02x08 - A Hundred Years Ago

[bunniefuu]

[LIGHT MUSIC PLAYING]

Whose turn is it to get
up and close those shades?

I did it yesterday.

I did it the day before that.

And I did it the day before that

and the day before that.

I knew Monday and Tuesday
would come back to haunt me.

I don't mind the sun,
except... I'm a vampire.

- [AIDAN GROWLS]
- [CARRIE CHUCKLES, GASPS]

- [AIDAN GOBBLES]
- [CARRIE LAUGHS]

You one of those, um, Virginia vampires?

- Norfolk's finest.
- [CARRIE CHUCKLES]

We only have till :
to order breakfast.

Who's hungry?

- Order up.
- Hmm.

I guess I'll have...
the $ omelet again.

Yeah, me too.

Otherwise, we gotta get
dressed and leave this room.

[CHUCKLES] It's worth it.

- [RINGBACK TONE]
- [LAUGHING] You flexing?

- Nope.
- CARRIE: Yeah.

This is room service.

- Hi, I'd like to order break...
- ATTENDANT: Can you hold?

Yes, I can hold.

Hope the chickens on
my farm don't get wind

of these NYC egg prices.

- You have chickens?
- Yeah.

One of 'em's got this real nutty
thing for my youngest, Wyatt.

- Mm-hmm.
- Comes in the house every morning,

up the stairs into his bed,

lays an egg. So damn cute.

Is it cute or a home invasion?

[MUSIC PLAYING THROUGH PHONE]

How's a chicken get inside?

- Leave the door open.
- So, this country house

of yours has doors.

- Mm-hmm.
- Does it also have hot water?

- Oh, yeah.
- ATTENDANT: Room service.

- Hi, I...
- Can you hold another moment?

Yes, I can still hold.

- It's a real beauty.
- Yeah.

Yeah, .

Just a big, classic,
red brick farmhouse.

That sounds amazing.

Four nonstops a day right
out of JFK. [WHISTLES]

[WHISTLES]

- Done.
- Hm?

Gotta see that chicken.

I'd like you to meet my boys.

I would like that, too.

♪ ♪

_

Hm.

But how does the chicken
get up all the stairs?

Oh, I have no idea.

- An escalator?
- But chickens can fly, can't they?

I don't know, but they are delicious.

We were thinking that
when Aidan's here again,

week after next, I might
go back down with him.

- You're gonna go to Virginia?
- Mm-hmm.

- Wow.
- Yeah, well, I wanna meet his boys,

and... you know, debunk the
whole chicken/egg/bed thing.

- He has kids?
- Uh-huh, three.

They're, um, , , .

His ex lives closer to Norfolk for work.

She's a textile designer.

And, um, his weeks, he
has the boys at the farm.

Whose bed did you think the
chicken was laying the eggs in?

Truthfully, I checked
out at "farmhouse."

Okay, well, check back in

'cause it's gorgeous.

Probably.

- Probably?
- Well, I mean you know, he said it was.

I can't, like, ask him for proof.

Even though I'm still traumatized

from that country shack he had upstate.

Traumatized. That's good.

That means you're still
you in there somewhere.

Anyway, I went back home after he left,

and I googled "vintage red
brick farmhouse Norfolk,"

ya know, just to see.

And there's, like, a
bunch of really cute ones,

and one that looks
exactly like the house

in the movie "Howards End."

[GASPS] I love that movie!

Okay, I'm back in. Let me see it.

So, it got me thinking. How far
was "Howards End" from London?

Did a little research. An hour
and a half on the old-timey train.

The flight from New York to
Norfolk, an hour and a half.

If Emma Thompson can
commute for Anthony Hopkins,

I can commute for Aidan.

Except Emma Thompson
didn't do it for a man,

she did it for the house.

Well, she would have if it were Aidan.

Amazing.

You are actually thinking
of going down there

and spending time there
with him and the kids!

Yeah, I am. You know, every now and then

when he's not up here with me.

When he's not up here with you.

I like the sound of that!

Oh, my gosh. Phew. I mean, I'm just...

I've gotta catch up with things.

It's, it's just moving so fast.

Well, it's not an old-timey
train, that's for sure,

but if it feels right, and it does...

then why slow it down? Why?

- I mean, for what?
- For nothing!

