a song that we're singin'
♪ Come on, get happy
♪ A whole lot of lovin'
is what we'll be bringin'
♪ We'll make you happy
♪ We had a dream
we'd go travelin' together
♪ And spread a little lovin'
then we'd keep movin' on
♪ Somethin' always happens
whenever we're together
♪ We get a happy feelin'
when we're singin' a song
♪ Travelin' along there's
a song that we're singin'
♪ Come on, get happy
♪ A whole lot of lovin'
is what we'll be bringin'
♪ We'll make you happy
♪ We'll make you happy
♪ We'll make you happy ♪
Mom, is the doctor coming?
Yes, the doctor's coming.
Dr. Wax?
No, Dr. Wax isn't on call.
They're sending another doctor.
Honestly, Danny, you'd
talk through a tidal wave.
Which is right, your
lips or the thermometer?
Stay under the covers.
I'll bring you some juice.
What's my temperature?
Don't worry. If you live to be
as old as your temperature,
you'll be a very old man.
Shirley Partridge. How are you?
Fine. Fine.
Come in, please.
Well, you look
wonderful! Just wonderful!
Thank you.
Are you gonna give Danny a sh*t?
I don't know, Tracy.
Hi, Keith, Laurie, Chris.
I'm Dr. Bernie Applebaum.
I took your mother out once.
That's right.
That's right, kids, he did.
I'll never forget it, I told
you all about my internship.
Of course. How
could I ever forget it?
Oh, it's a pity we never
got to my residency.
That's where all
the exciting stuff is.
I'll bet.
Ready now. Open the hangar.
Here comes the plane.
Oh, it's just a -hour virus.
Just a touch of pharyngitis,
nothing to worry about, Shirley.
Now, this is what
I want you to do.
It's about : now.
I want you to give him
plenty of fluids. Right.
And a couple of
aspirins at :. Okay.
And a teaspoon of
decongestant at :. Right.
And how about dinner
tomorrow night at
Fine.Wonderful. Now I can tell
you all about my residency.
Ta-ta till tomorrow at :.
Ta-ta.
Imagine, we meet again
over a touch of pharyngitis.
I guess that's what they
mean by socialized medicine.
And in my first
year of pediatrics,
I caught chicken pox,
measles, and scarlet fever.
What a time that was.
Are we ready to order
now, monsieur? Oh, yes.
Oh, well, yes.
Thank you. Shirley?
I'll have the fillet with
bearnaise sauce, please.
Poison, Shirley, poison.
With all due respect to your
chef, sir, that's full of cholesterol.
It causes hardening
of the arteries.
I'll have the duck
with orange sauce.
Oh, Shirley, you'll
have heartburn all night.
May I order for you?
All right.
Lamb chops. Plain.
Plain?
Oh, with spinach.
Spinach.
It's lovely with... Plain.
Plain.
Now let's see, we'll
need a yellow vegetable.
The closest is the carrots,
monsieur. But they're orange.
Carrots will be fine.
Carrots a la... No "a la."
Carrots plain.
Now, we need a beverage.
Monsieur, may I suggest a
delicate red Bordeaux, ?
Skim milk.
Skim milk.
Any year will do.
What happened? It's only :.
Nothing happened. He just couldn't
think of a place to go after dinner.
Good. There's some left.
I thought he took
you out for dinner.
Not dinner, a
well-balanced meal.
Two lamb chops, one green
vegetable, one yellow vegetable,
and skim milk at Chez Pierre.
At Chez Pierre? You mean you
didn't have the chocolate mousse?
Chocolate mousse is full of
cholesterol and cholesterol kills.
Isn't it nice to have someone
take such good care of you?
Now you know how I feel when you tell
me to put on a sweater because you're cold.
Hope he didn't
ask you out again.
Well, on the way home, I thought he was
gonna ask me to the concert tomorrow night.
But he said it was all sold out.
Aw, what a shame!
Well, I acted disappointed.
I didn't want to hurt him.
You know, he's really
a very sweet man.
