01x22 - Road Song

[bunniefuu]

[♪♪♪]

♪ Come on now
And meet everybody ♪

♪ And hear us singing ♪

♪ There's nothing better
Than being together ♪

♪ When we're singing ♪

♪ The five of us ♪

♪ And Mom working all day ♪

♪ We knew we could help her
If our music would pay ♪

♪ Danny got Reuben
To sell our song ♪

♪ And it really came together
When Mom sang along ♪

♪ Come on now
And meet everybody ♪

♪ And hear us singing ♪

♪ There's nothing better
Than being together ♪

♪ When we're singing ♪

♪ When we're singing ♪

♪ When we're singing ?♪

Ah. .

You're amazing,
Reuben.

You really are.

New Mexico
is a big state.

It's uncanny the way
you manage to find

the worst restaurant.

There's nothing wrong
with this place.

Oh, yeah?

Even my peanut butter
and jelly sandwich is greasy.

I can't eat
my potatoes.

The gravy hardened.

I try to cut down
on expenses,

and this is
the thanks I get.

Everybody
turns on me.

We appreciate
what you're trying to do.

[FLY SWATTER SNAPS]

Ah, I got two with that one.

That's and .

Hey, uh, close the door.

You're gonna let the flies out.

Excuse me.

Are you
the Partridges?

Yes, we are.

I saw your bus outside,

and I thought

maybe you could give me a lift
to Albuquerque.

Well, we're
going that way,

aren't we?

Uh, what are you
doing alone

in the middle of...
out here?

I'm hitchhiking.

I'm going to see my father.

She'll never get
a ride at night, Mom.

Well, I certainly
can't leave you stranded.

You're welcome
to come with us.

Oh, thank you.

I really appreciate it.

Would you like
something to eat?

I could order--

Oh, no, I couldn't eat
another thing.

See, I was with this tribe
of renegade Indians

up in the hills
for a few days,

and they threw a big
going-away feast for me.

You know,
wild boar, deer.

Whew. I'm stuffed.

How come she eats
in all the good places?

She doesn't have a manager.

All right,
let's get going.

Thank you. Bye.

Hi.

Hi, Hazel.

What can I do
for you? Coffee?

No, thanks.

We're looking
for this girl.

Have you seen her?

Yeah, I've seen her.

What about it?

Well, she's wanted.

No kidding.

Mm-hmm.

.

[♪♪♪]

GIRL: And then I got a job
with the Maharajah...

Don't tell me
you were in his harem.

No.

I ironed his turbans.

You're not allowed
to have a harem

in Cincinnati.

This may come as a surprise,

but I know some guys
in Cincinnati

who are doing their best.

What's a harem?

It's when a...

Do you still collect
baseball cards?

Sure.

Well, then you really
wouldn't be interested

in a harem.

You mean, if I had a harem,
I couldn't play baseball?

Not the night games.

Where's your home, Maggie?

Oh, the U.S., Canada, Mexico,

and parts of Central
and South America.

You must live
in a very large house.

No, just a lot
of little houses.

We never live
in one place

for very long.

My father's
an archaeologist.

He specializes
in American Indians.

Where's your father now?

Oh, he's in Albuquerque
working on a new dig.

I'm going to see him.

Then you don't live
with your father.

Of course I live with him.

I've just been traveling,
that's all.

Did I ever tell you
about the time

that I was in
the jungles of Peru

picking
wild nasturtiums?

Suddenly, there I was,

facing the biggest
man-eating jaguar

you've ever seen,

but I wasn't afraid.

You weren't?

Uh-uh.

Because it was
a man-eating jaguar.

Now, if it had been
a woman-eating jaguar...

Oh...

[LOW VOICE] She should have
Lloyd's of London

insure her imagination.

REUBEN: Oh, I'm glad
we found a place.

I'm really b*at.

Well, I guess
I'd better be going.

Going? Why?

I mean, we're going
on to Albuquerque tomorrow.

