04x10 - A Day of Honesty

[bunniefuu]

♪ Hello, world, hear
the song that we're singin'

♪ Come on, get happy

♪ A whole lot of lovin'
is what we'll be bringin'

♪ We'll make you happy

♪ We had a dream
we'd go travelin' together

♪ And spread a little lovin'
then we'd keep movin' on

♪ Somethin' always happens
whenever we're together

♪ We get a happy feelin'
when we're singin' a song

♪ Travelin' along there's
a song that we're singin'

♪ Come on, get happy

♪ A whole lot of lovin'
is what we'll be bringin'

♪ We'll make you happy

♪ We'll make you happy

♪ We'll make you happy ♪

Socket wrench. Socket wrench.

Phillips screwdriver.
Phillips screw...

Which one is that?

The one with the
cross-shaped tip.

Well, that's not much help.

The pointy one.

Oh! You mean, the one
with the pretty blue handle?

Well, why didn't you say so?

(SIGHS)

Now, will you hand me the little
doohickey with the pretty yellow handle?

Oh, you mean the macrometer?

Well, it says so on the handle.

Hi, kids.

KEITH: Hi, Mom. LAURIE: Mom.

Keith, how long will it take you to get
this thing back into running condition?

Why do you ask?

Danny's gone to the movies and
somebody has to pick him up when it's over.

Oh, gee, Mom,
you know I'd love to,

but it's gonna take
me at least three hours

to put all this stuff back.

Perfect. Give you
two hours to spare.

What kind of movie
takes five hours?

Danny's kind.

The monster matinee.

Two news reels, cartoons,
and Godzilla Meets Bernie.

What do you say we flip for it?

What do you say we don't?

I don't think it
matters much now.

What do you mean?

Danny's already been picked up.

Danny, I don't know what to say.

You don't know what
to say, what about me?

You could start by
telling us what happened.

Did you sneak into that theater?

Well, a little bit.

How do you
sneak in a little bit?

Danny was caught walking in backwards
while the first show was letting out.

He tried to make me believe
that he had lost his ticket.

Did you lose your ticket?

Not exactly.

I never had a ticket.

Officer, what happens now?

Well, this is a
juvenile offence.

Normally, it would require
Danny to come down to the station

and talk to our
juvenile officer.

But, I suppose since
this is his first offence,

I could let it stand as a
reprimand and a warning.

I sure would
appreciate that, sir.

You realize it would be
a different story next time.

Believe me, Officer, there
won't be any next time.

(SIGHING) Well, Danny,

what do you think I
should do about this?

I've been thinking it over.

Why don't we call it
a childhood mistake

and forget the whole thing?

I'm afraid you're not
gonna get off that easy.

Well, getting dragged home in a squad
car wasn't exactly a barrel of laughs.

Do you know where
you made your mistake?

I sure do.

I shouldn't have
backed into that usher.

Just kidding, Mom.

Danny,

you understand what
you did was very serious.

I know.

You had money for the ticket.

Why did you try and
sneak into the theater?

It was Russell's idea. I had to.

It was a classic
case of peer pressure.

Was it peer pressure that made
you lie when you got caught?

No, that was fear pressure.

Danny, you're responsible
for your own actions,

no matter what
the other kids do.

(SIGHING) I know.

Well, what do you think
would be a fair punishment?

Something that really hurts.

I know. I'll give up
broccoli for a year.

I had something a little
more practical in mind.

Like no movies for a month.

Oh! But that's cruel
and unusual punishment.

What you did was dishonest.

Well, everybody
is a little dishonest.

Danny,

let's get one thing straight.

As long as I'm in
charge around here,

we're gonna operate on the
theory that honesty is the best policy.

(KNOCK ON DOOR)

Excuse me for interrupting, Mom,

but you're wanted on the phone.

It's Mrs. Brynn.

Oh! She's sweet,

but she'll keep me on
the phone for an hour.

Tell her I've gone shopping.

LAURIE: Okay.

Hi, kids. Hi!

Danny, why so glum?

He got into the movies for free.

Great!

Well, what's wrong with that?

He got caught.

Is that all?

Oh, when I was a kid, we used
to do stuff like that all the time.

Really? Like what?

Well, like crashing
the senior prom.

You crashed the senior prom?

REUBEN: Yeah,
I'll never forget it.

See, we'd put all our money
together and buy one ticket, see.

Then one guy, good
old Bernard Tibley,

yeah, he was the one who
always took all the chances.

Bernard would get
in and sneak around...

Reuben!

Oh, hi, Shirley.

I was just telling
the kids... I know.

