01x23 - Not with My Sister, You Don't!

[bunniefuu]

[PARTRIDGE FAMILY THEME PLAYING]

♪ Come on now
And meet everybody ♪

♪ And hear us singing ♪

♪ There's nothing better
Than being together ♪

♪ When we're singing ♪

♪ The five of us ♪

♪ And Mom working all day ♪

♪ We knew we could help her
If our music would pay ♪

♪ Danny got Reuben
To sell our song ♪

♪ And it really came together
When Mom sang along ♪

♪ Come on now
And meet everybody ♪

♪ And hear us singing ♪

♪ There's nothing better
Than being together ♪

♪ When we're singing ♪

♪ When we're singing ♪

♪ When we're singing ♪♪

Well, come on, Keith.

You took Linda
out Friday night.

Okay, now, what happened?

Nothing happened.
It was our first date.

What, nothing happened?
I know you better than that.

Look, we went to a movie,
that's all.

Of course,
we took a little drive

out to Muldoon's Point
afterwards.

You went to
Muldoon's Point

on a first date?

Well, hey, guys,
did you hear that?

Big deal.

Big deal?

I suppose
you could do better.

Lester Braddock could.

Lester who?

Lester Braddock, the guy
that just transferred here

from Oakland High.

Girls line up for blocks
just to say his name.

Well, I haven't met him yet.

I don't know
what he's got going,

but it's nothing like
what I got going with Linda.

Lester took out Linda
the first day he came here.

No movie. Wham!
Straight to Muldoon's Point.

He did?

Oh, well,
I could have done that too.

I just wanted to see the movie,
that's all.

So did Lester.

Linda insisted they go
straight to Muldoon's Point.

I don't believe it.
He can't be that great.

I'm telling you,
he's been here only two weeks,

and he's already taken out
half the girls in the school.

Where does
he find the time?

Where does he find
the energy?

I can't believe you're
really taking a vacation.

You always change
your mind at the last minute.

Not this time.

My plane leaves
in an hour,

and I'm gonna
be on it.

I hope so, for your sake.

Yeah.

I gotta get away for a while.

Always go, go, go.

The phony glamour,
and tinsel, the wheeler-dealers,

the promoters who are
only interested in money...

Well, for the next two weeks,

I'm gonna
get away from all that.

Sounds great.
Where are you going?

Las Vegas.

REUBEN: Hi. How was
basketball practice?

Oh, no worse
than any other serious disaster.

You'll never guess
what happened!

The greatest thing
in the whole world,

that's what.

He asked me out
for Friday night!

I've gotta get ready.

For a date Friday?

This is only Monday.

It's only four days.
I'll never make it in time.

Who asked you out?

Lester Braddock.

REUBEN:
What's wrong with you?

You look like you swallowed
a hockey puck.

Uh, kids...

I'd like to speak with Mom
for a minute.

Why don't you split?

Is this gonna
be an X-rated conversation?

Well, it's not
for the general public.

Ah, I guess I better go too.

This is obviously
a personal family problem.

How'd you know that?

Because I have minutes
to catch a plane.

Have a good
time, Reuben.

Oh, I will,
but I'll be back in time

for your next gig
in Redwood City.

Come on, kids,
walk me to the car.

We might as well go, Tracy.

They're gonna talk
about the birds and the bees.

Again?

Come on.

Goodbye.
Goodbye.

[SIGHS]

Well?

What did you want
to talk about?

The birds
and the bees.

The last time
I tried to explain

the facts of life to you,

you kept correcting me.

It's not for me.

It's Lester
Braddock's bird

and Laurie's bee.

Who is Lester Braddock?

He's a Don Juan
with shoulder pads.

Well known
for his touchdown pass.

All right, cut out
the football analogy.

I feel like I'm talking
to Howard Cosell.

Okay, I'll spell it out.

He's gained the reputation

of being a dirty old man
at a very young age.

Didn't you say

there's a lot of false rumors

going around the school
about you?

Yeah, but that's different.

I started those rumors.

Unfortunately,
none of the girls fell for it.

Hasn't it occurred to you

that some of those rumors
about Lester may not be true?

Not a chance.

Dear Abby
writes this guy for advice.

Besides, Laurie's
my sister.

And she's my daughter.

Supposing everything you suspect
about Lester is true.

Laurie has been brought up
in such a way,

she's not gonna
jump into anything.

Well, I think you should
have a talk with her anyway.

She may not know
what she's getting into.

Maybe I will
have a talk with her.

In the meantime...

there's one thing
you can do

to help the whole situation.

Sure. Anything,
anything.

Butt out.
What?