It's just... He's a
little too wild for you.
Mmm. This is so good.
I'll get it.
Hello? Yes, she
is. Wait a minute.
It's Captain Cholesterol.
Hello? Bernie?
Oh, yes.
Oh, that's... That's wonderful.
Right. :. Bye.
He found someone at the hospital
that sold him tickets to the concert.
At double the price!
Well, what could I do?
Here, Mom. k*ll yourself.
Well, this is the
surprise I promised you.
How many people
have taken you to an
after-concert dinner
at a hospital cafeteria?
Actually, no one.
Then Dr. Applebaum gets
one point for originality.
This is the operating
room, Shirley.
This is where all the drama
of the hospital takes place.
I wanted to be a surgeon once.
What changed your mind?
Well, I just kind
of like treating kids.
It's happier.
They always seem to get well.
Come on.
This way is Maternity. That's where
the stork makes his little deliveries.
Would you like to see it?
I don't think so, Bernie.
I've been there five times.
You have? Oh, of course.
Well, we could whiz
over to Radiology.
Maybe look at a
couple of x-rated x-rays.
He took you to the
hospital for dinner?
Were you sick, Mom?
No, darling. He wanted to
show me where he worked.
I'll get it.
Ah!
Dinner under the
fluorescent lights.
The smell of antiseptic. It
must have been very romantic.
He's a sweet man, who happens
to be very excited about his work.
Uh-huh.
He just assumes that
everybody else is, too.
Did you see them operate?
No, that's next time. He'll
have tickets to a transplant.
Funny thing about these
roses, they smell like ether.
I'd say someone's
getting a little serious.
There's nothing serious
about sending flowers.
They're beautiful.
Not unless there's a mushy note.
There's a mushy
note. You're in trouble.
Would you read it, Laurie?
Out loud?
Of course. I have
nothing to hide.
Okay.
"To the lady I'd most like
to be quarantined with.
"There's antibiotics
and transplants, too.
"Transfusions if you're low.
"But for me, a lady
with the initials 'S.P.'
"is the very best medicine
I know. Love, Bernie."
I'm gonna have to straighten
this whole thing out tomorrow night.
You made another date?
I got trapped into it.
What'd he do, thr*aten
you with a cold stethoscope?
It seems to me it'd be financially
prudent to keep Dr. Applebaum around.
What do you mean?
Well, five sets of tonsils,
five appendixes, five adenoids.
Where's your business sense?
Kid's got a point.
Laurie, would you
get my zipper, please?
Sure.
Is he taking you out to
dinner after the concert?
Yes.
If I were you, I'd eat a little
something before you leave.
Honey, I'm curious
about something.
It's purely
hypothetical, of course.
But... Suppose a boy
were very interested in you,
and you weren't
interested in him.
How do you... Get rid of Bernie?
Well, it has been a while
since I've done that kind of thing.
Well, you could start
off by mentioning that
you two have absolutely
nothing in common.
That's right. We don't.
Then you can tell him that you're a very
independent woman. You know, a loner.
A loner with five kids?
Well, those are the
two best ones, Mom.
Okay, I'll try.
Of course, there is a third one.
But in the case of Dr. Applebaum,
it may have the opposite results.
What's that?
By mentioning the mysterious
disease that runs in the family.
Have fun.
Well, did you tell him?
Yes, I did.
And?
He didn't listen.
People have a way of ignoring
what they don't want to hear.
Did you tell him
you were a loner?
What did he say?
He said, "A loner
with five kids?"
Well, I guess we might as well make
it a total disaster. Go ahead, Danny.
"What blond singer has been seen around
town lately with an eligible pediatrician?"
Oh, no. How did
this get in the paper?
Face it, Mom. You're big news.
Henry Kissinger is
three items below you.
Who could that be at this hour?
Hello?
Oh, hello, Bernie.
Yes, I did.
We are?
She is?
I will. Bye.
We're the talk of the hospital.
We are?
His mother read the article,
and she's flying down to meet me.
She is?
