06x07 - Toxic

[bunniefuu]

[LYKKE LI'S "LITTLE BIT"]

The beginning of any new romance

is always the most delicate time.

♪ I think I'm a little bit, little bit ♪

♪ A little bit in love with you ♪

Uncertainty and a general

- "what the [BLEEP] are we doing here" vibe
- [CHIME]

are to be expected.

But when does some slight game playing

teeter over into being full-on toxic?

[MUSIC SLOWS AND FADES]

[PLAYFUL MUSIC]

Oh.

[DOOR CLOSES]

We went on the most amazing date,

and then we had an
even more amazing kiss.

And now nothing?

It has been hours and
minutes, to be precise.

And she still hasn't texted me back.

Well, maybe she's just... you know,

she choked on a kettle corn kernel,

and now she's in a
medically induced coma.

♪ ♪

What? What?

That's the only reason I could think of

for her not to text you back.

Or maybe you're just a bad kisser

and she's just not
that into you anymore.

I'd rather she be in a coma.

Yeah.

- [PHONE BUZZES]
- [GASPS]

She's not on life support.

She's just a bitch.

Raggedy.

BOTH: ♪ Watch out, world ♪

♪ I'm grown now ♪

♪ I'm grown ♪

♪ Learn something new every day ♪

♪ I don't know so I'ma feel my way ♪

♪ Got the weight of the world on me ♪

♪ But no regrets ♪

♪ This is what I say ♪

BOTH: ♪ Watch out, world ♪

♪ I'm grown now ♪

♪ I'm grown ♪

♪ You can't tell me nothin' ♪

BOTH: ♪ My heartbeat is so loud ♪

♪ ♪

♪ Mama, look, I'm grown now ♪

♪ I'm grown ♪

♪ ♪

You know what? This is what I
get for liking someone again.

Brené Brown can munch it.

Being vulnerable literally blows.

Okay.

This is not your fault.
You did everything right.

I mean, texting ten minutes
after you leave a date...

it's kind of thirsty.

[PLAYFUL MUSIC]

What?

♪ ♪

All right, everyone,
for your new assignment,

please form a line and pull
a subject out of the bowl.

This week, you'll use the skills
you've learned in this class

out in the real world.

You must artfully persuade
someone of a random topic.

Convince someone to adopt, not shop.

I get to talk about puppies all week?

#LivingTheDream.

You know, that's, like,
super cute for you,

but I hope I get
something a little more,

you know, challenging.

My phone-banking team used to say

I was the master debater.

Wait. Were they being gross?

[CHUCKLES]

[SIGHS]

"Flat Earth:

convince someone the Earth isn't round."

What the [BLEEP]?

Can you believe this?

The administration is
giving the lacrosse team

an extra two grand. For what?

Nobody marginalized plays lacrosse.

To buy new uniforms.

It's like, the resources
here are so limited.

To an insulting degree.

The disrespect, man.

- It's underfunded, it's...
- Undervalued... preach.

Yeah. Mm-hmm.

Why are we yelling?

- I don't know. [LAUGHS]
- We're saying the same thing.

- Yeah. I don't know.
- [LAUGHS]

No. That's probably my bad.

I... when I'm passionate about things,

- I tend to get loud, so...
- Yeah.

Well, I can also get loud when
passionate things are happening.

[PLAYFUL MUSIC]

♪ ♪

I just don't understand what happened.

She was so into me.

She even said my face
was annoyingly perfect.

A love b*mb followed by full ghost

equals classic toxic behavior.

This girl is Chernobyl.

Okay, Drea is being annoying,
but she's not a demon.

You're just biased because you thought

that her and I were
getting jiggy with it.

Sorry, girl, but I'm with Andre.

- Thank you.
- Drea is shady.

She's like a biohazard.

Oh, my God.

Why are you guys so quick to label

every little social
misdemeanor as toxic?

I mean, that word used
to mean verbal abuse

or keying an ex's car.

You know, one time, my aunt
burnt down my uncle's SUV

with a blowtorch when she found out

that he was cheating on
her with my other aunt.

That was toxic.

So are puppy mills.

Drea's just being flaky.

I think she'll text you back any minute.

[PHONE BUZZES]

Am I a witch?

Oh, it's just my sister.

She's here.

What?

Did I not tell you
guys my sister's coming?

- ALL: No.
- Hello.

Hi.

Hi. I'm Nova.

How's it going?

- Hi.
- Hey.

Hi, I'm Andre,

the artist formerly known as Junior,

AKA Zaara's best friend.

But I'm sure she's
told you all about me.

Yeah.