You're welcome
to stay with us.

Besides, where
will you go tonight?

Well, not far from here

is a band of wandering
Basque sheepherders.

They're friends.

So I said I'd
drop in on them

if I was
in the neighborhood.

Maggie, I know you like
to tell those stories,

and they're
very entertaining,

but you can't expect us
to believe them.

What's so strange about

a bunch of old
Basque sheepherder friends?

Nothing.
Nothing at all.

While you're at it,
why don't you drop in

on Dorothy, Toto,
and the Wizard of Oz?

[LAUGHS]

I can't let you
go wandering

around the mountains
at night.

Oh, Mrs. Partridge,
I've lived in mountains,

deserts, jungles
all of my life.

I can certainly
take care of myself.

Thank you very much
for your concern,

and thanks for the ride.

Well, have
a nice night.

Mom.

Keith, I don't
like it either,

but I can't make
her stay here

against her will.

[KNOCK ON DOOR]

We're decent.

Shirley.

I'm here to register
a complaint.

What is it?

Danny tried to tie a gag
around my nose.

He snores, Mom. It's terrible.

Well, a guy could smother--

[KNOCK ON DOOR]

Who could that be?

Uh, excuse me.

Is there a
Mrs. Partridge here?

Yes, I'm Mrs. Partridge.

Oh, Mrs. Partridge,

the waitress at the cafe
identified your bus.

She said this young girl
may be traveling with you.

Why, it's Maggie.

Oh, then you
have seen her.

We demand to see a lawyer.

Reuben.

I know our rights,
Shirley.

We haven't done anything,
so let's not admit it.

We gave her a ride,

but she left us
a couple of hours ago

when we arrived here.

What do you want her for?

Oh, it's just routine.

Do you know where
she was going?

I don't suppose you've seen
a wandering band

of Basque sheepherders
in the neighborhood, have you?

Boy, are we lucky.

We could have been robbed
in our sleep.

Danny, don't you think

you're exaggerating
just a little?

She's only a teenager.

Ma Barker
was a teenager once.

Hey, Danny,
maybe she's a g*n moll.

If she is,
you know what she had

in that guitar case?

A machine g*n?

Good morning.

Don't sh**t!

With a guitar case?

You kids load the bus.
Maggie?

We'll be ready
to make a break for it.

Maggie...

the police came by
looking for you

last night.

What did they want?

They said it was just routine.

And we all know what that means.

The police found me last night.

They weren't after me.

They were
just looking for me.

What's the difference?

Well, I've been on the road
a while,

and my family wanted
to get ahold of me.

They want me home right away
because my father's sick.

Look, Maggie,

I'm very willing to take you
to Albuquerque.

All I ask is that you tell me
the truth.

I am telling the truth.

Don't you believe me?

Okay, let's go.

Then you believe me.

Sure we believe you.

Just point that machine g*n
in a different direction.

Look, we'll be in Albuquerque
in two hours.

I think you kids should
get a room and clean up

so we'll be fresh
when we get there.

But why are we stopping here?

I have some business
to take care of.

Business in Kumquist,
New Mexico?

Well, it so happens
that I got this fan letter

from this old prospector,

and he said if I ever
happened to be in Kumquist,

I must be sure and drop by
and autograph his burro.

I'll only be a minute.
Get going.

Maggie, I think you should
stay here too.

It won't take me long.

Sure, Mrs. Partridge.
Thank you.

[LOW VOICE] Mom,
what are you gonna do?

I'm gonna find out

why the police
are looking for Maggie.

I can't believe she did
anything illegal.

Look, kids,

I've asked her
to be honest with me,

and she refused.

There's nothing else
I can do.

REUBEN:
Hey, don't worry.

We'll do everything
we can to help her...

as long as
we don't get involved.

Maggie Newton. She's a runaway.

Is that all?

She's a
strange case.

Runs away every other week,

always gets caught
near Albuquerque.

That seems to be
her modus operandi.

