13x07 - G.I. Wanna Home

[bunniefuu]

[♪]

Oh, boy, it sure feels good
to be discharged at last.

Let's hop a ride.

Yeah.

[CAR APPROACHES]

Hey, how about it?

STOOGES:
Going south?

Can you b*at that?

Nobody wants to give
you a lift these days.

We'll walk.
Yeah.

[GROANS]

Ow. Hey, what are you doing?
I can take care of--

Break it up.

Don't you know
our fiancées are waiting?

Yeah, you know, it's lucky
they got a beautiful house

where we can all live.

And after we're married

we'll get them the best
jobs they ever had.

Just think, we're gonna
get married tonight.

Oh--
How do you like that--?

Ow.

I'll knock your face off.
Go away.

Hey, wait a minute,
here's another car.

A fine thing.

Hey. Hey, taxi!

MOE AND LARRY:
Taxi.

Come on.

Come on, stop stalling.

[CRIES OUT]

Four-eighteen Meshugeneh Ave.

Down by the Whitaker works.

Hey, wait for me.
Hey, fellas.

Keep the change.

[WOMEN SOBBING]

Jessie.
Tessie.

Bessie.

[ALL CHATTERING INDISTINCTLY]

Oh, boy,
it's so good to be--

Hey.

What's all the furniture
doing out here?

Oh, we've been
dispossessed.

It's a new American custom.

Oh, dear,
now we can't get married

until we have
a home to live in.

[SQUAWKING]

[PANTS]

What's the matter
with you?

What's the idea of stalling?
Why don't you keep pulling?

Listen, you,
if I'm gonna work like a horse,

I'm gonna eat like one.

Wait a minute.

That's a pretty nice sandwich.

Ow.
Are you insane?

[GROWLS]

Hey. Look.

This is a nice place.

I hope we get it.

I hope it's got twin beds.

So do I.

Hey.

Pardon me. Have you got
an apartment for rent?

Yes, sir.
How much is it a month?

What do you mean, "a month"?

I rent it by the hour.

You can have it from to a.m.

You robber.

Scram.

Hey. Hey!

I've told you times,
I have nothing to rent.

Besides, no dogs allowed.

[BARKS]

[MEOWS]

[HISSES]

Nya-a-a-ah.

This is it.

How do you like that?

I'm disgusted.

Say, it's a good thing

we sent the girls home
to their mothers.

Well, we gotta find
a place to live.

Not me. I'm not budging.

Oh, no?
No.

Oh.

Ow.
Come on.

Ow, ow, ow.
I'm budging, I'm budging.

I wonder were that Curly is.

You ought to know.

You sent him to wire
the girls to come on

now that we have this home.

So I did.

Yeah.
[CHUCKLES]

[KNOCK AT DOOR]

Someone's at the door.
I'll answer it.

I'll answer it.

Oh, no, I'll answer it.

We'll both answer it.

Come on.
Oh.

[KNOCK AT DOOR]

HOBO:
I beg your pardon, gentlemen,

but do you have a room for rent?

No, scram.

HOBO:
Wise guy.

Ow.

Did he break your nose?

No.

That's too bad.

Go on.

Fine thing,
it's getting so nowadays

a person can't
enjoy the comfort

of their own domicile.

Domicile?

[KNOCKING]

Oh, a persistent tramp.

[MOUTHS WORDS]

Come in.

[CRIES OUT]

Oh, oh, oh, oh.

What's the idea?

I'm sorry, we got
the wrong tramp.

Yeah, did you send
the girls the wire?

No, I sent them a telegram.
Nyuck, nyuck.

Collect.

Hey, what's the idea
of throwing dirty ashes

on our nice clean floor?

Sweep them up.

Hm.

Come on.
Get.

Listen, porcupine,

we gotta fix the girls' room up.

You knit some doilies
for the girlies.

Me?
I--

That's it, it's finished.

Finished?

It's worse than it was before.

Clean up that loose grass.

That's an order.

Aye-aye, sir.

Oh.

Oh.

Now, as I said before,

we gotta straighten this
room up for the girlies.

Yeah.
We'll start in that corner.

Put--

[VACUUM CLEANER HUMMING]

[HORNS BLOWS]

Hey.

We gotta get supper ready.

Yeah, well,
all we got is potatoes.

Oh, we'll have more than that.

I hope.

Hey, onion head,
come here.

Go in the kitchen
and peel some potatoes.

How you do that?

Just peel them.

Come on.

One of the neighbors' chickens
got a nest up there.

There ought to be eggs in it.

Go on up and see.
Okay.

Up you go.

Boy, am I tired.

[GRUNTS]

♪ La-da-dee ♪

♪ La-la-la-la ♪

♪ La-dee ♪

♪ La-dee ♪

♪ La-dum ♪

♪ La-dee ♪

[HUMMING]

♪ La-la-la ♪

♪ La-dee-dee ♪

♪ La-la ♪

♪ La-dee-dee ♪

♪ La-la-la-dee-dum ♪

♪ La-la-dee-dum ♪

Sorry, did I get
some in your eye?

[LAUGHS]

Next?

[CLUCKING]

[FLY BUZZING]

[BUZZING CONTINUES]

Listen, you lamebrain,

watch what you're doing
and get those eggs.