Reuben, there's something
I'll like to discuss with you.

Kids, would you mind leaving
us alone for a moment, please?

Oh, but, Mom, Mr. Kincaid
was just getting to the good part.

Danny!

I have the feeling I'm about to
be chewed out for something.

(SIGHING) Well, but
I'm surprised at you

bragging about all those things
you did when you were a kid.

(EXHALES) That!

That was just a harmless prank,

something every normal kid does.

I was just trying to
prepare them for life.

That's what I'm trying to do.

Believe me, Shirley.

It's a jungle out
there. It's rough.

Do you have any idea what I
have to do every day in business?

No. What?

Well...

Lots of things!

Like what?

Well...

Like the other day when I
had to tell Ralph Delilo that...

That Keith would
take out his daughter.

You what?

Well, I had to, Shirley!

Otherwise, Ralph would have
hired the other group instead of us.

Besides, Keith doesn't
have to take her out.

He'll be conveniently sick.

Reuben, in most places,

that kind of charm is
called bold-face lying!

Well, if I remember it
correctly, the other day,

you charmed your
way out of a traffic ticket.

That isn't charm,
that's fudging.

Fudging.

(KNOCK ON DOOR)

Laurie? Yeah.

Uh, um, you busy
on Saturday night?

Mmm-hmm.

Well, that's too bad.

Why is it too bad?

Oh, nothing.

Wait a minute.

You wouldn't bother
to ask me my plans

and then pretend that
you couldn't care less

if it wasn't
something important.

(SIGHING) You never
should have taken psychology.

All right, who is it?

Who's who?

Either someone I want to go
out with wants to ask me out

or you're walking in your sleep.

(SIGHS)

Whatever happened to the simple
values like respecting your brother,

admiring your
brother... Jim Benson.

Jim Benson?

Oh, you remember the name.

You've only been bugging
me to get you a date with him

since eleventh grade and...

Well, Jim doesn't have a
date on Saturday night, but, uh,

since you do, I guess...

Guess again, I'm available.

I hate it when I have to get down
on my knees and beg like this.

:, all right?

Make it :.

(WHISPERS) Jim Benson.

Hello, Mike. It's Laurie.

Listen, I'm calling
about Saturday night.

Yeah, I'm afraid I'm
gonna have to cancel.

(SIGHING) Well, you see,

Reuben just came up with this
booking down at Redondo Beach.

I know, but... Well,
the show must go on.

♪ Hey, up, down, all
around Like a roller coaster ♪

Nice.

Nice. This number is
really coming along, Shirley.

Good. Keith stayed up
all night working on it.

KEITH: Yeah, feels
good to me, too.

What do you think, Laurie?

Well, nice. Really nice.

That's funny.

'Cause five minutes ago
you said it was a turkey.

Danny!

Well, that's what you said.

Danny.

There are times when
things are better left unsaid.

But she was being dishonest.

Now, either we're telling the
truth around here or we're not.

Of course, we're
telling the truth.

Okay, then do you mind if I
ask Mr. Kincaid a question?

Go right ahead.

Do you really like Keith's song?

Well...

It has a lot of potential.

I mean, to me, a song
is like a piece of wet clay.

See? No one's honest.
And I can prove it.

What do you mean by that?

It just so happens that
I've been taking a few notes.

I'll just hit the high points.

Like Mr. Kincaid
telling Ralph Delilo

that Keith will take
out his daughter.

You what?

Oh, I had to!

And Laurie telling her date that
we had a concert Saturday night

so she could go
out with Jim Benson.

All right, Danny, I think
we've heard enough.

And, Mom, you
fudged on a traffic ticket.

And you didn't want
Mr. Kincaid to tell me the truth

about crashing the senior prom.

I think I get it.

You do something dishonest
and get punished for it.

We do dishonest things
and don't get punished.

Is that it?

Defense rests.

(ALL CLAMORING)

One moment. I'd like
to explain something.

Danny, there is a difference between
lying about having bought a ticket

and withholding the truth.

And, from the looks
of things around here,

I think a lesson could
be learned by all of us.

So, I propose an experiment.

Bye, everybody.

I was just going to
ask for total honesty.

For one day. I knew it!

You mean, no snitching,
no fibbing, no cutting corners.

Total integrity for hours?

Well, I think that's
a terrific idea.

I'll see you the
day after tomorrow.

Reuben, don't you want to
be part of our little experiment?

In all honesty, no.

Good morning, Mrs. Partridge.

Good morning, Ricky.
You're playing the guitar?

I'm trying to play some,
but my arms are too short.

Oh! Well, they'll grow.