Look, I appreciate
your concern,

but you're her brother,
not her father.

You're not gonna take that
lying down, are you?

You were listening.

To the whole uncensored
conversation.

You're the oldest male
in the family.

It's up to you
to protect Laurie.

What are you gonna do?

[KNOCKING]

Come in.

Hi. What are you doing?

Trying to decide

what I'm gonna
wear on the date.

What do you
think of this?

Oh, it's very nice.

You know
what would look good?

This blue wool
middy skirt.

I wore that
to Aunt Reba's funeral.

It's cold at night.

Mom, is there something
you wanted to talk to me about?

No, no.

Well...

I knew it.

You've heard the rumors
about Lester.

I bet Keith told you.

Then there are rumors.

Yeah, there's the one
about his birthday party,

when the entire girls glee club
jumped out of his cake.

I take it you don't believe
in those rumors.

He's in my study hall, Mom.

He's shy and introverted.

It took him two weeks
to work up enough nerve

to ask me out.

Laurie...

[SIGHS]

Maybe...

maybe you're just seeing
one side of Lester.

I mean,
maybe some of those rumors

aren't completely untrue.

Mom, Lester is tall
and very good-looking.

Every time he's seen
talking to girls,

guys always think the worst.

They imagine
what they'd be doing

if they were Lester.

Well...

now that
you've explained it so fully,

I'm sorry I brought it up.

Well, don't be sorry.

Mothers are supposed
to worry about dumb things.

It's... it's a sign of love.

Hey, Archie,
I'm looking for Lester Braddock.

Do you know
where he is?

Yeah.

Where all the girls
are looking.

The guy who
looks so content.

We're all out of luck
at this school.

My only hope is college.

[CLEARS THROAT]

Uh, hi.

Are you
Lester Braddock?

Well, yes I am.

Well, I'm Keith Partridge,
Laurie's brother.

Oh, I'm really glad to know you.

Yeah.

Look, I know
you're new in school,

so when Laurie said
you were going out,

I thought maybe we could
all go out together,

sort of show you around.

The three of us?

Oh, no, no, no, no.
A double date.

Oh.
I'm taking out Marsha.

Marsha?
Marsha Fenwick.

Oh, gee, that's--

that's really nice
of you, Keith,

but I'm afraid that might be
kind of embarrassing.

Oh?

You see, I took
Marsha out last week.

Now, don't get jealous
or anything.

I didn't want
to take her out,

but she just
kept hounding me.

She did?

Yeah, she just kept...

Well, you being a rock singer,
you know how it is.

Oh, sure, sure.

It happens all the time.

Well, I'm glad you understand.

Anyway, I just think
it'd be kind of awkward

to double with her.

Well, listen,

nothing's
settled yet.

I could always take out
Charlotte instead.

Charlotte?

Charlotte Linnamen.

Well, I'm afraid
that wouldn't work either.

Charlotte too?

Marsha gave her my phone number.

Hey, but thanks for offering
to show me around.

Some other time, okay?

Sure.

You don't
have to worry, Mom.

We'll be home early.

We're just
going to a movie.

An X-rated movie?

No, just
an animal nature film.

Naked animals?

Danny!

Very nice
to have met you, Lester.

Nice meeting you too.

Have a good time.

Bye-bye, Mom.
See you.

Good night.

How could you
let Laurie

go out
with him, Mom?

It's written
all over his face.

What's written
all over his face?

Gig-a-lo!

Gig-a-lo?

If that's written
all over his face,

he's very poor in spelling.

However it's pronounced,
it means rotten.

Do you remember the time

that fan magazine
wrote that article about you?

I don't want to talk about it.

It said you were in love
with an older woman.

That's right.

She was an old maid of ,
wasn't she?

Lies! All lies.

That's the point.
You can't believe in rumors.

I hope that ends
the conversation.

Well, what are
you gonna do?

What is there to do?

We could follow them.

I'd do it alone,

but I can't go out at night
by myself.

Danny,
I am not gonna follow them.

Besides, like Mom said,
you can't believe rumors.

Keith, I've got something
to tell you.

What?

You know that rumor
about me and the older woman?

Every word of it's true.

But you're only !

Exactly.

If I'm this rotten at ,

how rotten am I gonna be
at Lester's age?

Okay, look
at it this way.

How rotten are you now?

Mom?

Danny and I
are going to a movie.

[ENGINE STARTS]

Is something wrong?

No. Uh-uh.

Well, then why do you keep
looking in the mirror?

Laurie, I don't
want you to think

I'm-- I'm crazy
or anything,

but I think we're being
followed by a bus.

Well, I haven't seen them
for about minutes.