I can't get up any higher.

Well, tilt the nest
and I'll catch the eggs.

Okay, here they come.

It's a good thing
there wasn't anymore.

Well, that's that.

I guess that's all of them.
I'm coming down.

[CRIES OUT]

What's the matter with you?

You clumsy ox.

Don't you ever look
what you're doing?

You must be insane.

Deliberately jumping
on me from a tree.

Why can't you ever
do anything right?

Shut up.

First you give me an egg shampoo

then you jump on top of me.

What's the matter with you?

What's all the rumpus?

Yeah, I'll rumpus
him in a minute.

[LAUGHS]

Serves you right.
Ow.

Let him alone.

What do you mean let him alone?

Agh! Ow, ow.
I won't take any lip from him.

You're nitwits.

I'll tear your tonsils
out the both of you.

Now you wrecked
the vacuum cleaner

and you ruined the dinner.

Now, we're gonna go hungry.

What's the matter with you guys?

[CHICKEN CLUCKING]
Wait a minute.

How about some roast chicken?

Oh, boy.
And dumplings.

Now you got a brain.
Get the g*n.

Now, you get over here.

When I fire that g*n--

Out of my way.
Watch this.

Wait a minute.

Give me the g*n,
I'll sh**t the--

I'm the best sh*t.
Ah-ah-ah.

Wait a minute,
you give it to me.

[CRIES OUT, GIBBERS]

Let me fire it.
No.

I'm a target expert I tell you.
Oh, no.

LARRY: No.
MOE: Let me fire it.

[BOTH ARGUING INDISTINCTLY]

Oh.

MOE:
All right.

Hey, fellas.

Duck!

Oh, look, a geese.

I got a big goose.
Hey, fellas, look.

Oh, boy.

♪ Goosey, goosey gander ♪

The goosey ought to be done.

Ow, ow, ow.

[CRIES OUT]

What happened now?

This numbskull spilled
all the gravy.

Why you--

[COUGHS]

Now, you set the table
with the dishes,

you slice some bread,
and I'll boil some spinach.

Boy, the girls will love this.

[GRUNTS]

Ah, boy.

[CHIRPS]

Nice, fresh boiled spinach.

Ah.
Oh, boy.

Help yourself, boys.
Okay.

Fresh, boiled spinach,
right off the fire.

Ha-ha-ha.

[BIRD SQUAWKS]

Ah-h-h-h.

What are you screaming about?

Go on, carve that goose.

I can't. Our goose ain't cooked.

Go on, lamebrain,
gimme a gander at that goose.

[CHUCKLES]

[BIRD SQUAWKS]

It's haunted.

[WHIMPERS]

Hey, come on, stop stalling

and carve that goose.

I'm afraid to touch it.

Afraid?

That's silly.

See?

[STOOGES CHUCKLE]

[BIRD CALLING]

Ah.

I think I know
what's the matter.

We forgot to stuff it.

Yeah, that's it,
we forgot to stuff it.

Yeah.
Here's some crackers. Get busy.

You know, I--

MOE:
Never mind.

You know, Moe, something
funny happened to me.

[WHINES]

What's the matter with you?

Quit stalling around.

Go on, stuff the goose.

It's haunted, I tell you.

Every time I put a cr*cker
there, it takes it away.

You're crazy.

Step aside.

How can a cooked
bird be haunted?

Tastes good.

[SNIFFS]

Smells good.

[CRIES OUT]

Jake, be a good boy. Jake,
what's the matter with you?

Easy, now, Jake.

[WHIMPERING]

What's the matter?
Ain't you got no etiquette?

What would Emily Post say?

Sit down there.
You, sit down there.

I'll serve this thing.

We'll really have
stuffed goose.

[VEHICLE APPROACHING]

Hey, you better watch
what you're doing.

[STOOGES SHOUTING]

[CHATTER INDISTINCTLY]

MOE:
Well, here we are.

Married at last.
Ha-ha.

Oh, excuse me, darling.

This, uh--

Boy, should have saved
that rice for a pudding.

Come on, sweetheart.

My darling, bride.

My darling, bride.

I'm poisoned.

Get away.

Well, darling, this is it.

This is the living room.

This is the dining room.

And this is the kitchen.

Our own little home.

Built with our own
little hands.

And our own private bedroom,

for all of us.

How do you like it?

Our own private bedroom.

And our own private
bathroom too.

You'll find your suitcases
in the bathtub.

Now for a good
night's sleep.

You said it.
Yes, sir.

Oh, boy.

Ooh.

Get out of the way.

Ah.

Ouch. Ah!

Ouch.

Why you--

[SCREAMING]

What are you trying to do?

What are you trying to do?

I'm trying to get up there.

Well, get something to stand on.

Why didn't I think of that?

♪ Lolly, lolly, la-la ♪

♪ Lolly, la-la, lolly ♪

♪ La-dee ♪

Well, I made it.

Good night.

[CURLY CRIES OUT]

STOOGES:
Ow.

MOE:
Get off of me, you guys.

What do you know.

MOE:
Get up, you. I--

[GRUNTING]

Myrais.

[BANGING]
Oh.

What do you know.

I didn't get hurt.

Oh, yes, you did.
Oh! Oh-oh-oh!

[♪]