03x12 - Nag, Nag, Nag

[bunniefuu]

♪ Hello, world, hear
the song that we're singin'

♪ Come on, get happy

♪ A whole lot of lovin'
is what we'll be bringin'

♪ We'll make you happy

♪ We had a dream
we'd go travelin' together

♪ And spread a little lovin'
then we'd keep movin' on

♪ Somethin' always happens
whenever we're together

♪ We get a happy feelin'
when we're singin' a song

♪ Travelin' along there's
a song that we're singin'

♪ Come on, get happy

♪ A whole lot of lovin'
is what we'll be bringin'

♪ We'll make you happy

♪ We'll make you happy

♪ We'll make you happy ♪

Laurie, would you mind
getting the garage door?

That's funny. It was
open when we left.

Wait a minute. I can't
allow you to do that.

Acting like a gentleman?
You must be delirious.

Why don't we just leave
the car in the driveway.

It looks great there.

What's the matter?

Danny doesn't want
us to open the door.

He probably rented
our garage to a bookie.

All right, Danny.
What's in there?

You'll never guess.

I don't intend to
stand here trying.

Hi. What's happening?

Danny's doing his famous
Monty Hall impression.

We're supposed to figure out
what's behind door number one.

See, Keith sold me a raffle ticket
a couple of months ago and...

Yeah. Right. I remember.
First prize was an Albertini.

Sounds like something
you put tomato sauce on.

Happens to be an
Italian sports car.

Danny, are you trying to
tell us you won the raffle?

In a manner of speaking.

Hey, fantastic.

What color is it?

Sort of an off-brown.

Is it a convertible?

You could say that.

I bet the interior's incredible.

Genuine leather.

How many horsepower is it?

One. One?

One? One?

Mom, I didn't win first prize.

I won second.

Mom, Laurie, Keith.

I'd like you to meet
F. Scott Fitzgerald.

Don't tell me, we won a
horse that writes novels.

He's a racehorse.
Fourth-generation thoroughbred.

Danny, I don't care
how thorough he's bred.

We cannot keep
him in the garage.

Why not?

Well, for one thing,
he's not garage-broken.

Can't we sit down and
talk this thing out rationally?

Danny, I'm sure F. Scott
appreciates your offer,

but I'm afraid he just wouldn't
be comfortable in your room.

Mom, there's a
horse in the garage.

Is he my birthday present?

Your birthday
isn't for six months.

It's okay. I don't mind.

Can we keep him?

We were just discussing that.

You know, he probably
couldn't be sold for much.

He is a used horse.

Yeah, well, maybe we
could put him out to stud.

What's that?

That's what every
racehorse dreams of.

I say F. Scott could be
the beginning of an empire.

We'll make a fortune.

If we start now, he'll be
ready for the Kentucky Derby,

the Preakness, and the Belmont.

Mmm-hmm.

And you'll be the first
owner shorter than the jockey.

With F. Scott's earnings,
we can buy more horses,

and Partridge Farms
would be worth a fortune.

Why, sure, Mom.

You know, it's not every day
that you win an empire in a raffle.

I'm surrounded by doubters.

Danny, have you figured out

what it's gonna
cost to keep him?

What can it cost?

You throw him a few oats in
the morning, and he's happy.

It would be kind of fun to
have our own racehorse.

And we did get him free.

Another thing. How do
we know he can race?

Well, that's not fair.

I mean, you're looking
a gift horse in the mouth.

I'll get it.

Hello?

Yeah. Yeah, that's right.
My brother won the horse.

What do you mean,
"Is F. Scott happy"?

How can you tell
if a horse is happy?

Who is this?

Oh. Well, hold on
a second. I'll check.

It's F. Scott's trainer.

He says he's willing to keep
working with F. Scott if we want him to.

Mom, Wayne Newton and
Burt Bacharach have racehorses.

What's that got to
do with anything?

Well, they're in music,
and we're in music.

It's practically a tradition.

Please, Mom.

Come on, Mom, please.

Can we?

Well, I guess it wouldn't
do any harm to look in to it.

All right!

Thanks, Mom.

We're on our way.

Hello, baby. That's a good boy.

Yeah, did you miss me?
Yeah, I missed you, too.

You know, me and F. Scott's
been together since he was a colt.

He's a beautiful horse.

He's more than that, ma'am.

He's intelligent, he's strong,
and he's a proud runner.

Here. Look at
some of the clippings

that some of the handicappers
been saying about him.

Listen to this.

Hancock in the News says,
"Best, always dangerous."