She told us her father
lived there.

He does.

But her grandparents
are the legal guardians,

and they live in Nebraska.

Well, how come
she doesn't live

with her father?

All we know is
the mother is deceased.

What are you going
to do with her?

We'll have
to lock her up

till the grandparents
fly out here to get her.

Oh, no.

Look, would you mind
if we phoned her grandparents?

I'm sure
they're worried,

and maybe we can
work something out.

Shirley, you're
getting involved.

What did you find out?

Everything's all right.
Maggie's a runaway.

Yeah, we know.

We're going to take her
on to Albuquerque

to meet
her grandfather.

Where is
Maggie?

Well, she's taking
a quick shower.

A quick shower?

She's been in there
nearly a month.

[SHOWER WATER RUNNING]

Maggie?

Maggie, are you all right?

She's gone. She climbed
out the window.

I hope you're happy.

She's gone,
and we're doomed.

What's he talking about?

The sheriff made us responsible

for her safe delivery
to Albuquerque.

What are we gonna do?

Well, let's
just keep our heads

and think this thing out.

Can we make it
to the Mexican border by : ?

Ah, you know,

we'll laugh about this
in-- in five or years,

or whenever we get
out of prison.

If I were her,
I'd hide out until dark.

Look, it's a small town.
Maybe we can find her.

Then let's start looking.

Keith, Reuben,
we'll split up

and search the town.

Laurie, you stay here
with the kids.

I wanna go along.

Me too.
Me too

No, you kids
stay here,

or we'll end up
looking for you.

Besides, it's been
a long, hard trip,

and it's a good chance
for you to relax.

I think I'll take
a quick, relaxing shower.

[SHOWER WATER RUNNING]

Excuse me, sir.

Now, what can I do
for you, stranger?

I'm looking for a girl.

How old are you?

Ten.

Hey, Gloria,

there's a fellow out here
lookin' for a gal.

["POINT ME IN THE DIRECTION
OF ALBUQUERQUE" PLAYS]

♪ Window walkin' downtown
Feelin' mighty good ♪

♪ And I noticed from the corner
How all alone she stood ♪

♪ Underneath the lamplight
An angel in disguise ♪

♪ Lonely little runaway
With teardrops in her eyes ♪

♪ Crazy little ragdoll
Her hair was wild and tossed ♪

♪ And I put my arm around her ♪

♪ 'Cause I knew
That she was lost ♪

♪ She didn't seem to notice
That anyone was near ♪

♪ Till suddenly
She turned to me ♪

♪ And whispered in my ear ♪

♪ Point me in the direction ♪

♪ Of Albuquerque ♪

♪ I want to go home ♪

♪ And help me get home ♪

♪ Point me in the direction ♪

♪ Of Albuquerque ♪

♪ I need to get home ♪

♪ Need to get home ♪♪

[SHOWER WATER RUNNING]

Did you find her?

No, but you'd be surprised
what we did find.

This town is a Peyton Place
with a hitching post.

There's only one thing
left to do.

We'll go on to Albuquerque

and hope we find Maggie
with her father.

Yeah, but we have no idea
how to find her father.

We'll solve that problem
when we come to it,

if we're lucky.

Mexico is looking better
all the time.

Where's Danny?

He's taking a shower.

He's been in there
an awfully long time.

Danny, are you all right?

Sure, Mom, I'm fine.

Danny Partridge,
where have you been?

Oh, just taking a quick shower.

["POINT ME IN THE DIRECTION
OF ALBUQUERQUE" PLAYS]

♪ Walked her to the station ♪

♪ And kissed away the tears ♪

♪ Knowing I'd remember ♪

♪ Through all the coming years ♪

♪ Ragdoll on that Greyhound ♪

♪ Who waved with all her might ♪

♪ Wept against the window ♪

♪ As the bus rolled
Out of sight ♪

♪ Point me in the direction ♪

♪ Of Albuquerque ♪

♪ I want to go home ♪

♪ And help me get home ♪

♪ Point me in the direction ♪

♪ Of Albuquerque ♪

♪ I need to get home ♪

♪ Need to get home ♪

♪ Point me in the direction ♪

♪ Of Albuquerque... ♪♪

[ENGINE RUNNING, GEARS GRINDING]

Don't come any closer.
I have a b*mb in here.

