02x01 - Dora, Dora, Dora

[bunniefuu]

[THE PARTRIDGE FAMILY'S
"COME ON GET HAPPY" PLAYING]

♪ Hello, world, hear the song
That we're singing ♪

♪ Come on, get happy ♪

♪ A whole lot of lovin'
Is what we'll be bringing ♪

♪ We'll make you happy ♪

♪ We had a dream
We'd go traveling together ♪

♪ We'd spread a little love ♪

♪ And then we'll keep
Movin' on ♪

♪ Something always happens
Whenever we're together ♪

♪ We get a happy feeling
When we're singing a song ♪

♪ Traveling along there's
A song that we're singing ♪

♪ Come on, get happy ♪

♪ A whole lot of lovin'
Is what we'll be bringing ♪

♪ We'll make you happy ♪

♪ We'll make you happy ♪

♪ We'll make you happy ♪

[♪♪♪]

Well, this is just a s*ab
in the dark,

but are you guys
tired or something?

How about you
ask Tracy.

Mm. A nice kid,
but she's no trouper.

Reuben, that was one of the
toughest tours

you ever booked us on.

Okay,
but now it's over.

You can lay around, relax,
take it easy. Till Saturday.

[♪♪♪]

You didn't book
us Saturday.

Well,
just a little bit.

How can you book us just
a little bit?

Well, you might say it's
just a little bit

of a favor
for Stillman Kelly.

KEITH:
Who's Stillman Kelly?

Who--?

Only the owner of the number-one
local radio station.

And we owe him one
very big favor,

in case you forgot.

I never heard of him.

Who do you think got me
my FM stereo for half-price?

That's a "you" favor,
not a "we" favor.

Reuben,
we're tired.

Okay.

What was I supposed to say?

"No, the Partridge Family
will not do a benefit

for the Point Loomis
Air Force Base."

[♪♪♪]

It's for an Air Force base?

It's like you'll be doing
your share

to make the world safe
from Communism.

There's nothing to it.

All you have to do is learn
two or three new songs.

Hold it.
What two or three new songs?

The ones Dora's gonna sing.

Who's Dora?

Oh,
you don't know Dora?

Well, Dora is
Stillman Kelly's daughter.

She is also the key part
of the favor.

Reuben,
I get the feeling

that a stranger is gonna be
singing with us.

Oh, would I do that?
She sings alone.

All you have to do is,
well, back her up a little.

Can this girl sing?

I don't know.

You don't know?

Look, it won't hurt
to listen to the girl.

If you like her,
fine.

If you don't, well,
I'll make up some excuse.

But if she sings half
as good as she looks,

she'll be sensational.

Yeah,
forget her looks,

I wanna hear what
she sounds like.

[PIANO PLAYING]

[SINGING "I LEFT MY HEART
IN SAN FRANCISCO" OFF-KEY]

♪ I left my heart
In San Francisco ♪

♪ High on a hill
It calls to me ♪

♪ To be where little cable cars
Climb halfway to the stars ♪

♪ The morning fog
May chill the air ♪

♪ I don't care ♪

♪ My love waits there
In San Francisco ♪

♪ Above the blue
And windy sea ♪

♪ When I come home to you
San Francisco ♪

♪ Your golden sun
Will shine for me ♪

[♪♪♪]

Great. Out of sight.
One more time.

[♪♪♪]

[♪♪♪]

I can't understand it.

Any -year-old could tell
Dora can't sing a note.

Can't he hear?

It's not his ears,
it's his eyes.

When Keith looks at Dora,
well, he can't hear too well.

Oh,
that makes sense.

Have you heard about the birds
and the bees?

I've heard about the tortoise
and the hare.

It's very simple, sweetheart.
Love is blind.

When a young man like Keith
looks at a young girl like Dora,

any imperfections she may have
are overlooked.

[KEITH SINGING "I LEFT MY HEART
IN SAN FRANCISCO"]

♪ I left my heart
In San Francisco ♪

♪ High on a hill
It calls... ♪

[KNOCKING ON DOOR]

SHIRLEY:
Keith?

Come in.

What are you doing?

Oh,
studying.

