04x05 - Goofs and Saddles

[bunniefuu]

[♪]

General Muster.
Any news, colonel?

Now that the Indians
have been subdued,

these cattle rustlers are
proving even a greater menace.

Can't we do something, sir?
We certainly can.

I'll send my three
best scouts after them.

If they can't handle
the situation, nobody can.

Sound the scout call.

[BUGLE CALL]

[BOTH GROWLING]

The call. [ALL YELLING]

Attention!

Reporting for duty,
Buffalow Billious.

Wild Bill Hicup.

Just Plain Bill.

Men, the cattle rustlers
have become a scourge.

The government wants them
completely wiped out.

They're rustling
all over the Bad Lands.

And I want you to bring 'em in,
dead or alive.

Remember, ALL: Yes?

the entire West
depends upon you.

ALL: No! Yes!

Aye, aye, sir. Ship ahoy.

Shiver my timbers.

We're on our way.
Whoo-whoo-whoo, whoo-whoo-whoo.

Oh. Ooh. We're on our way.

Right!
Whoo-whoo-whoo, whoo-whoo-whoo.

Whoo-whoo-whoo, whoo-whoo-whoo.

[GROWLS]

Shh!
I wonder if this is the place.

[g*nsh*t]

Ooh-ooh. This is the place,
all right.

Listen, I hear somebody.

Let's find out
where they're coming from.

[HORSES GALLOPING]

[WHIMPERS]: Ooh.

What happened?
Did you get his license number?

I can't hear a thing.
My ear's plugged up.

It's full of mud.

Oh.

[GROWLS]

Look. Wagon tracks.
And fresh ones too.

We're hot on the trail. Come on.

[SNIFFING]

[BARKING]

What is it, Buff?

What is it? You're on my hand.

Ah. What's the matter with you?

[COWS MOOING] Shh! Look.

Who is it? Me, you dummy. Look!

Hey, Tex, I just got word
through the grapevine

that Buffalow Billious has
his scouts lookin' out for us.

They are, eh? Warn the outpost
to keep a sharp lookout.

If they see anyone suspicious,
let 'em have it.

Those are the fellas
we're after.

[GRUNTS]

Mmm. A hit-and-run rider.

Shut up. We better sneak up
a little closer.

Maybe we can find out
who the big boss is. Come on.

[BARKING]

Hey, shh, shh. Quiet, will you?

[BARKING]

That dog must have
a rabbit on that there bush.

I reckon I'll sh**t it.

Dig him out. Dig him out,
and I'll sh**t him.

Hurry, he's burrowing in.

Come on.

Come on. [g*nsh*t]

You wanna give away our hideout?
What are you sh**t' for?

Here, chop some brush
for the fire.

[GRUNTING]

[SPITS]

[SNAPPING] Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh.

Mm. Mmm!

Let's go. [COW MOOING]

[FABRIC RIPPING]

Hey, do you feel a draft?

No, and shut up,
or we'll get caught.

Ow! Somebody stabbed me!

It's Buffalow Billious
and his g*ng. Get 'em!

BILLIOUS:
Whoo-whoo-whoo, whoo-whoo-whoo.

Whoo-whoo-whoo, whoo-whoo-whoo.

[LAUGHING, CHATTER]

Where's the big boss?
In the back room.

Buffalow Billious and his outfit
have caught up with us, boss.

They were spying on us
in Sleepy Gulch,

but got away
before we could plug 'em.

You dumb galoot,
you gummed the works.

Now we gotta get rid of those
cattle, pronto. Listen...

How do I look?

Good. No one will ever
know us in these outfits.

I hope. Now, remember,

you're a big gambler
from the West.

[BARKS]

Hi, toots.

Your hat blew off. Oh, thanks.

Where have you been all my life?

Say, uh--

Where have you been all my life?

Nyah.

[LAUGHING, CHATTER]

Hi, Pete. Hi.

Hello there, neighbor.
How about a little poker?

Well, I reckon I can
accommodate you.

This game's gonna be
on the level, ain't it?

MAN: Why, sure.

Certainly.

Why, Pete!

Well, I aim to keep it that way.
Ye--

Here's how. And how!

[SQUEALS]

What are you buttin' in for?
Mmm!

Why don't you get a girl--?
[g*nshots]

Say, that's Longhorn Pete,
the big boss.

There's room for
three more poker players.

How about you?

Reckon we can accommodate you.
Be right in.