Thank you guys so much for
letting me crash here tonight.

So, Nova, what brings
you back to the ?

I have my residency interview
at Cedars in a few hours.

- Oh, wow.
- I figured

before we go out tonight
to celebrate the fact

that I nailed my
interview, which I will,

I could cook you all
dinner as a thank-you.

Stay as long as you want, girl!

No notes, absolutely no notes.

You're a ten out of ten. I
mean, it's a ten out of ten.

Really nailed it.

We did.

We really banged it out.

- Yeah.
- Yeah.

So when should we meet up again?

When should we meet up?

Maybe next Tuesday after your seminar?

Great.

Great. All right.

Now, when are you finally
going to ask me out on a date?

Ask you out? Huh?

That's what you're... Um...

see, the thing is about asking
you out is that it's just not in.

And I like to spend like, a lot of...

[CLEARS THROAT] Excuse me. Sorry.

I like to spend a lot of my time inside,

safe from the harsh elements.

Like rain. You know what I mean?

[SOFTLY] Damn it. [CLEARS THROAT]

Gosh, you just...

Look, I'm sorry. I just
don't really know...

No, don't worry about it, really.

I'm not.

I'll see you next Tuesday?

- Next Tuesday?
- Yeah.

See you... see you next Tuesday.

Yeah.

Okay. Yeah, she's hot.

Right?

You know what else is hot?

A kitchen fire that burns
down your entire home.

More importantly, how are your labs?

You can't let anything or anyone

distract you right now.

Oops. I just texted her again.

- Why?
- No.

What in the fresh lesbian hell?

What did you text her?

A TikTok of Paul Mescal,
because on our date,

we said that he's the only
man we'd be straight for.

You are the stupidest
smart person I know.

Wait. Oh, my God. She liked it.

Is she typing? Do you see bubbles?

No, that's it. She just hearted it.

She's a sociopath.

Why are you trying to flirt with Drea

by sending a video of a man?

You're right.

Hey, want to take a
cute pic for Mom and Dad?

♪ ♪

Wait.

There's a shadow. Pivot.

Yeah.

Like, g... no, not like that.

Yeah, like... yeah, cute.

Oh, my God, boom. Posting.

Girl, huh?

This pic is giving the
incest tab on smutpile.net.

Not to kink-shame or anything,

but whatever you do, do
not click that category.

Oh, my sick and twisted god.

I know what you're trying to do.

You're trying to bait
Drea with a sexy pic

that suggests that your sister

is actually your sapphic sex partner.

What is wrong with you?

Wait. What filter is that?

- I look amazing.
- It's never gonna work.

Oh, my God. It worked.

[GASPS] It worked.

She replied to my story. What do I do?

What do I do?

Play the game, you know?

It's her turn to spin
out, so don't reply

for, like, hours.

hours? Respond never.

I don't know, guys, this
all seems very manipulative.

I think you should be direct
and ask Drea on a date.

For the first time, literally ever,

I think Lauryn might be right.

I am going to invite Drea
to the DougOut tonight.

Sexy basement vibes come through.

Oh, my God, she's typing.

She just said, "Thanks for the invite,

but I already have plans."

Plans? This vague bitch.

[PLAYFUL MUSIC]

♪ ♪

I meant, you know, vague female.

Okay.

We still haven't had the
hard launch of the DougOut,

so let's keep it fresh.

Okay, if you're wearing
natural deodorant,

please leave right now.

The ventilation is bad down here

and the natural odors,

they linger.

Have a good time.

Bye.

- Oh, wow.
- This is amazing.

This is so nice.

- [CLEARS THROAT]
- Jump scare.

What's up?

So maybe our generation's toxic trait

is that we're just too quick to label

certain people as toxic.

Or maybe we're just better
at spotting the warning signs

of someone who's gonna wreak
complete havoc on our lives.

I thought you couldn't make it.

My plans changed.

That's chill.

That's chill. Things change.

Really glad you could pop by.

So since you're the only
person I don't know here,

let me buy you a drink.

Sure.

[HEAVY MUSIC]

All right.

♪ ♪

- I'm already at a ten.
- Okay.

I know you are not the founding
member of the Drea Fan Club,

but I am begging you to act

like a normal person tonight, please.

You invited her here,

and the first thing she does is...

is just ask Nova if she wants a drink.

- What?
- She's being nice.

No.

That is a manipulative move.

Drea is a walking red flag.

Red is my favorite color.

[PLAYFUL MUSIC]

♪ Too much swag in the bag ♪

♪ Got a lot of dollar
bills for my posse ♪

♪ Your girl can't use ♪

And the overcrowding is so bad

that the mothers have to sleep
in their own urine and feces.