Gotta keep the old nose
to the grindstone.

First time I've ever seen
an -by- glossy grindstone.

Oh, that.

Dora gave me this this afternoon
after her audition.

Isn't she something else?

She's so beautiful.

Her mind, that is.

Her mind.

Yeah.

That's why I keep
her picture in my algebra book.

Well,
I'm glad she's bright,

but what I really wanted
to talk about was Dora's talent.

I don't know where
she got a voice like that.

Neither do I.

Possibly some childhood disease.

What?

Keith,
her voice isn't very good.

Come on,
what are you talking about?

I heard it with my own ears.

Mmm.

How do I--?
How do I say this?

Um...

When a--

When a young man sees
a beautiful girl,

well, things happen.
His, um...

His heart beats faster,

and, well, the-- All the--
The blood rushes to his heart.

And that means

that all of the blood leaves
his ears and they--

They don't work very well.

It's a--
It's a variation

of cold hands and warm heart.

Mom, did you just tell me
the facts of life?

You did.

You're blushing.
that's enough.

Just promise me one thing:

When we rehearse
with her tomorrow,

I want you to promise me
that you're going to listen.

I mean really listen.

I promise.

Cold hands and warm heart,
huh, Mom?

You are too much.

[SINGING "I LEFT MY HEART
IN SAN FRANCISCO" OFF-KEY]

♪ When I come home to you
San Francisco ♪

♪ Your golden sun
Will shine for me ♪

How was that?

KEITH:
Hi, everybody.

I'm sorry I'm late--

Hi, Dora.
Hi, Keith.

Oh, please don't set up
for my sake.

I have to leave.

I promised my dad
I'd be home by .

Oh, I'm sorry I blew it.

May I have a few words
with you?

Where have you been?
You said you'd be here.

I know.
I couldn't help it, Mom.

Gordy was driving me home
from school and he got a ticket.

You know that sneaky stop sign
on Oak Street?

The one that is way off the road
and hidden by the tree?

Gordy ran it?

He hit it.
He's a rotten driver.

We wanted you here so we could
make our decision.

I know. Look, we'll talk
about it later, okay?

[CLEARS THROAT]

I really have to go.

I really appreciate all
of you helping me like this.

I don't know how
to thank you.

Oh, it's been a pleasure.

Well, now that you've waited
through an hour of my singing...

Well, you're all professionals
and I respect your opinion.

I'd like to know what
you honestly think of my voice.

Ah, first of all,

I'd like to say I think
it's great. Mom?

Oh. Oh, your--
Your voice is truly

encouraging to all
young singers.

Yes, um, you have to hear it
to believe it.

Do you want me
to be perfectly honest?

The only thing I like better
than your voice

is hot boiled milk
at bedtime.

Oh, thanks.

You're all very
nice people.

I owe you so much for spending
this much time with me.

Well, thanks again.

Wait a minute.
I'll walk you home.

May I be perfectly
honest now?

[♪♪♪]

He's back.

Come right this way,
brother.

What is this?

Just something
we want you to hear.

Reuben brought us
this audition tape.

Some girl who wants
to get into show business.

Oh, not another favor.

What did he get this time,
a free color TV?

We want you to hear it.

[DORA SINGING "I LEFT MY HEART
IN SAN FRANCISCO" ON TAPE]

♪ I left my heart
In San Francisco ♪

♪ High on a hill
It calls-- ♪

Mom, that's terrible.

Keith, that's Dora.

Dora who?

Dora.

[♪♪♪]

Dora?

Dora.

[♪♪♪]

Are you sure we're talking
about the same Dora?

That's been established beyond
any reasonable doubt.

Honey,
I tried to tell you.

I can't understand it.

She was singing
in the wrong key.

Several wrong keys.

How could I go
so far wrong?

It's simple.
When you see her,

your heart pounds and all the
blood rushes from your eardrums

so you can't hear right.

Where did you hear that?

In school,
in my sex-education class.

You know, maybe there's
some truth to that old saying

that love is blind.

If nothing else,
it has a tin ear.

Look, I'm sorry.

I didn't mean to get
us into all this.

Good.
Feel free to get us out of it.