And the Racing Forum
wrote "Showing speed in a.m."

"Direct from Sweden,
the real thing."

Tracy, I think it's
on the other side.

Well, this isn't
very impressive.

"Could stand improvement."

Oh, that fellow
was just prejudiced.

Say, I got some pictures of him

I bet you folks would
sure appreciate.

Don't go away.
I'll be right back.

There's something exciting
about being around the track.

Yeah, all that money
changing hands.

I was referring to the
fresh air, the green grass,

and the thrill of competition.

You sound like Howard Cosell.

Shirley.

Okay, what is going on?

How did you know we were here?

I got Danny's message.

Something about white
picket fences, mint juleps,

and making a fortune. I
really don't understand.

I won a raffle.

I still don't understand.

The prize was a racehorse.

Now that I understand, I
wish I didn't understand.

Why? What's wrong
with owning a racehorse?

Nothing. Nothing.

It's just that horse
racing is frustrating,

aggravating,
completely unpredictable,

not to mention expensive.

Come on, Mr. Kincaid.
It's the sport of kings. True.

And most of them are broke.

Here, I brought his scrapbook.

It's got all his colt pictures.

Why, Kincaid, how
you doing, boy?

Hello, Will!

You two know each other?

Yeah, well, I used to go
to the track once in a while.

"Once in a while"?

Well, Reuben here used to
be known as the poor man's...

Are you handling this horse?

I sure am. Thank you, Danny.

Looks like a real winner.

That was a quick change.

You didn't tell me old
Will here was training him.

I was thinking that maybe we could
run him in the San Pueblo County Fair

in a couple of weeks.

If he's ready, and if it's all
right with Miss Partridge, here.

Well, Mom?

We'll be playing a
concert there anyway.

Take a look at this animal.

I mean, he can't wait to start.

Well, I guess
that's the only way

we'll ever find out if he
really is a winner or not.

and .

Thataboy.

Hey, he's coming
along just right.

Will, how are you? Hi, Pete.

This is that jockey I
was telling you about.

Pete Navarro, this is
Keith and Danny Partridge.

Danny here's the owner.

Hey, why don't you
boys get acquainted,

and I'll go check on F. Scott

and see if he come
out of his work okay?

Can you tell me why
you want the job?

You're kidding.

No.

It's what I do for a living.

Why did you leave your
previous employment?

The race was over.

"The race was over."

Excuse me.

What are you doing?

Well, I talked to
Mr. Burnett at the bank,

and he said these are
the questions he asks

to get the best employees.

Danny, we're not
hiring a bank teller.

Please, Keith. I'm trying to be
as scientific about this as possible.

Now, can you tell me where you'd like
your career to be five years from now?

As far away from
you as possible.

Wait a minute.

Speaks two languages.

What's wrong?

That kid thinks he's
Howard Hughes.

I'm terribly sorry.

He gets carried away.
Please wait here.

Danny. Congratulations,
Pete. You got the job.

Look at these
bills we've gotten.

All those are for the horse?

Stable, trainer,
groom, entry fee.

This is getting to
be very expensive.

Mom, look at these
colors I got for the jockey.

My favorites. -karat
gold and dollar green.

Danny, don't you think we could
get something a little less luxurious,

like something in a
nice wash-and-wear?

Mom, it's not a luxury.
It's an investment.

Hello? Hi, Will.

Oh. All right. We'll
be right there. Bye.

There's a problem with F. Scott.

Is he hurt?

Well, Will said he doesn't want
to talk about it on the phone.

Maybe it's not a bad problem.

No, it's probably
a good problem.

I've been training
horses for nearly years,

and I thought I
knew all the answers,

but this one's got me stumped.

Where is he?

Out yonder on the turn.

That's F. Scott in the middle.

He looks all right to me.

What's his problem?

Just watch. Are you ready, boys?

All right, go!

Hey, hey, hey, hey!
Hey, hey, hey, hey!

Maybe he's just letting
them get a head start.

He didn't hear you say "Go"?

We've got a real
problem on our hands.

Insomnia? That's right.

He hasn't had a wink
of sleep in four nights.

That's why he won't run.

Has the vet seen him?

Yeah. He's checked him
twice in the last couple of days.

He says there's nothing
wrong with him physically.

It's all psychological.

How about that? We
have a neurotic horse.

What are we gonna do?

Can't he give him a
sleeping pill or something?

He's afraid it'd mess him
up this close to the race.

He won't be running the race
if we don't solve his problem.

That's true. You
got any suggestions?

Have you tried warm milk?