CHRIS: Good morning,
Mom. What's for breakfast?

SHIRLEY: Good morning.

Mom, about this
honesty experiment. Yes?

Well, I make a motion that we
tape Danny's mouth shut till it's over.

All I said was her hair looked like it
was att*cked by a flock of angry geese.

Danny!

It's the truth.

He's right. I like your hair.

Well, thank you, Ricky.

(KEITH LAUGHS)

Hey, Ricky, what's
the guitar for?

I want Danny to play for me.

His arms are too short.

You name it, I'll play it.

Can I sit in? Sure.

Good.

Come on!

Our own little entertainment.

Here we go.

KEITH: Okay! Here you
go. Hey, Chris, over there.

(KEITH GRUNTS)

What will it be, Ricky?

How about If I Were A Monkey?

Catchy title.

♪ If I were a monkey
I'd climb up a tree

♪ And look at the
people who look up at me

♪ Now people are
funny as funny can be

♪ Just walking around
on the ground under me

♪ I wonder what they see

♪ When they look up at me

♪ If I were a monkey
I'd climb up a tree

♪ And look at the
people who look up at me

♪ If I were a hunter
I wouldn't be good

♪ I'd feed all the
animals deep in the woods

♪ I'd rather see fish
swimming by in the lake

♪ Than see them on
Fridays on somebody's plate

♪ I wonder what they see

♪ When they look up at me

♪ I don't think it's funny
So please understand

♪ We all should be
nice as we possibly can

♪ If I were a monkey
I'd climb up a tree

♪ And look at the
people who look up at me

♪ And look at the people
who look up at me ♪

Oh! I love it!

Ricky, you look great. Thanks.

Danny, you played like
you had concrete fingers.

I would have let Keith play,

but I know his fingers are still numb
from holding the hair dryer for too long.

Yeah, he spent one hour
drying and one hour fluffing.

That is not true.

I only spent a half
an hour fluffing.

See you tomorrow.

Where are you going, Ricky?

I'm going home. It's
too honest around here.

TRACY: I think it's
fun being honest.

So do I. I just thought
of something honest.

Tracy, you're so dumb, you don't
know the difference between...

All right, kids, that's enough.

You're all missing the point.

You're using this experiment
to deliver a bunch of insults.

(PHONE RINGING) I
was hoping you'd learn...

Oh, I'll get it. It's
probably Jim Benson.

Amazing. I set her
up with Jim Benson

and that's all she
can think about.

Hello?

Oh, hi, Mrs. Brynn.

Yes, just a
minute. It's for you.

Laurie, tell her I'm...
Remember honesty.

Hello, Mrs. Brynn.

Well, actually it isn't a
very good time to call.

You see, I was just about to have
breakfast with my children and...

Mrs. Brynn, I wasn't
trying to be rude.

(SIGHING) I was just
telling you the truth.

Mrs. Brynn, if you
just... Mrs. Brynn?

Mrs. Brynn?

I guess Mrs. Brynn doesn't
care too much for the truth, huh?

We'll let you have a good
deal on this baby, Harve.

Well, it looks tough. What
kind of a shape is it in?

I'm glad you asked me that.

Let me tell you
something about this baby.

This little beauty is in the best
mechanical shape than any car...

Danny, don't you have anything
better to do than hang around here?

Nope.

I was afraid you'd say that.

How about the tires?

Very, um, experienced.

And her transmission?

Well, it's missing second, but I
go for first and third, it's no sweat.

Not very much sweat.

Sometimes, there's sweat.

Hi, Laurie, would you give
me a hand with the dishes?

Well, to be perfectly honest, there are
other things I'd much rather be doing.

Me, too.

So, let me be perfectly honest.

Grab a towel.

That's honest.

(PHONE RINGING)

Hello?

Keith is in the
garage. Who's calling?

Okay, hold on,
Jim. I'll get him.

Sure, I can take a message.

Tell Keith to forget
about asking Laurie.

You're going out
with Patty Hall instead.

Yeah, but he has already asked
her and she was really counting on...

Oh! Is that what life is?

I've always wondered.

Yeah, well, to
tell you the truth,

she wasn't all that excited
about going out with you.

What a bummer.

Hey, Danny, I thought
I heard the phone.

Was it Jim Benson?

Um, as a matter of fact,
it was. He left a message.

Really? What was the
message? Was it about our date?

Sort of.

What do you mean, sort of?

Well, it was sort of bad news.

What bad news?

He's not taking you
out Saturday night.

Oh, no.

But it was all set.

How could he do this to me?

I told everybody I
had a date with him.

Well, actually there's a good
reason he's not taking you out.

