22x02 - Of Cash and Hash

[bunniefuu]

[♪♪♪]

Hey, hey.
Get out of here.

What's the idea,
you guys?

[ALL SCREAM]

[STOOGES SHOUTING]

[STOOGES SHOUTING]

What's going on here?

Aah!

[SCREAMING]

MOE:
Let's get out of here!

[SCREAMS]

[GRUNTING]

MAN [OVER RADIO]:
Attention all cars
in District .

Go to th main streets.
Armored car held up.

Surround area and search
for three men

who made their getaway
on foot.

Use caution.
They are heavily armed.

[SIREN WAILING]

Who's in that can?

SHEMP:
Just garbage!

[SLAP]
SHEMP: Unh!

Come on,
get out of here!

[STOOGES GROANING]

Why you--!

Ow! Ooh!

[SCREAMING]

Here they are, captain.

Okay.

Hey, what's that
on the stool?

SHEMP:
Must be a stool pigeon.

[COOING]

I know you pulled
that car robbery.

Hey, you,
sit down on that chair.

Ah, the hot seat.
They can't fry me for nothing.

Be brave, kid.
It'll be over in a minute.

And we'll see that you get
a nice sendoff.

Shut up!
That's a lie detector.

No, not that.
Oh, there's one thing--

Shut up.

Here, hold that.

If you tell the truth,

that pen'll travel
in a straight line,

but if you tell a lie,
we'll know it.

Have you ever
been to jail before?

LARRY:
Why, of course not.

[MACHINE BEEPING]

Mm-mm.
That's a lie.

Just as I thought.

Have you any visible means
of support?

Sure.
I got suspenders. Heh.

So you have.

Ooh!

I mean, have you guys
got a job?

Why, certainly, captain.
We work at the Elite Cafe.

"We"? You mean
I do all the work.

Nyah.
CAPTAIN: Check on that.

Yes, sir.

[GROANING]

Hold that.
Now then,

I got a couple of questions
I wanna ask you.

Me?
Yes, and so have I.

Did you or did you not take
that quarter out of my shoe

last night?
On my honor, Moe,

I didn't do it.

[MACHINE BEEPING]

Whoa!
Oh, a chiseler, eh?

That's enough.
Break it up.

Now then,

what were you doing
at : last night?

I don't know.
What were you doin' at : ?

Uh, I was
at a lodge meeting.

[MACHINE BEEPING]

That last question seems to have
broken the machine, captain.

What's that?

We didn't do it, captain.

You're wastin' our time.

[GASPS]
Whoa!

Come back here.

Well, I wish we could figure
a way out of this mess.

Yeah, well, it ain't gonna
be easy, I'll tell you that.

Oh!
I'm sorry, Moe, I--

What's the matter with you?
I'll knock your--

Hey, hey, break it up.
How can you guys horse around

when you know
they're still trying

to pin that robbery on us?
You know, you're right.

Those two guards
from the armored car

didn't help us any,
either.

How do you like
those guys saying

they didn't see
the bandits clearly

because it was too dark?

That leaves us
holdin' the bag.

Yeah, the only way
we can get out

is if they find
the real crooks.

You know, I think I--
Hey, Moe. Customer.

Wait on him.

Come on.

You know,
Larry is right.

If we could only
find those crooks,

we'd be sittin'
on top of the world.

You've got nothing
to worry about, pal.

It's a cinch. Believe me,
it's a cinch.

That's wonderful,
that's terrific.

We practically got 'em.
Where are they?

I don't know.
Go on.

Get in the kitchen
and get busy.

I'll have the cream
chipped beef on toast.

Right. Say, let me
give you a tip, pal.

Our fried eggs
are out of this world.

Could be, but I want
cream chipped beef on toast.

Anything you say,
but you're crazy

if you don't order
the fried eggs.

I want cream chipped beef
on toast!

All right,
the customer's always right.

Ordering: two fried eggs
over easy. Heh-heh.

Oof!

Hey, mister,
don't go awa--

Never mind,
I'll eat 'em myself.

On those two fried eggs
over easy,

use the fresh ones
this time.

Fried two over,
easy does it.

Wonder where
the egg-cutters are.

Oh. Heh-heh.

Wasn't lit.
Heh-heh-heh.

[EGGS SPLAT]

Ooh!

A stickup.

Moe.

Why you...

Cut it out now, Moe.

No, no, Moe.

[GRUNTS]

Why you--
Shut up!

Don't. Oh, Moe!

I'm sorry, sir.

Why, Captain Mullins,
how are you?

Hee. A funny thing, I was
just thinking about you.

Yeah, and I'm thinking
about you right now

and it could be m*rder!
Don't get excited, cap.

Sit down and have
something on the house.

Yeah, yeah!
Right back here.

Sit down,
out of the draft.

Now, how about some nice
vittles? Chicken soup?

Here you are, captain.
A nice cup of hot coffee.

And honest, cap,
we're innocent to that robbery.

Did you ever see
that guy before?

Hey. That's one of the guys
who was in on the car robbery.

SHEMP:
Yeah, I'd know him anywhere.

Gee, cap,
I hope you find him.

Say, cap, don't let
your coffee get cold.

I'll get you
a piece of pie.

This is on the house.

Thanks.

Oh, you like it, eh?

That tastes like paint.

Paint? What are you
talkin' about?

It is paint.
That's the coffee.

[GASPING]

Heep-eep-eep!

This is better.

I'm sorry,
we're ready to close.

All we got left is some
chicken soup, roast beef,

mashed potatoes
and gravy.

