22x06 - Wham-Bam-Slam!

[bunniefuu]

[♪♪♪]

Good morning,
Petunia.

Good morning.
Where's my wife?

Oh, she went shopping
with Larry's wife.

How's Shemp feeling?

Not so good.
He had a bad night.

Oh, that's a shame.

Ah! Nice hotcakes.

Mm. Yummy, yummy.
A little butter.

Ah.

Ooh, some syrup.

Well, well, ketchup,
my favorite fruit.

[CHUCKLES]

Ooh, mustard!
My lucky day.

[CHUCKLES]

What's that,
whipped cream? Oh!

If I only
had some beer.

Beer with hotcakes?

It's delicious.

[CHUCKLES]

Say,
you know it's funny.

None of the doctors seem
to be able to help Shemp.

My friend Claude
could cure Shemp like nothing.

He can do anything.

While we were in school,
he cured all the pupils there.

What school?
The reform school.

Look, let me show you.
I got his card right here.

Listen to me,
will you, Moe? Look.

[MOE READS CARD ALOUD]

You see? Let me go get him.
He'll cure Shemp like that.

Are you sure?
I'm positive.

Only fools are positive.
Are you sure?

I'm positive.
Oh.

Get out of here!

Moe.
Yes.

Shemp has got
to eat something.

Will you cook this hotcake
while I go and get him?

Sure.

Hurry back.

[SPITS]

I have no appetite.
You eat at least two of those

or I'll never speak
to you again.

Okay, but no syrup.

Okay, no syrup.

You know, these hotcakes
are delicious this morning.

They sure are.
They're as light as a feather.

Thank you, dear.

I didn't think
I'd be hungry today.

But I sure am.

I told you so.

That's a nice boy.
Chew it all up good.

[GULPS]

[GASPING]

[HICCUPS]

You know, Shemp, Larry is
bringing his friend Claude

over here to cure you.
What do you say to that?

[COUGHING]

Oh.

[COUGHING]

Oh. Oh, Shemp!

[GRUNTING]

[BOTH GASP]

Tell me.
How is he, Claude?

I gave him one of these sleeping
pills about minutes ago.

That's the best thing in the
world for him, rest and sleep.

But don't you think
we ought to call a doctor?

Why throw money away?

I can take care of Shemp
better than any doctor.

Sure he can.
Just follow the directions

till I get back.

I'm gonna get
my doctor book.

We'll have Shemp
as good as new.

Sure.

"Take one pill,
wait minutes,

then take
a second pill."

It's time for the second pill.
Fifteen minutes.

Right, let's go.

Now don't worry about
everything.

Everything will be all--
Oh!

Now don't worry.

[SHEMP SNORING]

Shh, shh.

Aw, he's sleepin'
like a baby.

It's a shame
to disturb him.

Yeah,
but he's gotta take

his second pill
so he can sleep.

Maybe you got
something there.

Okay, kid, we--

Come on. Come on, Shemp.
Come on, come on.

Get up.
You gotta take a pill.

What, again?

Yeah, again.
Here.

Come on.

Down the hatch.

Now let me get back
in bed--

Oh, not so fast. You gotta
follow instructions.

Now that you've taken the pill,
you gotta skip an hour.

Get him the rope.

Here, take that.
Now skip!

Hey, hey, hey.
Come on.

Here,
one in each hand.

[GROANS]
Start skippin'.

That's that.

No, no. We'll let you
know when the hour's up.

Go ahead.
Continue.

[SHEMP GRUNTING]

[MOE & LARRY SIGH]

[BOTH SNORING]

Well, that's that.

BOTH:
Skip!

Cut it out, fellas.
You'll wake me up.

[GRUNTING]

[SNORING]
Heep-eep-eep...

Hey!
[STOOGES GASP]

What, what, what?

What's the big idea?

He's following the
instructions on the bottle.

Yeah, it says "Take two pills,
and skip an hour."

You dopes.
That means to wait an hour

before you give him
his next pill.

Now he tells us.

I've got my doctor book
right here.

I'll have his case diagnosed
in nothing flat.

You sit right down there.

[YAWNS]

Aha.

Oh-ho!
Oh-ho!

What is it, doc?
Nothing.