Okay, no one loves to shop more than me,

but live animals are
where I draw the line.

Mission accomplished.

I guess I am the master debater now.

Okay. I heard it.

So are you still failing
your assignment at every turn?

Yep. The guy in front
of me at the coffee cart

ordered a flat white, and then I go,

"Speaking of flat"...

barely finished my sentence
before the dude ran off.

Some of us just have a natural ability.

Others don't.

Keep trying.

She will persist.

So do you... do you see Zaara a lot?

Like, how many times a week?

Not so much these days.

There's only so much time
when you're in med school.

Med school... impressive.

Didn't realize you
two had that in common.

Pretty much the whole family.

Wait.

You and Zaara are...

sisters?

Yeah.

[SLY MUSIC]

Wow, siblings.

Well, there are some
incredible genes in this family.

The Hemsworth brothers
better watch their backs.

[LAUGHING]

Like, hey, so have you
guys ever just, you know,

looked at the sunset and thought,

"Wow, the horizon just
kind of goes on forever?

Um, sure.

- Right?
- You good?

Did someone take the ' s
vibe in here too seriously

and slip you a Quaalude?

God, I am...

I'm over this, so I'm out.

♪ ♪

Okay. Run this back for me.

One minute, you're talking
about boring academic stuff,

and then the next, this bona fide
baddie is loving you, hitting on you?

Yeah, she did. She did indeed, Douglas.

Okay, so what?

Then you hit it from
the front or the back?

- The side?
- Negative.

I didn't hit it from any of
those aforementioned angles.

Okay, I froze.

Please tell me it's not
still the Zoey factor.

No, dude, it's not that.

It's just that Edie is...
well, Dr. Thompson...

she's my colleague. Okay?

You know, I don't want
to sh*t where I eat.

Last semester, there was
this anatomy professor

who got fired because he got caught

putting his anatomy in his TAs.

But this is a very different situation.

Edie isn't your boss, right?

Well, no, she's not my
boss, but I mean, she does...

she's the head of her department.

She has multiple, like,
advanced degrees, more than me.

So technically, yes, she is above me.

Okay.

All I'm saying is,

is just because she's above you

doesn't mean that she
can't be up underneath you.

You feel me?

♪ ♪

[DOOR SHUTS]

Hey, girl.

Hey.

I'm just here, sipping this ginger ale

because I had a bad stomachache.

You're lying.

Oh, fine, yes, I am a heathen who drinks

between one and three nights a week.

And honestly, I'm not sorry about it.

But I am sorry if this
is, like, triggering

for you and your crippling alcoholism.

I'm not an alcoholic.

I've never even touched the stuff.

I've just decided it's not for me.

Okay.

Now, how would you decide that?

As my favorite president,
Ronald Reagan, once said

while quoting my
favorite Russian proverb,

"trust, but verify."

Everyone says this time in our lives

is supposed to be about
letting loose and turning up.

But I simply cannot verify that spending

my college years in a hungover haze

is beneficial to my experience.

[SLY MUSIC]

Speaking of verifying things,

have you ever, like, personally verified

that the Earth is round?

♪ ♪

I haven't.

Amazing.

♪ ♪

They actually flew you to France.

Well, Paris, Texas.

So it was for this Western
brand with a modern twist.

You mean Cowboys BOIS?

Their bus ads are so cool.

It's too bad that sh**t happened

before Zaara started modeling.

She would have k*lled that campaign.

What are you talking about?

I got scouted, but it's not a big deal.

What do you mean? Yes, it is.

What are you talking about?

My bestie is blowing up, okay?

America's Next Top
Streetwear Model over here.

Can I get a woop woop?

Hang on.

Zaara, the only thing
you should be focusing on

is your pre-med track.

I don't...

I don't know if I want to do it anymore.

It's just crazy stressful.

Okay. I don't do drama.

It makes me have to pee.

It is stressful and relentless.

And that is how it's supposed to be.

That's how they weed out the idiots.

Well, this idiot just made three grand

in three hours last week.

I have / more years at Cal U,

then four years of med school,

then three to seven of a residency,

and then I'm finally a doctor,

and I get to dig myself out
of the mound of med school debt

- that I owe?
- Yeah.

But then you're a real doctor
who saves people's lives.

Girl, you're studying
to be a podiatrist.

I'm actually helping people.
You're just being selfish.

Damn. Well, sorry if
trying to figure out

what makes me happy is selfish.

Happy? Happiness is a luxury.

You're being a spoiled brat.