Oh, and also, um, when
he's back in town next,

that, um, we would love to
take the three of you to dinner.

It's been over a month, and I
have been waiting for that invite.

- Oh, I'm there, too. Great.
- CARRIE: Hm. Mm-hmm.

Send me some dates.

- Okay.
- SEEMA: And, Carrie...

- Mm-hmm.
- You know why that house

seems like the one in "Howards End"?

- Mm-mm.
- Because it's in Norfolk, England.

- You clicked on the UK, bitch.
- [ALL LAUGHING]

CARRIE: Hey, you excited about tomorrow?

MIRANDA: I better be.

After I begged the
Human Rights Watch people

to "Please, please,
please let me intern!"

CARRIE: Aw, I think the resume helped.

MIRANDA: Eh, it was mostly the begging.

At one point, I told
them that turning down

the internship last year

was the single biggest
mistake I ever made.

- Really? Was it, uh...
- Mm-hmm.

W-was it bigger than
the, um, two-week

silent meditation retreat
you were kicked out of?

[SCOFFS] Of course not.

That was the longest
hours of my life.

So, I'll be bottom
man on the totem pole,

but I'm, I'm just happy
I'll, I'll be someplace

helping to do some good in the world.

I mean, it is why I left the law firm.

I probably shouldn't say "totem
pole," or "man," or "bottom"!

[CHUCKLES] Wow. Law firm.

Seems like a hundred years ago.

- It does, doesn't it?
- Mm-hmm.

Speaking of the past,
can we talk about Aidan?

More than I did at lunch?

Wow. I don't know if that's possible.

Should you maybe take a b*at here?

You're moving so fast,

you didn't even know
you googled "England."

Aidan and I aren't in the past.

I'm... very much in the present.

In fact... these last couple weeks

I've been having orgasms
like I have never had

in my entire life with
anyone, including Aidan.

Oh, okay. That's interesting.

I think maybe I was always

holding a piece of myself
back because of Big.

Like I couldn't or I wouldn't...

allow myself to fully go there,

just... feel... this connection.

- Uh-huh.
- You know? And I'm just wondering,

was it always there and I just didn't

want to accept it, and...

Miranda, I... [SIGHS]

- I can't.
- What is it?

I've been asking myself...

was Big a big mistake?

[SOLEMN MUSIC PLAYING]

I still don't know what to say.

CHARLOTTE: So, I've
gathered you all here

because your father and I have talked.

Rock... Rock, please stop texting.

Thank you.

And I have decided
that I'm going to take

a full-time job at an art gallery.

- That's awesome, Mom.
- Ooh-hoo!

O-Okay, well, I
appreciate your enthusiasm,

but I'm not sure that you
understand what this means.

- We know what it means.
- You'll never be around.

- We're cool with it.
- Totally fine. Thrilled!

Okay, that's, that's nice, I guess.

But, you know, this is not gonna be like

when I was a docent at the Frick,

or when I volunteered at school.

In fact, I'm not even going to be
here when you get home from school.

And sometimes, I'm even
going to miss dinner.

- Do you understand?
- Mom, we get it %.

You're okay. Go do your
own thing. Fly. Be free.

Harry... you are gonna
need to pick up the slack.

- You understand?
- I told ya I would.

Well, I need some witnesses.

Is that all? I have homework.

I guess.

[SIGHS] Are you gonna
miss me, Richard Burton?

[RICHARD BURTON WHINES]

- [PHONE RINGING]
- [INDISTINCT OFFICE CHATTER]

Oh, hi. Is this your desk?

- Yeah, but you're good. No worries.
- Sorry.

Uh, are you waiting to see Raina?

Uh, no, I, I, I just saw her.

She told me to wait here.

I'm a new intern, starting today.

- Oh.
- I'm Miranda.

- Hi, I'm Serena.
- I'm Sloane.

Raina's our favorite supervisor.

Super smart and chill.

But don't be surprised
if the first things

she asks you to do are pure grunt work.

- Okay.
- We've already read, like,

citations. No exaggeration.

- Wow.
- Yeah, but sometimes,

they'll ask interns
to do research, or writing, or

even sit in on a meeting and take notes.

Not like that has, like,
ever happened to us.

Well, I spent years in corporate law,

so I'm happy to pay my dues.

Hey, do you want the
rest of this cookie?

It's garlic chocolate chip.

It sounds awful, but
it's really, really good.

