04x19 - Keith and Lauriebelle

[bunniefuu]

♪ Hello, world, hear
the song that we're singin'

♪ Come on, get happy

♪ A whole lot of lovin'
is what we'll be bringin'

♪ We'll make you happy

♪ We had a dream
we'd go travelin' together

♪ And spread a little lovin',
then we'd keep movin' on

♪ Somethin' always happens
whenever we're together

♪ We get a happy feelin'
when we're singin' a song

♪ Travelin' along there's
a song that we're singin'

♪ Come on, get happy

♪ A whole lot of lovin'
is what we'll be bringin'

♪ We'll make you happy

♪ We'll make you happy

♪ We'll make you happy ♪

Danny, honey. No.

What do you mean "no"? I
haven't even asked you anything yet.

Whenever you put your arm
around me and say, "Danny, honey,"

I know it's got to be a no.

I think he's got your number.

But, you see, I
promised to baby-sit

with the Wilson
kids this weekend.

And now I've been
invited to go skiing.

In that case, I'll
do it. You will?

Sure, I'll go skiing for you.

Danny, please?

No way. Not the Wilson kids.

You'd... You'd make
a dollar an hour.

No, thanks. Five kids?
That's only cents a monster.

You're looking
at Keith Partridge.

Speaking to the world
from high atop cloud nine.

I'll pay you extra. Please?

I'm not interested.

Sometimes you search a
lifetime and never find it.

And sometimes, if you're lucky,

you find it in your youth.

Danny, this ski trip
means so much to...

Not to me.

Will you guys listen? Mom.

Isn't anybody going to ask
me why I'm feeling so good?

You're in love. I'm in love.

Still or again?

With yourself or someone else?

This family has no heart.

I know. I just learned
that from Danny.

All right, tell us all about it.

Karen Bailey, a
transfer from Ohio.

Hazel eyes, silky blond hair.

You know, I am so happy for you.

Keith, honey. What
does she want?

She's trying to hook you into
doing some baby-sitting for her.

Forget it. Thanks.

I'll do the same
for you someday.

Was it love at first
sight for Karen, too?

Well, that's what I hope
to find out at the party.

What party?

The one my wonderful, understanding
mother doesn't know about yet

that I'm having
here, Friday night.

Oh, well, at least I
have two days' warning.

The last time you told
me how understanding

and wonderful I was,

the guests were
coming in the front door.

I'll get it.

Hello?

Yes, this is the
Partridge residence.

Uh-huh. Yeah,
he's here. Who is it?

Just some girl named Karen.

Give me that phone, you
mealy-mouthed munchkin!

Hi, Karen.

Hi! I just wanted to check
what time the party starts.

Oh, about : .

Good! I'm looking forward to it.

Great. I'll see you then.

In fact...

Why don't I come
by and pick you up?

Hmm?

Oh, no. No, no, no, no.

Yeah. Right, I'll see you then.

Bye.

What happened?

She's bringing a date.

Keith, don't jump!

She isn't worth it.

Get lost.

Relax. I've solved your dilemma.

You want my free
idea or my dollar idea?

Neither one.

My free idea is this,

when Karen's date gets here,

you turn on the dance music

and then you nail
his shoes to the floor.

Will you get out of here?

You haven't heard my
dollar idea. I'm not interested.

You do want to win
Karen over, don't you?

Okay, let's have the idea.

Let's have the dollar.

Okay, give.

Okay. What does any girl want

more than her boyfriend?

I give up. What?

Somebody else's boyfriend.

Hmm?

Bring another date,
a real knockout.

That is the world's
oldest dodge.

Love is the world's oldest game.

You're right. I'll try it.

Hey, that's my dollar.

No, that's the world's
second oldest game.

Yeah, okay, Sue.

No, I know it's
kind of late notice.

Yeah, have fun ice
skating. Okay, bye.

Did you bum out again?

Don't you have something to do?

Why is Nancy scratched out?

She caught me
dating her roommate.

Why is Margaret scratched out?

That's Nancy's roommate.

