,
Mr. Kincaid.

If you'd been
Toulouse Lautrec's manager,

he'd now be known as

the world's greatest
short-order cook.

Hi, honey.

Hi.

REUBEN: Did you come up
with a song yet?

SHIRLEY: Reuben,
he just walked in the door!

I don't know.

You people have
a live record date in days,

you still don't have a song,
and what do I get?

[MOCKING] "Reuben,
he just came in the door."

There's no law that says
he has to write a song

every two weeks.

Oh, yes, there is--
Kincaid's law.

Quote, a dry client
equals a broke manager.

Look, Reuben, I'm not dry, I--

I guess I'm dry.

Keith, you realize
we're gonna record

this nonexistent song

at a concert in front
of a live audience.

I know. I know.

You gotta have everything
down perfectly.

We've only got
one shot at it.

Now, look,

I know there's
practically no time left,

and I realize
you're up against it,

so if there's anything at all
I can do to help,

to loosen you up.

Reuben,
if you loosen him up any more,

we'll have
to pry him off the walls.

No, Reuben's right.

I have an obligation,
and I'm letting everyone down.

I can't help it.

Maybe I've just
written myself out.

I don't know.

Honey, don't be silly.

All creative artists
have dry spells.

It happens to everybody.
It'll pass.

Yes, but it's been months.

Listen, Keith.

If you're really dry,
maybe I can help you out.

How?
How do you think?

By knocking out
a couple of songs.

Yeah. I can see it now.

The Partridge Family sings
"The Oldies but Goodies."

They laughed at Lautrec too.

What does that got to do
with anything?

Oh, he was watching a movie
about a genius,

so he's decided
he's a genius.

Oh, I'm glad
he wasn't watching

Myra Breckenridge.

Hey, easy.

He was just offering
to help.

I get the distinct feeling

that everyone
doubts my ability.

No, I'll even help you
get started.

I'll buy you a book:
Song Writing By The Numbers.

Okay, that does it.

The bet is on.

What bet?

That I can write a great song.

I'll be up in my room, Mom,

and I'm not coming out
until I've done it.

Did you see
how determined he was?

We may never see him again.

Ah, he'll get over it.

On the other hand,
with a little luck,

I may not see him again until
he's, oh, , years old.

[♪♪♪]

[KNOCKING ON DOOR]

Reuben! What brings you here
at this time of night?

Well, it's not
Bonnie Kleinschmitt.

Who?

Bonnie Kleinschmitt.

The girl who's sitting
in the living room

of my apartment.

The girl who thinks
I am now in my bedroom,

slipping into something
more comfortable.

Hey, you came over here

to borrow something
more comfortable to slip into?

No, I'm here because Danny
made an emergency phone call.

Oh, if this is
a wild goose chase...

Hi, Mr. Kincaid.

Danny, this had
better be important.

You'd better tell me
the only reason I'm here

is because
Nixon was busy.

It's big, all right.

Laurie, take a song.

What?

Write down the notes.

The first Danny Partridge
million-record hit.

I'll hum, you write.

[HUMS]

Stop. I don't know
how to write that.

The high note or the low note,
take your pick.

They're both dynamite.

[HUMMING
"THEME FROM MOULIN ROUGE"]

Danny...

Don't interrupt now.

This song will be on the lips
of millions in no time.

[HUMMING
"THEME FROM MOULIN ROUGE"]

See, I told you it'd be big,

but I didn't think
it would get around that fast.

Danny, you heard it
on TV last night.

The "Theme from Moulin Rouge."

I don't remember how that goes.

You just hummed it.

♪ Wherever I go
I worry and wonder ♪

♪ Your lips are so near ♪

♪ Darling, where is your heart ♪

Well...

"Moulin Rouge" is a pretty song.

I guess that's called
mother love.

What did you
expect her to do,

gloat with you?

I'm not gloating.

I just don't think
Danny's ready

to be a songwriter,
that's all.

And I don't think
it's fair for us

to lead him on.

You're not worried about
the competition, are you?

[KNOCK AT DOOR]
Come in.

Oh, I thought you were alone.

Come in, honey.

Well, I've got a new song.

Let's hear it.

[WHISTLING
BARRY & BLACK'S "BORN FREE"]

Danny...

That's "Born Free".

What?

From the picture
of the same name.

It's like a cavalcade
of great movie themes.

What's next,
"Oklahoma"?

That's enough, Keith.

Look, I didn't
make fun of you and Laurie

when you got hooked on things.

Are you comparing me
to those faddists?

I only meant...

I know what you meant.

It's obvious.

You don't
take me seriously either.

I do take you seriously.

I just don't want you
to wear yourself out.

Somebody's got
to come up with a song

if we're gonna stay on top.

Show business is a jungle.

Danny, you can't expect

to come up with a song
overnight.

It takes a lot of hard work
and persistence,

and, uh, rest, get me?

I get you,
but I'm not gonna go to sleep.

