15x01 - Shivering Sherlocks (1948)

[bunniefuu]

[♪♪♪]

MAN [OVER RADIO]:
Attention all cars
in District .

Go to th and Main streets.
Armored car held up.

Surround area
and search for three men

who made their getaway on foot.

Use caution.
They are heavily armed.

[ALARM BLARING]

[TIRES SCREECH]

[RATTLES]

Who's in that can?

MAN:
Just garbage.

[SLAP]
[MAN YELLS]

Come on, get out of here.

[ALL YELLING]

[YELLS]

[YELLS]

Here they are, captain.

Okay.

Hey, what's that on the stool?

SHEMP:
Must be a stool pigeon.

[COOING]

I know you pulled that
car robbery.

Hey, you,
sit down in that chair.

The hot seat.
They can't fry me for nothing.

Be brave, kid.
It'll be over in a minute.

And we'll see that you get
a nice send-off.

Shut up.
That's a lie detector.

Oh, not that.
Oh, no. That's one thing...

Here, hold that.

If you tell the truth, that pen
will travel in a straight line,

but if you tell a lie,
we'll know it.

Have you ever been
in jail before?

LARRY:
Why, of course not.

[MACHINE BEEPING]

That's a lie.

Just as I thought.

Have you any
visible means of support?

Sure. I got suspenders. Ha-ha.

So you have.

[YELLS]

I mean, have you guys got a job?

Why, certainly, captain.
We work in the, uh...

At the Elite Cafe
on Main Street.

Check on that, Jackson.
Yes, sir.

[CRUNCH]
Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh.

Hold that.

Now, then. I got a couple
of questions I wanna ask you.

Me?
Yes, and so have I.

Did you or did you not
take that quarter

out of my shoe last night?

On my honor, Moe,
I didn't do it.

[BEEPING]

Oh, whoa!

Oh, a chisel, eh?

That's enough. Break it up.

Now, then. What were you doing
at : last night?

I don't know.
What were you doing at : ?

Uh, I was at a Lodge meeting.

[MACHINE BEEPING LOUDLY]

The last question seems to have
broken the machine, captain.

What's that?

We didn't do it, captain.
You're wasting our time.

[YELLS]

Come back here.

MOE:
Gee, it was swell of you

to tell the cops
we work here, Ms. Harmon.

Yeah. If it wasn't for you,
we'd be sent up for life.

You sure got us out of a jam.

Oh, that's all right, boys.

I'm sort of in a jam, myself.

Yeah? What's the trouble?

Oh, trying to make a go
of this restaurant.

I can't afford any help.

And most of my customers sign
their checks instead of paying.

You mean, they sign all these?

Mm-hm.
Why, the dirty chiselers.

Who are they?

Larry Fine, Larry Fine, Larry...

Why, you nitwit.

You got a lot of crust,
you have.

I wonder whose this is.

Shemp Howard,
Shemp Howard, Shemp...

What's the matter with you?

I'm coming right back.

Hey, this guy
must've had a tapeworm.

Who?

Moe Howard, Moe Howard,
Moe How...

[GASPS]

What are you guys looking at?

Get out of here.

Ms. Harmon, you got yourself
three new helpers.

Yeah, and for free too.

Boys, I couldn't let you
do anything like that.

Forget it. Spread out.
You go into the kitchen.

You get behind that counter.
Oh, really, you shouldn't.

That's all right. They're gonna
go to work and like it.

And if it's absolutely
necessary, I'll go to work too.

We're out of almost everything.

Well, you run along
to the market and stock up.

We're in business.

What'll it be, sir?

I'll take the short ribs.

I think we got some
delicious chicken soup.

Just short ribs.

I know, but you haven't tried
our chicken soup.

I know, because...

Short ribs.

Short ribs.

Chicken soup, comin' up.

One chicken soup, comin' up.

Mm.

Nice, fresh chicken too.

Fresh cackle soup, coming up.

[YELLING]

[GASPING]

LARRY:
Fry two, over easy.

Fry two, over easy does it.

I wonder where
the egg cutters are.

Oh.

It wasn't lit. Ha-ha-ha.

[THUD]

Ooh.

[POP]
[POP]

A stick-up.

[GROANS]

Moe.

Why, you...

Cut it out now, Moe.

Oh.

Why, you... Shut up.

Don't... Whoa, whoa!

I'm sorry, sir.

Why, Captain Mullins,
how are you? Hee-hee.

Funny thing, I was just
thinking about you.

Yeah, and I'm thinking
about you right now.

And it could be m*rder.

Now, don't get excited, cap.

Sit right down.
Have something on the house.

Have something on the house.
Right back here. Sit down.

Out of the draft.

Now, how about
some nice vittles?

Chicken soup?
Cereals?

Here you are, captain.
Nice cup of hot java.

What's on your mind?

Did you ever see
that guy before?

Hey, that's one of the guys
was in on the car robbery.

Yeah, I'd know him anywhere.

I had a hunch
it was a Lefty Lomis job.

Thanks for the tip, boys.

Anything to accommodate
the police department.

Cap, don't let
your coffee get cold.

I'll get you a piece of pie.

This is on the house.

Thanks.

[SPITS]

Oh, you like it, eh?

That tastes like paint.

Paint?
What are you talking about?

It is paint.
That's the coffee.

[HICCUPPING]

[SQUEAKING]

This is better.

Oh, boy, : .
See ya later, fellas.

Wait a minute.
Where do you think you're going?

Out to lunch.
A wise guy, huh?

If the customers can stand
to eat your cooking, so can you.