- It's our favorite from downstairs.
- Really?

Oh, no, I couldn't.

Seriously, you'd be
doing me a huge favor.

[CHUCKLES] Okay.

Thanks.

- SERENA: Hi, Raina.
- SLOANE: Good morning.

Hello. I see you've met Miranda.

- Oh, she's great.
- Yes.

The U.S. Mission just called,

they want a meeting in an hour.

- Really?
- Okay, that's fine.

Uh, Miranda, why don't
you come take notes?

Me?

- Oh, I-I just got here.
- Yeah. Be ready in .

And if you two can
jump on these citations.

- Of course.
- Will do.

[MOUTHFUL] It, it is good.

Yeah, no, the doctor just got in,

so you can go ahead and come on by.

- Okay, thanks.
- All right.

See ya soon. Bye.

- [GASPS] No f*ckin' way!
- Way!

Oh. Sorry I said "f*ck"
in front of your turtle, man.

- Yeah, ooh.
- Well... surprise!

- [CHE CHUCKLES]
- Stopped by to take ya to lunch.

Aw, that's so sweet. But I'm,
I'm... I work through lunch.

It, it pays time-and-a-half.

Well... surprise. I stopped
by to not take you to lunch.

- Sorry, but I really need the money.
- It's okay.

- Of course.
- Yeah. Oh, Judy, Judy!

This is my friend Carrie.

- Hi.
- Friend? Hm.

That's a relief. I thought
they were out here sharing

their financial sob
story with strangers.

- Oh.
- Nope, just you and Carrie.

- Uh, nice to meet you.
- Nice to meet you.

So, um, I can... We can talk now?

I'm not interrupting a turtle emergency?

CHE: Oh, no. Dude's
just waiting for his dog

who's in the back with a cyst.

And the... turtle is here for...?

Said the turtle was worried...

- [WHISPERS] about the dog.
- Okay.

All right. So, I'll tell you

the real reason I was
gonna take you to lunch.

- Ulterior motive. I love the intrigue.
- [CARRIE CHUCKLES]

- [CHE MUTTERS INDISTINCTLY]
- Oh, am I supposed to pretend

like I don't hear her
from two feet away?

- [CHE AND CARRIE LAUGHING]
- CARRIE: All right.

You know how you're
always complaining about

how much you hate your Airbnb renters?

- Eh, I'm not always complaining.
- Please. You text me after hours

saying, "Oh, now they've left
their smelly pine Air Wicks

- all over the place."
- Well, they did. And it's not cool.

All right, so, then how about, uh, this?

How about you get rid of Lord and
Lady Air Wick and you rent to me?

Come again?

Well, Aidan and I are
spending a fortune on hotels,

so... we would like to rent your place,

and... bonus track, when he's in town,

- you could stay at my apartment.
- [CHE GASPS]

Ooh. Wait, why don't you
just stay at your apartment?

It's a, [SIGHS] it's,
it-it's a long story.

So, is that a yes?

[DEEP BREATH] I'd feel
weird charging ya rent.

To be clear, when we
don't need your apartment,

you move back in and
outta grandma's bedroom.

- Okay, then that's, that's a hell yes.
- Yes!

No, Giuseppe's not available
to make a delivery to you today.

Because he was at your apartment
yesterday and the day before that,

and there are other people in
Manhattan who need Hotfella deliveries.

Lorraine! I've never said
this to anyone before,

but you're eating too
much bread. Have a protein!

[UNDER BREATH] Ridiculous.

Don't punch the dough.

- Excuse me?
- It's not good for bread.

My nonna used to say,

"Giuseppe, when you eat my
food, you are eating my love."

Oh, cute. My nonna used to say,

"Anthony, take off my high heels
before your father gets home."

[CHUCKLES] I will show you.

[LIGHT CLASSICAL MUSIC PLAYS]

Love the bread. Love the bread.

Like this, yeah. Feel the difference?

Uh-huh.

[UNSTEADY BREATHING]
Y-Yeah, so... boy, [CHUCKLES]

that Lorraine can't get enough of you.

She's like a Giuseppe junkie.

And I tell her every time I'm
there, "Lorraine, I'm gay."

You shouldn't have to lie to her.

I'm not lying.

You're gay?

I'm gay.

Then, you're fired.

- Excuse me?
- I'm not satisfied with your work.