He sprained his ankle
in the game last night.

Oh, how terrible.

Yeah, well, look
on the bright side.

What bright side?

Just before he creamed his
ankle, he sunk the winning basket.

DANNY: Mom.

I have a confession to make.

Can we just keep it
between the two of us?

Sure, honey.

What is it?

I was dishonest. I told a lie.

What kind of a lie?

That whole Jim Benson story

I told to Laurie
before rehearsal.

That wasn't the truth?

No.

Why did you do it?

Well, I was gonna
tell her the truth, but...

I guess I just didn't
wanna see Laurie hurt.

But I'll make it up. I'll do
an extra hours of honesty.

No.

I think the one day
has served its purpose.

Hope you understand that
sometimes the truth can be misused.

The important thing is
that you care about people.

And you cared about Laurie.

Go see what's
keeping the others.

Okay, Mom. Thanks.

CHRIS: They're waiting for us.

Here we are, Mom.

Danny, I wanna
have a word with you.

You do?

I know that you saved me
from getting hurt by that,

that creep, Jim Benson.

I did?

Yes, my friend, that big mouth
Patty Hall just couldn't wait to tell me

that he asked
her out for a date.

I'm sorry.

I know you are.

I was just trying to
protect your feelings.

I know.

Well, since it's honesty day,
I've got something to tell you.

What?

Jim Benson is skinny, knock-kneed
and has a terrible jump sh*t.

♪ I recall when I was young

♪ My papa said don't cry

♪ Life is full of ups and downs

♪ Like a roller coaster ride

♪ There'll be times
you'll get so scared

♪ Rolling down these hills

♪ But you hold on
tight with all your might

♪ 'Cause you don't
know what you feel

♪ You go up, down, all around,
on a cycle that's never-endin'

♪ You got on this
train when you were born

♪ And the wheels
just keep on spinnin'

♪ Like a roller coaster
♪ Like a roller coaster

♪ Keeps going faster
♪ Keeps going faster

♪ 'Cause I'm going past
you ♪ I'm going past you

♪ Thrills comin' at you
♪ Thrills comin' at you

♪ Hey, up, down, all
around like a roller coaster

♪ I left home at just

♪ Thought I'd have some fun

♪ Hitched a ride
on a diesel truck

♪ Headed for Washington

♪ I know now what my papa meant

♪ When he told me heart to heart

♪ Son, you'll find
out soon enough

♪ Life is just an amusement park

♪ You'll thrill, like a kid

♪ You'll get so excited

♪ You hang on tight
with all your might

♪ As if your heart's ignited

♪ Like a roller coaster
♪ Like a roller coaster

♪ Keeps going faster
♪ Keeps going faster

♪ 'Cause I'm going past
you ♪ I'm going past you

♪ Thrills comin' at you
♪ Thrills comin' at you

♪ Hey, up, down, all
around like a roller coaster

♪ Up, down, all around

♪ All around, all around

♪ Up, down, all around

♪ On a cycle that's never-endin'

♪ You got on this
train when you were born

♪ And the wheels
just keep on spinnin'

♪ Like a roller coaster
♪ Like a roller coaster

♪ Keeps going faster
♪ Keeps going faster

♪ 'Cause I'm going past
you ♪ I'm going past you

♪ Thrills comin' at you
♪ Thrills comin' at you

♪ Hey, up, down, all
around like a roller coaster

♪ Like a roller coaster
♪ Like a roller coaster

♪ Keeps going faster
♪ Keeps going faster

♪ 'Cause I'm going past
you ♪ I'm going past you

♪ Thrills comin' at you
♪ Thrills comin' at you

♪ Like a roller coaster
♪ Like a roller coaster

♪ Keeps going faster
♪ Keeps going faster

♪ 'Cause I'm going past
you ♪ I'm going past you

♪ Thrills comin' at you
♪ Thrills comin' at you

♪ Hey, up, down, all
around like a roller coaster ♪

(AUDIENCE APPLAUDING)

What did you end up
getting for your car, Keith?

$ less than I could've gotten if
Danny hadn't tried to sneak in the movies.

That's a big loss.

Yeah, but, at least
I can sleep at night.

Because you were honest
and your conscience is clear.

No. Because I don't
have to worry anymore

if the stupid thing
will start or not.

I think we all got something
out of our one day of honesty.

And it was Danny's mistake
that started the whole thing.

Yeah.

But I'm a much better
person because of it.

You weren't such a
bad person to start with.

Well, I've certainly
learned my lesson.

I'm sure you have.

Good. Does that mean
I can go to the movies?

No.