Sit down.
[DOOR OPENS]

MS. HARMON:
Boys?

Boys, some wonderful news.
Yeah, what is it?

A letter from the lawyer who
is handling my father's estate.

Someone wants to buy
our old homestead

in the country for $ .

Did you say $ ?

Yes. Oh, I'm so excited.

Now I can pay all my bills.

I better call Mr. Scott
right away.

Can't be much of
a joint for bucks.

Oh, it must be a rat trap.

Yeah, that's what I think.

Hey, you think maybe
she's being gypped?

Yeah. Why don't we go out there
and look the joint over

before we let her sell it?

I think you got
something, there.

Now you're showing intelligence.

Am I?

Go on.

Oh, boy. Fresh clams.

Oh, boy. Clam chowder.

[SLURPS]

Oh, a cr*cker swiper, huh?

What's the matter with you?

Knock your teeth out.

You too, huh?
What's the matter with you?

[GRUMBLES]

Sleight of handers, eh?

Spread out!
Go on.

Get out of here.

I'll m*rder ya.

Mm.

Hey, how far
can youse guys reach?

Hm.

[WHEEZES]

[BARKING]

[SCREAMING]

He's got me.
What's the matter with you?

Oh, oh. The clam just bit me.

You're crazy.
A clam can't bite.

That one did. Right there.

I can't see any clam.

[SNAP]
[YELLING]

He's got me. He's got me.

Oh, oh, oh.

He's got me,
he's got me. Let go.

[SNAP]

[YELLING]

Hold steady.
I'll get it.

Hey.
Hold still, will you?

That's it.

Get it off.
Is it all right?

Oh, you're all right.
Yeah, yeah.

[THUD, BONK]
[THUD, BONK]

We make a clean getaway,

and these mugs put
the finger on us.

What are we gonna do, Lefty?

What do we usually do
with guys that know too much?

Yeah, but how are
we gonna find them?

Don't expect them to walk
right into our hands, do you?

Well, here we are.

SHEMP: Don't look like much.
MOE: No.

Have you got a key?
Yes, here it is.

Okay.

[TURNS KEY]

It won't open.
Must be bolted from the inside.

Oh, that can't be.

Well, it is.
Spread out, you guys.

Find something
to pry this door open with.

It's them.

Let 'em have it.

I don't see nothin'.

Oh, a hunk of pipe.

This ought to do it.

[SPITS]

Hey, Moe. Hey, Moe.

What do you want?

Moe.
What is it?

SHEMP:
I had a pipe
in my hand.

Disappeared,
right out of my hand.

Maybe it's still in your hand.

No.
Get away.

You had a hallucination.

No, I had a hunk of pipe.

Oh...

[CHUCKLES]

You're all right.
Come on.

You nitwit.

Hey, Shemp.
What's the matter?

I wonder where Gladys went.

Where could she go?
I don't know.

Gladys.
Gladys.

Hey, fellas.

You think this'll open it?

Swell. Where'd you get it?

In the house.
Oh...

In the house?
Yeah. Can you use it?

And how.
[CLANG]

Come on. Get going.

They're all in, Lefty.
Shall I bump them off?

I think that's a job for Angel.

[CHOPPING]

Angel?

Hm?

Strangers in the house.

[GRUNTS]

He'll do a nice, quiet job.

[GRUNTS]

[WHIMPERING]

MOE:
Gladys.

Oh, Gladys!

We should've stayed outside.

Oh.
[YELLS]

What's the matter with you?
You're getting on my nerves.

What's that?

That's a statue.

Oh, it must be Washington.
He slept everywhere.

[CHUCKLES]

Gladys.
Where can she be?

Oh, Gladys.
Gladys.

Gladys.

I can't... [YELLS]

What's the matter with you?

Washington's gone.

So are you. Go ahead.

This joint gives me the creeps.

Well, start creeping.
We gotta find Gladys.

This looks like
a good place for a m*rder.

Quiet.

I'm glad you guys are behind me.

Hey, quit shoving me, will you?

[GRUNTS]

What are you gruntin' about?
I'm doing the looking.

I can't see a thing.
It's so dark in there I...

[WHIMPERING]

[YELLS]

[GRUNTING]

[FURNITURE RATTLING]

Shemp, is that you in there?

No. I ain't in here.

Hey, Moe, is that you?

Why, certainly.

Who were you expecting,
Santa Claus? Ha.

Ha-ha. Get out...

Pardon me.

[BOTH WHIMPER]

[GRUNTS]

Don't get excited.
I'll let you in in a minute.

[LOCKS DOOR]

Boy, am I glad you came.

Did you see that big guy
outside in the...

[WHIMPERING]

[YELLS]

[YELLING]

Honest, mister. I didn't...
I didn't mean nothing.

[YELLS]

[GASPS]
My head! He got me.

Moe. Oh. Oh.

He didn't.

No. Whoa!

Whoa!

[ALL YELL]

[SIGHS]

Hey, that guy out
in the hall looked like Shemp.

By golly, you're right.
It was Shemp. I'll get him.

Let go of my shoulder,
I wanna get Shemp.

[MUTTERING]

[BOTH YELL]

Shemp! Shemp!
Shemp! Shemp!

[CRASH]
[YELLS]

[BOTH YELL]

[g*nsh*t]

Whoa!

[CRASH]

[g*nsh*t]

[CRASH]

[g*nsh*t]
[BANGING]

[g*nsh*t]

[BOTH YELL]

[GLASS BREAKING]

[CRASHING]

[SMASH]

What are you doin' around here?

That's him up there.

Get up.
Ah.

[♪♪♪]