Claire? Claire
Carter, how are you?

I haven't seen you
since high school.

Why, Keith, hi.

Gee, it's been a long
time. What's new?

Oh, nothing much.

Hi. Mind if I sit down?

If you wish. Thank you.

My name's Keith Partridge.

I know.

You do?

We went to junior high together.

Oh, sure! Sure! I
thought I recognized you.

I sat next to you for a
whole year in history class.

I had a big crush on you.

You did?

I was skinny and wore braces.

And the only time
you ever spoke to me

was to borrow my homework.

Yeah, well, you
certainly have changed.

Look...

How would you like to go
to a party this Friday night?

I've been waiting five
years for this moment.

You have? Yes.

Buzz off!

If I'd known about this earlier,

I would have put
a stop to it then.

Yeah, but, Mom...
Keith, it's wrong.

You don't ask a girl out to
make another one jealous.

If your date found out
about it, she'd be humiliated.

Yeah, I guess you're right.

Boy, am I going to look
like a loser to Karen.

I can't even get a
date for my own party.

Hi. Hi, honey.

Wait a minute.

Turn around.

What's the matter?

Nothing, nothing. Turn
around the other way.

Why?

Let me see your profile.

What is this?

You're pretty. What?

You know, I never
thought about it before,

but you're very pretty.

I hope you're not thinking

what I think you're thinking.

Mom, it's perfect.

She's pretty, and
she'd be in on it,

so I wouldn't have to worry
about hurting her feelings.

Well, that's true.

Besides, I'm desperate.

Ask her for me,
will you? Oh, no.

Ask her what?

Look, this is between
the two of you,

so just count me out.

From now on, I'm
just a spectator.

What are you talking about?

Laurie, honey. No.

Now, wait a minute.
Let me finish.

How would you like to
be my date for the party?

Your date? Yeah.

Nobody who's coming knows you.

Don't say no until
you think about it.

Oh, I am thinking about it,

and I'm getting sick.

Wait a minute. Come on,
I'm asking you as a favor.

I need a date for the party.

Well, let me see. Turn around.

Come on. Turn around.

Let me see your profile.

No, forget it. I have
my own problem.

What could be more
important than this?

I can't go skiing unless I find

someone to baby-sit
for the Wilsons.

Say, maybe we
can work out a deal.

Me, baby-sit?

Me, date that profile?

Deal!

Hey, how about some slow stuff,

so you can cuddle
up and dance close?

With my sister?

Look, if you're going
to pull this thing off,

you got to forget
she's your sister.

Think "date," not "sister."

Hi, Keith.

Oh, hi, Karen! Meet my sister...

Meet my brother Danny.

Hi. Hi.

Well, you know, I'm
glad you phoned because

after I invited
you to the party,

I got to thinking that you
might have misunderstood

that you'd be with me.

Of course, he has a date.

Well, I'll see you tonight.

She's a real knockout.

Well, you know... Do I know her?

No, no, I don't think so.

She's from out of town.

Yeah, right, she's
from out of town.

She's one of those
beautiful Southern girls.

Oh!

You know the type,

sweet, clinging vine. Yeah.

Of course, she's very nice,

considering that her
father owns half of Alabama.

Danny...

Well, she certainly sounds
interesting. What's her name?

Laurie. Belle!

Yes, Lauriebelle.

Lauriebelle? Lauriebelle?

You're out of your
cotton-picking mind.

But it wasn't my
idea, it was Danny's.

Well good, then Danny
can be Lauriebelle

and that'll really give
you something to explain.

Come on, Laurie.

I will not spend the whole night

pretending to be
a Southern belle.

But you promised to be my date.

Didn't she, Mom? Well, yes.

Well, Mom, who's
side are you on?

I'm not on anybody's side.

I won't do it.

Okay, okay forget
it. I understand.

You do? Oh, sure.

I couldn't expect you
to do something like that

any more than you
could expect me

to baby-sit for those five kids.

Oh, now, wait a minute, you
made a deal, didn't he, Mom?