I think it was
the U-turn that did it.

Buses can't make U-turns.

Lester, I am so embarrassed.

They followed us to the movies,
all over town, and--

Hey, come on, Laurie.

It's not that bad.

I expected it.

You did?

Yeah, it happens
whenever I take out a girl

with a brother.

It's my reputation.

I wouldn't mind so much

if I'd done something
to deserve it.

Well, hey,
I can't help the way I look.

It's all right, Lester.

You can't blame yourself.

Are you cold?

Yeah, a little.

Well, I'll put up
the top.

Okay.

Oh, no!

What's happening?
Let me see.

He's raising
the top on his car.

Laurie's trapped
in there with him.

This is it.

Danny, wait!

I'm really glad
we can just sit and talk.

Most girls are...
well, they're more active.

Yeah, I can understand
your feelings.

You must hate being treated
as just another pretty face.

[KNOCKING]

Got a match?

I'm sorry, Laurie.
Honest!

You humiliate me
by following me all over town!

And then you--
you ask for a match!

I couldn't ask
for a cigarette.

I don't smoke.

What's all
the yelling about?

They just hounded us
all over town,

spied on us everywhere,

and-- and ruined
a perfect date

with the nicest,
most sincere guy

I ever met.

They didn't?
They did!

You didn't?

Keith told me

we were just
going to a movie.

I'm ashamed of you.

Not trusting your own sister
any more than that.

And you-- you're old enough
to know better.

We were wrong
all the way.

I know that now,
and I'm sorry.

You don't
owe me the apology.

You owe it to Laurie.

Well, we tried
to apologize to her

last night.

And then again
this morning.

She won't even
talk to us.

That's because
she hates us.

It wouldn't hurt you
to try apologizing again.

Well, what if she still
won't talk to us?

Well, I wouldn't
blame her.

I don't know
what else to say.

We were wrong
and we're sorry.

Still not
speaking to us, huh?

Please, Laurie...

don't hate me
too much.

I wouldn't even have
been a part of it,

if Keith hadn't
filled my head

with all those lies.

What?

Stop it,
both of you.

Look, I have
just one thing to say,

and I want
both of you to listen.

Well, at least
Laurie's trying

to bridge
the communications gap.

Danny,
the only thing she said

was that she's never
gonna speak

to either of us again.

Yeah, but she communicated
it perfectly.

Well, did you see Lester?

Yeah.

Guess what?

He's not talking to me either.

But we've gotta get him
to take Laurie out again,

or else
she'll hate us forever.

Did you try appealing
to him as a friend?

Yeah.

I guess he figures
he doesn't owe me any favors.

Keith, I've stood back

and watched
you bungle this thing

from beginning to end,

and you made
a mess of everything.

And you made a fool
of yourself in the process.

Now it's my turn.

You'll never guess
what happened to me

the other night.

There's more distrust
in this world

than you can imagine.

So true, so true.

[YAWNS]

Did anyone ever tell you
you have beautiful eyes?

I'll bet you say that
to all the guys.

[KNOCKING]

Got a match?

This can't be happening.

Hey, I'm sorry
your date didn't work out

with Laurie the other night.

What date?
Who's Laurie?

Just a friend.

You know, there might be
a slight possibility

I could talk Laurie
into going out with you

again some time.

What are you doing
later on tonight?

Hey, Lester, what a coincidence.

I didn't know you had P.E.
just... two hours before me.

Look, I've had it with

you and your brother's
coincidences.

Why don't you just
leave me alone?

Okay.

But I just want
to say one thing first.

I messed up your date
with Laurie,

so don't take it
out on her.

She really
likes you a lot.

She does?

Mm-hmm.

Laurie's a nice kid.

Yes, she is.

And I did a rotten thing to her,
to the both of you.

It'd make her really happy
if you'd ask her out again.

I like Laurie, Keith,
but I can't take her out again.

Why not?

Well, because of you.

I'm not mad.
I'm just kind of hurt, you know?

I mean, how can I--

how can I go over to your house
to pick Laurie up,

knowing what you're thinking?

Look, Lester, I listened
to a lot of ugly rumors.

And I shouldn't have.
I was wrong.

I'd be very happy
if you took Laurie out again.

Well, I don't know.

Listen, we're giving a concert
tonight at Redwood Lodge.

What if I got you a ticket
for a ringside table?

And afterwards, you and Laurie
could go out for a hamburger.

Well, I can't stay mad forever.

I'm a lover, not a fighter.

Oh, that's
just a figure of speech.

Well, it just so happens
I have a ticket right here.

Uh, there's
only one condition.

What's that?

You can't bring a date.

Okay.