Good night, sweetheart.

Good night.

Just remember,

Rodgers and Hammerstein
didn't make it overnight.

Who?

A couple of songwriters
from the Dark Ages.

You know, when I was a girl.

Good night, honey.

Good night.

I thought
you were asleep.

Well, I just got an idea
for a song.

Well, don't stay up
too late, darling.

Are you kidding?

Maybe I'm finally
loosening up.

[SIGHS]
Welcome to Tin Pan Alley.

We never close.

[KEITH PLAYING GUITAR]

[HUMMING SONG
KEITH PLAYED ON THE GUITAR]

Well?

Lautrec,

I apologize to all
the three-footers of the world.

I don't know
what to say, Danny. It's--

It's out of sight,
that's what it is.

Yeah.

Who said talent
didn't run in this family?

Hi, Mom.
Breakfast ready yet?

I was wondering
where you were.

When did you
take up jogging again?

Ah, at :
this morning.

And I'm really starved.

Well, you just may
lose your appetite again.

Danny has written
a sensational song.

Really?
You're kidding.

Tell him, Mom.

Wait till you hear it.
It's amazing.

Hey, that's great, Danny,
because I wrote one too.

I had a real breakthrough
last night.

Yesterday we didn't
have a single.

Today we're sh**ting
for an album.

Hey, well, come on.

Let's go out
in the garage.

I want to hear
what Danny's done.

Good idea.
That's a good idea.

I'd like to hear something
that isn't hummed.

[SHIRLEY LAUGHS]

Why don't you get out
of your jogging clothes first?

My stuff is
pretty sophisticated.

Shall I wear
a black tie and tails?

No, but taking a bath
wouldn't hurt.

[HUMMING]

That's funny.
That really is.

I don't know
how you pulled it out,

but that's, that's funny.

You think it's funny?

Yeah, I think it's funny.

I thought you were serious.

You don't like it?

Well,
of course I like it.

I mean, I liked it
when I wrote it.

How did you get
a hold of my song?

Oh, no!

Very funny. His song.

What's that supposed to mean?

I brought you in here
to hear my song,

and you heard my song.

Oh, no, no. Wait a minute.
That was my song.

What is this?

I...

Reuben?

Well, I... Danny...

Shirley?

You don't stop
at anything, do you?

The minute
they start to slide,

boy, they get desperate.

I stayed up half the night
writing that song.

Oh, you must have
been listening, that's all.

I was asleep.

I've got witnesses.

Chris was in the room,
and he was asleep too.

I knew
this was too good to be true.

All right, all right.

There must be some logical
explanation for this.

Well, there is.
It's mine.

I want a lawyer.

Mom, will you tell him
to quit kidding around?

He is kidding
around, isn't he?

Isn't it a coincidence?

I mean, your dry spell ends

the same night Danny writes
his first brilliant song.

Well, I'm glad
you like it,

because it's mine!

Oh, come on, Laurie,
use your ears.

I mean, it's me.
I'm all over it.

So he's been
influenced by you.

Who wouldn't be?

It's like living
next to the railroad tracks.

Laurie and Keith,

let's put a stop
to this right now.

Well, I'm for that,
because that's mine.

Laurie,
will you witness my signature?

Wait a minute.
What are you doing?

I'm copyrighting the tune.

You can't do that.

Oh, can't I?

I just got a title for it.

I'm calling it,
"This Is My Song".

[HUMMING]

You hear that, Danny?

She's humming my song.

My song.
His song.

Whose song?
Their song.

Gesundheit.

Or would you like
to copyright that too?

[HUMMING]

Chris, I told you I don't have
time for games anymore.

I've got to write another song
to prove I'm consistent.

Danny, you know something?

Since you got to be a genius,
you're no fun.

Oh, yeah?

I'll show you fun.

I'm gonna make
a milkshake out of you.

Danny!

[GIGGLING]

Simmer down, kids.

It's time for bed.

Mom.

Even for geniuses.

That leaves Danny out.

You asked for it.

Now, you asked for it!

[PLAYING GUITAR]

Come in.

I sewed the buttons
on your shirt.

Oh, thank you.

Writing a new song?

Trying.

Danny and I may be
in courts for years,

and we still do have
that record date

next week, so...

Well, we could
always record that song.

It's awfully good.

Which song?

The one we heard this morning.

You see? You don't even know
what to call it.

Danny's song. My song.

Oh, come on,
you know I wrote that song.

If I say that,

then what am I saying
about Danny?

Okay.

I know that you wrote that song.

But I also know that Danny
wouldn't deliberately just...

CHRIS:
I surrender!

Danny!

Hey, knock it off!

[DANNY AND CHRIS GIGGLING]

Do you always hear
what goes on

in Chris
and Danny's room?

Unfortunately, yes.

That clearly?

Tonight's a quiet night.

I never noticed
that before.

[SHRILL SINGING]

Did you hear that?
It sounds like coyotes.

