24x08 - Outer Space Jitters

[bunniefuu]

♪ Hello ♪

♪ Hello ♪

♪ Hello ♪

STOOGES:
Hello.

[♪♪♪]

[WIND GUSTING]

Noble one,
the rocket ship from Earth

has succeeded in reaching us.

Earthmen are
now disembarking.

Captain Simis says
bring them here.

I knew that someday these
scientists would go too far.

The fools.

They should never
have come here.

So these are Earthmen?

STOOGES:
How do you do?

LARRY:
Yes, sir, that's us. Earthmen.

Greetings, sir.

My name is Professor Jones,
and these are my three aides.

Salutations.

I am the Grand Zilch of Sunev,
and this is my chief aid,

the High Mucky Muck.

How do you do?
Bewitched.

Bothered.
And bewildered.

And don't forget to see
Pal Joey, folks.

Hey, fellas,
it's not cold up here.

Oh.
Certainly not.

We manufacture
our own weather.

JONES:
What do you know?
How about that?

All our buildings
are air conditioned

and have every
modern convenience.

We are way ahead
of you Earth people.

We suspected
such possibilities.

We seek more knowledge
of you and your friendship.

Yeah, we'd like to know
what's cookin'.

Such as dames.

You don't happen to have any
spare telephone numbers, do ya?

Indeed.

Introduce these gentlemen
to some of our ladies

while I talk
with the professor.

This way, gentlemen.

Aw...
Why, you--

Ow, that hurts.

Go on.

This way, gentlemen.

We are most anxious to learn
the secrets of your being,

how you exist and--

We exist through power.

Atomic electricity
flows through our veins,

instead of blood like yours.

We create life this way.
Eternal life.

Come, I will show you.

Watch.

[HUMMING]

Come.

With these supersonic
and electronic devices,

I shall bring this
prehistoric man to life.

Or vice versa.

Watch.

[BEEPING, HUMMING]

Relax, I have perfect control.

Hold.

Back, back.

Back.

We have a million more
zombies just like him.

An army of those monsters
could destroy the Earth.

Precisely what
we are planning.

[GASPS]

The ladies are
in the far room.

They've been informed
you are coming and--

Look!

Diamonds.

Emeralds.
Rubies.

Hey, that's solid gold.

Oh, yes, we have molten rivers
of it in the mountains.

As for me,
I'd like to see the ladies.

Ha-ha-ha.
This way, sir.

Did you take any diamonds,
rubies, or emeralds?

Oh, that's good,
because we protect them

by coating them
with a deadly poison.

[BOTH SPIT]

Whoo.
Whoo-whoo-whoo-whoo.

[GIGGLES]

Eenie, meenie, minie, Moe.

I'm Moe, you're for me.
Hiya, toots.

So you are
an Earthman?

Yes, ma'am.

What a terrible specimen.

I thank you.

Hey, wait a minute.

Come on over
and give me a kiss.

You'll soon change
your mind.

[ELECTRICITY CRACKLING]

Whoa. Wow.

Boy, I've heard of hot lips,
but yours sizzle.

We are charged
with high voltage.

Boy, a two-cylinder dynamo.

Hold my sash.

It will immunize you.
Oh, yeah?

It did.

[CHUCKLES]

Wow-ee.

Pardon me.

[WOLF WHISTLES]

Hiya, beautiful.

Hello.

I brought a gift for you.

Our favorite theater nuisance:
popcorn, unpopped.

Do I get a kiss?

Mm-hm.

[ELECTRICITY CRACKLING]

Wow.

I have a gift for you too:

a frozen spring chicken,
ready to cook.

How 'bout a hug,
beautiful?

You're a fat one.

I don't think I can get
my arms around you.

I can get my arms
around you.

[ELECTRICITY CRACKLING]
Ooh! Ooh!

Oh, it's b*rned.

[CHICKEN THUDS]

Dinner is ready.

You ladies may join us.

Oh, boy, dinner.

STOOGES:
Ma'am?

[ELECTRICITY CRACKLING]

Come on.

Ca-- Can't you girls
do something about this?

Certainly.

Girls?

Now.

Okay.

Well, Professor Jones,
now that you know our secret,

we shall turn you
and your men into zombies.

[MUFFLED SHOUTING]

MOE:
Boy, am I starved.

Help yourself.

Clams. Yummy, yummy,
yummy, yummy.

Hey, there's nothing in 'em.

We find them delicious.

Go ahead, eat.

[GULPS]

[WHISTLING]

[expl*si*n]

What is that?