Laurie? Guess what?

I don't think
she's speaking to you yet.

Oh, really?

Gee, that's--
that's too bad.

She can't thank me then.

Thank you?

You're welcome.

You're despicable.

I got Lester
to take you out

after the concert
tonight.

Oh, Keith!

[SINGING
"I'LL MEET YOU HALFWAY"]

♪ Will there come a day
When you and I can say ♪

♪ We can finally
See each other? ♪

♪ Will there come a time
We can find the time ♪

♪ To reach out
For one another? ♪

♪ We've been travelin'
In circles ♪

♪ Such a long, long time
Trying to say hello ♪

♪ Hello ♪

♪ If we can just let it ride ♪

♪ But you're someone
That I'd like to get to know ♪

♪ I'll meet you halfway ♪

♪ That's better than no way ♪

♪ There must be some way
To get it together ♪

♪ And if there's some way ♪

♪ I know that some day ♪

♪ We just might
Work it out forever ♪

♪ Will there come a day ♪

♪ Will there come a day ♪

♪ You and I can say ♪

♪ You and I can say ♪

♪ We can finally
See each other ♪

♪ Will there come a time ♪

♪ Will there come a time ♪

♪ We can find the time ♪

♪ We can find the time ♪

♪ To reach out for one another ♪

♪ I'll meet you half way ♪

♪ That's better than no way ♪

♪ I'll meet you half way ♪

♪ That's better than no way ♪

♪ I'll meet you half way ♪

♪ That's better than no way ♪

♪ I'll meet you half way
That's better... ♪♪

[LIGHT SWITCH CLICKS]

What are you doing up?

I thought I heard a burglar.

Well, if you thought
you heard a burglar,

why didn't you come and get me?

Because, apparently,
you were the burglar.

What are you doing up?

Oh...

Uh, well,
I'm-- I'm so happy

Laurie finally got
a date with Lester,

I guess-- I guess I was
too happy to go to sleep.

It couldn't be that
you're still worried

about Lester's
reputation, could it?

Mom, you don't think
I'm the type to listen

to idle gossip, do you?

DANNY: I'd have to answer
that with a definite yes.

What are you doing up?

Same thing
as both of you,

waiting up for Laurie.

I wish she'd hurry up
and get home.

There's no sense
in anyone waiting up.

Laurie's in good hands.

That's what I'm afraid of.

Well, I hope
nothing's happened.

She said she'd be home
an hour ago.

Oh, they probably got
a king-sized hamburger.

I told her
to order one with onions,

but I bet she didn't listen.

[KNOCKING]

She must have
forgotten her key.

Just be calm.

Everybody, be calm.
There is nothing to worry about.

Get the ransom note.

What ransom note?

Reuben, what are
you doing here?

What am I...

Well, Danny called
a half-hour ago

and said Laurie was...

Danny...

An ounce of prevention
is worth a pound of cure.

Back one day
from vacation,

and it's
starting again.

[DOOR OPENS]

Uh, home already?

Where have you been?

Honey, what's wrong?

I'm sorry I'm late, Mom,
but I had to walk home.

All that poor, shy,
misunderstood boy routine...

the minute I turn my head
to sneeze,

and he was all over me like--

like the Tar Baby
was all over Brer Rabbit.

Oh, no. Are you all right?

Yeah, I'm-- I'm fine.

In fact, I'm happy.

He's not gonna throw
a touchdown pass

with that arm this year--

on or off the football field.

Laurie, what can I say?

Nothing.

But that's
the last time

I'll ever let you
fix me up with a date!

Why am I always the heavy?

You're the oldest
male in the family.

You should have tried
to protect her

from that sort of thing.

Hey, it's nice to have you back,
Mr. Kincaid!

Uh-huh. Thanks.

It's really nice
to be back with you kids too.

You don't expect us
to believe that, do you?

Oh, you see right through me,
don't you?

Oh, Reuben,
I'm terribly sorry

about that stunt
that Danny pulled.

Please, don't remind me.

It took me the whole weekend
to block it out of my mind.

You know, if I ever go
on another vacation,

I'm gonna hire a chaperon.

Thanks, but I don't think
Laurie needs one.

What Laurie?

I'm talking about
Danny and Keith.

Those two should be
under observation at all times.

Hi.

What's wrong
with you?

This has been
the most depressing day

of my life.

Oh?

[SIGHS]

I met the most beautiful girl
today at school...

Nice-looking, great personality,
and she wants to go out with me.

Hmm...

I should have days
that depressing.

Yeah, I can't take her out.

It would be too embarrassing.

Why?

It's Lester Braddock's sister!

[♪♪♪]