13x01 - Beer Barrel Polecats (1946)

[bunniefuu]

[♪]

How do you like that?
No beer.

You know, this is
the th place we've been in?

Ah, there ain't
a bottle of beer in town.

Hey, I got an idea.

Shut up,
I don't wanna hear it.

What is it?

[WHISPERING]

Well, boys,
we're all set.

We've got the directions,
we've got the ingredients.

Now, let me see.

"In order to make
gallons of beer,

pour one can of hopes--"

Hops.

Hops. "--and a can of malt
into a large crook--"

Crock.

Crock.

"Then fill crock
with hot water."

Hot water.
Hah-chi-cha-chi. Ooh!

Come on,
quit clowning.

Yes, sir.
Get the hot water.

Aye, aye, sir.
Oh!

Go on.

All right.
I'll open the malt.

You open the hoppies.
Hops.

[WHIMPERS]

Boy, I'd like
to taste it right now.

Hey, what do we do next?

Wait a minute,
and I'll tell you.

We did that here.

"Mix ingredients,

and refer page ."

[WHIMPERING]

Oh, why, you.

It was an accident, Moe.
Moe, it was an accident.

The crock skidded.

So did your brain.
Oof!

Oof!

CURLY:
Take it easy, Moe.
I'm a citizen.

Here. Take this mop,
and clean up that mess.

That's an order.
Present arms, hut.

Right shoulder, arms, hut.
About face, hut.

Oof! Oh.

What's the matter?

Nothing.
Ow!

[WHINES]
Why, you.

Nyuck, nyuck, nyuck, nyuck.

[WHIMPERS]

Now, go on. Go on.
[WHIMPERS]

[SINGING MELODY]

Oof!

Hey. Hey.
What are you doing?

[BARKING]

[CLATTER]

Well, that's that.

Let's see what happens next.

"Put in three cakes of yeast."

Yeast.
Yeast.

[PHONE RINGS]

I'll answer it.

All right, porcupine,
get the yeast.

Hello?

Hey, Larry,
it's for you.

Okay.

Gotta do things
around here myself.

One...

two...

three.

Mmm.

Mmm.

Oh, boy.

LARRY:
Hey, Moe, that's for you.

Where were we?
Oh, yeah, three cakes of yeast.

I'll have to do everything
myself, I guess.

What can I do now?
Oh, the bottles.

MOE:
Scram.

One, two, three.

What do we do now?
Hey, fellas,

help me
with those bottles

so they'll be done
when the beer's ready.

Good idea.
Come on.

[LIQUID BUBBLING]

Hey.
The soup is boiling over.

Quick, bail 'er out.

Pull the works.

Get another tub.

Faster.

I got an idea.

Well, hurry up with it.

Let 'er go.

Why, you dummy.
Oof!

That gives me
another idea.

Well, hurry up.
Right.

LARRY:
Here. Come on.

Okay.

[LAUGHING]

Here's my brainchild.

At last you got
a brain...child.

MOE:
Come on.
Get it in, boys.

Next on the deck.

Next
on the deck.

Coming up.
Next on the deck.

All right boys.
Get working here.

Success.
Success.

Oh, boy, it's done.
Look at all the beer we got.

Oh, boy.

Say, you know I don't wanna pour
any cold water on this project,

but it seems to me there
must be something wrong.

You're crazy.
We followed directions.

I put the yeast in
myself.

You're crazy.
I put the yeast in.

You're both crazy.
I put the yeast in.

ALL:
We all put the yeast in.

You imbecile. Who told you
to put the yeast in?

Mmph! You see that?

Oh!
Why, I oughta-- Oof!

[WATER SPLASHES]

[LARRY GURGLING]

What's the matter
with this guy?

That's it,
the last one.

A hundred and eight-five
bottles of beer.

We ain't gonna
run short of beer.

Look at those bottles of beer,
hundreds of bottles of beer.

Beer to swim in,
beer to bathe in,

we can wash
our clothes in beer.

LARRY:
We got beer galore.

Boys, this is terrific.

Say, how about
some dutch lunch?

Certainly. I'll get some
apple pie and whipped cream.

I'll take, uh, some burnt toast
and a rotten egg.

Burnt toast
and a rotten egg?

Yeah, I got a tapeworm,
and that's good enough for him.

Put it down.

[POPPING]

[ALL GRUNTING]

You got us
into a fine mess this time.

Yeah, you had to go and sell
one little bottle of beer.

How did I know
he was a detective?

Aw, and charged him the
black market price on top of it.

Aw, stop crying
over spilled beer.

The judge says
we'll be out of here

in eight months
on good behavior.

Yeah, you know,
it's a good thing

we drank our fill
before they caught us.

Yeah, and we'll
drink our fill again.

Nyuck, nyuck, nyuck.

Oh, boy.
Wonderful.

Look out. Somebody's coming.
Hey, it's the guard.

MOE:
Hiya.

Okay, this way, you guys.

Hey, hey, wait a minute.
What's the matter with you?

Goiter.

Goiter, huh?
Gee, that's too bad.

Okay, inside, you guys.

Okay, Al.
Get over there, and line up.

More light here.

That's it. Yeah,
yeah, that's better.

Hm.

A little more light here.

That's better.

Gee, it's hot in here.
I hope the beer don't spoil.

Shut up.

[RUMBLING]

Be still, my heart.