That's not water.

That's battery acid.

We drink it to recharge
our batteries.

We do not drink water.

It would short our circuit.

We'd blow up.

Go on and eat.

No, thanks, I'm full.

Just before
we came up here,

I had some nuts
and bolts under glass.

Say, could I have
a nice salami sandwich

smothered in sour cream
with cherry jelly?

Pickle in the middle
and mustard on top?

You fools.

This was your last meal.

You will never leave here alive.

Go on, call the guards.

This'll short his circuit.

No, not that!

[CRACKLING]
No, no, no-no-no! Oh, no, no!

No, no! Oh, no!
Oh, oh, oh, oh.

Nice work, Moe.

Come on,
let's find the professor.

Yeah.

Yipe. A corpus.

Light some lights, quick.

Where?
Oh, there.

Hey, there's
a lot of 'em.

Light 'em all.

[MACHINES HUMMING]

We need more light.

Hey, Joe, there's something
weird about these things.

Yeah, I noticed.

I turn on buttons,
and then anything--

[STUTTERING]

Oh, charades.

[GIBBERING]

MOE:
A popular song title?

Oh, a tall word.

What's the matter
with you guys?

You seeing things?

You guys must
be dreaming.

I haven't seen anything--

Good evening.

You must be devout cowards.

I--

[ALL SCREAM]

Come on.

Looks like we got a fight
on our hands.

Let's give it to him.

Hey, that guy don't
even wanna fight.

Maybe he's got the professor
in that room.

Let's get him.

JOE:
Yeah.

Door's locked.
I think I'll try my keys.

[PANTING]

What are you guys
panting about?

I'm doin' all the work.
[SNORTS]

Stop snortin' down my neck,
Larry.
[GRUNTS]

Joe, you better take
a little bicarbonate soda.

These keys won't work
on this door.

Maybe the professor's
in that room. Come on.

We'll find him.

Hey, wait a minute.

We can't go in that room.

The goon is in there--

The goon!

[GROWLS]

Ah-ah-ah-ah-ah!

[THUDDING]

Hey!

[ALL SCREAM]

Wait a minute.
It's us.

Yeah.

Hey, Moe, what are we gonna do?

[MUFFLED SHOUTING]
Ssh!

MAN [MUFFLED]:
Help me.

That sounds like the professor.

Let's go.

Hey, it is the professor.

[MUFFLED SHOUTING]

What'd he say?

[IMITATES MUFFLED SHOUTING]

Go on, untie him.

Easy, now.
Easy.

General Motorcycle:
and a half.

And a count of Penn-O-Steele:
and a quarter.

Simis Incorporated, .

Go on, untie him.

Take it easy.
Oh, this is awful.

Take it easy,
professor.

There we are.

Oh, dear.
I'm sorry I came.

MOE:
That's all right.
Let's go.

[GROWLING]

Don't move.

[GASPING]

Phew.
Phew.

We must destroy this device
so they can never use it again.

Help me.

Here.

Okay, boys.

JONES:
This is our golden opportunity.

Ooh.

Ooh. Ooh.

[CRASHING INSIDE ROOM]

Ooh.

Ooh.

Ooh.

Hey.
Yes?

[BELL CLANGING]

Now, don't go away.

[DISTANT expl*si*n]

[CLANGS]
Ooh.

Oh, Moe, I'm so sorry.

Oh, think nothing of it.

Stout fellow.

Skinny rat.

[GRATING]

Now...
Ooh.

Get out of here.

[HAMMERING INSIDE ROOM]

Hurry, boys.

Hey, fellas, let--
Let's get out of here.

Rip those wires.

This is heavy.

[THUDDING]

Hey, fellas,
let's get out of here.

Hurry.

Let's get out of here!
Come on!

All right. Let's go.
Come on, let's go!

JONES:
Let's go,
before they take after us.

So we jumped into our spaceship
and zoomed back to Earth,

and that's the end
of the bedtime story.

Now, go to sleep.
Yeah.

Now we're going
out to dinner.

And the baby-sitter
will be here any minute.

[KNOCKING ON DOOR]
Who's there?

WOMAN:
The baby-sitter.
The agency sent me.

Well, come in.
Come in.

And where will we eat?

Let's go to Laverne's.

Round's is good.

STOOGES:
Thank you.

[STOOGES SCREAM]

[CRIES OUT]

[STOOGES YELLING]

MOE:
Down below!

[CRASHING, GLASS SHATTERING]

[♪♪♪]