He's got a rash.

It tells you right here,
a rash may be caused

by excessive use of the
gray matter of the brain.

Oh, it must be
something else.

Sure.
It can't be that.

It also says a rash may
be caused by a bad tooth.

You got
something there.

Let's have a look.

[GRUNTING]

Well, none of them
came out. Yet.

Here, open wide.

[GROANS]

[GROANS]

[SCREAMING]

Aha! That's the one!

Are you tellin' me.

Get me a piece
of strong string.

Yeah.
What you gonna do, doc?

I'm gonna pull
that bad tooth.

Is it gonna hurt?
No, I don't think so.

Here's the string.

Tie a nice sailor's knot.
Uh-huh.

Got it around?
Yeah.

Fine.

Follow me.

[SHEMP MUMBLING]

[SHEMP GRUNTING]

Sit down.

All set?

[GRUNTS]

[GROANS]

Aah!

[GROANING]
Easy, kid.

Quiet. Larry,
untie that line.

We'll do it the old,
reliable way. Come on.

[SHEMP GRUNTING]

All right.
Now take it easy, kid.

We'll have that thing out before
you can say "Ticonderoga."

If you can say
"Ticonderoga."

Back up just a little bit.
Okay, sonny boy?

Mm. Mm-hm.
All right.

Ready, hup!

[GRUNTS]

[GROANING]

Oh, what a tooth.
No wonder it was killin' me.

You nitwit!
That's the doorknob!

Oh, yeah?

Come on!

Oh!

Why, you imbecile.
All we're tryin' to do

is give you a hand here
so you can get out of--

[SHEMP GRUNTING]
What's the matter?

I'm dead! I'm tired!
He shot me!

Get a doctor!
Do something!

Oh, quiet,
pickle-puss.

All he did was
pull your tooth.

Is that all?

Thanks, I feel
like a million bucks.

Easy.
You'll soon be a well man,

especially if you go away
for a couple of weeks.

Yeah, we'll go--
Wait a minute.

We haven't got a car.

Ah, you lucky people!
I've got a car.

It isn't exactly brand new,
but it's in perfect condition.

How much?

I'll let you steal it
from me for bucks.

We'll take it!
Fine.

I'll have it here
in the morning.

And to show you
I'm a right guy,

I'll let you have
my camping outfit.

I'll bring
it over tonight.

That's what you call
a real pal.

Yeah, we can camp
near a lake

and catch all the fish
we can eat.

You know, fish is
great brain food.

You know, you should
fish for a whale.

Get out of here.

Hey, Larry, Shemp passed out.
Get some water.

No, champagne.

Come on.

Shemp! Shemp!

Hey, Shemp!
He's out cold.

Run and ask Claude
what we should do.

Poor kid, I'd better
open his clothes.

Give him a little air.

How do you like that?
A bulletproof vest.

Be ready in a jiffy,
Shemp.

And tomorrow we're taking you
on a nice camping trip.

Oh, live lobsters.
Yummy, yum, yum.

Tomorrow,
we'll sure have a feast.

[CHUCKLES]

Hurry up, Larry.
His veins are getting tight.

Comin' up.

Claude says this'll be good
to quiet your nerves.

Yeah?

[WHIMPERING]

It's cold!

Aah! It's cold.
It's cold.

Oh, you sissy,
get in there.

[LOBSTER BITES]
Ow! Ow!

Let go!
Something's got me!

[YELLING]

Oh, oh! Let go!

An octopus got me!
An octopus!

How'd you get in there?
Come here.

[YELLING]

Out of my way.
I'll mash him like an eggshell.

Put your foot down, Shemp.
That a boy.

Hold still now.
Oh.

Oh!

Ouch! Oh, my poor, dear,
sweet loveable toe!

[GROANING]

[BOTH HUMMING]

[MOE HUMMING]

Hey, Moe.
What?

Don't you think
we ought to practice

puttin' this tent up
before we leave?

I think you got
something there, porcupine.

Let's ask Claude
how to do it.

Nonsense. I know all
about tents. Let's go.

Okay.

MOE:
Spread it right out flat, boys.

All right.
That's it.

That side, that goes over...

SHEMP: I used to be a Boy Scout.
LARRY: Yeah.