Maggie...

we're going to take you
to see your father.

You are?

Excuse me, but you dropped
your b*mb.

[VEHICLE APPROACHES]

Daddy!

Maggie! Maggie,
how did you--

What are you doing here?

Oh, it's
a long story,

but first, I
want you to meet

some groovy people,

The Partridge Family.

How do you do?

Hello.

And Reuben Kincaid.

Oh, him too.

Mr. Kincaid.

Well, I... I'm glad
to know you.

Well, please,
come in the house.

Thank you.

Mrs. Partridge,

I can't thank you enough
for bringing Maggie back

to me and my wife.

She's all we have.

Don't mention it.

Well, here we are.

Strangest looking
airport limousine

I've ever seen.

Uh, where is Maggie?

I expected her
to meet me.

Uh, she's safe...

She's with her father.

She's with that-- that weasel
in a chicken coop?

He's a very nice man.

He's still Maggie's father,

and they have a right
to see each other.

Oh, let 'em swap pictures
at Christmas...

and I only go that far
because I'm a liberal.

Uh, Maggie...

Your grandma and I
were pretty worried about you.

I'm sorry, Grandpa.

Tacky place.

Looks like a
Boy Scout jamboree.

All this
Indian stuff,

I feel like
forming a circle.

I don't see any sense
in staying any longer.

Maggie, let's go.

Mr. Otterby, don't leave.

I'm not gonna
let you take her.

Grandpa, I don't want
to hurt you or Grandma,

but I'm not going back
to Nebraska.

So you've turned her
against us, hmm?

Just like a weasel
in a chicken coop.

Why don't you
go suck eggs,

you sneaky devil!

Please, let's calm down.

So now I'm sneaky.

Well, Maggie and I

are walking out
of here for good,

and we're leaving
by the front door.

Well, you won't get far.
Where's the phone?

I'm calling
the police.

Go on,
call the police!

You don't seem
to understand that--

Stop it!

Everyone, stop.

There's no sense in calling
the police or running away.

Nothing can ever be settled
that way.

Well, I'm not gonna stand by
and let him take my daughter.

Mr. Otterby...
she's not your daughter.

Oh, I...

I meant my granddaughter.

Mrs. Partridge,

she is all
we have now.

Maggie is
all I have too.

But a child needs
a stable home life.

You pick up and move
all the time,

and Maggie has
to change schools

every time
you do.

What kind of
a life is that?

That's true,

but what kind of a life is it

if she runs away from home
every two weeks?

Grandpa...

I love you
and Grandma very much...

but he's my father.

Why do you want me
to choose a side?

Maggie.

Maggie, you're coming home
with me.

I-- I can't lose her.

I think you could...

but you don't have to.

[SIGHS]

Dad, I think
it's gonna be all right.

So do I, Maggie. So do I.

I think everything
worked out nicely.

Maggie's gonna be
with her grandparents

while she's at school,

and then summer vacations
and Christmas holidays,

she'll be with her father.

She seemed very happy
about that.

Seems to me she's got
a new problem.

What?

If she wants to run away
from home,

now she's gotta do it twice.

Don't make waves.

You know who I feel sorry for?
Maggie's dad.

Oh, why?

Well, he's a nice man.

He should get married again.

Why is it women
are always trying

to get men married off?

It won't be that easy for him.

He never stays in one place
long enough to get involved.

Oh, I wouldn't worry about him.

Why not?

Well, because
he's an archaeologist.

He can always dig up a girl.

Dig up a girl...

[SIGHS]

It was only a joke.

[♪♪♪]