So that's how he did it.

If Danny appropriated
your song,

this is how he did it.

I just can't believe

Danny would do something
like that on purpose.

Neither can I.

If you boys aren't
asleep in five minutes,

you're gonna have to chop

all the firewood
this winter.

Keith, you have
five minutes

to write the world's
worst song.

But it's got to be
the world's worst song.

Okay, but you can't
expect perfection

in five minutes.

He's asleep.

Okay.

[PLAYS DISCORDANT SONG]

Do you think
this is really fair?

About Danny, I mean.

Laurie,
I understand your concern,

but it's very fair.

If Danny didn't write that song,
he has to know the truth,

and so do we.

I guess
that's true.

But then what if
it doesn't work?

Well, it's
very simple.

I'll just never write
another song

in this house again.

Hi, Mom. Hi, g*ng.

Good morning, Danny.
Do you want some oatmeal?

No, thanks.
All I want is a glass of milk.

Is something wrong?

No, I'm fine.

You, uh,
reach a dry spell already?

Well, as a matter of fact,
I did write another song.

Oh, really?

Are we gonna
get to hear it?

No, I don't think so.

Oh.

Come on, I won't steal it.

No, it's not that.

What's the trouble, Danny?

I might as well tell you.

I think I'm losing my talent.

When I woke up this morning,

another song did come to me,
but it's so awful!

I didn't think I was capable
of writing such garbage.

Excuse me, Mom.

Danny boy...
by any chance,

did your song
happen to go like this...

[PLAYS DISCORDANT SONG]

I don't believe it.
That's the song.

You must be desperate.

Not only do you steal
my good songs,

you stole
that piece of garbage too.

Boy, are you dumb.

Can I have some oatmeal?

Hey, you'd better
get a move on.

I was just thinking.

This could be my song
we're recording,

except it isn't my song.

Oh, Danny.

You're only years old.

If you want to write songs,
you'll write them some day.

I know you're right, Mom,
but it doesn't help much now.

KEITH: Hey, come on,
let's go. Let's go.

Well, if it will help any,

Keith said that
you made the song much better

than he originally had it.

You don't have to
treat me like a kid, Mom,

even if I am one.

I'm serious.

He said his version
isn't nearly as good

as the one you gave Laurie.

You mean,
I stole Keith's version,

and memorized it wrong,
and improved it?

So I've heard.

Nice try, Mom.

Now tell me the one
about Old King Cole.

You...

Thank you. Thank you.

This next song
has kind of a weird history.

Um, I wrote it,

and my brother, Danny,
took it off in a corner

and he went over it.

He, uh, he really made it
a much better song.

So, what you're
seeing here tonight

is the first
collaborative effort

between Danny Partridge
and myself.

It wasn't the easiest
collaboration in the world,

but here it is.

[APPLAUSE]

[PLAYING "TO BE LOVERS"]

♪ Like a summer wind
In the fall ♪

♪ Like a color book
Without a paper doll ♪

♪ This is what it's like
To be lovers ♪

♪ To be lovers ♪

♪ When you're not in love ♪

♪ Like a drift of snow
Falling in June ♪

♪ Like a November night
Without an autumn moon ♪

This is what it's like
To be lovers ♪

♪ To be lovers
When you're not in love ♪

♪ A sad old tree
Thats branches will not grow ♪

♪ A beautiful valley
Filled with sand ♪

♪ It's like a mockingbird
With no song ♪

♪ Ooh ♪

♪ Try to imagine the sun ♪

♪ Sleeping through dawn ♪

♪ This is what it's like
To be lovers ♪

♪ To be lovers
When you're not in love ♪

♪ Ooh... ♪

♪ Ooh... ♪

♪ This is what it's like
To be lovers ♪

♪ To be lovers
when you're not in love ?♪

[CROWD WHISTLING]

[KEITH AND DANNY SHOUTING]

KEITH: That is the worst idea
I have ever heard!

I don't want any part
of it, Danny... none.

It's a great idea.

You don't realize
the potential.

Mom, we have to do
something about Danny.

Let's send him to camp.
What's the problem?

The problem started
when Danny learned to talk.

I've got a great idea
for a song

that could start a dance craze
that'd sweep the nation.

He wants to bring back
the Bunny Hop.

It's a great idea.

We could
use it to close the act.

We could all...

hop off stage, see.

That really does it.
I want a new wall.

Would you like it
for your birthday,

or can it wait till Christmas?

What do you want
a new wall for?

So I don't
have to listen

to any more
of your great ideas.

But I'm the best thing
that's ever happened to you.

I'd rather have acne.

We could be
a big song writing team.

I want a new wall.

We could be bigger
than Lennon-McCartney.

I want that
wall fixed.

Rodgers and Hammerstein.

Sacco and Vanzetti.

I want that wall fixed!

Forget the wall.
I'll move in with you.

We'll get
a lot of work done.

[♪♪♪]