09x05 - Three Smart Saps

[bunniefuu]

[♪]

[ALL SOBBING]

Now, now, girls, everything's
going to be all right.

Oh, but it isn't
going to be all right.

We can't get married.

[ALL SOBBING]

CURLY: ♪ The wedding
bells Will start to ring ♪

ALL: ♪ Ding, dong, ding ♪

CURLY: ♪ The birdies,
They will start to sing ♪

ALL: ♪ Sing, song, sing ♪

CURLY: ♪ The bride and
groom Will start to swing ♪

MOE AND LARRY: ♪ Oh, oh, swing ♪

CURLY: ♪ Oh, oh, swing ♪

♪ So swing it ♪

Ah, boy.

Just think, in five minutes,
we'll be married.

And a glorious honeymoon
on the water.

I'll hire a large rowboat
in the park.

[CHUCKLES]

[CRIES OUT]

Get out of the way. Come on.

[WOMEN SOBBING]

Stella. Nella.

Bella.

What's the matter?

We have to call the wedding off.

Father's in jail.

We know he's in jail.
He's been the warden for years.

But he's not the warden anymore.

Walker's clique framed him.

And now Walker's the warden
and father's a convict.

How do you like that?
[ALL SOBBING]

Aw, don't cry, honey.
I can't stand that.

Dry your tears, dear. That's it.

And you--
You make me feel so sad.

Stop that, now.

There you are.

Wait a minute. I got it.

He's got it.

Listen, you got nothing
to worry about.

We'll get into the jail
and get your father out.

But there's something fishy
going on.

They won't arrest
ordinary people.

We're not ordinary people.
We're morons.

Speak for yourself.

We gotta get into that jail.
Come on.

Nyuck nyuck.

Hm.

[CHUCKLES]

Ow! No!

[CRIES OUT]

Woo-hoo.

Look, we're practically
in the clink now.

Come on.

Who did that?

ALL: We did. Arrest us.

Oh. Close your eyes.

ALL: Oh!

Our jail is for
important people.

Some nerve.
He wouldn't arrest us.

I got the idea.

We get some rocks,
we throw 'em through a window,

we're sure to get pinched.
Swell.

Why didn't I think of that?

What a dumbbell.

What are you doin'?

I'm mad at myself.

So am I.

[CRIES OUT]

Listen, you.

What?

I think I know
where I can find some rocks.

Mr. Lansky, there she is.

All done
and absolutely unbreakable.

[CLANGS]

See that? You can't break it.

[CLANGS]

Now, come on,
we'll get the other panel in,

and you can help me.
It's out in the back.

All right.

Company, halt.

Right, face.

Ready, aim,

Wait a minute.
I said right face.

This is my right face.

Well, I don't like it.

That way.

Ready, aim, fire.

Hey, look.
The window didn't break.

Somethin' broke.

I thought I heard
a hollow sound.

Hey, Moe, want to--

Hey, Moe. Say somethin'.
Talk to me. Anything.

I hate you.

That's the sweetest words
you ever said.

And you won't slap me?

Who said I wouldn't?

Oh. Oh.

Get up there.

We gotta get into jail,

and that window's
gotta be broken.

Well, what can we do?

I don't know. Use your head.

I--

Hm-hm.

[CRASHING]

[IMITATING JIMMY DURANTE]
I got a million of 'em.

Am I mortified.

Shh. Shh.

Shh.

Shh--

Bars on a jail.

How do they expect anyone
to get in?

Quiet!

Now, look, ,
if you're gonna be out late,

you better take the key.
I want to go to sleep myself.

All right.
So long. Have a good time.

Hi, guys.

How could he see us?

Must have been the garlic
you ate last night.

[KNOCKS "SHAVE AND A HAIRCUT"]

MAN: Hello, Mr. No One. Come in.

That's for us.

[KNOCKS "SHAVE AND A HAIRCUT"]

[CRIES OUT]

[CHUCKLES]

Stand aside.

Let a guy who knows
how to knock knock,

knick, knock, knock, knock,
nyuck, nyuck, nyuck--

[CRIES OUT]

I quit. That settles it. I quit.

Good work, kid, good work.

That's using your head.

Look. A marble machine in jail.

That's where they belong.

That's for me.

[WHINES]

[BOINGS]

[BELL RINGS, CUCKOO CHIRPS]

[MAKING STRANGE NOISES]

Wait a minute. We gotta
find our fiancées' father.

Maybe he's in solitary
refinement.

Wherever he is,
we gotta find him.

Boys.

It's him.

Our future father-in-law.

Hello, Mr. Stevens.

The girls told us about
the trouble you were in,

and we got in here
to help you escape.

No, there's only one way
for me to get outta here,

and that's to expose
that crooked Walker.

And then I can get
my warden's job back.

How can you expose them?

They've been usin' this place

as a hide-out for racketeers
and gangsters.

Right now they're holding
a big party in the main room.