We'll do the playing,
you do the watching.

Maybe we can get
some information.

And easy money too.
Got your special deck of cards?

Certainly. We won't need 'em.

[BARKS]

I wish I could
play this here game,

but I don't know
one card from another.

I pass.

I open. Nyuk, nyuk, nyuk.

I raise.
Say, you must have a good hand.

Oh, oh, oh, oh!

What's the matter with you?

I just had four kinks
in my back.

Four kinks.

You know,
when I get kinks in the back,

I generally go to the desert.

The desert?
Yeah, desert. Oasis, oasis.

That's nothin'.
I've been to the oasis twice.

Me, too. Don't-- I got--

Never mind the tours.
Let's play cards. How many?

Three.

How many?

I'll take as many
as I can get with a pair.

I'll play these. Oh, bluffin'.

Well, what do you do?
Do I have to tell?

Yeah.

[HUMMING]

Nyah.

♪ La-lee, la, la, la, la, la ♪

BILLIOUS: Mm.

[HUMMING]

Whoo-whoo-whoo. Nyuk-nyuk-nyuk.

What do you do?

It's your move, stranger.

I sh**t the works,
and that ain't all.

Come on, fellas. Help me out.

Nyuk, nyuk, nyuk, nyuk.

[LAUGHING]

Call that.

I call you. Nyuk, nyuk, nyuk.

Hey, what happened
to those fellas?

Those are three crooks I shot
for cheating in a card game.

[GROANS]

Well, what have you got?

Who, me? N-nothin'.

You win. I'm only bluffin'.

Well, I got four "kinks,"

and they're not in the back.

Will you excuse us while we
go out and get some fresh money?

Yeah, sure.

[LAUGHING]

We better get this message
to the general right away.

Look, pigeons.
Let's send it with him.

Good.

We'll send them by
pigeon express.

Yeah.

Go two miles north and make a
left-hand turn at the pool room.

The name is General Muster.
Get going.

[PANTING] Quiet.

We'll have to stall him off
till the cavalry arrive.

Leave it to me. Come on.

Everything's all set.

How about a little credit, Pete,
till our reserves get here?

Oh, I guess you're good for .

Certainly. They'll probably
send more than that.

[THUD] Ooh! Ooh, who deals?

You do, I guess. Thank you.

[BARKING]

Cut.

Don't trust me, eh? Nyuk, nyuk.

Hello, Bill.

Come to bring me luck?

[BARKING]

[HISSES]

What's the matter,
are you superstitious?

Oh, no.

Well,
don't be superstitious of Bill.

Well, come down here.
Let me see you.

Well...

HICUP: It's a lie.

[YELLING]

[SHATTERING]

Come on. Let's get the horses.

[SQUEAKS]

Whoo-whoo-whoo.

[PANTING]

MAN: Come on, get! Over here!

[MUTTERING]

Hey. Don't drive so fast.
They're way behind.

Hey! Go slow.

You don't have to go so fast.
Mmm!

I told you to--

[YELLING]

What happened?

What's the idea of pulling
me off the horse?

I-- Why didn't you wait for me?

Here they come.
Quick, the shack!

I'll tell 'em we're not home.

We're not-- [g*nsh*t]

[GROWLS] Get the bar down.

I think we lost 'em.

[BANGING]

Whoo-whoo-whoo.

[SQUEAKING]

Uh, a couple of you
cover the back.

Come on. Let 'em have it.

[SQUEAKING]

Hey, where are you?
I-- I'm lost. Hey. Hey, Moe!

Wait a minute.
Whoo-whoo-whoo. Whew.

What's the matter with you?
I ought to sla--

We gotta get some g*ns, boys.
Come on.

Mmm!

[g*nsh*t]

Mmm. Ooh, eats.

[BOTH GRUNTING]

There's no g*n,
but here's a lot of b*ll*ts.

[SIZZLING]

[g*nf*re]

They must have reinforcement.

Here's some belts.

Feed 'em in now, slow.
Take it easy.

[BUGLE PLAYS "CHARGE"]

MUSTER: Come on, men!

Keep 'em covered, boys.

Noble work, my men.

ALL: Yes?

The president
shall hear of this.

ALL: No. Yes.

[SQUEAKING]

[g*nf*re]
Whoo-whoo-whoo, whoo-whoo-whoo.

Whoo-whoo-whoo, whoo-whoo-whoo.

[♪]