07x02 - Rockin' thru the Rockies

[bunniefuu]

[♪]

Where are they?

Oh, where can they be?

If those three
good-for-nothing loafers

don't get back soon,
we'll be forced to camp here.

Take it easy, Nell. They said
they were gonna scout around

to make sure we're not
ambushed by Indians.

Those dumb clucks wouldn't know
a redskin from a sunburn.

Why I ever let those three
flat-footed, broken-down hoofers

sell me the idea
of taking us across the country,

instead of hiring
regular guides, I'll never know.

And if we don't get our show
to San Francisco in two months,

we'll lose our engagement.

Where are those three
sunbaked hams?

Oh!

I'm sorry, Moe.
Honest, I'm sorry.

That's all right.
I know you couldn't help it.

Oh, ain't he a swell guy?

Oh! Oh-ho!

Say, what's the idea?!

Shut up! You want
the Indians to hear you?

Yeah! I'm sick and tired
of lookin' for Indians.

Let 'em look for us
for a change.

He's right. Let 'em look for us.

Won't you look
for one little one for me?

A little one?

Yeah, one with a fat stomach.

Just one? Yeah.

Okay.

Oh!

Did you see one?

Yeah.

Come and get it!

Eats. Let's go.

Whoo-whoo-whoo.

Nyuck, nyuck, nyuck.

Here we are.

Dish it out.

[YELL]

What's the big idea?

You said come and get it.

Well, you got it.

And if you don't get this troupe
to San Francisco,

you're really gonna get it.

What's the big rush?

We left Kansas
only five months ago.

Well... only five months, eh?

If we're not in San Francisco
in time to open up that show,

I'm gonna fill you
so full of holes,

that when the wind blows
through you,

you'll whistle
like a peanut wagon.

But you can't do that. Why not?

Because we don't belong
to the peanut vendors' union.

Nyuck, nyuck. [COCKS g*n]

Wait a minute, Nell.

Put away the a*tillery
and let's have some grub.

Well, make yourselves useful.
Open up some corned beef.

To the corned beef.
To the corned beef.

Hmm.

Let's have a little kiss, huh?

Nyuck, nyuck, nyuck.

Whoa! I got pneumonia!

No! Listen, Moe--

Look-- Oh, corned beef.

It's a good thing I'm hungry
or I'd mash you.

Oh... Nyuck, nyuck, nyuck.

[BARKS]

Oh, it broke.

[BARKS]

[CRYING]

What's the matter?
What's eatin' you?

It broke. Now I can't open it.

Well, use the ax.

Oh, the ax.

Give 'em the ax,
give 'em the ax,

give 'em the ax, the ax, the ax!

Right in the neck,
right in the neck...

[YELLS]

Oh, taking me illiterately, eh?

Get over there and get busy
and quit neckin'.

[WHINES]

CURLY: Fore!

[WHINES]

How do you like that?

I got the--

Ah...

MOE: Oh, cutie-pie?

Come here.

You realize
that was an accident.

Why, certainly. Ha-ha-ha.

Nyuck, nyuck, nyuck.

[YELLS]

Well, that's that. No, it isn't.

For this, you're gonna
stand guard tonight.

Oh, no, I ain't!

You ain't?

[YELLS]

I'm still not gonna stand guard,

unless you let me
use your new g*n.

Oh, no, you don't. Why?

You don't know how to work it.

I certainly do.

You pick this thing
up and down like that,

pull back this gadget,
and pull the trigger.

[g*nsh*t] [YELLS]

Oh! Look what you did!

[WHINNYING]

Whoa! Whoa!

Look at the horses,
you scared them.

I couldn't help it.
They're quiet now.

Well, if there are
any Indians around,

they know where to find us.

Listen, shorty.
I ain't afraid of Indians.

I once shot a Morris chair
from underneath Sitting Bull.

Nyuck, nyuck.

Sitting... Bull!

So he was standing.

Indians, Indians. Ha-ha.

Why, there isn't
an Indian for miles around.

We've searched the--

[GASPS] [YELLS]

How.

How.

How. LARRY: How.

How do you do?

This property belong
to escrow Indian.

No paleface allowed.

We ain't pale. We're sunburned.

You make skidoo.

If not gone in two sundowns,
many brave come, take scalp.

You're too late.
The barber got mine.

Nyuck, nyuck, nyuck.