Here, get some candid pictures
for evidence,

and I'll soon be free.

And it's wedding bells
for us? That's right.

Leave it to me. I'm an expert.

[CLICKS]

Exhibit A.

Exhibit B.

Come on.

[CROWD SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY]

[CLICKS]

Boy, this is really somethin'.
Come on.

Sorry, gentlemen.

I can't admit you
unless you have formal attire.

Oh, snooty, eh?

Yeah, you gotta have
a snoot suit.

That guy's suit will fit me.

What are we waitin' for?

Hey, Billiken.

[WHISTLES]

I haven't got my glasses.
I got static in the left eye.

Tell me, what time is it?

okay, I got mine.
You see what you can find.

I'll meet you inside. Hurry up.

That way.

MAN: Now, see here, you've
been my tailor for years,

and the day
when I need my clothes most,

you have to disappoint me.

I didn't have time
to finish the suit.

I just got it loosely basted

when you phoned and said,
"bring it regardless."

Nyuck, nyuck, nyuck, nyuck.

[BARKS]

[CRIES OUT]

Get the camera. Let's get going.
I'll run interference for ya.

I'll hide behind the drapes
in case you need me.

Okay.

[LATIN MUSIC PLAYING]

[MAN CLEARS THROAT]

Ah, you naughty boys.
I see you've joined our party.

Are you dancing?

Are you asking?

Well, yes, I'm asking.

Then I'm dancing.

Fun's fun,
but this is ridiculous.

Oh!

Moe's the name.

Would you like to trip
over the light fantasia?

[CHUCKLES]

Mm. Spirits.

Nyuck, nyuck, nyuck,
nyuck, nyuck.

Would you care to dance?

Do you rumba?

Only when I take bicarbonate.
Nyuck, nyuck.

But let's dance anyway.

[HISSES]

[SNORTS]

[BARKS]

[CRIES OUT]

[CLICKS]

[ALL LAUGHING]

Do you feel a draft?

Draft?

No, I was exempted.

Somebody lost their skirt.

[BOTH LAUGH]

[LAUGHS]

Oh.

I could dance like this forever.

[CRIES OUT]

♪ I love to dance
In the springtime ♪

♪ Don't you? ♪

I must say,
you're a most unusual dancer.

I come from a family of dancers.

My father died dancing...
on the end of a rope.

Nyuck, nyuck, nyuck, nyuck.

[CURLY LAUGHS]

Come on, kid, let's get going.

Oh, a striptease, eh?

Fascinating, isn't it?

Ooh!

I feel a stitch
comin' up my leg.

Oh, thanks for the dance,

or whatever you might call it.

Won't you sit down?

Thank you.

[CRIES OUT]

Did anyone ever tell you
you had beautiful eyes?

And a wonderful head of hair?

Oh.

What's the matter?

Can't you see
I'm fallin' for ya?

Oh, my goodness.

Here, let me help you up.

Ow!

Oh, I'm so sorry.

Here, let's try again.

Oh!

Hey, Larry. Get me some clothes.

Never mind that.

Let's go. I got enough pictures
in this thing

to hang everybody in the joint.

I can't now. I--
Come on, I said.

You too. Get goin'.

Come on.

[ALL LAUGHING]

Hey, look at ya.

What'd you expect,
Venus de Milo?

I'll "Venus de Milo" you.

Whoo, whoo.

Hurry up. They're waiting
to start the wedding.

I can't find my belt,
my suspenders, or anything.

Get a rope. Get a wire.
Find somethin', you thick--

Hey, I got it.

Ah, this will do it.

Here, take ahold of this.

We'll have you set up
in a minute.

[CHUCKLES]

This will be just the thing.

[CHUCKLES]

Now, if you didn't have TB,

I'd be able
to get this around ya.

What do you mean "TB"?

Two bellies. Oh.

Okay.

[CLICKS] All right.

There's the key. Oh, thanks.

Now, keep movin'.

Come on, let's get going.

Now, hurry up.

[GIBBERS]

STOOGES: I do.

Then I pronounce you
men and wife.

Hoo-hoo-hoo.

Oh, boy. We're married.

Hurry up. The car's waitin'.

Goodbye, Ma.

ALL: Goodbye.

Don't worry about anything.
Everything will be all right.

Hurry up.
Everybody get in the car.

Goodbye. Goodbye.

Oh.

LARRY: Get in the front
seat, darling. I'll let you drive.

MOE: Oh.

[CHUCKLES]

[CAR STARTS]

Mm. That's too good to throw.

Why, you.

[WHINES]

Oh-hoo.

[RASPBERRYS]

But I don't care. Ha-ha-ha-ha.

What are you doin'?

Going on a honeymoon.

Well, come on.

ALL: ♪ Oh, the wedding
bells Will start to ring ♪

♪ Ding dong ding ♪

♪ The wedding bells
Will start to swing ♪

♪ Swing, swing, swing ♪

♪ Oh, swing... ♪

[BARKS]

[♪]