Keith, if Dora sings
at that benefit,

she could end up being
very hurt.

Well, I don't think
I can tell her.

I mean, I take one look
at her and...

Well, you've seen me.

Yeah, it's disgusting.

It won't be easy.

The best thing to do is
just look her square in the eye

and tell her the simple truth.

Keith,
why are you talking to the wall?

[SIGHS]

I didn't want it
to be like this,

but I guess I'm just gonna
have to do it, face-to-face.

Yes?

Um...

[♪♪♪]

DANNY:
Well?

Keith, you're
no cat burglar.

Did you tell her?
Tell who what?

What's all this noise?

What are you kids
doing up?

We just wanted to know
if Keith told her.

Tell who what?

Keith,
you did tell her.

Okay, everybody,
you all heard Mom.

Let's go,
off to bed.

Here--
Here we go, bedtime.

[CLEARS THROAT]

Mom,
you better tell them.

They don't seem
to wanna listen to me.

Keith,
did you tell her?

You know, I'm very glad
you brought that up.

We talked about
a lot of things.

I'm afraid you're going
to have to be

a little more specific
than that.

Dora and I are going steady.

[♪♪♪]

Isn't anyone gonna
congratulate me?

[♪♪♪]

[FOOTSTEPS APPROACHING]

Hi.

Where you going?

Well, since my son,
the tower of strength,

let us down last night,

I'm gonna see what
I can do about it.

Like what?
I'm gonna talk to her father.

I think it would be best
for Dora

if she heard it from him.

I don't envy you.

How do you tell a father
that his daughter has no talent?

[♪♪♪]

[INTERCOM BUZZES]

Yes?
WOMAN [ON INTERCOM]: Mr. Kelly,

Mrs. Partridge is here
to see you.

Oh, she's here.
Send her in.

[HUMMING]

Come in,
Mrs. Partridge.

How do you do,
Mr. Kelly?

I'm so glad to meet you.
Sit down.

Sit down right here.
Thank you.

Yeah.
Now, I wanna thank you

for what you've been doing
for my daughter.

That's why I'm here.
Yeah.

You know,
I've really been looking forward

to meeting you because we have
a little bit in common.

You see, I used to be a member
of a hit singing group too.

Oh, I didn't know that.
Oh, yeah. Sure.

Yeah. Now, I'm going back.
I'm going way back.

I'm talking about .

We were known as
The Golden Flash.

Yeah, maybe you remember
our big hit record:

"Stolen Kisses, Stolen Hubcaps."

It doesn't ring a bell.

Oh, sure.
Everyone remembers that.

It went like this:

[SINGING OFF-KEY]

♪ Shoo-bop, shoo-bop
Diddly, diddly, diddly ♪

♪ Shoo-bop, shoo-bop
Diddly, diddly, diddly ♪

Yeah. Well, me and three
other guys,

we sang background.

I did the "shoo-bop,"
they did the "diddly."

Boy. Yeah,
things were different then.

Oh?

Well, I mean, you know,
the groups, they burn up fast.

We were a hit for about
three days, and then nothing.

I was out of the business

before my gold lamÈ suit
was paid for.

I'm sorry.

Oh, hey, don't be.

I'm not exactly a failure.
I own this station here.

But I'm just glad that Dora
has a chance

at the kind of success
I never had.

Mr. Kelly, um,

I'm glad you've been around
the business a long time.

Right.

Maybe you'll understand
when I say,

about the benefit tomorrow
night?

Oh, yeah, boy.

I wonder if Dora should appear.

I beg--
I beg your pardon?

I don't think Dora...

I don't think Dora's
had enough experience.

I mean, she'll be facing
a large audience.

You know,
Dora has been training for this

ever since she was
a little child.

It's been one PTA meeting
after another.

That's nice.

The fact is, um...

I don't think Dora's had
enough professional training.

Thank you for your concern,
Mrs. Partridge,

but believe me,

Dora has had the very
best professional training.

You see, I've taught her
everything that I know.

Yeah. Have you--?
Have you heard this one?