- What did I do?
- You know what ya did.

No, I don't. I feel like you're
f*ring me because I'm gay.

Your word against mine.

You arrived a minute late yesterday,

and you were two minutes early today.

I run a business. That kind of
erotic... erratic job performance,

I... j-just doesn't work for me.

- Anthony, I'm very confused.
- You're a poet.

You said you'd only stay a month.

You've overstayed your welcome.

But I like it here. You're so funny.

I'm not funny, I'm f*ring! Go!

I'm doin' this for your own good.

Go wear burgundy and do
other poet-type things.

- Fine... I'll leave.
- Good.

♪ ♪

Maybe... I'll talk to a lawyer.

You're not fired. You're on probation.

Probation, pending f*ring.

Mm... see you tomorrow.

E ragazza, prendi una pillola fredda.

What the f*ck does that mean?

It means, "Girl, take a chill pill."

["DAY GLOW" BY K. ROOSEVELT PLAYING]

- Thank you so much for coming.
- Yeah.

This won't take long. I
know exactly what I want.

It's basically the modern-day version

of what I used to wear at the gallery

- a million years ago.
- [BOTH LAUGHING]

Well, you know, I don't think
you have to work so hard.

Mark's already called me twice

to thank me for introducing you.

Oh, that's so nice.

But, you know, it's a new chapter,

I just wanna feel good.

Let me know if I can be of any help.

- Thank you.
- [CHARLOTTE GASPS]

Oh, this is exactly what I had in mind!

Love!

It's my size!

- [WHISPERS] Try it on.
- Okay! [HUMS]

[CHARLOTTE SIGHS]

[GASPS] Oh, I like it.

- Really?
- Yes!

It's what my Aunt Reneé
would call "smart."

I like it everywhere but here.

And, and, look, the
belt keeps riding up.

Lose the belt if it bothers you.

But the belt, it's-it's
kind of the whole thing.

I mean, it completes the
look. Don't you think?

[WHISPERS] Did you see
that look she just gave me?

- What was that?
- [WHISPERS] She clearly has issues.

Do not take it personally.

- I really like it. I just wish...
- Okay, I think

- I solved the problem.
- LISA: Oh.

These are all more generously
cut, not as snug-fitting,

so it won't accentuate the areas
that you're not comfortable with.

I am comfortable with this one.

I will take it, I
know what I need to do,

and you can take those muumuus back.

[SCOFFS]

[DOOR CLOSES]

- What was that look?
- I, I...

I was just trying to
help. What'd I do wrong?

Nothing. It's just, uh... you're .

That's your crime.

You'll understand one day, I promise.

[LIGHT, CHEERY MUSIC PLAYING]

[SIGHS]

[DEEP BREATH]

I never lived floors up before.

- Are your ears poppin'?
- [CARRIE CHUCKLES]

Oh, listen, um, Che mentioned
that the building's not

super keen on the
whole Airbnb situation,

so if anyone asks, the story
is... we're their cousin.

- Kissin' cousins.
- [CARRIE CHUCKLES]

[ELEVATOR DINGS]

[GRUNTING]

So, this Che, how do you know her?

Oh, we did a podcast together.

And it's "they." Their
pronouns are they/them.

Oh, okay.

CARRIE: Hi.

Hello. We are they/them's cousin.

That's their pronoun.
Brad, this is Janet.

And... Where you goin'? Che's cousin.

Cousins, I should say. The two of us.

You are the worst eff'in' spy ever.

- Well, I panicked.
- [LAUGHS] Yes, you did, Brad.

I don't even know where
those g*dd*mn names came from.

"Rocky Horror Picture Show."

- You're right! "Dammit, Janet!"
- [CARRIE LAUGHS]

Wow. All right, let's
get into these salads

- 'cause spying's hard.
- Yeah, let's get into them.

- Kicked up quite an appetite.
- [CARRIE LAUGHS]

Uh, where's the salad tongs?

- You see salad tongs?
- Oh, I don't know. Just use spoons.

- Spoons?
- Mm-hmm.

You can't have a proper kitchen

without salad tongs and a pepper mill.

Where, where, where is the pepper mill?

Where's everything?

CARRIE: I think we can survive without

salad tongs and a pepper mill.

Mm-mm.

But not hangers.

Che has, like, five hangers in there.