The "I will," he didn't ask
you to marry him, did he?
No. "Stay away from fried food."
Well, Ma, did you recognize her?
Should I?
Shirley is a celebrity.
The Partridge Family is a
very famous singing group.
Oh, I love singers, but
there's only one Dennis Day.
Did you have a nice
flight, Mrs. Applebaum?
The pilot drove like a
maniac. Up, down, up, down.
Well, you're here
safe and sound, now.
Can I get you
something, a little sherry?
Maybe a little wine.
Ma, liquor is very
bad for your liver.
You see that? He supervises
every morsel I put in my mouth.
For kings they used to do this.
Did anyone see you come in here?
Nope.
Okay, now, the purpose of
this meeting is to help Mom.
Then, we should
be in the kitchen.
Not that kind of help, Tracy.
Good, I hate that kind of help.
This is much more important.
Dr. Applebaum and his
mother are over here for dinner.
Dr. Applebaum has a mother?
Terrific! A major mission
and I get Abbott and Costello.
Now, listen. Here's the plan.
Mrs. Applebaum, I'd like you to meet
my daughter Laurie and my son Keith.
Hello. Hi.
You must have had
them when you were .
I didn't, but thank you.
Bernie was an only child, but
I think two children are nicer.
Well, there are
three more of us.
You have five children?
That's right.
You knew that?
Oh, yes.
Oh, well, I guess
it's good for taxes.
So, you two are a regular item. I pick
up the paper to read about Vietnam,
and I find Bernie Applebaum.
What's that noise?
Drums.
My son Chris plays the drums.
Keith, would you go
and tell him to stop?
Yeah.
Well, that's nice.
Bernie took cello.
So, if you don't mind a mother's curiosity,
how come you happened to get together?
I think it was fate.
My son Danny had a sore throat,
and Bernie just happened to
be the doctor on call that night.
You make house calls?
You and Marcus Welby.
You're the only
two in the country.
Well, she's a lovely girl.
Beautiful, a celebrity, lovely home.
So, my next question
is... Mrs. Applebaum,
Bernie and I have
become good friends.
Oh, being good friends is
the most important thing.
The other stuff lasts
minutes and poof.
Hi!
Tracy!
Get upstairs and wash your face.
I'm supposed to be a floozy.
I'll take her upstairs, Mom.
I'm sorry. She likes
to play dress-up.
That's all right.
Bernie did, too.
Uh...
Will you excuse me? I want
to see how the roast is doing.
Go, go. Don't mind me.
You don't know how nice it is to
sit on something that doesn't move.
Peace, baby.
Hi, Danny. I'd like you to meet
my mother. This is Danny Partridge.
¿Que pasa?
He's a Spanish speaking hippie?
Danny Partridge,
what are you doing?
Just feeling the friendly
vibes and grooving.
Get upstairs to your
room. I'll deal with you later.
I'm so sorry, Mrs. Applebaum.
I don't know why
they're acting this way.
Don't apologize.
They're lovely children.
But five kids, it's
a big responsibility.
Oh, very big.
It could take up a
person's whole life.
It certainly can.
You know, there are very few people
who would take on a job like that.
I think I know what you're
trying to say, Mrs. Applebaum.
What you need is
a man around here.
Thank goodness
you found my Bernie.
Just what were you trying
to prove by acting like that?
I'm sorry. I just thought
she'd see three problem kids
and have Dr. Bernie
out of here in a minute.
And after seeing your behavior, she
thinks we need a man around the house.
I'm sorry. I was
just trying to help.
Hey, maybe if we all started
eating an apple a day?
Shirley, what is this all about?
"What blond singer has been seen around
town lately with an eligible pediatrician?"
Mr. Kincaid's right on
top of everything, isn't he?
What are you talking about?
This happens to be today's...
So, it's three days old.
It's okay, Mr. Kincaid.
A lot of people collect
old newspapers.
You gain historical
perspective that way.
Would you get that, please,
Danny? Sit down, Reuben.
I'll explain the
whole thing to you.
