[♪]
[HORN TOOTS]
ALL:
♪ Ze lollipop, ze lollipop ♪
♪ Ze la la la lollipop ♪
Whoo-whoo!
♪ Ze lollipop, ze lollipop ♪
♪ Ze la la la lollipop ♪
Whoo-whoo!
♪ Ze Frenchman know
Just what's to eat ♪
♪ He eats something
So nice and sweet ♪
♪ Ze lollipop, ze lollipop ♪
♪ Ze la la la lollipop ♪
Whoo-whoo!
♪ La la la la ♪
Wow-ow-ow-ow!
Oh, pardon, pardon, comrade.
Oui, oui, oui, oui.
"We" what?
We should be more careful
what we do around here,
chiseler!
[CLUNKING]
CURLY: Whoa!
Gentlemen! My music!
[PANTING]
At last! It's finished!
What? What?
My masterpiece.
Now all we gotta do is sell it.
Well, we better.
We haven't got a dime,
and the landlord has threatened
to throw us out.
What is he squawkin' about?
We only owe him for
eight months.
[MAN SHOUTING IN FRENCH]
fresh vegetables.
First call for lunch!
Boy, food!
I'll take care of
the frying pan.
You set the table.
I'll do the shoppin'!
Right.
[MAN CONTINUES IN FRENCH]
watermelon, bananas...
Hey, where'd you put the eggs?
LARRY: They're in the oven.
[CHIRPING]
[SPEAKING FRENCH]
Non. Non?
Nyuck, nyuck, nyuck, nyuck!
[BLOWING]
Oh, pardon, pardon.
Oh, oui, oui.
Ooh! Mmm!
Pardon, oui, oui, oui, oui!
Fish ain't good enough
for ya, huh?
I'll get ya nothin'!
Merci beaucoup, monsieur.
Hereafter you'll do
your own shoppin'.
[SPEAKING FRENCH]
Ouch! Mmm!
[BOTH SHOUTING IN FRENCH]
[CROWD LAUGHING]
Nyuck, nyuck, nyuck, nyuck!
[KNOCKING ON DOOR]
[QUIETLY] I wonder who that is.
[LOUDLY] Quiet! It
might be the landlord!
[KNOCKING]
Open the door.
It is the landlord.
There's nobody home.
Nobody home?
[STAMMERING]
Open this door!
He didn't believe me.
[GRUNTS]
So! There is nobody home, huh?
[PANTING]
I have asked you for the rent
for the last time.
You will pay me now,
or you go to the bastille.
Oh, Mr. Guigui, not that.
I promise we'll pay every sou.
I just finished my masterpiece.
Come on. I'll show it to you,
Guigui ol' boy.
GUIGUI: And what you call this?
CURLY: I shall call it
A Maid on a Night Out,
Winding a Grandfather's Clock
With Her Left Hand.
Masterpiece? Phooey!
What do you mean, "phooey"?
This will be worth a fortune
after I'm dead.
I should k*ll you now
and find out!
Nyuck, nyuck, nyuck!
Can't you take a joke?
I was only kiddin'.
But I am not kidding!
Ohh! Mmm!
[YELLING IN FRENCH]
Come on!
GUIGUI: Police! Police!
Police! Police!
Gendarme! Gendarme!
[YELLING IN FRENCH]
[BARKS]
Oh, my laundry!
[PANICKED GASPING]
[CROWD LAUGHING]
Whoo!
Hey, Moe, Larry! Wait for me!
[SPEAKING FRENCH]
Mmm!
[YELLING IN FRENCH]
What a predicament.
Nothin' to eat
and no place to sleep.
I'm so hungry,
I could eat a gendarm-ee.
Yeah, if we were
back in America,
at least we could join the WPA.
Or the YWCA.
Look!
[HORN TOOTS]
Foreign Legion. That's probably
the French branch of the
American Legion.
When they find out we belong to
the American Legion,
they'll send us home in a taxi!
Lafayette, here we come!
Come on!
Nyuck, nyuck, nyuck, nyuck!
STOOGES: Hiya.
Bonjour, messieurs.
[SPEAKING FRENCH]
You Foreign Legion.
We American Legion.
Brother legionaries. Get it?
LARRY:
We want to borrow some dough.
Yeah, we want to go home.
Home?
Yeah, boat.
[IMITATES STEAM WHISTLE]
Home.
Oh, oui, oui, monsieur!
[SPEAKING FRENCH]
We're gonna get it!
He's gonna give it to us!
Voila.
Oh, I get it.
He wants us to sign an IOU.
Come on.
What have we got to lose?
Why didn't you say so
in the first place?
Curly Vandyke.
Congratulations, gentlemen.
STOOGES: Oui, oui! Oui--
What did you say?
I said, congratulations.
You just joined the army.
Oh, no, we didn't!
I beg your pardon, sir--
My mother didn't raise me
to be a soldier.
Come on! Scram!
RECRUITER: Ha ha!
Well, looks like
we're in the army.
[CHATTERING]
It shall be done, captain.
Attention!
Hup!
Hup! Hup! Hup!
[HICCUPPING]
The natives have threatened
Captain Gorgonzola.
I want you men to guard him
with your life.
Let no one enter this tent.
You got nothin' to worry about.
You're as safe as in your
mother's arms with us here.
Thank you, men.
I am depending upon you.
Draw bayonets!
Mm!
Draw that bayonet!
I can't! It's stuck!
[GRUNTS]
You'd better replace bayonets!
Shoulder arms! About face!
Forward march.
Hup, hup!
Mm!
[GRUNTING]
Mm!