[WHISPERS] They're all wire.

- CARRIE: Mm-mm.
- Hey, found a pepper mill,

then I realized we needed
a smaller spatula.

[CARRIE GASPS]

I got the tongs.

- Can never have enough tongs.
- [CARRIE LAUGHS]

Boop-boop-boop-boop-boop!

[GASPS] Oh, my gosh.

Look at this teeny-tiny cheese grater.

- Isn't it cute? Oh, my goodness.
- That's not a cheese grater.

- Sea salt grater. Here.
- [GASPS] Oh, you're so smart.

Oh, spoons! All of
Che's spoons are too big.

Like, even the smallest one

is, like, a soup spoon size.

I can't eat ice cream with a soup spoon.

Yeah, I'm not gonna
let you go through life

eatin' ice cream with a g*dd*mn
soup spoon, that's for sure.

- You mocking me?
- No, I'm deadly serious.

Those spoons suck.
They're shaped all weird.

- Let's get a whole new set.
- Oh, my gosh.

Are we, are we high on housewares?

You wanna take it even higher?

Yeah, I wanna take it higher.

Some decent knives and a cutting...

Cutting board!

I was gonna say cutting
board back there.

Do you remember when
you made a cutting board?

- [INDISTINCT OFFICE CHATTER]
- [PHONE DINGS]

_

[PHONE INTERCOM BEEPS]

Elliot's on his way in.

I don't have long, and I'm not talking

about my life span.

He'll be off his call any moment now.

- Who?
- Who?

The hot-sh*t movie
director I'm escorting

from apartment to apartment.

Entitled, picky, always on his phone.

So, you've gotta take
this guy off my hands.

Oh, I've already met my diva quota
for the decade, thank you very much.

All right, well, he's in town

for a Marvel movie sh**t,

and, uh, he needs a high-end
rental for nine months.

- I don't do rentals.
- Yeah, which is why

I'm gonna sweeten the deal.

How would you ever sweeten the deal?

[LAUGHS] You'll find out. Oh.

[SIGHS] Sorry about the
interruption. It was the studio.

- Couldn't be helped.
- ELLIOT: Oh! Completely understand.

Ravi Gordi, this is my
partner, Seema Patel.

Seema is the jewel of the agency.

She's really the one you want. [LAUGHS]

- Unfortunately...
- [PHONE RINGING]

Uh, I'm sorry. It's London.

Everyone is about to go to sleep
there. 'Scuse me. Hey, mate.

Straight... and single. [LAUGHS]

- So, sweeter?
- Sweeter how?

A demanding straight is much
worse than a picky gay like you.

I'm gonna report you to HR.

We have no HR. You fired
her for being humorless.

Well, she was.

- Excuse me.
- Elliot, I'm not doing it.

Girlfriend, he's straight.

All right. [SIGHS] Tell me
you're gonna work with me.

He's not a fan. And for good reasons.

I'm difficult and always on my phone.

Then, why would I want you?

Because Marvel money is paying
for this very expensive apartment,

which means no money drama
and a luxurious commission.

Okay, so, no money drama.

What about personal drama?

Oh, I could promise you plenty of that.

Look, I always wanted
to film in New York,

so I want the very best.

He says you are the best.

Seema... show me where I want to live.

I mean, I have been here four months,

- and you have been here...
- Six f*cking months.

And she goes to the
U.S. Mission day one.

I mean, talk about privilege.

- Hey, guys.
- BOTH: Hi.

You mind if I join you?

- Sure.
- Mm.

Thanks.

[INDISTINCT OFFICE CHATTER]

- Ya finished eating already?
- [TEXT WHOOSHES]

I got you each one of those
cookies you turned me on to.

- Thanks.
- Yum. [CHUCKLES]

[CHUCKLES] Garlic, garlic, garlic.

[TEXTS SENDING]

[SLOANE CHUCKLES]

Voila.

[TEXTS SENDING]

So, I'm just gonna say, I...
[LAUGHS] I feel super paranoid,

but I feel like you two are
texting each other about me.

We're not. We're really
not. It's something else.

RAINA: Hello, everybody. How's lunch?

Oh, Miranda, those notes
you took were excellent.

Thanks, but... just
writing down what I heard.

Okay, well, can you send them
on to the Executive Director?

You can find his email on Outlook.

Oh, okay. Sure, will do.