Deal me out.

But I want to go
skiing, it's not fair.

All's fair in love and w*r.

I will not show up
as a Southern belle.

No show, no snow.

Lauriebelle Culpepper
at your service, sir.

Just don't ham it up too much.

You aren't really going
to go through with this,

are you, Laurie?

Why, Mama,

I'm just a little, old
helpless Southern girl

who's just going to sit back

and let her escort wait on her.

Hand and foot.

Aren't you ready yet?

Now, honey, we Southern girls

would never be caught
dead being on time.

Besides, I don't
know what to wear

until I receive my corsage.

Corsage? Nobody
wears a corsage anymore.

We Southern belles do.

And while you're at
it, would you stop off

at the drug store and
pick up some lilac water?

Lilac water?

Better hurry, honey. Karen
will be here in minutes.

Well, you heard her, go get it.

Why me?

Because you made
her what she is today.

Hi, Karen. Hi.
Keith, this is George.

Keith, nice to meet
you. George. Come on in.

Everybody, this is
Karen and George.

Karen and George,
this is everybody.

Hi. Where's Lauriebelle?

She hasn't arrived yet.

Oh! Enjoy yourselves.

Hi. I got it.

Where's Laurie? Still upstairs.

How is she going to come down
and show up at the front door

without everybody seeing her?

I've got an idea. It's perfect.

What is it? That'll
be $ , please.

$ ?

One from before and one for now.

Oh, hi, Mr. Kincaid.
You're just in time.

You want to step outside
and help me with the ladder?

Ladder. What do
you need a ladder for?

The window. Laurie's
window is stuck.

Danny, be careful!

You, too, Reuben.

Keith, did you get stood up?

Yeah, where's Lauriebelle?

She's on her way
over. She just called.

Oh, good.

That should be her.

Excuse me. Mmm-hmm.

Keith, darlin'.

I'm so sorry I'm late.

I guess I should have called.

My goodness, don't
you look handsome?

Oh, my land, what a charming
little cottage you have here.

Oh, where's the main house?

Oh, and such delightful
looking company.

Take care of the cab
driver, would you, sugar?

Sugar, the taxi?

Is that really Laurie?

Uh-huh.

Just your plain, ordinary,
everyday cotton heiress.

Where did she get the outfit?

Well, she got the gloves from me

and the dress from a bridesmaid,

and the petticoat's
from the Salvation Army.

My life's in your
hands. Don't blow it.

Lauriebelle, this
is Karen Bailey.

Nice to meet you, Karen.

Hi, Lauriebelle.

And... George
Parkington. Mr. Parkington.

What part of the
South are you from?

Mobile, Alabama.

No kidding. I spent
a lot of time there.

Oh?

Well, we moved when I
was just an itty bitty child.

Daddy wanted to reconstruct
the old family plantation,

Magnolia Hill.

Yes.

Shall we go get some punch?

I'd love some punch.

Sugarplum, would you all
get little old me some punch?

Punch.

Of course. Anything
you want, I'll do.

I know.

Oh, Keith is such a darling boy.

How's it going?

Compared to Laurie, Scarlett
O'Hara sounded like a Yankee.

I'll be right back, I'll
just take these chips in.

Feed them to Laurie,
the more she eats,

the less she'll talk.

Well, it's hard to believe
the way you've hammed it up,

but we're getting away with it.

Of course, honey child.

Hi, Mom.

Mom? Is this your mother?

All of a sudden,
I feel a bit faint.

Excuse me.

Karen, meet Mother Culpepper.

Hi!

She arrived earlier, you know.

An old friend of the family.
Right, Mom Culpepper?

Why, of course.

I declare, I've known
this little old boy

since he was knee
high to a boll weevil.

Excuse me, please.

What are you doing?

Smile. Karen's watching.

How can I smile
if I can't breathe?

Whisper in my ear.

Where did you get that
awful shaving lotion?

You gave it to me for Christmas.

Now, stop that, you rascal.

George, wouldn't you like
to dance with Lauriebelle?