[SINGING "I LEFT MY HEART
IN SAN FRANCISCO" OFF-KEY]

♪ I left my heart-- ♪

♪ Shoo-bop, shoo-bop ♪

♪ --In San Francisco ♪

♪ High on a hill... ♪

DANNY:
Well, how'd it go?

LAURIE:
Did he take it all right?

You did tell him,
didn't you?

Well, Mr. Kelly and I
talked about a lot of things.

Don't tell me, you and Mr. Kelly
are going steady.

KEITH:
How could you do it?

That's the problem,
I didn't do it.

How could you not do it?

Well, there goes your
Mom-is-perfect theory.

I couldn't help it.

He really thinks
his daughter's talented.

How could he think that?

She's more talented than he is.

Poor Dora.

She's gonna go
out there tomorrow--

I don't even wanna think
about it.

Well, there's only one hope:
we'll all play loud.

Drowning her out is
the merciful thing to do.

Well, does anybody
have a better idea?

Yeah, we could kidnap her.

Danny.

Well, it's better
than Keith's idea.

You know, there is one way
to solve this problem,

and that's to let the man
who got us into this mess

get us out.

Now, wait a minute.

Why should I be the heavy?

LAURIE:
Because you're the one that got

the FM stereo for half-price.

Sure,
you would throw that up to me.

Reuben, we have tried our best.
I think it's your turn now.

Okay. Okay.

If everybody thinks
it's my fault,

I'll fix it.

It's as good as taken care of.

[♪♪♪]

[SINGING "I WOKE UP
IN LOVE THIS MORNING"]

♪ Last night
I turned out the light ♪

♪ Lay down
And thought about you ♪

♪ I thought about the way
That it could be ♪

♪ Two o'clock
Wonderin' what ♪

♪ I'm doin' here
Alone without you ♪

♪ So I close my eyes
And dream you here to me ♪

♪ And I woke up
In love this morning ♪

♪ I woke up
In love this morning ♪

♪ Went to sleep
With you on my mind ♪

♪ Now I woke up
In love this morning ♪

♪ I woke up
In love this morning ♪

♪ Went to sleep
With you on my mind ♪

♪ Do dreams come true?
Well if they do ♪

♪ I'll have you ♪

♪ Not just for a night
But for my whole life through ♪

♪ And I woke up
In love this morning ♪

♪ I woke up
In love this morning ♪

♪ Went to sleep
With you on my mind ♪

♪ Now I woke up
In love this morning ♪

♪ I woke up
In love this morning ♪

♪ Went to sleep
With you on my mind ♪

Psst. Psst.

Introduce Dora.

What?

Introduce Dora.

Reuben, you said you
were gonna take care of this.

It's taken care of.
Just introduce Dora.

Believe me,
I know what I'm doing.

Go on.

[AUDIENCE APPLAUDS]

Thank you again.

And now,
I would like to introduce to you

a very vocal young singer
who is with us tonight.

I hope you'll give a nice warm
welcome to Miss Dora Kelly.

You're kidding.

[CROWD APPLAUDING]

[MEN CHEERING AND WHISTLING]

[INAUDIBLE DIALOGUE]

[SINGING "I LEFT MY HEART
IN SAN FRANCISCO"]

♪ I left my heart
In San Francisco ♪

[INAUDIBLE]
what's happening. Look.

[♪♪♪]

[♪♪♪]

I never realized Air Force
newspapers gave reviews.

"Dora Kelly, new bombshell,
overkills at Point Loomis."

I can't get over the way
she was received.

Standing ovation.

That's pretty good,
considering no one heard her.

It says here
that the applause showed up

as a blip
on their radar screen.

Well,
I'm glad they liked her,

but in a way I'm kind of sorry.

I'm afraid she's going
to be fooled

into thinking she has talent.

Well,
it doesn't matter.

She never wanted to be
in show business anyway.

She only did it
for her father.

Now she can study to be
what she wanted to be.

What's that?
Chiropractor.

Hey, Mom,
have I ever told you

about my trick back?

Your--?

I keep getting these terrible,
sh**ting pains.

Especially in the morning.

It starts at the base
of the spine...

DANNY:
They start right here...

[♪♪♪]

[♪♪♪]