Thank you.

RAINA: How are you two
coming on those citations?

[OFFICE PHONE RINGING]

[TEXTS SENDING]

Va-va-voom!

[SCOFFS] No, it's too tight.

I, I know it. I'm working on it.

Well, I got no complaints.
I think you look great.

[SCOFFS] No, see, the belt
is supposed to be down here

but it keeps riding
up 'cause of my belly.

- So, lose the belt.
- Everyone keeps saying

to lose the belt,
but the belt's the whole thing.

I don't need to lose the belt,

I need to lose the belly.

And I just need a few more days.

Till what?

I have been doing my
bone-broth thing all week.

Have you not noticed?

Uhh, I, I guess I noticed
somethin' was different?

Just go. Don't say anything.

[DEEP BREATH]

HARRY: I know I'm not
supposed to say anything,

but, honey, I think ya look great.

So, just put that in the
file and file it away.

[TAKING DEEP BREATHS]

[SHARP INHALE]

[ELEVATOR DINGS]

AIDAN: Oh, hello. Yes,
we're back again this week.

- It's us, Doug...
- Brad.

- Yes, Doug Brad and Jane.
- Janet.

AIDAN: Probably next week, too.

Just still visiting, the two of us.

CARRIE: Well, we should
probably let you in here.

- AIDAN: Yes, we should.
- CARRIE: Right? Yes.

CARRIE: [GRUNTS] Watch your feet.

There we go. Sorry.

[HUMMING]

Hm... [HUMMING] hm.

[SNIFFS] Mm, God.

[COUGHS] Uck.

[HUMMING]

- [PHONE RINGING]
- Hm.

- Hello.
- Hello, I'm trying to reach

- Che Diaz.
- Yeah, this is Che Diaz.

This is JNR Management.

I'm calling about your
cousins, Janet and Doug Brad.

- Janet and who?
- Janet and Doug Brad.

No, I don't, I don't know
anybody by those names.

Doug Brad and Janet, F.

- Isn't that your apartment?
- [GASPS] Oh! Oh, yes.

- Uh-huh.
- Yes, they are my cousins.

Yes, they are my cousins. Yes.

- [CARRIE LAUGHS]
- Yeah, hi.

I'm here to check up on my
cousins, Doug Brad and Janet.

- Are you evicted?
- No, but management is concerned.

- [CARRIE GASPS]
- It's a good thing you're white.

- Uh, that would be a-all on me.
- Oh!

- [CHE LAUGHS]
- Che, this is Aidan.

- Just call me Doug Brad.
- Oh! Okay. [LAUGHS]

Thanks for lettin' us use your place.

I don't know that it even
qualifies as my place anymore.

Is that a blue pot on the stove?

Are you actually cooking in here?

Well, Aidan's making
chili. I'm watching.

Oh, you've been openin' some beers.

That's true, I've been opening beers.

- Do you want a beer?
- Hell yes, I'd like a beer.

I'm celebrating what looks like

a new Nespresso coffee
maker on the counter?

That's right, it's your
new Nespresso coffee maker.

- Wow.
- Yeah, I noticed, uh...

- Oh, thank you.
- You were short on some items,

- so I hope you don't mind.
- Nah, I don't mind.

I mean, all I got from my last Airbnbers

was a bunch of black marks on
the wall from their luggage.

And a slight serial k*ller vibe.

- [CARRIE AND AIDAN CHUCKLE]
- Well, it all started with a pepper mill.

- This little baby right here.
- Mm-hmm.

Yeah, Aidan said you
needed a pepper mill.

- Mm.
- Everybody needs a pepper mill.

I don't know, that's debatable.

I lived without a pepper mill

for, oh, gosh, for years.

- [CHE CHUCKLES]
- AIDEN: Well, now that's just sad.

[CARRIE AND CHE CHUCKLE]

I have a question.

Why was this garlic press $ ?

- 'Cause I had the same question.
- CHE: Nope.

It's a much bigger
mystery. About you two.

I mean, come on.

Why did this not work
out the first time?

'Cause I made a mistake.

[SOLEMN MUSIC PLAYING]

[SIGHS] I mean, in my s and s,

I could drop five pounds like that,

and now, nothing is working.

I hate menopause. It's the devil.

Anyway, I thought Giuseppe was
straight, which is really not my thing.

So, immediate wall up.