Hi, Danny. I've got
something for your mother.
Well, she's...
Uh... Oh, boy.
What's the matter, Danny?
See for yourself.
Oh, excuse me. I'm sorry.
Hi, Bernie.
Shirley, I didn't
know. I'm really sorry.
Bernie, wait!
Shirley, why didn't you tell me?
Tell you what?
That there was somebody else.
I would have understood.
It happens all the time.
Bernie, it's not
what you're thinking.
It's all right, really.
All my life, there
have been other men.
He isn't another man.
He's our manager.
Your manager?
Yes. Reuben Kincaid,
Bernie Applebaum.
How are you?
Hi.
Well, in that case,
I can give you this.
It's a thank-you
note from my mother.
She wrote it as soon as we
left. She wanted it hand-delivered.
Thank you, Bernie.
That's very thoughtful.
Well, I guess Mom and I will see you
right after the performance tomorrow night?
Right.
Our first fight.
Well, you just blew
a perfect opportunity.
Yeah, he would have walked
right out of here into the sunset.
Sunset? Perfect opportunity?
I don't understand.
It's all right, Mr. Kincaid.
Finish reading about the election.
Dewey lost.
♪ Do do do do Do do do do do
♪ Do do do do Do do do do do
♪ Now that I've seen
ya I know that I love ya
♪ But I don't want
to move too fast
♪ Don't want to move too fast
♪ Your love is the
love that I want to last
♪ Your love is the
love that I want to last
♪ So if I seem to hesitate
♪ It's not because I
changed my mind, no
♪ It's only because
I don't want to lose
♪ What it's taken
me so long to find
♪ It's taken me so long to find
♪ It's gonna be
one day at a time
♪ One day at a time
♪ Ooh, I'm gonna take
Yeah, I'm gonna take you
♪ One day at a time
♪ One day at a time
♪ Ooh, I'm gonna make you
Yeah, I'm gonna make you mine
♪ I'm gonna make you mine
♪ I'm gonna make you mine
♪ First I'm gonna tell
ya how much I want ya
♪ Then I'll show ya
that I need ya more
♪ Show you that I need you more
♪ Give you time to think it over
♪ So you know for sure
♪ Give you time to think it over
♪ And when you say you love me
♪ I'm never gonna let you go, no
♪ So sit right
back, enjoy yourself
♪ Watch our new love grow
♪ Watch our new love grow
♪ I'll take you
one day at a time
♪ One day at a time
♪ Ooh, I'm gonna take
you Yeah, I'm gonna take you
♪ One day at a time
♪ One day at a time
♪ Ooh, I'm gonna make you
Yeah, I'm gonna make you mine
♪ One day at a time
♪ Whoa, yeah ♪ One day at a time
♪ Ooh, I'm gonna take
♪ Yeah, I'm gonna
make you mine ♪
Kids, would you go out with Reuben,
please? I wanna speak to Bernie alone.
Looks like somebody's
gonna get the a*, huh?
Never mind.
What are you
gonna tell him, Mom?
All right, come on, kids.
This is between
Shirley and Bernie.
Good luck.
What are you gonna tell him?
Out.
Shirley? You were wonderful.
Thank you, Bernie.
I was very proud of you.
Bernie, there's something
I have to tell you.
Shirley... Bernie,
please let me finish.
Shirley, let me just say one
thing and then you can talk.
I can't marry you.
Okay, now...
What?
I just can't.
I thought about it a lot.
I've paced the corridors
from Geriatrics to Pediatrics.
I guess I'm just not
ready for the responsibility.
I've been a swinging
bachelor too long.
You'll get used to it.
Time is a great healer.
Bernie, it's all right, really.
I understand.
Good.
What did you want to tell me?
Tell you?
Oh! Yes.
Well, my throat has
been feeling sore lately.
Wait here. I'll get
my magic bag.
Well?
He jilted me.
He jilted you?
Don't ask questions. Well,
we can forget the drum.
The drum? The drum.
Yeah, we had it made up.
Just in case.