[GRUNTS]

[BARKING]

Here, quiet, Airedale.

Want me to put a muzzle on you?

[PANTING]

[BARKS]

Two sundowns. Scram.

Keep pretty paleface squaw.
Like make whoopee.

[GRUNTS]

You keep mind on business.

Make whoopee later.

Not bad.

Moe, let's get out of here.
I'm scared.

Well, there's no use trying to
leave now. It'll be dark soon.

All right.
But leave the horses hitched

in case we have to make
a fast getaway.

Yeah. You'll keep
a sharp lookout.

I'll keep two sharp lookouts.

We have met the enemy,

and the situation
is well in hand.

Then, right about-face.

Certainly.

[YELLS]

[g*nsh*t]

Look at the duck.

[HORSES WHINNYING]

The horses!

Look at the horses!

Look at the ducks!

Never mind the ducks!
The horses, they're goin'!

Stop them!
What are we gonna do now?

Do something.
Do something. Come on.

Look at the ducks!

Never mind the ducks!
Never mind the ducks!

If we were on those horses,

we could've been in
San Francisco in the morning!

[YELLS] It's all your fault.

Now we'll never get out of here.

The only thing that keeps me
from killin' you birds

is the fact that
I'm short of b*ll*ts.

I have plenty of b*ll*ts.
I'll be glad to lend you some.

Now, I--

Ah...

We're gonna get busy now.

We gotta build us a shelter.

You know, it's liable
to snow tonight.

Yeah, what could we build
a shelter out of?

Uncle Tom's Cabin.

Oh, no, you don't.

You won't wreck my scenery
to build no shelter.

Oh, yes, we will.

Oh, no, we won't.

Well, we'll have it
your way, we will.

[BARKING]

[CONTINUOUS SNORING]

[BARKING]

[BARKS]

[BARKS]

[YAWNS]

[BARKS]

Nyuck, nyuck, nyuck.

[YELLS] Hey, you.

What's the matter
with you, bloodhound?

If you're gonna bark
in your sleep like a dog,

get over there
and sleep by yourself.

What's the idea?

What's the idea?
Go sleep by yourself, I said.

But it's cold.
What'll I use to cover?

Use the bearskin.

Bare skin?
How can I use my bare skin?

The bear hide. The bear hide.

Oh, the bear hide.

But there's no mattress.

Well, go out to the wagon
and get one, you dummy.

Listen, you--

[YELPS]

Brr...

[YELLS]

[WHIMPERING]

Whoo, it's cold outside.

It's snowin'.
I better have snowshoes.

We haven't any snowshoes.

But what am I gonna--?
Oh, yes, we have.

Brr...

♪ La la lee ♪

♪ La lee la ♪

♪ La lee-lee ♪

♪ La la la la ♪

[SNIFFING]

[GRUNTS]

[YELLS]

Brr.

Brr.

[GROWLS]

Hey. Quit snorin' so loud.

[GROWLS]

[YELLS]

[BARKS]

[WHIMPERS]

[CURLY WHIMPERING]

[WHIMPERS]

[RATTLING]

[CURLY SNORING]

Why, you...

[YELLS]

What's the idea,
taking our blankets?

You want us to freeze to death?

[YELLS]

Hey, fellas, look.
The ceiling is sagging.

Get a brace and brace it up.

Hurry up.

Get moving. Be careful you
don't tear that corner loose.

Don't worry.
Don't rip the canvas.

I know what I'm doin'.

Think I'm a dope?

"Think"?

Hold it up.

Whoo-whoo-whoo.

[SPITS]

I'm sorry, Moe. A lizard--

I mean, a blizzard.
An avalanche-y. I--

Where's Larry? Get Larry.

Dig. Dig. Dig.

Well, all right.

Get up. You applehead.

Listen, I didn't mean it.

[YELLS]

[SCREAMING]

The walls of Jericho collapsed.

Say, what's the idea?

I couldn't help it.

Nature played me a dirty trick.

Why, if I didn't need you,
I'd exterminate you.

We better get a move on
before the Indians come back

and we won't be able
to go any place.

Right. We got work to do.
[ALL SCREAM]

MOE: Come on,
boys. Get a move on.

For dear, old alma mater.

Here. You pump
some water in that.

Here. You chop some wood.

Right. [YELLS]

What happened?

Moe. Moe... Moe.

Say somethin', a few syllables.

Say anything.

I hate you.