But he's not, and he's hot.

And he made my sourdough
rise in the workplace,

- if you get my meaning.
- [OVER PHONE]: I do.

I'm gonna be a gallerina again.

Think about it... Ballerina, gallerina.

Anything that ends in
"-ina" is teeny-tiny.

And it is not gonna help that
they are all gonna be, like, .

Oh, yeah. This one's young, too.

- He's gotta go.
- [DOOR BUZZES]

- Oh! There's my food.
- Okay, bye!

- Thanks for listening!
- Anytime.

[DEEP BREATH]

[UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING IN SALON]

Yeah, just the ends. Thank you.

That's a good temperature.

Hmm.

- Uh, ah, lady!
- SEEMA: Oh, my God.

You've been here the
whole time? That is crazy.

I should go Um, Juan Jose's waiting,

and he is not a person
who enjoys waiting.

Well, okay, but he can wait
a second, right? [CHUCKLES]

- We look good, huh?
- Oh, never better.

Is everything okay? You haven't answered

any of my texts or calls

about the dinner with Aidan.

If we're having this conversation,

- I need to have a cigarette.
- What conversation?

This one. Come on.

- It's raining.
- I know.

Well, we're standing on Madison Avenue

with wet hair and umbrellas,

so... something's really wrong.

It's nothing catastrophic. Okay.

I'm very happy for you. I am.

It's just... our Hamptons house.

[GASPS] Oh, my God, I
forgot about the Hamptons.

Well, I didn't, and I can't do it.

I can't be a third wheel, and that's
not the summer I signed up for.

No, of course. Of course.

I totally get it, and I hear you,

but he won't be there every week.

And I swear, I swear you will love him.

I'm sure I will.

But I won't love... how I feel
about myself when he's there.

When you invited me to dinner,

you said, "We wanna take you to dinner."

Carrie, you're already a "we."

And please, d-do not
think this is only because

I can't have dinner in the Hamptons

with just the three of us.

I... Although, that is part of it.

Okay, well, tell me
what, what else it is.

- What?
- There's no way to say this

without seeming petty or pathetic.

Well, you're neither petty nor pathetic.

Just say it.

From everything I've heard...

it sounds to me that you've
had these two great loves

and I've had none. No, please,

don't say I will because I might not,

and... I can live with that.

But I can't do this summer.

That's not true. I... I
could, but I don't want to.

I don't want to spend
a fortune having this feeling.

- So, I got our deposit back.
- What?!

Without talking to me?

I didn't want you to lose money.

I'm not worried about losing money.

I'm worried about losing you.

We'll be fine.

It's just I need a little
space right now. I...

No, no, no. You can't have it. Mm-mm.

You know what space
gives friends? More space.

Seema, please.

Really, please don't pull away from me

and pretend you don't see me

at a salon hair-washing bowl.

- HAIRSTYLIST: Seema!
- I know. I'm coming.

We'll be fine... We will.

I just need some space.

[EXHALING]

[SIGHS]

[EXHALES]

[EXHALING]

- [CHARLOTTE OUT OF BREATH]
- Hey, Mom. You look nice.

Thank you, honey.

Okay, I'm g... I'm gonna
go now. Have a great day.

LILY: Why are you talking like that?

- Do you have a sore throat?
- Oh, no, no. I'm fine.

I would come over there
to give you a hug goodbye,

but I can't.

[SHARP EXHALE]

Bye.

He no longer works here, Lorraine.

Call someone. Get help.

Sorry, I gotta go.

What are you doing here?
Didn't you get my text?

I did, but didn't understand it.

Crazy isn't my first language.

- Maybe you can translate for me.
- You don't need a translator.

I was very clear. You can't work here.

I'm giving you a month's salary
and a very generous bonus.

I understand that, but this part,

"It's not you, it's me. I have issues."

Quali sono I tuoi "issues"?

Look, I thought you were straight.

A straight poet? Come on.

I know. The accent must've
thrown me off my game.

Mm.

Anyway, straight you I could work with,

because I pride myself on
never crossin' that line.

- What line?
- You know what line.

Straight you, yes, gay you, uh-uh.

I cannot work side
by side, day after day

next to a gorgeous,
sweet, hot, way too young,

Italian from Italy with a huge... heart.

- [GIUSEPPE CHUCKLES]
- Nope.