Mom.

Look. I found this book at the
library. Ways to Better Sleep.

Did you realize that Louis
XIV had over beds?

If we really want F.
Scott to fall asleep,

we should read him that book.

Danny, what's your point?

There are plenty of
methods to cure insomnia.

Oh, really? What's
your solution?

Hypnosis. Terrific.

The vet has tried everything. I
think in this case, no idea is too silly.

How about a water bed?

That's too silly.

Hi, there.

I want you to
remember one thing.

Everything I'm about to
do is for your own good.

All I ask is that you trust me.

Last time he said that,
he hocked my stereo.

Now, watch the watch.

You're getting
sleepier and sleepier.

Your eyes are getting
heavier and heavier.

I did it! Did what?

I made him blink.

Danny, I don't think
this is gonna work.

Don't be so pessimistic.

They say music has charm
that soothes the savage beast.

It's "savage breast,"
and I still feel ridiculous.

This is no time to
think about yourself.

All right.

I've played to some weird audiences
before, but this takes the cake.

You ready?

♪ Lullaby and good night

♪ With roses bedight
♪ With lilies bedecked

♪ Is baby's wee bed

♪ Lay thee down now and rest

♪ May thy slumber be blessed

♪ Lay thee down now and rest

♪ May thy slumber be blessed ♪

You see? It's no use.

He'd probably rather have
us read him a bedtime story.

Danny?

This concludes our viewing day,

so until tomorrow,
KXIU signing off.

He's still wide awake.

I can't believe it.

No one could stay up
through an hour and a half

of Bert Parks telling
d*ck Cavett his life story.

Bert Parks even nodded
off a couple of times.

There's only one
thing left to do.

What? Give up.

We can't give up.

Well, I sure hate to admit it,

but it all looks pretty
hopeless to me.

How's he doing,
Homer? Well, I'll tell you.

If there was a contest for
standing in one place the longest,

he'd win by a mile.

Folks, this is Homer
Peck, the groom.

Homer, this is the
Partridge family.

How do you do,
ma'am? How do you do?

They're singers. Singers?

Well, I'll be. No kidding.
What band you with?

Dorsey? Miller? Harry James?

Homer don't think there was
any music written after .

Well, not any worth
listening to, anyways.

Doggone it.

I'd give you folks the
pleasure of hearing some of it,

but my tape machine's broken.

That's too bad.

Homer don't care
much about anything

except the horses
and Glenn Miller.

Why, he sleeps right here on
the shed row most of the time.

You sleep with the horses?

Yeah, except for
the past three nights.

You see, I kind of got
lucky with a long sh*t.

Past three nights, I've
been living like a king.

Why'd you come back?

I got unlucky with a long sh*t.

You bet on horses, too?

Only when they're running.

There you go. It's fixed.

Well, I'll be danged.

Thank you, young fellow.

Oh, no trouble.

Will, look!

Well, I'll be doggone.

Of course.

Why, his insomnia started about the
time that Homer's machine broke down.

He misses that music.

Glenn Miller put him to sleep?

I don't believe it. A
horse hooked on swing.

You know, a horse can get
used to a noise or a sound

and be real upset
if it disappears.

Do you think he
has a chance now?

What do you say, Homer?

Well, I say to .

To win?

No, that he wakes
up in time for the race.

Where's Danny? If he doesn't
get here soon, we'll miss the race.

It's not like him to be late.

Maybe he's giving
F. Scott a pep talk.

Not even Danny
would go that far.

All right, boy, this
is it, the big one.

Maybe not the
biggest, but it's big.

Now, I don't want
you to win it for me.

I want you to win it for you.

Do you know what this is?

It's a plow horse.

He doesn't run around
a track once a day.

For him, it's eight
hours of hard work.

And one more reason you've
got to win. For my family,

especially my mom.

When you run around
that track today,

think of her and all the
faith she's put in you.

I guess that's about
it. But don't forget.

You finished?

Oh, yeah.

See, I hate to run a race
with tears in my eyes.

Ladies and gentlemen,

the San Pueblo County
Fair proudly presents...

Where have you been?

Psyching up our investment.

The Partridge Family.