Raise that pole!
Lift that tent!

Further! Further!

[GRUNTS]

Oh, a wise guy.

[GRUNTS]

Remind me
to m*rder you later.

Get it up, boy.
All right.

Give me the other pole,
Shemp.

All right.
I'll give it to you.

Right under
my arm here.

Right under the arm,
I'll get it.

Right up here.

Watch your arm.
How was that?

Pretty good.
All right.

Narcissus!
NARCISSUS: Yes?

MOE:
Up!

Hold this pole. All right,
tie it off, dummy!

SHEMP:
All right, I'll tie it off.

[CHUCKLES]

[SCREAMS]

[GRUNTS]

Next time you come in,
knock first

and then don't come in!

And furthermore,
I'll tell you--

[GRUNTS]

Honey, what are you
doin' under there?

Oof!

Say, he's my brother!

Yeah? Well,
he's my husband.

Oof!

Wait a minute.
He's my husband.

Oof!

Girls, girls--

[GRUNTS]

What are you playin'
around about?

Come on, get this tent up.
Come on, pull her up.

[BACKFIRING]

Oh, boy,
a super-deluxe special.

Yeah, and all trimmed
with chromomium.

Well, boys,
there she is!

Yeah, but what is it?
A Columbus.

Never mind
who you bought it from.

What make is that?

I told you,
a Columbus.

I thought he
came over in a boat.

Ha-ha! Don't you
worry about a thing.

Well,
I gotta get breakfast.

See you
before you take off.

All right, fellas,
let's get loaded.

Wait a minute,
you know I don't drink.

Go on, muscle bound!
Go on!

Hurry up.
We gotta get started.

Oh!

Why-- Oh!

Hey, fellas.

Yeah?
Come here.

SHEMP:
He must've found
the road map.

Yeah, what is it?

What are you tryin' to do,
ruin the baggage?

[HISSING]

What are you
hissin' me for?

I'm not hissin' you.

But it's not a bad idea.

Why...
[HISSING CONTINUES]

How do you like that?
A flat tire.

Get the jack
and take the wheel off.

I'll get the spare.
All right.

Here you are. Here.

[GRUNTS]

Hm, stubborn, eh?

Oh!
Oh, I'm sorry.

Oh! Oh!
Careful, would you?

Hey, quit monkeyin' around,
you guys.

Here we go.
Careful.

There!

[CHUCKLES]

What'll we do now?

I wonder how they
got the tire on.

[SIGHS]

What seems to be
the trouble?

We can't get the tire
past the jack.

Why, you nitwits.
Get up out of there.

You wanna get hurt?
Let a man do it that knows how.

You gotta use your brain.

All you do is give it
one quick jerk.

Oh! Oh, my foot!

My foot is cut off!
Help! Oh, oh!

All right. Wait a minute.
That's it! Help me!

Take it easy.
Get it out!

Push him toward me.
All right.

Is it out yet? Is it out?

No.
Wait a minute, wait a minute.

Here, I'll chop it out.

Yeah.
Wait a minute!

What's the matter
with you?

We'll get you out.

MOE:
Get me out! Oh, my foot!

SHEMP:
Hold steady, will you?
I'll get you.

[ALL GRUNTING]

MOE:
Look in these shoes
for some toes.

SHEMP:
How was it, pretty heavy?

Quiet!
Ooh!

MOE:
Guess you'll have to climb, kid.

Okay, come on before
the sun goes down.

SHEMP:
Go ahead.

MOE:
Oh, what fun, boys.
Look out for your hand there.

Give her the g*n, Moe.
We're off!

ALL: Bye!
[ENGINE GROANS]

[WOMEN SCREAMING]

LARRY:
Help, help! Help, fellas!

MOE:
You girls get out of the way.

I'll get him up.

[LARRY SIGHS]

You and your pal Claude.

Yeah, he gypped us
out of our dough

and we're taking it
out of your hide.

Wait! Wait, hold it.

The excitement cured me. I feel
fine.

Oh, we're sorry, Larry.
We apologize.

Oh, that's all right, fellas,
you're--

[MOE & SHEMP GRUNTING]
Huh?

Oh! Oh!

[♪♪♪]