Too many hot buttons.

I can't hold that line.

And I refuse to become a
m-middle-aged male Lorraine.

- I understand.
- Good.

I quit... Now what?

I'm f*cked.

Well, not yet. [CHUCKLES]

[CHEERY MUSIC PLAYING]

[SIREN WAILING]

[CAR HONKS]

[CHARLOTTE CLEARS THROAT]

Excuse me. I'm Charlotte.
I'm, I'm starting today.

Oh, right. Yes, we've
heard all about you.

- I'm Anastasia.
- And I'm Kai. Nice to meet you.

Lela will be down soon.

She'll show you where
you can put your stuff.

It's a pleasure to meet both of you.

LELA: Hey, y'all! Sorry, I'm late.

You do not wanna know
what's goin' on up there.

[EXHALES] You must be
the famous Charlotte.

Oh, uh, I-I don't know about that.

- Come on, I'll show ya the ropes.
- Okay.

"Charlotte's Web" is my favorite book,

so I always like people named Charlotte.

- Oh.
- That dress is fierce by the way.

Oh, thank you. Um, Lela, is there

somewhere I could leave my coat?

- Mm. Right this way.
- Okay.

Come on, girl. Make
yourself comfortable.

[EXHALES]

♪ ♪

[CHUCKLES]

- MIRANDA: Serena, I...
- Yeah?

I'm double-checking my notes,

and I realized you omitted
the migration stats.

I-I'm just flagging it.
I can put them back in.

I guess you're just perfect, Miranda.

Actually, I'm a sexually
confused alcoholic

who's in the midst of a divorce.

- Whoa. On that note, good night.
- Good night.

Miranda, you're not allowed
to be here after : .

You could get us both
in a lotta trouble.

Seriously?

I am really not in Kansas anymore.

H.O.W. has a strict
overtime policy for interns.

I am so sorry. I'll scram.

I-I did wanna talk to you, though,

so I'm glad you're still here.

I-I-Is it about composting?
I-I-I'm really trying.

I-It's not about composting.

It's about my maternity leave,

which is coming sooner than I thought.

I'm being induced on Monday,

and I've chosen you to be my cover.

I'll start training you tomorrow.

Oh... wow!

Really? That's amazing!

I mean...

- I'm honored, but...
- But what?

Uh, I just can't help but
feel bad for Serena and Sloane.

They've been here so
much longer than I have,

- it, it just doesn't feel fair.
- Please.

I'm guessing ya didn't graduate
from Harvard first in your class

or make partner by feeling bad

for less experienced colleagues.

Why are you making yourself small now?

I-I'm just very aware that I'm coming

into this with a lot of privilege.

I appreciate your self-awareness

and that is an issue
we take very seriously.

But... you have years' experience,

and you're the best person
for the job, full stop.

- Thank you.
- And don't worry,

this is just a temporary gig.

Soon as you get the hang
of things, I'll be back.

Okay, got it. Thank you.

But are, are you gonna mention...

Stop worrying about the other
interns. Go! Get off the clock.

Okay, thank you. [CHUCKLES]

Okay.

[INDISTINCT CHATTER]

But wait, how does the chicken

get up onto your son's bed?

- I lift her.
- [ALL LAUGHING]

I have to. Otherwise, keeps flying

- into the mattress.
- CHARLOTTE: [GASPS] It can fly!

- Flightless bird.
- Wait a minute,

wait a minute, wait a minute,

So, now we have to
factor you into the whole

"What comes first, chicken or
egg?" scenario, is that right?

- 'Cause that's a lotta work.
- [GASPS] Carrie,

I thought you said
Seema couldn't make it.

Look.

["GOOD TIMES" BY JUNGLE PLAYING]

AIDAN: Hi. Let me get ya a chair.

- Manners. Aidan, I love you already.
- [CARRIE CHUCKLES]

Thanks for the space.

♪ Light up, light up ♪

♪ The Eiffel Tower Eiffel Tower ♪

So, what are we drinking?

- [CARRIE CHUCKLES]
- [ALL LAUGHING]

♪ Don't you leave me now ♪

♪ Ooh-ooh ♪

♪ Got me crying out ♪

♪ Down in the street ♪

♪ Good times ♪

CARRIE: And just like that,
I went to Aidan's farm.

It wasn't "Howards End." It was better.

It was our new beginning.