♪ Down, doobie-do
down, down Come-a come-a

♪ Down, doobie-do
down, down Come-a come-a

♪ Down, doobie-do
down, down Come-a come-a

♪ Down, doobie-do down

♪ Don't take your
love away from me

♪ Don't you leave
my heart in misery

♪ If you go, then I'll be blue

♪ 'Cause breaking
up is hard to do

♪ Remember when
you held me tight

♪ And you kissed
me all through the night

♪ Think of all that
we been through

♪ 'Cause breaking
up is hard to do

♪ They say that
breaking up is hard to do

♪ Now I know, I
know that it's true

♪ Don't say that this is the end

♪ Instead of breaking up

♪ I wish that we
were making up again

♪ I beg of you,
don't say goodbye

♪ Can't we give
our love another try?

♪ Come on, baby,
let's start anew

♪ 'Cause breaking
up is hard to do

♪ They say that
breaking up is hard to do

♪ Now I know, I
know that it's true

♪ Don't say that this is the end

♪ Instead of breaking up

♪ I wish that we
were making up again

♪ I beg of you,
don't say goodbye

♪ Can't we give
our love another try?

♪ Come on, baby,
let's start anew

♪ 'Cause breaking
up is hard to do

♪ Down, doobie-do
down, down Come-a come-a

♪ Down, doobie-do
down, down Come-a come-a

♪ Down, doobie-do down, down
Come-a come-a ♪ Breaking up is hard to do

♪ Down, doobie-do down, down
Come-a come-a ♪ Breaking up is hard to do

♪ Down, doobie-do down, down
Come-a come-a ♪ Breaking up is hard to do

♪ Down, doobie-do down, down
Come-a come-a ♪ Breaking up is hard to do

Breaking up is hard to do ♪

Hey, you wanna place any bets?

Well, we pooled our money

and we've come up with
$ to put on F. Scott to win.

Sure you wanna put it all
on the nose? That's right.

The horses are
approaching the starting gate.

Mr. Kincaid, I have
seven more cents.

Yeah, well, I'll
cover it, Tracy.

I think the seven-cent
window is closed.

Which one's F. Scott?

There he is. Number seven

All right. We got just one
more to get in there now.

All right, the flag is up.

Well, this is it.
Cross your fingers.

Yeah. Couple of more seconds,

we'll know whether or not
he dozed off at the gate.

I'm afraid to watch.

And they're off.

And Zimzam goes to the
front, followed by Laryngitis,

Sadie Brady, Foolish Phil, Kitty's
Boy, Skip Along, Mixed Double,

Lulu's Boyfriend, And
F. Scott Fitzgerald.

I knew I shouldn't have watched.

Danny, the race just started.

Now it's Laryngitis
moving up on Dr. Maybe,

followed by Sadie
Brady, with Skip Along,

as they turn to go
up the back stretch.

It's not fair!

The other jockeys are probably
whistling Moonlight Serenade.

As they round the turn,
Laryngitis is holding that lead.

Sadie Brady is second. Zimzam
is third. Then we got Kitty's Boy...

Come on, F. Scott.
This is no time to nod off.

Now up the back stretch,
that is Zimzam, now Dr. Maybe.

You can do it, boy.
You're a champion.

It's Laryngitis, Dr. Maybe,
and Bonny Lass.

And here comes
F. Scott Fitzgerald.

I think he heard you.

He's got it made now.

How can he have it made?
He's in seventh place.

F. Scott Fitzgerald is threading
his way through that field.

Lulu's Boy, Bonnie
Lee, and Mixed Double.

Come on, F. Scott!

Dr. Maybe holding
the lead, and F. Scott...

Come on! Run!

Come on, F. Scott!

They're starting
to head for home,

and F. Scott Fitzgerald is
coming through on the inside.

Win one for Glenn Miller!

They're head-to-head coming down
the stretch. Dr. Maybe's got that lead.

Run, you dummy, run!

And he's coming up fast. He's
looking Dr. Maybe in the eye.

They're neck and neck.
Dr. Maybe and F. Scott Fitzgerald.

F. Scott is out
on top by a head.

Remember the eight-hour day!

They're coming down
to the line of finish.

It looks like F.
Scott Fitzgerald.

And it's F. Scott pulling ahead.

F. Scott wins by two lengths.

I was never worried.

I knew he was a champion.

I won a bigger trophy at
camp for cleanest fingernails.

It's not the size of
the trophy that matters.

It's the size of the challenge.

He's right. Besides, if
we get really hard up,

we can always melt
it into a paper clip.

It's a very nice trophy, Danny.

Wait till you see the one we get
when F. Scott wins the Kentucky Derby.

You'd better forget
about the Derby.

Why? F. Scott's on his
way. He's got momentum.

He's also too old.

Too old? He's four.

A horse has to be
three to run in the Derby.

Only four, and he's
already over the hill.

Suddenly, I feel very old.