Huh? Oh, uh... Yeah.

Oh! Now, isn't this just fun?

But I'm going to keep
my eye on you two.

She's so possessive.

Good night.

Night. Night.

See you.

I had a wonderful time, Keith.

Great. I'm glad. I really did.

In fact, I'm planning
a little get together

at my house, Tuesday night.

Can you come?

Oh, I'd love to.

Oh, good.

I got your purse.

Keith, thank you. Okay. George,
it was very nice meeting you.

Bye. Bye, Lauriebelle.

Bye-bye, sugar.

You can come out
now, Mama Culpepper.

My Mother Culpepper
days are over.

I'm sorry I got you into it,
Mom, but it just slipped out.

I wish I had slipped out of
this house about two hours ago.

But you saved the day. She's
invited me to her house on Tuesday.

I mean, do I know how to
handle women or don't I?

Let's face it, if there's
one thing I know,

it's the psychology
of the female mind.

Wonder who that could be.

Oh, Keith, about Tuesday night,

I should have mentioned
Lauriebelle and her mother

are welcome to come over, too.

We are?

I mean, how delightful.

Why, thanks to little old Keith,

life is just one big
surprise after another.

Yes.

It's supposed to be a
secret, but I can tell you.

George and I are going to
announce our engagement.

Engagement?

I made George so
jealous by dancing with you

that he proposed to me.

Oh. Oh, Keith,

I don't know how to thank you.

My pleasure.

Bye. Bye, now.

Now, what were we talkin' about?

Well, I do believe
little old Keith

was explaining the
psychology of the female mind.

♪ Ooh, ooh, ooh

♪ Da, da, da

♪ You tell me you
are through with him

♪ You'll soon be
free just to be with me

♪ So I'll stay by the phone

♪ I'm waiting
every night at home

♪ Watching TV shows and honey

♪ Heaven knows, I'm always alone

♪ Though you never call me

♪ I keep on loving you

♪ Hoping that if I do,
you're gonna love me, too

♪ And I won't
have to wait too long

♪ But how long is too long?

♪ How long is too long?

♪ I've got to know, you're
making me lose my mind

♪ How long is too long?

♪ How long is too long?

♪ Baby, I've been
waiting a long, long time

♪ Hung on for so long
♪ Hung on for so long

♪ Hoping everything
will turn out okay

♪ How long is too long?

♪ How long is too long?

♪ To sit around and
wait till you come my way

♪ I see you walking
around with him

♪ Holding hands and making plans

♪ You're never apart

♪ I see the way you look at him

♪ When you're in a crowd,
I know it makes him proud

♪ While it's breaking my heart

♪ And all the time you tell me

♪ I keep on loving you

♪ And if I do, you're
gonna love me, too

♪ And I won't
have to wait too long

♪ But how long is too long?

♪ How long is too long?

♪ Got to know, you're
making me lose my mind

♪ How long is too long?

♪ How long is too long?

♪ To sit around and wait
till you come my way ♪

I hope it isn't
too cold up there.

We Southern girls aren't
used to all that snow.

Will you stop rubbing it in?

Personally, I never
want to go through

anything like that again.

Is that understood?

Understood.

Thank you, Mother.

Would you hand me
my little old ski poles?

Will you cut it
out? It's all over.

That's what you think.

Remember that cute little
old Ralph at your party?

Hmm? Well...

He's going on the ski trip, too.

I'm stuck with this accent.

Yeah, well, at least
you get to go skiing.

I'm stuck baby-sitting.

A bargain is a bargain.

But five of them, all monsters.

Oh, they're nice kids. They
won't give you any trouble.

Billy's , and Margie's .

The triplets are six months.

Triplets?

Six months? This
whole thing is your fault!

You and your dumb ideas!

Anyone can come
up with a dumb idea,

but it takes a real
numbskull to listen to it.

Y'all know what I'm thinking,

Lauriebelle honey?

What, Mother Culpepper?

I'm thinking the Partridges
are a nice family to visit,

but I wouldn't
want to live here.