I'll take that.
Okay.

Oh, I forgot.

Ordering: one chicken soup
comin' up!

One chicken soup
comin' up.

Nice fresh chicken too.

Fresh cackle soup comin' up.

[HUMMING]

[GASPS]

[GROANING]

There you are.

Say, I beg your pardon.

Haven't I seen you
somewhere before?

I was never there.

Come here, you!

Oh, cut it out now,
you--

Put up your hands.
Why, there.

Hey, Moe.

Does that guy
look familiar to you?

Yeah. He's one of
the armored car robbers.

LARRY:
Get him!

There he is over--

[SPITS]

We'd better do something.
Call the police.

Well, what was his hurry?
He's nearly--

Gladys, he's one
of the bank robbers.

Oh, what?

And he's gettin' away.
If we only had a car.

Well, mine's outside.
Come on!

MOE:
Let's go.

Come on. There's the car
over there. Hurry up.

MOE:
Go ahead, right there.
Go ahead.

[TIRES SCREECH]

Hey, he went thataway.
No, he went thataway.

[SHEMP & LARRY GRUNT]

Come on! He went thataway,
and there he goes!

After him.
Okay.

Hurry up!

Twenty miles we chase him,
and you let him get away.

I couldn't help it.
He was going pretty fast.

He turned off this road
somewhere, I think.

I tell you, he drove up
to that deserted house.

Deserted house?
I don't like deserted houses.

Why not? Maybe we'll
get dessert.

Funny boy.

[GRUNTS]
Come on.

Hey, we're going up
and look around.

We're going up there.

Not me. I'm going
down there.

Come here.
Oh!

You. Come on.

[LARRY & SHEMP GRUNTING]

We make a clean getaway,

and these mugs put
the finger on us.

What are we gonna do,
Lefty?

What do we usually do
with guys that know too much?

Yeah, but how are
we gonna find them?

You expect them to walk right
into our hands, do you?

MOE:
Well, here we are.
Ring the bell.

[DOORBELL BUZZES]

The door's locked.

Oh, what'll we do?

They might be hiding
somewhere in there.

Oh.

Spread out, you guys.

Find something to pry
this door open with.

It's them.

Let 'em have it.

I don't see nothing.

Oh. A hunk of pipe.

[BLOWS AIR]

This ought to do it.

[SPITS]

Hey, Moe! Hey, Moe!

What do you want?

Moe.
What is it?

SHEMP:
I had a piece of pipe
in my hands disappear.

Maybe it's still
in your hands.

No.

Get away.
You had a hallucination.

No, I had a hunk of pipe.
Oh.

[LAUGHS]

You're all right.
Come on out of here.

You nitwit.
Oh, Moe...

Hey, Shemp.
What's the matter?

I wonder
where Gladys went.

Where could she go?
I don't know. Gladys?

Gladys?
Hey, fellas.

You think this'll open it?

Swell.
Where'd you get it?

In the house.
Oh.

In the house?
Yeah, can you use it?

And how.
Oof!

Come on, get going.

They're all in, Lefty.
Should I bump them off?

I think that's a job
for Angel.

Angel?

Mm?
Strangers in the house.

Mm? Hm.

[GRUNTS]

He'll do a nice,
quiet job.

Mm.

[GRUNTING]

LARRY:
Gladys.

MOE:
Oh, Gladys!

We should've stayed
outside.

Ah...
Oh!

What's the matter with you?
You're getting on my nerves.

What's that?

That's a statue.

Oh, it must be Washington.
He slept everywhere.

[CHUCKLES]

Gladys!

Where can she be?

Oh, Gladys.
Gladys!

Gladys!

I can't under--
Moe!

What's the matter
with you?

Washington's gone.

So are you. Go ahead.

This joint gives
me the creeps.

Well, start creeping.
We gotta find Gladys.

This looks like a
good place for a m*rder.

Quiet.

I'm glad you guys
are behind me.

Hey, quit shovin' me,
will you?

I can't see a thing.
It's so dark in there, I--

Heep-eep-eep!

Whoa!

[GRUNTS]

[FURNITURE SCRAPING]

Shemp,
is that you in there?

Hey, Moe, is that you?

Why, certainly.

Who are you expecting,
Santa Claus? Ha.

Ha-ha. Get out.

Pardon me.

[BOTH GASP]

[GRUNTS]

Don't get excited.
I'll let you in in a minute.

Boy,
am I glad you came.

Did you see that big guy
outside in the--

Heep-eep-eep!

[SCREAMS]

Oh, oh!

Honest, mister, I didn't--
I didn't mean nothing.

Oh!

[GASPS]

My head! He got me! Moe!

[SCREAMS]

He didn't.

No. Whoa!

Whoa!

[ALL SCREAM]

Hey. That guy out in the hall
looked like Shemp.

By golly, you're right.
It was Shemp. I'll get him.

Let go my shoulder.
I wanna get Shemp.

[STUTTERING]

[BOTH GASP]

Shemp! Shemp!
Shemp! Shemp!

[CRASH]

[GRUNTING]

[MOE & LARRY GASP]

Whoa!

Whoa!

Whoa, whoa!

[g*nsh*t]

Quiet.
Heel, boy.

Oh, the money.
Oh, ho-ho!

Oh, boy, the money.

We've got it,
and we got the crooks.

We're in the clear.
Oh, ho-ho-ho!

[CHUCKLES]

Heep-eep-eep!

Oh! Heep-eep-eep!

[♪♪♪]