[GRUNTING]
Hup! Ooh!
Mm!
Hup! Hup!
Ooh!
CURLY: Company,
halt! About face!
Oh! Ooh!
Nyuck, nyuck, nyuck, nyuck!
Hup! Nyuck, nyuck, nyuck, nyuck!
Hup!
Mm!
Hup, hup!
SOLDIER: Captain!
Mm!
Captain! Halt!
Who goes there? You know him!
The captain's been kidnapped!
Kidnapped? Whoo-whoo-whoo!
The captain!
Where's the captain?
Here, captain!
Calling all captains!
[STOOGES YELLING INDISTINCTLY]
Attention! Attention!
Why didn't you guard
the captain?
Why didn't you guard
the captain?
Why didn't you guard
the captain?
Why didn't you guard the--
You will face a firing squad
for this!
Aw, sergeant--
Give us another chance.
We'll save the captain. Honest.
Remember, your mother
and my mother are both mothers.
On his father's side.
I shouldn't do this,
but I'll give you
one more chance.
But if you fail-- Don't worry.
I'll bet you a buck
we bring him back alive.
All right.
But you must disguise,
as no white man has ever entered
the domain of Tsimmis.
STOOGES: Tsimmis?
Mmm. I got it!
He's got it! He's got it!
Well, you better have it,
or you'll get it!
Vive la France! For France!
[YELLING INDISTINCTLY IN FRENCH]
Pass.
[BELLS JINGLING]
MOE: Giddap! Giddap!
Giddap there! Giddap there!
Whoa! Halt!
Who goes there?
Santa Claus.
Aw, there ain't no Santy Claus!
That's what you think.
Look, we got a present for ya.
Oww!
What do you know?
They got us locked out.
I'll take a look through
that window. Hup!
Hup! Hup!
Do not be a fool, captain.
I'm offering you your life
and all this wealth
if you'll only tell me where
the stores of amm*nit*on
are hidden.
Never!
The captain's in there,
all right.
Look! There's an open window.
Come on!
Hup!
Hup!
Hup!
Hup!
Hup, hup!
Hup! Hup!
Hey, how am I
gonna get up there?
MOE: Shh! Gimme your hand, sap!
Hup, hup! Ooh!
What happened? Ooh!
Oh!
You almost k*lled us,
that's what happened!
Oh, you hit Santa Claus.
Just for that, no toys!
Oh-oh!
Come on. Get up there.
We'll boost you up. Come on.
Come on. Hup!
You gonna start that again?
Gimme your foot!
Alley-oop!
[SPITS]
Give me your hand.
Shh! Shh!
Shh!
Shh! Shh-shh-shh!
Shh, shh!
[OFF SCREEN] Shh!
Mmm! YWCA!
Oh, boy! I'll take the blonde.
I'll take the brunette.
I'll take the black and tan.
Come on. Nyuck, nyuck, nyuck.
Ah, my fair beauty.
Open up thy curtains
that I might see
your beautiful kisser.
[GROANS]
Oh! Where you been
all my life, toots?
[NEW YORK ACCENT] Down at
rd and rd Avenue. I just got over.
Oh, a linesman.
Remember the old pool room?
Yeah.
Well, that's a church now.
No kiddin'?
Hmm, not bad.
Now, you're the type--
What are ya eatin', stenchy?
Nuts?
No. Garlic.
Hey, what's the idea?
I'm lost in the dark.
Catch me and I'll
give you a kiss.
I'll find ya.
Heh, heh, heh. You little cutie.
[GIGGLES]
Oh! Mmm!
Where are you?
Say somethin', cutie,
so I can find ya.
Am I gettin' warm?
Huh? Tell me-- Ohh!
There ya are.
Nyuck, nyuck, nyuck, nyuck!
Hmm.
[GROANS]
Agh!
Whoo-whoo-whoo-whoo!
Hey, fellas, he's after me!
Oh!
Let's scram! Whoo-whoo-whoo!
Find them and feed them
to the lions!
Yowsa, boss.
They shan't escape, captain.
And as for you, freedom, riches,
and your choice of the most
beautiful of my harem,
or death!
Come, let your eyes feast upon
the loveliest flowers
of the desert.
Come on!
Scram.
[♪]
We have some new arrivals,
I see.
Oh!
Mm!
[GRUNTS]
Oh, master master, master!
It's us! Come on!
We gotta bring you back alive!
Nyuck, nyuck, nyuck, nyuck.
Oh!
Well, we saved your life that
time, ol' captain, ol' kid.
Thank you, gentlemen.
We should be decorated for this.
You will.
[ROARING]
Ah! Whoa!
The door's locked.
What do we do now?
[BARKING, SNARLING]
I guess I told him.
It's all in how you do it, cap.
Marvelous!
It was a cinch.
[ALL SCREAM]
[ALL SCREAM]
LARRY: Look out!
MOE: There he is!
CURLY: Whoo-whoo-whoo!
LARRY: Don't push me!
LARRY: Give me plenty of room!
MOE: Look out!
LARRY: What is that?
CURLY: Whoo-whoo!
[YELLING FADES]
I guess we showed him
who's boss.
What do you mean, "we"?
[BARKS]
CURLY: Mush! Mush!
Nyuck, nyuck, nyuck, nyuck.
[♪]
05x02 - Wee Wee Monsieur
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The Three Stooges were an American vaudeville and comedy team active from 1922 until 1970, best remembered for their 200 short-subject films.
The Three Stooges were an American vaudeville and comedy team active from 1922 until 1970, best remembered for their 200 short-subject films.