Mom and Dad are not paying your tuition

so you can have fun and make
friends and find yourself.

Well, maybe you should
worry a little more

about being happy, because
you seem pretty miserable.

- I'm sorry?
- Let me guess.

You've never had a serious relationship

or any relationship?

- What's your point?
- Uh-huh.

Your med school pals
are going to ghost you,

like, the second you
graduate, because...

spoiler alert... it was just
a friendship of convenience.

None of them actually care about you.

So stop worrying about Zaara's life

and start worrying about your own.

[SOFT MUSIC]

♪ ♪

So are you okay?

Because what happened was not.

What, Drea defending me

and my friends just standing there

like they got their vocal cords cut?

Excuse me?

She's been on one date
with you, and she thinks

it's okay to come at
your sister like that?

Honestly, I wasn't mad at it.

I think I need Drea to
shake up my life right now.

Maybe without her, I'd get
two years into medical school

and Sylvia Plath myself.

I don't get the reference.

You really need to pay
attention in lit class.

I really do.

And I know that med school has
been giving you hypertension,

but I just thought it
was a part of the journey.

I don't know. I just...

I've never had someone stand
up for me the way Drea did,

and it felt kind of nice.

Yeah, I can see that.

But she's also bringing out
a side of you that is insane.

I mean, you posted a
picture that made it look

like your sister was your lover,

your boo thing, your flavor of the week.

Okay.

Yes, I understand it was
giving desperate vibes.

But Drea also has
some amazing qualities.

But are those things worth it?

After the game she played,
you looked like Obama

before and after the presidency.

Okay.

I mean, I did feel like I was on a plane

and the oxygen masks dropped.

I guess that's not how someone
that you want to be with

should treat you.

Mm-mm.

[SOFT MUSIC]

How do I end this?

Do I just hit her with a
"Hey, can we talk" text?

Yeah.

Man, I do not miss those.

♪ ♪

I'm really...

Don't finish the sentence.

Okay. Good talk.

[PHONE DINGS]

[QUIET DRAMATIC MUSIC]

♪ ♪

Hey, honey.

Sorry I'm late.

Oh... that's okay, dear.

What took you so long?

You know, just had a little trouble

getting the triplets down,
putting them to sleep, so...

- Sorry, man.
- We got triplets.

Yeah.

- Okay.
- Triplets, huh?

- Yeah.
- So twins just didn't feel like they'd do the trick?

- Go with threes.
- Mm.

You know I can handle myself, right?

Yeah. But that wasn't for you.

That was for me, 'cause I want to be

the only guy you were talking to.

Oh, really?

Yeah.

Then what was that about earlier?

I had a bad stutter as a
kid, and watching you today

kind of felt like a re-enactment

of certain parts of my childhood.

Yeah, I'm sorry about that.

Can I please plead temporary
insanity, Your Honor,

just 'cause I would really
love to take you out sometime?

You know, we're already out now.

Look at that.

You're right. It's a fact.

Yes.

So if this was a date...

Yeah, hypothetically.

What would you do?

Hmm.

[SMOOTH MUSIC]

♪ ♪

Something like that maybe.

My place is a couple of blocks away.

You want to get out of here?

Yeah, I'd love that very much.

I think that's a great idea.

- Just to be clear...
- Yeah?

This is super fun.

Fun is kind of all I can do right now.

I'm not looking for
anything more than that.

Okay.

Cool. Cool. Cool. Cool.

All right, yeah, no, that's crazy,

'cause I was thinking that same thing.

You know?

[PHONE DINGS]

[TEI SHI'S "BASSICALLY"]

♪ ♪

- ♪ Baby, I'll behave ♪
- [KNOCK AT DOOR]

So here's the thing
about toxic relationships.

You have extreme highs...

Hi.

Extreme lows...

Hey, so I've been thinking. Um...

Thinking, huh?

About me?

And they're extremely
hard to get out of.

♪ Is that what you found? ♪

♪ Like the other noise ♪

♪ Ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah ♪

♪ Ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah ♪

♪ Ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah ♪

♪ Ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah ♪

♪ Ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah ♪

♪ Ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah ♪

[UPBEAT MUSIC]

♪ ♪

Hey, beautiful mind.
What's going on here?

I contacted my second cousin's
brother-in-law who works at NASA.

- [BLEEP]
- My God.

And he forwarded me a lot

of extremely convincing materials

on the curvature of the Earth's surface.

Okay. Well, you know,
I'm still gonna tell

my professor I passed
the assignment. So deuces.

Girl, I don't care
if it's flat or round.

This better be cleaned
up when I get back.

[PLAYFUL MUSIC]