Oh... I hate you too. Nyah...

[SPITS]

[SQUEAKING]

Here's your water.

Water? Those are ice cubes.

So it's hard water.

Oh, hard water--

Look, gold. Gold? Where?

Right down in the snow. Get it.

Oh, gold. Oh, boy...

[YELLS]

What's the matter, Larry?

Hey, you guys,
quit your stallin'

and get some grub
out of the wagon.

The girl's will be hungry.

Oh. Food, boys.

Whoo-whoo-whoo.

Grub. Food. Food.

Where's that corned beef?

Oh, boy. Ha-ha-ha.

The food, it's all gone.

Bears. They've eaten it up.

Nothing left.

That ain't the half of it.

We're stranded out here with a
prairie schooner and no horses.

I got an idea.

All we gotta do
is rig a sail to the wagon

and sail for 'Frisco. A cruise.

Nyuck, nyuck, nyuck.

Ooh... ooh... Uh...

Well, you picked a fine time
to go sailin'.

Well, what can we lose?
Let's try it.

Okay. You rig a mast.

Get a piece of scenery
and rig a sail.

Okay. Sail. Hmm.

If we had a department store,
we could have a rummage sale.

[YELPS]

[GRUNTS]

Go on. Start rummaging, rummy.

Avast ere your timbers.

Carry that barge.
Lift that bale.

Swing it.

Ship ahoy. Raise the anchor.

Haul it on the poop deck.

Shiver my timbers and--

Hey, that's enough. Come on.

Take out that topsail.
All right.

Tie off the line. All right.

Come on, girls,
let's pack up the bedding.

[IN UNISON] Well, all right.

All set. All we need
is some wind

and we can sail right to
San Francisco.

Maybe we'll be lucky
like Columbus

and discover a new country.

This country's good enough
for us.

I'd like to discover something
to eat.

I'm awful hungry.
Hey, fishing tackle.

I got an idea.

We can cut holes in the ice
and catch fish.

♪ La lee la ♪

♪ La lee la la ♪

Hey, you fellas, hurry up.
I'm hungry.

I'm goin' as fast as I can.

Keep your shirt on.

I practically
got a fish already.

What kind?

A blue-- Who's talkin' to you?

♪ La lee la la ♪

♪ La lee la ♪

♪ La lee la la ♪

[SPITS]

Ahh...

Nyuck, nyuck, nyuck.

Hmm.

Hmm.

You double-crosser, you.

I got one. I got one.

Haul 'em out.
Haul 'em out, quick.

MOE: I'll m*rder
you. Get 'em off.

Wait a minute. I'll get him.

What are you takin' a bath for?
It ain't Saturday.

I'm sorry--

I don't want no help from you.

Go on. Back to your fishing
grounds. Go on.

Ungrateful, eh?

Oh, no, you don't.

Nyuck, nyuck, nyuck.

Hey.

Look, a midget.

How do you like that?
I got-- Nyuh-uh-uh.

It's a whale.

Woo.

Oh, I got one. I got one.

Oh, boy.

[GRUNTING]

Larry, help me. Help me.

Come on, help me.
He's gettin' away.

Help me.

Woo.

I got him coming now.
Go get the iron bar

and hit him on the head
when I bring him up.

Quick. Hm...

[YELLS]

Hey, this fish looks like Moe.

It is Moe.

[WHIMPERS]

We're sorry, Moe.
I thought you was a fish.

Do I look like a sucker?

Ooh. Ooh.

NELL: Boys. Boys.

The girls, they're gone.

[IN UNISON] Gone?

Yes. I found this note.
Here, read it.

"Dear hatchet face,
we take paleface squaws.

"You get new face,
maybe next time we take you.

"Chief Growling Bear.

"P.S. Tell three coyotes
with you if no gone by sunset,

we scalp 'em,
close to the shoulder."

Uhh... Nyuh-uh-uh.

Now what are we gonna do?

[SCREAMING]

It's the girls.
Let's go. Hurry up.

Oh, hurry up. Hurry.

The Indians are coming. Indians.

[w*r CRIES]

[WHIMPERING]

Get that mattress up here.
Hurry up.

[SPEAKING NATIVE LANGUAGE]

[SCREAMING]

[YELLING]

[WIND HOWLS]

Hurry up there, now. Get going.

Drop the sail.

[YELLS]

[HOWLING CONTINUES]

[♪]