[RUMBLING CONTINUES]

Hey, Moe,
this beer is boiling.

Shut up. We can't
do anything about it now.

All right.
Get ready, set...

[ALL WHIMPERING]

I'll hang you
for this.

They can't hang us.
We're innocent.

We're innocent, I tell you.

You're telling me.
Well, they're gonna hang us.

Oh, no. No.

I'm too young to die.

I'm too young and too handsome.

[WHIMPERS]

Well, I'm too young.

Nyuck, nyuck, nyuck,
nyuck!

Hold that.
Oh, thank you.

[YELPS]

Listen, you.
We've got hours to live.

Think. Think. Think.

[PANTS]

[JACKHAMMER DRILLING]

Attaboy. Think it out,
think it out, kid.

I got it.
What?

A terrific headache.

Ha-ha-ha! He's--

Come on. Listen,
we gotta get out of here.

If we only had a saw.

Hey,
what about these?

Well.
Where'd you get these?

I save bottle tops.

Is this a musical saw?

Certainly.
It plays "I Hear a Rhapsody."

[GRUNTS]

That was a rhapsody
in the kisser.

Come on, get on those bars.
Quick.

[GRUNTING]

Wait a minute.
Wait a minute.

Let a guy that can saw,
see? Saw?

[CHUCKLES, PANTS]

♪ Oh, give me a home
Where the buffalo roam ♪

♪ And the deer
And the antelope are playing ♪

Hey.
On your guard.

[WHIMPERING]

Oh, oh-- Oh, look.

Hello, boys.
MAN : How do you do, warden?

MAN :
How are you, Butch?

Boy, it's great to be out.
Yeah.

Hiya, Blackie.

[GRUNTS]

[LAUGHING]

What's the idea?

Why don't you get
your big feet out of the way?

How would you like a punch in
the nose?
A punch in the nose?

Why, you couldn't even
punch him in the nose.

Oh, I couldn't, hey?

Sock me hard.

Put some steam in it
so that I can really get sore.

[GRUNTS]

Don't give him a chance
to say boo.

Slip it right
to him.

Bring it way back
from your heels, boy,

and let him have it.

Right between the eyes.

Oof!

You sap, you,
that's the warden.

Speak to me, warden.

Say a few syllables.
Utter a few adjectives.

Get some water,
you dummy.

Come on, warden. Look,
it was only an accident.

He's coming out of it.
Come on, warden.

[SPUTTERING]

MOE:
That's sand, not water,
you dummy.

Guards!

Guards!

All right, you guys,
keep working.

He's gone.

[MUTTERING]

Hey, you, / , bring
that horse and wagon in here.

You guys, get ready
to load this rock in the wagon.

MOE:
Okay. Hey.

We gotta keep our eye open
for .

Maybe it's the warden.

Yeah-- I'll warden you.
Get busy.

[INSECT BUZZING]
[WHIMPERS]

[GRUNTS]

[BARKING]

Hey, Great Dane,
what's the matter with you?

A hornet's trying
to horn in on me.

Wait a minute.
Hold still. I see him.

Oof!

Thanks, Moe.
You're welcome.

[BOTH MUMBLE]

Your iron head. I'm liable
to pay for another hammer.

LARRY:
Whoa, whoa.

GUARD:
Come on, come on,
get 'em in there.

Oh! Oh!

See that?
Yeah.

[WHIMPERING]

Hey, it's the guard.

You three,
come on with me.

Got some painting to do.
Come on.

Oof!

You can go
back to your work.

[THREE NOTES PLAY]

You men take these buckets
and paint Cell Block Number .

We gotta find .

Yeah. Wonder
where he hangs out.

They generally
hang out on the gallows.

Nyuck, nyuck, nyuck.

Ahhh.
Mmph!

Ooh. Mmph!

Ungh!
What's the idea?

[BARKING]

[WHIMPERING]

[SPUTTERING]

[WHINES]

Why, you--
I'll jam this right down...

[BOTH GRUNT]

[WHINES]

It's him. Pomeroy.

How did you know my name?

Hey, we came to get you out.

Yeah? That's great.
When do we break out?

Here's the idea.

[INDISTINCT WHISPERING]

Wait a minute.
Let's all go together.

Go.

[ALL GRUNT]

Get those brushes and paint.
Come on, start working.

Nyuck, nyuck.

Boy, they sure look
like guard uniforms now.

They'll never
know the difference.

Come on, we'll paint
our way out.

Hey!

[HUFFING]

Oh, pardon me.
There's a white spot.

[SPLUTTERING]
[BARKS]

Come on.

[LAUGHS]
WARDEN: Oh, wise guys, huh?

Take 'em to solitary.

And another one.

And another one.

Hey, wait a minute.
That's a real one.

I'm no fool.

[COUGHS]

Well, boys,
at last you're free.

Thank you, warden.

Oh, don't mention it.
Hurry back.

We're out at last.

Forty years I've waited
for this day.

Do you know what I'm gonna do?
LARRY & MOE: What?

I'm gonna get myself a tall,
big, beautiful bottle of beer.

Oh, yeah?
Yeah.

Ow! Oh.

[INDISTINCT SPEECH]

Hey, what's going on here?
LARRY: Open up.

MOE:
We got a new customer
for you, warden. Take him.

Come on, pal.

I know where there's
a couple of beautiful blonds.

Oh, yeah?

[♪]